It is hard to have a relationship with someone and see that the person you love the most in this world does not accept you. It may be because the divorce was traumatic for him. Perhaps you are clinging too much to your parent and you don't want anyone to meddle. In any case, it is a difficult situation to face.
It is difficult that such a situation does not affect the couple, Perhaps it will help you to analyze the situation well. At the end of the day, it is the beginning from which any solution can start.
Assess the circumstances of the child and your partner
It is advisable that you think very well about the circumstances in which the separation occurred. It is not the same that it has been an amicable divorce, that if this child has had to suffer or even witness disputes, either for the assets of the couple or for their custody. It is important that you understand how difficult it could have been for him.
If it has been an amicable divorce, it may happen that the child harbors the hope of a reconciliation. It is normal for you to reject any possibility of this happening. Therefore, it is normal that in the beginning, he rejects you. But that doesn't mean it will do it forever.
Complicated separations
If that child has had to witness disputes, things get complicated. Where there is conflict there may be the possibility of coercion or bad influence by either party. That can mean a rejection of your person, because the ex-partner is coercing him.
It may also be because your own partner is not doing things in a reasonable way. In both cases you are harmed, so the logical thing is that you react to either of the two situations in the most calm and patient way possible. Rushing yourself can cause more problems than benefits.
If your partner did not do things well, talk about it and put all possible means to repair the damage. You need to understand that it is for your child's sake, not just yours. If you are going to start a coexistence, it is necessary that you get along. It will not be possible to have a good relationship if your attitude is negative or counterproductive.
If your ex-partner coerces the child, try to show him, with your actions, that that person is not right. It will be very difficult and you will have to have infinite patience, but children are not stupid, do not underestimate him. With love and perseverance, everything is achieved. In case of a serious case, do not hesitate to report it.
The ghost of jealousy
That the child is jealous is something that can happen when there is a lot of attachment to the parent who is now your partner. It can happen especially if your partner has full custody of the child. In case that child has not known another father or mother figure, if not that he is the son of a single-parent family, it is possible that jealousy also exists.
They will pass, it is a matter of patience. It is to show day by day, that you are not stealing the love of anyoneIf not, you will also provide yours.
Complicated ages
There are certain ages that are complicated because already, the child, or not so child, is undergoing many changes. Accepting the partner of his or her father or mother can be the last straw for him. So you need to understand him and have even more patience with him.
Remember that it is not your role to be his mother, especially if he already has hers. In case he does not have it, it is he who must choose whether or not to give you that role. If he is a minor, your partner is responsible for his person and decides on the people who take care of him. Even if An imposition by your partner could aggravate things and cause even more rejection as an act of rebellion.
What can you do about it?
The best you can do is respect him as much as possible. Take into account his feelings of rejection towards you and try to avoid upsetting him as much as possible. This is how you will earn their respect and affection.
Have details with him that show him on a daily basis that you appreciate him as a person and that you value him. He must know that you are family and that the family cares for and loves each other, make him understand with your example. You may not earn it the first day, but the best things in life are those that are hard earned.
Maria, I have found very good advice in a situation that is more common than it seems,
What can I do when after seven years of relationship with my partner, their children, 29 and 32 years old, do not accept me or have wanted to know me. They invite their father with the presence of their mother to dinner parties, and it hurts me this is deteriorating my relationship. Thanks.
I have my husband and his children of 30 and 34 years old, and even though I had nothing to do with the separation with their mother, they are not happy with my presence and they always look for a way to annoy me, sometimes I don't know how act and sometimes I want to separate.