My daughter, maybe one day you will be a mother ... or not

Mom with her baby

Each mother carries her daughters with her forever, and each daughter grows up accompanied and influenced by her mother ... we can be mothers of boys or girls, however the latter may (or may not) be mothers in the future, and our way of exercising motherhood is an example for themwhether we are aware or not.

Today we have celebrated Mother's Day, a journey that can have a lot or little meaning; a day in which we will have received colored drawings by chubby hands, precious poetry with the odd blur, a surprise photo of our children, or simply a kiss. With good luck, the occasion will have served to reunite grandmothers, mothers and daughters, with the rest of the family members, with no other pretense than to have a good time together.

When we are mothers, we tend to project our desires, also our needs, on that little fine faithful baby, who crawls over our body to feed, and who fills us with feelings difficult to describe. We want to protect them until they know how to stand alone, and at the same time we have a thousand doubts, which do not dissipate over time, they simply change their name and shape.

Without hardly trying, we apply stereotypes (and not only gender) to a person who has just arrived in this world, only wants to be with his mother, whom he has met after months of dreaming about her. And from that moment on, we exercise as mothers, a role that we may repeat if it is not our first child.

Someday

Mother talking to her daughter

It is the title of a beautiful and emotional story, written by Alison McGhee, and illustrated by Peter H. Reynolds (SerreS publisher). The story begins with a scene that is very familiar to us: "One day I counted your fingers and kissed them one by one" ... and it advances as the girl grows; The scene "One day you will feel a little weight on your back" fills us with tenderness, which gives way to "And I will contemplate how you comb your daughter's hair" ...

One day our daughters may be mothers, or they may not ... they will be women anyway, but what is certain is that every woman who lives on this planet has a mother, whom she met before anyone else, because when the The world had not yet marveled at that wonderful being with so much potential, they were already together, and they were going to be for 9 months.

It does not matter that we love all our children equally, because the feelings that we harbor towards boys and towards girls are quite marked by  our own heritage as mothers, daughters and granddaughters and almost unintentionally, due to the expectations we have. It is clear that we are old enough to understand our own mothers, and their mistakes, without blaming them, because we know their stories.

It is time to show that we have grown and that we can return the infinite generosity with which they raised, educated and cared for us. Another thing is the way our childhood and our relationship with them marked us ... that's why Christiane Northrup says that the best inheritance we can leave to girls is "to have healed as women".

My daughter, one day you will be a mother ... or not

Mother and daughter

It will always be their decision, and there is still a long way to go before that moment arrives.. Now we just have to ask ourselves if we are capable of embarking on the path of healing, healing at the same time the roots of the tree (our mother) and the fruits (our daughters); and if we are going to give girls the unconditional love that every creature needs, along with a respectful accompaniment of their processes, and the freedom to choose, without harming themselves or anyone.


They have a whole life ahead of them, and we are first shelter and food, then we become sustenance-companions-consolation-memory-nostalgia-return ... It is so important to raise with love and secure attachment, as to let go when they want to fly free. It is important for them to build a strong and confident personality, and for them to make the decision to be mothers from love.


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