When a couple decides to divorce with children, it's because serious problems have led them to that decision. Perhaps the love has faded, or trust in the relationship has broken down, making the partnership impossible. But whatever the reason , deciding to divorce is never easy , especially when there are children involved who must also go through the entire process and feel their lives are being thrown into turmoil.
In the midst of the ordeal and the pain, a divorcing couple may not realize how this affects their young children, but it certainly does, both the youngest and the oldest. Young children, who don't yet have the vocabulary to express how they feel or how these changes affect them, also need to come to terms with the transition. Perhaps if you have older children you'll send them to therapy, and if you have younger children you might think they're handling it very well, but nothing could be further from the truth. What really matters is helping them better assimilate all the changes that are coming. To achieve this, don't hesitate to follow the advice below and adapt it to your current family situation.
Explain the new situation
Children understand far more than we adults realize, and that's why they deserve to have things explained to them. You'll have to use simple language, but you must do it, and the sooner the better. Parents need to explain to their children how this situation will affect their lives , and they need to know exactly what "divorce" is and what it will mean for the family and for themselves.
If you don't yet know what changes are coming, you can explain only what you do know. For example, you can say things like, "We're going to stay in this house, and Dad will move to a different house, but he'll come back from time to time," or perhaps, "Mom and Dad will have their own house, and you'll live in both places." The more details you give, the more prepared your child will be for what's to come. Help your child understand that this is a permanent situation, and don't try to sugarcoat it, because then you won't be preparing them for the reality ahead.
Talk long term
It's possible that the pain you feel about the situation might make you want to use gentle words so your children don't learn the truth. Saying things like "Mom and Dad love each other" or "We're still a close family" can confuse a child and prevent them from understanding why all of this is happening. It's best to avoid these kinds of comments. When talking to younger children, it's better to use simple language that conveys long-term but clear messages. You should avoid giving your children false hope so they don't experience deeper pain when they discover that their dreams of Mom and Dad getting back together won't come true.
Make it clear that you are never going to abandon him
Children sometimes don't understand the concept of divorce and may even think that if their parents divorce, they might also divorce them, which can create a great feeling of abandonment. Children need to know that sometimes mothers and fathers decide to separate, just as sometimes children decide not to be friends anymore. But in no case will they ever stop being loved or abandoned, because parents always love their children, until the end of their days.
Tell your son who he will sleep with
Many children feel confused about where they should go each day or week. They don't know where they'll sleep, and this causes them distress and confusion. They don't know if their father or mother will pick them up from school. Children need to know their daily schedule. Tell them each morning what they'll be doing and with whom, and remind them again before bed. Make a calendar showing the days they'll be with Mom and the days they'll be with Dad and hang it in their room so they understand. For example, you can color the days they'll be with Dad one color and the days they'll be with Mom another. This will help them visually remember their schedule and feel less confused.
Let the parents leave and return home
However, there's an option that I increasingly see as more suitable for the children's well-being when parents divorce. If the house is jointly owned by both parents and is the family home, and if there's a way to minimize disruption to the children's lives, the ideal solution is for the parents to move in and out of the home . In other words, the children would always live in the family home to avoid disrupting their lives as much as possible (it's already difficult enough that they have to go through the transition of divorce), and the parents would take turns being with their children there. This way, the children would experience less instability. What do you think of this approach to visitation?
Plan vacations so they know what they will do and with whom
It's also very important that holidays and vacation days are clearly marked on the calendar for everyone from the very beginning. This way, during Christmas or summer holidays, the children can spend equal time with their father and mother, allowing them to enjoy time with both parents equally.
And of course, all the judgments issued by the judge regarding custody and any term regarding the care and welfare of children must be strictly enforced. What else do you think needs to be taken into account in this whole process for and for the sake of young children?