How to know if I was abused in childhood

loneliness

A veces You hear about child abuse and you don't know why it worries you, It is something that you do not know or can explain, you only know that a feeling of chill runs down your back and that fear numbs your senses. You try to avoid the subject, to make it disappear from your life, pretending that it is something that does not exist, that they are things that do not really happen.

However, all these sensations could be indicating precisely that it is a very real problem, something that not only occurs, but also It could have happened to you and it was so hard for you that your memory has blocked the memory.

If it really happened, why don't I remember it?

It is nothing strange in people who have suffered traumatic situationsApart from developing certain types of antisocial behaviors, block those memories. It is a defense system that our body has to survive that excess stress caused by a real danger.

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Abuses or rapes are undoubtedly very painful events that memory sometimes insists on hidingEither with certain memory gaps, or by eliminating them completely. At least in appearance, since, any minute detail can activate those memories and trigger a crisis of which we cannot understand where it came from. It can be a perfume, a word, a sound, any small detail and you could feel as if your head was about to explode due to an excess of information that perhaps you did not even want to know.

I remember things but, I don't know if it really is sexual abuse

La general definition of sexual abuse covers the following assumptions:

  • Penetration with sexual organs or objects.
  • Touching or inciting to touch taking advantage of the minor's lack of knowledge.
  • Looking lewd at the minor, forcing him to witness sexual practices or to see inappropriate content such as movies, pornographic images, as well as having conversations of a sexual nature.
  • And in any case any behavior that makes the minor feel uncomfortable or intimidating is abuse.

How can I be sure that I have been abused without remembering?

There are gaps in your memories, but you can remember what happened before and what happened after, inquire and put the puzzle together, you will find the answer. You can always seek testimonials from your family and friends or start regressive therapy.

assemble the puzzle

If you really suffered abuse in childhood yourself, in some corner of your mind you remember it and with the help of your environment, you will recover what you lack to continue healing. An abuse leaves a mark, scars to heal, it's not something you can carry normally easily.

Do I need to remember to recover?

The answer is that no, in fact there are countless victims of sexual abuse who would rather not remember anything at all. It is true that it is harder to assimilate and accept what really happens, but once you have taken that step, the healing process begins like any other victim.


Recovery is tough, but it can be easier with the right support. It is very important that the family and the whole environment in general support the process so that it is effective. A book that can also help you is "The Courage to Heal", by Laura Davis and Ellen Bass, a benchmark for helping victims of sexual abuse.

Pregnancy diary

Writing can help you sort your memories.

It's very probable that if you haven't remembered anything for years, your process begins in adulthood and this can lead to problems in an environment different from the one you had when the abuse occurred. This can cause added stress, as you may have new fears that your current balance will be broken by situations from your past. Do not worry, all changes will be for the better, the balance you achieved was not real, the one you achieve from now on, it will be..

How should you feel if you were abused as a child?

It is normal that at first you feel guilt, anger, fear and infinite sadness and helplessness.

over the abyss

But the only reality is that you must feel strong, because you survived, because you can tell about it, because you can help others and above all because you You deserve that happiness that only those who are broken inside are capable of enjoying. Now you are at the top of your own abyss and you can see it from above.


75 comments, leave yours

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  1.   Paula said

    It is true that abuses remain blocked until something makes them jump again. Our mind has defense mechanisms so that we can survive that pain. Thank you, Maria, for giving it a voice.

    1.    Maria Madroñal placeholder image said

      My intention with this article is that people who can feel identified, know the existence of these mechanisms and know that they can be put in the hands of specialists to help them heal. Thank you for your words, for your strength and for your courage.

      1.    Anonymous said

        lately I feel that I am worth nothing, that I am a shame, that I am dirty and I do not deserve anything good because I am very little. I always have those guilty memories of being a little girl and today I had the courage to tell my girlfriend, everything points to the fact that I was abused, and I do not remember it as something violent, they were games, everything so slow that I did not seem or even realize it.
        So familiar is the sensation of touch to my body, I don't feel anything in those moments, when he kisses me and touches me, I'm just there existing. my bad relationship with my body, my way of sexualizing myself as a child, those drawings, games and insinuations today turn me around and make me feel bad, just when everything was going well and I achieved what I wanted so much ...
        I am so used to caresses, kisses, to that fear of men and slightly illuminated places, I did not understand its origin and now I see that everything feels like those days. I only have scenes in my head, scenes that make me sick and make me hate myself and hate them.
        That day I went to the country and the guy was talking to me, I was uncomfortable, the things he said and especially how he wanted to hug me ... I knew he wanted to feel me, that feeling was familiar.
        Why does everyone want this dirty body?
        hatred since my childhood, fear of men, that only with women I feel safe, that only with my girlfriend I had gentle fantasies, that I see everyone as rapists and more ... everything fits now, I'm sure I was abused and I can't even remember everything.

      2.    Laura said

        Since 3 years ago I started to feel very uncomfortable around my father, I began to have suspicions that he has abused me while I sleep (but I could not confirm them because I do not know), I was struck by the fact that having a conversation Of a sexual nature, it could be abuse (if the minor feels uncomfortable) and I realized that my father has talked about these things with me all my life (they had not taken relevance because there was always confidence in talking about those issues even if I felt uncomfortable I thought it was normal), I don't know how to describe how I feel, but I don't know it feels good to not know anything, my mother knows that I have suspicions that he has abused me (we both know that he has a dirty mind, but nobody does anything) The issue is that she tells me that it is practically my fault and that I am to blame for "provoking" it, according to her he never did anything to me when I was little but she really doesn't know, she worked and my dad took care of me, that scares me even more , he does not want to take me to a psychologist orbasically nothing wants me to forget it but I can't if I feel that way every day, apart from my dad when he's sitting on his cell phone sometimes I have to pick something up and he's always watching porn, he knows we all know, it even seems that he does it on purpose, I feel so disgusted, dirty, I don't want to be in this house anymore, I'm not sure, it may sound exaggerated but there are so many gaps in my memory that it's scary, it gives me a very bad feeling and I feel uncomfortable around of the.

      3.    Amimi said

        I really don't know what to do, it's my own father that I see in that image, that sound is disgusting. Everything is disgusting I can't do anything but cry I don't want to think about anything… I wish I never had any memory of this. I'm only 14 why the fuck did I have to find out now??! This is horrible everything is horrible

    2.    . said

      I need help, in my house we live with my brothers and my mother, my grandfather and an uncle, I have always had a strange relationship with my uncle, he gives me fried foods, cakes, etc.
      Only sometimes it was weird with me he touched my legs once he invited me to see things for adults but I did not want to and I left, and currently he touches my waist and it is very strange, I do not remember an abuse of him just that. Maybe when I was younger he would do things to me, what I remember is 6, 7 or 8 years old, all that I wrote but nothing else, it should be noted that he consumes things and is crazy, please, I need your help, I do not know if he abused me or something or what he did to me is wrong please

      1.    crina said

        a year has passed since your comment and I hope you are well, if you can, stay away as much as you can from that man

    3.    Eliza said

      Ola my name is eliza and I don't know if I was abused, I just know that I am afraid of relationships I never had a lover I feel very distant from everything, but before everyone I am normal but sometimes I have chills when I remember some events, once I told my parents and My dad told me that I was crazy he never spoke of the subject again, I just know that I have a deep hatred for someone, it even makes me nauseous when I hear his name.

    4.    Maria said

      Hello, I am not able to remember a before or after for the unpleasant sensations that I feel. My biggest problem today is my breasts, the simple touch awakens me a feeling of dirt.
      Years ago, any sexual situation was unpleasant with that same feeling of dirt, I think I have overcome it, but that of the breasts still persists.
      I only remember having animosity towards a boy from my childhood whom I remember playing the horse, you can imagine what he did with me, this with his clothes. The rejection it caused me was already prior to this memory.
      And I don't know what I can do to overcome this feeling that my body feels, it's horrible.
      I don't care about anything other than stopping feeling it.
      The rest is solved.
      If you can guide me a little….
      Thank you!

      1.    ANONIMO said

        Hello, I do not know if I was abused by someone I do not have any kind of memory but when it comes to having sexual acts with my partner, even though I enjoy it, I feel a bit uncomfortable and after finishing I feel so bad that it makes me want to cry and I feel a lot of guilt, I don't understand why I also sometimes have intrusive thoughts that someone is going to hurt me

  2.   sebastian said

    I did not find the answer to the question posed by the article, except for these three lines with a very simplistic approach:

    «In your memories there are gaps, but you can remember what happened before and what happened after, inquire and put the puzzle together, you will find the answer. You can always seek testimonials from your family and friends or start regressive therapy. "

    in short, many words to say nothing concrete. The title raises something else.

    1.    Maria Madroñal placeholder image said

      Thank you very much for your words, constructive criticism is always accepted, because it helps to improve, I will take it into account in future writings 😉

    2.    Juan said

      Pz ami was useful to me and almost all the things that the article designed have happened to me and pz I went through abuse I remember from 5 years to almost 8 and because of what you say in your comment I think. That you nunka have suffered sexual abuse

      1.    ilen said

        I was abused by a cousin since I was a child, this disgusting is deaf mute, my mother after many years of living in my house fired him because she found him a lot of pornographic material. I only remember that this guy called me with gestures and groped me in my grandmother's room from a very young age and then gave me money or sweets and made me the gesture of silence. I was a very sexual girl, I masturbate since I was a child, now I am an adult woman, I have always been very fearful and very aggressive, it is difficult for me to have friends, my love relationships have always been a failure, I could never have children and I am certain that it was from what I lived as a child, I don't remember almost anything about my childhood, neither people, nor situations and sometimes there are things that I remember that I don't know if they are true or I make them up, I only remember that I made obscene drawings as if to attract the attention of my parents , at age 20 I faced my parents, I wanted to kill myself, I had horrible depression and anorexic disorders, at 23 I went abroad, got married and lived 14 years outside my country, my marriage failed and I returned to my parents, I am still a depressed and fearful person, very insecure, I have been to a sociologist, psychiatrist, etc. but I feel that no one understands me and that with no one I can be really sincere, I hate all this sign language, it disgusts me every time I see someone doing it. The truth is that I have a very miserable life.

  3.   Araceli said

    Chapo! It is clear that there is no exact formula to remember and know if abuse has been suffered, even if our mind blocks it. They are not mathematics, but they seem to me to be a more than correct basis to begin to investigate, what our subconscious is already sometimes shouting at us….

    1.    Maria Madroñal placeholder image said

      Thank you, as you say, they are not mathematics, there is no exact formula that opens the Pandora's box that is in our unconscious. You only have the key yourself, I can only point out where you hang it 😉

      1.    Authorless said

        I remember in my adolescence, having been attacked by two people. I don't know if it's normal but you want to believe or think what didn't happen. But lately I feel that I have sequels, I do not sleep well, I have nightmares and memories or as if my body reacts to that. Or situations like if my body remembers it, I wake up in positions that remind me of it. Suddenly I feel sad and I can't get over it, I have memories of what happened and it distresses me. There was no penetration but I do remember how they took my hands, covered my mouth and forced my legs. And I panic why I don't know how to control what I feel.

  4.   Survivor said

    They abused me when I was very young. Tired of wandering between psychologists, psychiatrists and other alternative therapies, I have always had the feeling that there was something in me that was not right. Sad and sickly girl, since I was twelve years old suffering from anxiety attacks and at 25 my first antidepressant treatment in pills, I am 45. And finally I found Carmen. I did not know that she was specialized in the subject. She saw it so clearly through my aftermath. After that I have been informed and it is like that, my sequels are of child abuse, but having no memories of it due to my early age, my head sometimes resists believing it and I need to be completely convinced to be able to do the process. How can I do it?

  5.   Anonymous25 said

    It is impressive how our body activates its own defense mechanisms. In my particular case, I have suffered from insomnia for many years, depressive attacks and anxiety. I have attended several psychologists who have helped me a lot. From a very young age I suffered from domestic violence and until I was 21 I was able to speak about it and take legal measures. Anyway, all those people who have lived traumatic experiences, let me tell you that we have a purpose in this life. Do not give up, be motivating entities of change and strength. We all have that light that characterizes us, let's not let it go out. I really liked the article.

    1.    Carlos Gazzaniga said

      When there is no clear memory, you can turn to a professional psychologist specialized in hypnosis.
      Another alternative is to consult a therapist with real positive references, with experience in family constellations, hand reading, Kirlian photo interpretation, among other things. All this gives indications that added together lead to a result that you can accept more easily.
      Even with the certainty of abuse, you should start a recognition therapy to understand from where you choose your close affections in your life.
      Normally, an adult who was abused has chosen and still chooses her affections from the security that they provide, either because it makes her feel that she is superior in some way to the person of her choice, or because of some physical characteristic of that person. person feels that they are in a position of power with respect to it, for example a pre-existing illness of said person that could condition their future life, or because of simpler features that have to do with physical or intellectual appearance.
      Another possibility is that in the choice of partner there are conditions for the lack of absolute love commitment, for example putting limitations on frequent contact with the excuse of "I am like this" or the famous "it is what there is" with the addition of "for the moment ”, a clear promise for the uncertain future that of course they will take care of blocking with whatever they have at hand in a timely manner.
      The abused person is threatened by feeling that they are really in love with their partner or are on the way to, since it intimately generates the feeling that they will suffer more if the relationship does not work.
      Therefore, the lack of dedication with love has to do with the panic to do so, because in the past they have already treated her badly.
      It is not the same to have been abused as a child, where perhaps you did not have the power to avoid the abuse; that being older they have had bad results as a result of their own choices.
      When the person manages to understand and integrate this last phrase, they are ready to learn how to choose from what they really want for the rest of their life.

  6.   Authorless said

    I have the doubt if they abused me or not I lived so many things in my childhood ... what worries me is that with my dolls I played that they had relationships (I do not know if it is normal or if other children do it) but the disturbing thing is that I played Because they raped the barbie, I find myself remembering that when this girl cried and told myself that I am not a bad person and I prayed to God to help me get ahead. My childhood memories are almost nil, I remember very little. I don't know if it happened or not

  7.   Emily said

    As a child, I don't remember how old I was, my cousin forced me to watch him masturbate and he tried to get me to show him my parts but there was something in me that said that was bad and not to do it. So it was, I did not, but I recently remembered that and I would like to talk about it because now that I think about it I lived a good childhood, I had friends and I was happy but right now due to a depression that I have those memories returned to me.

  8.   Milloh said

    Hello anonymous, the fact that a small child played that his toys had sexual relations, depending on the context it is worth explaining, does not indicate that he was abused, by way of Rape or the best yes. But if it indicates that the child is sexualized, either because he witnessed a sexual act, he watched adult movies repeatedly and very explicit on TV, he listens to erotic adult conversations, he was raped… They are all sexual abuse. So he uses non-verbal language to express himself. The context of the way that the dolls have sex speaks a lot, for example that it performs oral sex or this touch, that context speaks of a more lived situation or perhaps I witness these scenes. So try to remember the context. Do not torture yourself, but remember it, possibly it did not happen, and you have psychological disorders that try to find any explanation to feel that it is wrong and etc. see if your childhood wanted it or not ...

  9.   Anonymous said

    Hello, I have not dared to tell someone how I feel, because it scares me. When I was 5 years old I had a neighbor who disrespected me, he touched me, I didn't know anything, they are strange sensations, something that is not easy to explain.
    Then I moved house. Where I lived there were two male twins, I don't remember very well, but what little I do remember is horrible, they were both bad, they did worse things.
    And when I was 16 my friend tried to do the same to me.

    I don't know if I do it unconsciously, but I don't want this to happen to me anymore. As a consequence I have a great fear of men. I can't live with them because they scare me, disgust me, it makes me angry and I feel that all men seek to do harm.

  10.   Anonymous said

    I came to the article, because today I was with my boyfriend and he wanted me to do oral sex on him, I didn't want to but he insisted and accepted but when seeing his member closely the smell brought me the feeling that this is familiar and known to me and on impulse I almost shouted over and over again I don't want I don't want I don't want he understood that something was happening and he helped me but that everything became known disturbs my thoughts and reminded me of something that was already forgotten

  11.   Gabo said

    I always had a memory of my childhood when I was 4 or 5 years old, I went to a neighbor's on the same block, he was 20 years older than me, I really thought I was in love with him I don't know why, I remember that once I told him to leave to his girlfriend and marry me, the years passed, many years later I see the documentary Leaving Neverland and suddenly memories and doubts begin to appear, that's where I start to wonder about the abuse but I can't remember it, I have it blocked, but I know that something was happening in there that should not happen, that I should not tell by his request, I went ahead and armed myself as I could, although there is always the question.

  12.   ivo said

    How to tell if a game between siblings is abuse? I have vague memories, but I know things happened, rubbing, oral sex, I must have been about 9/10 years old, my brother is 3 years older (13/14 years). I grew up assuming that maybe it is something normal, a "discovery of sexuality"? how common is it? or is it not common and is actually an abuse? is the age difference mitigating? . I also have vague memories of the son of a friend of my parents, who exposed himself to me, but I can't quite remember. Today I am 34 years old, and I suffer from generalized anxiety, I had panic attacks, I am usually depressed, and I live with stomach problems (irritable bowel), which I have been told may be related to anxiety (I read in some texts, that the stomach is the second brain). What worries me the most is that I do not have memories of my childhood, or very few, and when I want to remember, I cannot, and when anecdotes or stories are told, it is very difficult for me to place myself in that situation, and I do not remember it completely . Google all these symptoms, and that's why I got here….

  13.   Renata said

    Thanks for this article.
    I would like to inquire if the following has been an act of sexual abuse: I remember that when I was 8 years old I went to my father's house (separated from my mother) to visit him and I have the image of sucking his nipple as a game. He held me in his arms as if I were my mother and I was sucking his nipple as if he were giving me milk. This in game context.
    I do not know if it is the effect of the number of complaints that have been made for sexual abuse that one thinks “well, I must have been a victim too since almost all of them have been”, or the fact that one searches in his past for some traumatic story where there is none to sabotage the already emotionally balanced present. Anyway, when I remember with much effort, I only find the image that I just described. My parents were hippie types who walked around the house naked.

  14.   Valentina said

    Not long ago it was on the radio that a guy had abused his young daughter and I felt very bad hearing it, I plugged my ears and left the room. Although it is a topic discussed in my family, which made me question the reason for my reaction (previous times I had not reacted that way). I spent a while until it occurred to me to find out if something like this had happened in my family, my mother confessed to me that when I was very little (4 or 5 years old) there was a time when I behaved strangely making her suspect that they had been abused of me, but that I did not understand who it had been, since the only one I had been with was my father and stepbrother, but I did not reject my father and that made him strange, and with my stepbrother I had never gotten along so it was normal for me to be away from him.
    The moment she confessed this to me, I began to feel uneasy again. I told her about this and she decided to seek help to find out if her suspicions were true with a psychologist, in a few sessions I was able to remember very little of what happened, I remember that my stepbrother forced me to kiss him and touch his intimate area (with clothes) , but I can't remember anymore because my chest starts to hurt and I'm short of breath.
    Is there another way to remember what happened without having those reactions? Or is it possible that they take a complaint from me with what little I remember? Thanks in advance for the article, it has been very useful.

    1.    Nayeli said

      I have bad memories of when I was a girl I was 6 years old I think, my stepfather touched my private parts and one day while I was sleeping he tried to abuse me, but I managed to wake up and he ran to my mother's room, the next day I tell him Mom what happened and she did not care and went to work, thank God my grandparents are with me and most of the day I am with them, my grandparents do not know anything about this, I am an only child and in my house we are alone The three of me, my mother, my stepfather and I, I have impotence of not being able to change my reality and be away from him, it is difficult for me to live day by day with him and his disgusting looks. In this worse quarantine I am at home all day, at school I used to be distracted, when these come to mind
      memories I get sick, I don't wear the clothes I like because he harasses me with his looks, I have not talked about this with anyone other than that time with my mother, several times I tried to commit suicide but I think about my mother and my grandparents

  15.   anonymous said

    I came to this article because every time I see a movie where a woman was abused, the possibility that something happened to me comes to mind, but I don't know what it is. These stories make me very bad and I cry a lot when I see them because I feel identified, but I don't know what. I am a 33-year-old woman, married 3 years ago, I have no children and I have never wanted to have them, I have never gotten pregnant either. I got married, but as a requirement of society, and although I love my husband and my relationships with him are good, I never wanted to get married. I like sex a lot, too much and it touched me a lot. As a child, since I was 5 years old, I remember touching myself, I have no aversion to sex, on the contrary, it draws my attention too much. When I was a little girl I played with my friends and I remember kissing them on the mouth and playing touching each other, since I was 5 years old, in addition, with the Barbies I played that they made love, but in reality I did not know anything about the sexual act, I only know that I felt sexual sensations from a very young age. At 9, 10, 11, 12 years old ... I had healthy personal relationships with my friends, without touching anyone, without kissing anyone, but for as long as I can remember, I have touched myself. I lost my virginity at 18 to a friend, and it was healthy. However, when I see these topics, it causes me too much concern. I wish I could remember everything to discard the idea that maybe someone touched me before I was 5 years old.

  16.   Heart said

    Good afternoon…

    I was abused once, I remember it because I was 11 or 12 years old. The father of a friend masturbated in front of me. I betrayed him with his daughter and with my father. I felt angry because my father said that he did that so that I would no longer go to his house. I faced the man a year ago. FROM THAT TIME EVERYTHING IS CLEAR. Still, I think something happened in my 3 to 5 year old childhood. Because I remember the man, it was not to visit your house. I remember before (I was in her bed, lying down and legs spread) and after (my grandmother talking to another person that she thinks something happened because I had something white on my side). I remember myself very innocent and I cannot deduce if it was true or a product of my imagination, which I doubt because as a child I was not exposed to any image that led me to imagine that scene. That surrounds my head, and I am afraid that it is true and affects me later. I am very distrustful of people and the subject repulses me. Once, when I was 6 years old, in a meeting with my cousins, I saw the man walking in the street, I stared at him and I told my cousin who was a year older than me in a relaxed way that I had been raped. After a while, she told me that my mother sent for me. When I went, she punished me because things like that were not said. Hence, my relationship with my cousin changed and with my mother even though I am 24 years old ... when I argue I claim her as if I felt a grudge for something. I want to leave everything behind, I want what happened not to be a burden, I do not want it to affect me or a partner who has, or children that I want one day to have. I want to be stable, feel things for what happened not for what happened. What do you think, doctor? How do you recommend starting the process? Thanks in advance and I honor what you do.

  17.   María said

    I am the author of the post and sometimes you leave me speechless with your comments. The only thing I would like is that it helps you, that it serves as a turning point to go to therapy, because that is where you can solve any doubt. Much encouragement and strength to all and thank you for reading me.

    1.    hoax said

      Do you think we can talk I have doubts if I was raped or not I am 14 years old

  18.   G said

    Hello, I wanted to tell my story, I do not know if I was raped or not, but I have some memories, when I was 9 years old, my parents divorced, we went to live with my grandmother, my grandmother's house is very big so part of it was rented, it was a couple Mr. was 34 years old once I was playing with my cousin and I got on that side and I have memories that he was sitting on his bed he was masturbating but I don't know how I turn around and how I feel in him now I am 14 years ago A few years I did not remember this only that the man when I saw him because he is still my neighbor now he lives 5 houses he wrote to me on fb and I ignored him but I found him taking my dogs and he greeted me and told me if I remembered him I was in a hurry and I am very nervous but I don't know if it happened or everything is in my head but I feel that it harasses me because I go to my third floor to hang clothes and he does not stop looking at me I am very afraid I had to tell my brother to shop and bend over and find conversations I was talking to my mom but she I treated him normally but it seemed that he wanted something else, he has another partner because my mother showed me photos of them and laughed I did not know how to react once my mother asked me jokingly if they had raped me, I did not know what to answer I kept quiet She kept laughing, I don't know whether to say it or not, I just told some friends I trust, I don't know that making my life is a disaster, the only thing I do is sleep and eat, we are in quarantine and I feel like I'm going to collapse, please help me.

    1.    AAA said

      You should encourage yourself and try to talk to your mother or whoever is responsible for you, if possible seek professional help (psychologist) and see how to treat the case, because if it is harassment what you receive from the man you are talking about, you could report it. Try to talk about it with a trusted adult or someone who is able to understand and help you, be it a family member, friend or professional. I hope you are well, greetings

  19.   Cata said

    Well, I have anxiety disorder, panic crisis and I had depression recently when I was at the table with my family, a memory invaded my mind, the thing is that it made me cry and my chest tightened I want to know what happened to heal my I remember it was a walk in a park where I went with my dad and my little brother had invited us to eat some meat some friends within that family there was a boy who was older than me, I was about 8 or 9 years old I was just a girl I feel that there is a gap in between I do not remember how it was if it was a sexual abuse, the truth is that it is hard for me to remember, I only remember the before and a moment later I am still afraid but I know that I will get ahead, my family is with me.

  20.   MARIA said

    I was abused by my father when I was 6 years old and he always told me that this was a secret and that we could not tell my mother why she was going to get angry but he always said in front of all my brothers that I was his spoiled so I thought that, but I did not realize this until I was 25 years old, when after an adolescent of many fears, night terrors, anxieties and anguish, I began to attend a psychologist and with her I began to feel better every day, although I was a very eroticized woman. And my ex-husband I realized that he was gay so that relationship did not work then I continued with my psychology and one day I had a memory of all that from my childhood it was something very very strong because a few months ago I began to see the face of my dad in all the dogs he saw on the street and I thought I was going crazy so that day I spoke on the phone with my psychologist and I told him what was happening and there all that memory came to me I started to vomit and cry as if two hours and you I was very afraid of what could happen to me and from that day on I began to feel better then I got married again and had another son, but there it was not all over I went to live in the province always and now we are realizing that he did not only abuse of my sini of many cousins ​​and cousins ​​and even of their grandchildren all this was crazy but I am grateful to have attended a psychologist and to be fine if you read this comment and are parents always take care of your sons and daughters do not leave them in Nobody's house or even if it is a family because these things where most happen is within the family uncles, cousins, friends of the family etc. TAKE CARE OF THEMSSSSSS

  21.   deranged said

    I feel that something is wrong with me I am 35 and I cannot have a satisfactory sex life I feel that something happened in my childhood, what worries me is my inclination to watch porn movies where scenes of rape or forced sex are seen and although not It seems normal to me, it is something that excites me, I think that is also an indication that something happened to me when I was little

  22.   samantha said

    Sorry, I would like to know more information
    aguilarsantiagobiancasarahi@gmail.com

    I have many things to know about my past that I would like you to help me please, I really want you to answer me please
    thanks for the info

  23.   Lulu said

    I don't know if I was abused, I remember that when I was 9 years old my mother went on a trip and I stayed with my father and my brother, my father called me at dawn and I don't know why I went, he made me kick and I felt something for my parts and I started to cry and asked my father that when my mother was going to come, I also remember that he touched me improperly, I hate my father, now I am 19 and I have not spoken with this to anyone, I was always afraid to remember what He passed. I continue with my normal life, nobody knows and I know that many years have passed and maybe I can't do it now, I'm afraid that they won't believe me, I don't know how to overcome this but I know that I will always hate my father

  24.   Authorless said

    Hello, I have a 17-year-old sister who has presented these ways of acting for 4 years:
    First, he began to walk sideways in front of men like a crab, then he also repeated words many times or forced us to answer a question many times, he also peed on the bathroom floor, not in the toilet, and he also shouted, he did not want to approach the people. Men and neither do I speak to my father and me either at the beginning afterwards it changed a bit as the way of acting changed then she began to put detergent or powdered soap in her private parts as she told us after a while she also told us that she remembers that when he was in 6th grade a classmate put his hand under his leg without his consent and said that he had done the same to another classmate later he said that once in high school on a fire a boy supported her from behind and tmb said that the same thing happened to him in a bus then he said that he disgusted a neighbor x who was obese and dirty x that thought bad of him also the same with a taxi driver who always took us to school and with other people then she said that once in the car when she was already sick at the age of 13, my dad was taking her to school, and at that time she used very wet clothes and washed them with detergent. hands all the time, and he said that he told my dad if he could check if his pants were wet on the back then he said that my dad pulled her from the waist a little to see why she was in the back and he was in the front, and he says that he accidentally brushed her buttocks and told her that her pants were very wet so she got down and went to change but she always wore wet bottom clothes at that time, because at that time she was already that way that was from before then he also said that once at 14 when my father was punishing her because she misbehaved I was there at that time because she challenged me, then as my sister had already started to disgust her or something like that to men my dad was bad so he wanted to burn her after casting Igar her and she kept screaming and crying (something like that was I don't remember well) at the beginning of everything she disgusted me, she moved away a lot and did not speak to me but then she started with all the close or strange men, well the question is that I do not know why This is how I want to know if it is something in her head or something happened to her I have no idea but my parents already took her my times with a psychologist and pediatricians but it remains the same they only gave her pills and she sleeps until 1 in the afternoon

  25.   Anonymous said

    I was always a "different child" I did not run, I did not like sports, it was very difficult for me to socialize with other children, I was almost always alone, afraid of rejection, always sad and insomniac. I don't remember how old I was, but they were less than 5 years old, I really don't remember much and when I try to block myself, I inquire afterwards and I am clear about this: I wanted to play SpongeBob with my cousins, innocently, and one of them asked me - What kind of SpongeBob? The spongebob on TV, or when I play with your "little pitty" ?. Referring to the fact that he had already done it before, but I don't remember when he did it. She is 6 years older than me. Later, when I was 6 years old, my aunt's neighbor forced me to watch pornography, and she told me that I had to practice that with her or with her little sister who was a baby, I refused both because I was scared, then I have gaps mentally, but suddenly I think I remember that she was also holding my penis. At 10 years old, I think I was styling girdles with a classmate from school, but I wasn't attracted to it, probably because of those traumas involuntarily. I have always had a strange behavior, sometimes I feel that I lose control of myself. I don't know how to deal with it, today I am very insecure, lately I am suffering from insomnia. I am ashamed to flirt with women and men is simple, but I have had very bad relationships, apparently they only interest me if they treat me badly.

  26.   Juan said

    Hello, my name is Juan and I am 26 years old. I appreciate that there are people who publish articles like this since there are thousands of cases of this type and unfortunately I am going through this great problem because of several situations I fell into drug use and hit rock bottom without knowing The reason until one day I got a memory of when they abused me and I fell into a strong depression and an addiction to drugs that they wanted my wife and children to stay away from me and that my father did not believe me when I told him what had happened to me. In my childhood for 3 years or more almost daily but good with. With the help of my mother and brothers and two of my nephews I was able to get out. A little afloat and since then I have dedicated myself to investigating how to overcome that trauma and my addiction more than anything because the person who abused me lives in the same town as me and on unexpected occasions on the street I find him and pz all the Memories flood my head seriously thank you and God bless the people who publish articles to help or provide tools to people like me and I will buy the book and recommend it a lot

  27.   Nazarene said

    I was abused when I was between 3 and 4 years old and now I am 10 and I do not know how to tell my parents and that is why I am looking for help and I am afraid that they will not believe me and send me to boarding school and I am afraid

  28.   Luz Maria said

    I naamas remember that a cousin of mine did things to me like that when he went to the bathroom he touched me with his finger from behind and I was only 4 years old, I only remember that he explained to me that it was my chest and he put his finger on my chest I do not remember well anymore I would like to know if that is already an abuse or it is not currently I am 11 years old and I have problems with the fear that I have of men and I do not know why I wish someone could answer my question

    1.    Crina said

      Hello. Tell your parents or legal guardians, and get as far as possible away from those familaires without even having contact with them.

  29.   Dominic said

    Hello, could you help me to clear up this doubt about my first sexual experience, it happened when I was about 10 years old, I stayed to sleep with some guys and my cousin started touching me at night and I masturbated I pretended to be asleep this was repeated in several Sometimes until one day there was penetration, all this pretending to be asleep and it kept repeating until we were already doing it consciously and awake until I no longer wanted to do it because I felt very bad for doing it, I stopped talking to her for a while and then I came back to talk to him but I did not want to do it and everything was forgotten but I felt bad with myself for many years, I felt guilt and shame for having done it with a relative until one day I could not bear the guilt and I told my mother that I wanted to go to confess that where I could go, he told me and I went and confessing it to the father I felt comforted but now that I am an adult I cannot see women in an exciting way whenever I try to think in a sexual way I think that I rsona can be my family member, my mother or my sister and I can't feel pleasure, someone could tell me why this is happening to me

  30.   Addy said

    Hello, I was 4 years old and up to 11 years old I remember a relative abusing me. I always knew it, but I always separated it from me, it's as if I knew the secret of a little girl who suffered this. For a few months I have no idea how I realized that I am the same girl who suffered that! This is hurting me a lot. I have sicatrises all over my arms that I know I have, I already have that feeling of hurting myself every time I feel the pain that that girl suffered every day from the abuse.
    When I was 13 years old, I told my parents about him, they never cared about him, they took him home again then I think, I had no choice and separate this from me, I got married at 16 and today I am 23 years old, soon I will look for help because I have realized that I can not with all these memories that I did not have and now they are here ...

  31.   Andrew said

    I am 13 years old and I have the thought that at some point I was abused I do not know I do not remember anything but I know that I have something very big inside and I do not know if it is this or something else all my life I have suffered my life would be perfect because my family is very Well, I have a house and everything is fine but I have always had such strong fears that they led me to do mega worrisome things now I have depression I have not had a happy and full life for a long time I was feeling better much better but yesterday I went out and a man followed me And now I am so confused it makes me so disgusted because I am a girl and a disgusting old man hurt me what I like the most is to walk alone or by bike or with my dog ​​but now I am so scared and again I feel very bad and alone I think that I was abused, it is something like a hunch and my mother told me that her greatest fear is that I have suffered abuse, which means that she also has indications that I was abused

  32.   Celia said

    Hello, recently I began to remember things that I did as a child, and in that a somewhat strange memory came to me. When I was about 5 or 6 years old, I saw a horror movie, I was so scared that that night I got a fever and I couldn't sleep, I don't know about you, but in my family, my grandmother had a technique (I don't know what to call it) that she did. May your fear go away? She would pass an egg all over our bodies saying several prayers, and when it finished we felt much better, well, at that time my grandmother lived in another city, so she couldn't do that cure for me? So my parents turned to my uncle to help me, according to him he also knew how to do that kind of thing. Then that same night, I lock myself in the room, it was just the two of us, the truth is, I don't remember very well what he told me, but I realized it and he was licking my whole breast, I thought it was part of his treatment or something like that. , after that I do not remember more. But I have a feeling that I suffered from abuse after that, since according to him he was only going to pass a newspaper by my body and he was not going to lick me, I still have suspicions, I am afraid. Help me

  33.   ... said

    After reading this I am still confused, I still do not know if I suffered sexual abuse, I only remember that the man that I considered a grandfather, sometimes I would sit between his legs and feel like something was moving or lifting, at that time I was 6 years so I did not understand what that was, I do not remember if he did anything else to me, apart from that I only remember that on one occasion he wanted me to stay alone with him, which luckily did not happen and on another occasion he forced me to kiss him, before that I remember that he told me that my lips were very beautiful, that they were very red and he told me that I smelled very good, I did not know if he did something to me, I did not say anything, I remained silent, for the same reason eh I had the bad luck to see him again and that affected me, when I saw him again I felt disgust, fear, anger, there were many feelings at the same time I hope one day I can understand everything and know if that man only did that and not something worse.

  34.   izaguirre said

    I need help in this quarantine I have realized that my blood father, the one who sired me, observes me in a lewd and vulgar way all the time or he sees my butt or he sees my breasts in a vulgar way, I try to wear loose clothes and ugly but still it does if I'm washing for example I feel that someone is behind me seeing my butt I turn back and my dad is there and at that moment he changes his gaze but I see how his gaze changes from my butt to another place x , so I try to be in my room all day, and I only go out if he is not there ... I am a virgin and I have recurrent vaginal infections, it is a constant struggle, not even my own gynecologist knows why I suffer from recurrent infections, I have heard that some women who girls were abused when they are adults or adolescents they develop these infections as an unconscious way of protection ... one day it seemed to me that my father was touching my little brother, however I could not corroborate it but it seemed strange to me that he went to sleep in my little brother's bed, even though he and my mom have their own bed, his excuse was that he was hot ... and sometimes when he slept with my little brother he had his hand on his crotch as if he was masturbating himself , but other times I did not see his hands were under the covers and he slept hugging my brother, since I saw that for the first time my vaginal infections began at 16 and I do not know if when I was a child he did the same to me Mom explained to him that I didn't like him sleeping with my brother, my mom told me that I was a fool, my biggest fear is leaving the house and that he starts touching my little brother, I don't know if he does it or not, but he doesn't tell me. it's scary to leave him alone.

  35.   True said

    How to contact you to start a therapy?

  36.   Ruth said

    I thank you for your words Maria. It is as what you say, I have lived it, every situation. Today I am 44 years old and last year I could only remember the before and after of a situation that changed me forever. At 38 I started with panic attacks, but since I was little I suffered from night hot flashes, tachycardia, shortness of breath, nightmares, etc. I was diagnosed with SAD. I set out to discover what made me suffer when I had to socialize with acquaintances, rather than with strangers. I began to notice that in my dreams it was always night, only the street light, I remembered that at one point in my childhood until today, I can't draw hands, I like to draw, but I can't make hands. All those things and many more made me come to a specific memory. Months passed until in the least expected way I was able to confirm that the pervert "uncle" was like that. He's been dead for a couple of years, but he died alone and broke. I don't really know how to work this yet. But I understood the cause of my trauma. May we all remember, and heal.

  37.   Miracles said

    A few years ago I went to therapy and the psychologist asked me if they had raped me, obviously I said no but from that day on I never stopped thinking about the matter. Last year I was hospitalized and with a boy I was there, I felt like a helpless little girl and I felt that he reminded me of someone who had hurt me. I always had eating and stomach problems, anxiety and last year I was diagnosed with BPD. I think I suffered something similar to abuse but I don't remember, there are only little things that make me think about that, but I don't have the way to find that person that I believe did that to me. And every time I talk to my therapist he tells me that "my time will come" he thinks I feel like having sex and what he doesn't know is that I think I was abused and that is why I am who I am.

  38.   Anonymous said

    I have suffered from depression since I was a child, at 10 years old I took some medicines that my mother had, then I felt bad for her and vomited them, at 15 years old I pulled my hair every time my father treated me badly , He told me bad things and I remember that he was morbid, although I think he blocked many things I am sure that he touched me several times, I was 10 years old and I masturbated I wanted to feel things that I think it was a dream that someone touched me, Then at the age of 17 I wanted to kill myself again, between a tremendous crisis, I suffered physical abuse by my father, during my adulthood I have struggled with depression, I have had dreams of older men having sex, I dreamed of a hand that touched a girl I was little and one day I dreamed of my young father entering my bed and I as a child, it has been strong for me. Recently I was able to tell another person that it was not my psychologist because my father even after years harasses me and speaks ugly things about me, my marriage went badly so I did not want him to touch me or have relationships. Every time I get close to my dad, it's unpleasant.

  39.   Carolina said

    Hello ... I don't know if I was abused, I remember very few things from my childhood, today I am 31 years old and the idea that my father has abused me disturbs me, I reject him, I have always felt something strange that makes me not want to or listen to him Although he has always seemed a socially correct man, he has been married to my mother for 36 years, there have never been problems with infidelity, or drinks, before he was productive, but for a few years now (he is currently 58 years old) he does nothing with his life and my thoughts are that he is a useless man, it is not something that I am capable of saying to his face out of consideration for him and because in addition to being very hard, it would bring problems to the family, because he is a person who when he contradicts him, he becomes aggressive and causes fights of those where they listen up to 2 blocks away. My brother 4 years older than me and me, he hit us a lot when we were little, even when he was 20 years old, and we vote from home countless times. Generally speaking that is a summary of what I see in it.
    I feel that I was abused because of that energy that invades me when he is around, I even feel that it consumes me, I can feel less insecure about showing skin on the street than about being comfortable around him, so I choose to wear loose clothing.
    As a child I have brief memories of climbing on her back and painting her with a pen or marker whenever she came home from work, but it is the only physical approach that I have in mind in our entire life, not even a hug.
    In some of our fights he has told me that I am "a mother's cunt since I was 5 years old" and to seek answers and perhaps to protect myself I ask myself "how is it that a 5-year-old girl can be a mother's cunt? » «What could I have done so that 20-25 years later I still remember that from the age of 5 he thinks I am a motherfucker?».
    Without knowing the reason why he did it, he has also mentioned that he has tried to commit suicide 2 times and when he mentioned the years in which he tried, 1 was when I was 5 years old, it is strange because I have asked my mother if she knows the reason and he tells me that everything was fine, just my younger sister was 2 by the time I was 5, the other was when he was a teenager. Once in an argument I asked him "why did you try to kill yourself?" and he became hysterical, he began to cry, but with annoyance and told me that it was crap, he did not answer me.
    I remember playing that stuffed animals had sex, I remember kissing on the mouth with a cousin, I remember putting cream on the back of my sister hiding under the bed (why would I hide if it wasn't because I thought that was wrong? ?) My parents were always quite reserved with their intimate life, I could not say that I was sexualized for having seen them or having seen a movie, also, according to my mother she always dedicated her time to being a housewife, so it is not that I leave in the care of other people.
    Another thing is that I began to masturbate around the age of 13, although my first sexual experience with a man (that I remember) was at 18 years old, I like porn and the type that turns me on is between parents and daughters or the force, sometimes I have even imagined myself with my dad.

    All this is very hard to raise, because it makes me judge myself and I begin to think if I really am sick and that if there really was abuse by my father when I was a child, it was because I caused it. And that's why she told me "you've been a motherfucker since you are 5 years old" and that after she did something to me she felt so bad that she tried to commit suicide. I do not know, I am not certain of anything, because I do not remember something in specific as he kissed me or touched me or made him touch him, what I have are only hypotheses with no more support than my analysis, things that he has said and what I feel ... but the fact is that I live disturbed by that and I want to remember if something happened, to understand why I dislike it so much and unblock things that have undoubtedly affected my relationships throughout my life.

  40.   anonymous said

    I only remember a bath, a hair gel and my cousin and me stimulating us, my grandmother comes in and says not to do it but I really don't know if that happened like that
    I also remember that since then (I was about 3 years old) he had stimulated me (I do not want to say masturbating, I hate that word and it disgusts me enormously). I always hated stimulating myself, I hated it I hated it, I hate to remember that I remember also when I was little I played with naked dolls doing sexual acts, watching adult content videos together with my cousin and playing sexually, stimulating us, and then I did that with a friend, I taught it, but without having any bad intention, I regret every day and I suffer a lot. My cousin and I are the same age. I also remember stimulating myself with a chair in kindergarten or early elementary school, I couldn't help it, I did it very frequently.
    I do not know if that is abuse, I do not remember an adult or someone older than my cousin and me, I hate not being able to remember. But I have always been afraid to talk about sexuality, I hate that they touch my body whether they are men or women. I can't stand when my mom spanks me, I feel a huge inexplicable fear and the sensation of the hand stays in my body having a great disgust towards me. It bothers me to walk in front of the eyes of men, I don't like to think badly of anyone but it is inevitable to feel that my body is being observed. My genitals are easily stimulated, even without having any sexual thoughts, only the stimulation appears there out of nowhere and in addition to ALWAYS disturbing me, it also sometimes hurts me physically.
    When reading this article I have cried a lot, burning my head for wanting to remember, I am desperate.
    I have found enormous help in God, God was the first to know about my problem, even before me, and the first to help me. He has healed much of me, really, I have yet to fully heal, but from what really? In other words, WHAT HAPPENED?
    To all those people who have not been able to go out even with psychologists, entrust yourselves to God, He can EVERYTHING, heal EVERYTHING, I am a testimony of this. Thinking of Him reassures me a lot and I am sure that He will put me to professional people to be able to completely get out of this.
    You are not those abuses, you are not that evil that was done to you, you are VICTIMS and you deserve to get out of this. They are loved, they really are, they are very much loved and loved, very valuable and valuable. I sincerely hope we can overcome this as soon as possible and avoid at all costs that one more boy or girl gets hurt.
    Based on what you read, do you think she was a victim of child abuse?

  41.   Anonymous said

    When I was 5 years old, I stayed at an aunt's house, her husband said that I was his girlfriend, he said it in front of everyone and I felt sorry for him, maybe he said it in front of everyone so that I would feel that it was not bad. Sometimes my aunt would go out to run errands and I don't know if my blackouts have blocked any abuse itself. If I remember that he hugged me and it seemed uncomfortable, I asked my aunt to make me my favorite food so that I could stay for lunch, and I insistently asked my mother to stay but I don't know if he did it with another intention. However, I remember that one of his children was watching television in his room and he called me and told me that he would put cartoons, he was lying down and I was in a chair near his bed. I remember feeling uncomfortable and wanted to leave and he told me to stay that we would see more cartoons, and I remember he put his hand on my leg. The room was dark, I only remember the television on but nothing else. And although I understood for years that this was wrong, I still cannot overcome it, it still causes me anxiety and depression and I put up my barriers showing anger at the world.

  42.   Osiris said

    I just found out recently that I was abused by my stepfather, my life still felt strange and there are many things that I do not remember from my childhood and if I remember it is like with gaps, I begin to remember well from the age of 10, almost everything that I know why my mother told me and the other blurred memories that I have, my stepfather recorded me while he touched me or did something to me, I do not remember that but I remember that he paid me a lot and now that I think about it my mother always He said that I behaved well then because he always pays me, and the only thing I think is that then he did not pay me, he did other things and my mind remembers it that way and it gives me a lot of pain, sadness and anger, and I am very depressed because my mother knew what he was doing to me and never did anything, never stopped him, never did and now that I know this she tells me that they are lies but I understand everything and I'm looking for help because I can't, I've always tried to be strong but now I just feel like I want to die

  43.   Authorless said

    When I was between 4, 5 or 6 years old (today I am 14 years old)
    I was abused, when I was 10 I told my mother and my grandmother to my grandmother and I with acquaintances and strangers on the Internet. He did not report since I have no evidence only blurred memories.
    Please do not report

  44.   Sola said

    Hello, Excuse me but your story is very similar to mine, I am 19 years old and for as long as I can remember I do the same as you! And I don't know why ... I love making love, it's like the desire never ends, but there are situations that make me think or feel that I was abused in some way and I don't remember, I don't know how I started touching myself and loving do it! I am too concerned about this situation because I am very antisocial, I like to have relationships and I get depressed often, my mood change is variable and recently someone called me «Nympho» and this word made me think a lot why I feel like this ... but The feeling that I was raped I bring it a long time ago….
    I have not talked about this with anyone, I feel alone ...
    I would like to receive an answer, thanks for reading ...

  45.   Sergio said

    I am 17 years old and never before in my life did I think that I was abused, I am going through a depressive episode and suddenly a half memory was unblocked. From when I was 6-7 years old I remember that it was my kindergarten graduation and that I was in a room alone with my uncle, after that I do not remember what happened afterwards I only remember my mother fighting with him and throwing him out of the house yelling at him pedophile pedophile and I didn't understand anything but I think I was crying. I'm in doubt because that guy keeps coming to my house and I don't hate him, just that he always scared me, he always disowned me, he looked at me ugly and threw small things at me, he scratched my drawings etc, now he treats me well and I don't know why that. My family treats it normal, even my mother, I do not know if it is abuse or not what I suffered, I only know that my family usually turns a blind eye to abuse and that only worries me more, I do not know what I am going to do, I am a very sexual person for my age and I sabotage myself in all my relationships whenever I can

  46.   Noelia Benitez said

    When I was 6, or 7 years old, I was groped by a close friend of my grandfather and for a while I went to therapy then I no longer and later when I was 8 years old, 2 companions groped me again, I didn't say anything until I told my mother about it. Last year one of my classmates left the other one continued in school and currently I study 6th grade and we get along as if nothing had happened I told 2 friends who could not believe it I have a friend to whom I tell all my problems and she hers she really understands me and I know one day but I don't know when the mothers of those children will find out what they really are ...

  47.   Anonymous said

    Some time ago I went out for a drink with my family, and some friends when evening came, my family left and a friend of my father with his wife told me to continue and my father told me that if I wanted it to be that nothing happened, I left With them to a disco he and his wife, I do not like or sentence attraction or anything for him, when we left the disco I know that I was very drunk I was conscious at times but at times no, I know that we arrived at their house And the woman went to bed to sleep, I wanted to go home I asked for an Uber but since I had my mobile downloaded, the Uber did not arrive, I felt that he was touching me and I told him that he did not tell me calm, nothing happens, let's go to the you go home and go to bed tomorrow, I went up trying to get rid of a bit of him because it was my own and I told him that I could alone, we arrived and I slept with his wife in bed and he left I fell asleep but Then I half woke up and he was pulling my pants down I half moved so that he felt It was because I was a little conscious but not much because I did not have the strength to get out of bed but if I knew what was happening, everything happened I know that he was with me but I do not remember well I have only parts in my memory and when I got up I went home, but I felt guilty for what had happened because I should have gone home, as time went by I continued my normal life, and I feel that this is more my fault because I do not feel what many feel when they are abused I continued with my normal life but if for days I think about it a little and it frustrates me and makes me angry knowing that I was half conscious and did not do anything

  48.   One more said

    Message to María and Anonymous in 2021. I understand you. I in the same situation only that I have been given the opportunity to be extremely affectionate and super accommodating as if I did not matter and the other person should give him 120 percent of affection, meat, love.

  49.   Girl said

    For a week now I have been thinking strange things about sexual abuse, when they bring me the subject of that it always scares me and I get nervous I have suspicions that I was a victim of a baby, at present I am with my 15 years of age and I know I decided to see this article and the things it says are so real, I think something happened to me when I was in kindergarten :( .. the woman who took care of us was not always there, she left her husband in charge of all the children When she had to do an errand .. I remember how the man would take a swimming pool out to the patio and all the children would put us in and then he would grab one and tell him if he wanted tete and he would take it to him ... I .. I remember that once He was caressing me in a very strange way .. but as it was harmless I did not know: <… I have not heard anything about that man but when my mother said she would put my little sister in nursery school I felt so nervous .. as I wanted to protect her , I want to say if I was actually a victim of abuse when I was little ... or not?

  50.   Eugenio said

    Thanks for the article, it has given me the confidence to express feelings that have always remained hidden. I always knew that something was wrong, that something had happened, something uncomfortable and that I just didn't remember the details.

    Tying up the dots of my childhood, intermittent episodes and behaviors that were not normal for an 8-year-old child, I now understand what happened, although I don't remember it in great detail (or rather regretfully), it happened.

    It happened and it was not my fault, it happened and I have lived for years in the grip of inexplicable anxiety and panic, it happened and I find it difficult to relate to people, it happened and today everything has made sense, I feel liberated knowing that the current me has an explanation and that I am strong enough to be here, to heal and be reborn as a new person, without fear or restriction.

    My life has been difficult without knowing why, but now I know and just knowing the reason gives me relief, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

    The bad is over, today I know that I am safe, and that there is nothing to fear.

    Thank you very much

  51.   Lucy said

    Today, as an adult at 40 years old, I began to feel discomfort from time to time in my private parts, like an annoying contraction that at the same time caused me anxiety, nerves and anger and I did not understand that anguish. One day suddenly I began to remember some things from my childhood. Disgusting things, of course, back in the day, they made me see what they were doing to me was something normal. Conclusion, it was hard to face that reality of my life, at the same time I discovered the reason for so many problems that I had in my life, especially with personal relationships. It was hard. The healing process takes time. I accepted and saw today, after so much time that this type of evil is like demonic and exists, whoever did it to me did not make me look like that in his day, he told me that what he was doing was something normal. truth makes us free, that forgiveness returns to its owner what is his and you free yourself at the same time and it is the best medicine, I also learned that love and patience are fundamental ingredients for healing, I learned to give myself all love and affection to myself myself as much as I can in every moment of my life and be reborn

  52.   Aaa said

    Hello Goodnight! With my partner we are experiencing a rather ugly situation. A few days ago, while we were in bed, we saw a news report that the police had seized popper bottles; I didn't give it much importance but this news made noise for my boyfriend. Last night we were having dinner and he tells me that when he was 14 years old he got together with some older boys (19 approx) to use drugs (he was going through his parents' divorce and took refuge in that crap) and that he remembers that one of the He made him inhale from a brown jar, he didn't remember anything else, only that he began to get tired, fell asleep, and woke up within hours, ran outside the house where he was and began to take off his shirt (it was in the middle of the winter). You cannot get this out of your head, he remembers that some accompanied him to the corner of his house and another 2 stayed, and that after that night they did not integrate him back into the group. Since that day we read that news it's like fragments are coming to his head, he has strong suspicions that he could have been raped and is destroyed. Of course I do too, I try to stay as strong as possible but I don't know what to do to help him. We just want to know if he really happened and his mind "typecast" him so that he doesn't suffer, or if it is a product of his imagination, but it seems very strange to us that after 15 years these fragments come to mind. What can we do? Who can we go to?

  53.   Valentina said

    I want to tell how I became aware of my abuse, I am currently 25 years old and a year ago some memories began to come to me about a guy inappropriately touching my chest, my tail and my private parts, I have to say that this person was never to my liking I always tried to run away from him and avoid being alone with him, my mom always took it as a rude attitude but I didn't even understand what was happening, when I started having sex I realized that I didn't feel emotionally comfortable with men to the point to cry on one occasion, it was when I knew something was wrong and I decided to give myself my time... as I mentioned until a year ago I began to remember these events and this man who called himself my uncle always took advantage of me when he was alone with me, well my mom trusted him, since I remembered all this everything made sense, but I felt dirty just thinking that I ever made him think that I wanted that, after a long psychological therapy I dared to talk to my mom and her she faced it herself

  54.   TAKEN TO PIECES said

    When I was little, before entering Kindergarten (3-4 years old), I remember that I used to visit my great-grandmother very often, one of her daughters lived in her house with 3 children, I remember that I liked to spend time with my cousin older, I don't know exactly how old he was (I think between 15 and 17), we used to play with dolls from my favorite anime «Pokemon». I don't remember if something similar to what I'm about to tell had happened before.
    I remember that I was looking forward to my cousin to play, when he arrived he took me carrying him as usual, I was wearing a beige short skirt and a green pokemon shirt, that time I remember feeling strange and alert at the same time but I didn't know why , as always I sat on the edge of the bed and he began to show me the new dolls he had bought, among them were 2 specifically, it was a water pokemon «Poliwag» and «poliwhirl», after showing them he told me, do you want see another? I anxiously told him yes, he turned around and moved a lot, when he turned to me….he already had everything out and he told me that if I liked the pokemons so much that I should give him a kiss, I didn't want to and he laughed saying that nothing was happening and he repeated the kiss to me again, I really don't know why I did it if I felt uncomfortable…. At that moment my cousin appeared and he took me running to the patio below to distract me with the animals. That was the last time I went to my great-grandmother's house, but I never told anyone, only my sister when I found out that I was going to have regular contact with him again (because of my father's plans with me and my sister, in what my cousin is currently in charge. It was until he was 20 years old that I saw him again and I felt very inferior, as if I had been that 4-year-old girl again. Every time I see him I remember that scene, discomfort at his presence and fear of to stay alone with him or that my sister stayed with him, as I mentioned before, she knows it and I know that she will take the measures to ensure herself. I don't know how he tries to get me to talk so calm and smiling.

    I still suffered abuse from my brother, he is not of my blood, but we grew up with that idea... he was 5 years old and I was three years old, he told me to take off my clothes and touch his parts, he kissed me and touched me, He constantly got angry with me because I didn't do it the way he wanted, he told me it was normal when people loved each other and we as brothers had to love each other, my mom told us that we should love each other and not fight every time, it was me who fought because at the time of playing he was always selfish with me, even in the games he wanted the same kissing and touching to happen and I didn't like it, in fact on one occasion when we were still 3 and 5 years old, he made me put myself in a sexual position and I try to put on his part my mom saw it and was scolding him. You may wonder where my parents were, they weren't there, they went to work together in the United States. he taught his part, even when he was already in puberty, he taught me disgusting things and I didn't know how to stop him. He came to drop my pants suddenly to see my bubbles, and sometimes I think he offered me with his friend because one of them always insisted that I be his girlfriend, he sent me messages that he wanted to kiss me, on one occasion we had sleepovers and the girls We slept apart from the children, when I woke up I saw my brother's friend next to me, he was asleep and I quickly got out of there and spoke to the girls, I didn't say anything to them, it was just to get them out, apparently my mom saw something because later she scolded us, because I was sleeping with a boy and because I let him touch me, I didn't feel any of that, I was just scared to see him next to me in the morning, then she stayed with my brother And I didn't know what else happened. Until she stopped but I don't know how, according to the game, the children always wanted to spank me and it bothered me a lot.

    Later, when I was 17 years old, I met a colleague from the service and the director always put me with him to help him with his paperwork, he began to look at me very strangely and the elementary school children regularly told me smiling “lalo eats you with his eyes », that bothered me a lot because it was barely a week that he was a fellow serviceman, that alerted me and I tried to get away from him by getting into different groups, supporting the teachers with their classes or things they needed, the director always sent him where I was, that made him start harassing me, once he snatched my cell phone and told me that he wasn't going to give it to me until I gave him my number, he said it so seriously that I woke up and he scared me time, I stuttered when I yelled at him that I wasn't going to give him anything and that he should return it to me because I had to leave urgently, he didn't care about that and kept me for a long time, I gave him a false number and the frame to know if it was mine and seeing that it was not, he ran until he reached Armed, I gave him my number and I thought about blocking it later, I did it and then I pretended that he lost the phone, from then on he was further behind me, I couldn't leave the service, because it was already the process of my service letter , but the director didn't want to sign it for me, she just procrastinated and told me not to fool around because it was obvious that I was after him, that that was my punishment for going to make a boyfriend, when it wasn't like that.

    On one occasion he ran after me and I didn't know where to go, who to turn to, and when he got close to my house he apparently stopped following me.

    The following days the harassment was stronger, he dragged me to other streets and kissed me with a lot of force that hurt me, he resisted my blows and screams and he hit me against the wall more so that I had bruises on my body. , arms and in the mouth, around the lips and cheeks. The truth was that I was ashamed to walk like that, that people would think I was dirty.

    That was how it went for quite a few days because of the "punishment" of the director, he followed me and as far as he could reach me he pulled me to do that, on one occasion he pulled me to a very lonely street that all seemed to be abandoned houses. Fortunately, he managed to get out of there because he said he was late to get home…. and I was able to go home. and I don't remember if that was the last time I attended social service.

    but days later after completing the entire process, they had already taken my graduation photos, and one day, Friday the thirteenth in the morning, they knocked on the street door as my mother used to knock (relative codes to know who it is), I opened the door waiting to see her but I did not see anyone in the place where she stops, I was closing the door and suddenly someone pushes her violently saying, there is no one in your house, she gets in and slams the door, she looked like a beast, like a man from a novel who comes home angry, all impulsive and violent, that's how I felt it, it scared me, I was really trembling and I thought of everything that could happen, it occurred to me to go for a knife but I didn't, I I ran to lock myself in a room but I couldn't close the door in time and in the meantime he managed to rape me,... someone was heard coming in and he ran out and jumped out the second floor window, I was speechless with mixed emotions , sad, angry, disappointed in me, thinking why am I, what do I do, what do I say, what is going to happen to me, I want an embrace of this, what do I do, who do I tell, where am I going…. From thinking so much I didn't know anything about anything and I went to take a shower because I felt disgusting and cried thinking what to do, I didn't feel safe anymore in my own house. I was so clumsy and stupid in all my actions and since then I have social phobia, I had post-traumatic stress, I dreamed horrible things in which different quite old men raped me, I could not sleep, it was many years and everything that has touched live, every time someone cries I think that maybe they are abusing him or her.

    I wish I could have professional therapy, not all of us have that privilege. I have been struggling alone with that, I currently have a boyfriend, he is far from me because he lives in another state, we have been in a relationship for 8 years and he has been very understandable with me, with him it was my first time three years after dating, and still It has been difficult for me to maintain relations with him. I am now turning 25 years old.

    I would really like to know why these things have happened to me, there is more to tell but I have already written enough

  55.   Lisa said

    You made me cry with your comment. I've been processing for some time now, the memory or feeling of abuse and everything I generate around my life. I am learning a lot about the subject and doing a lot on my part to address it in the way that affected me the least, since a few days after my 22nd birthday I can look back and observe with a different understanding everything that generated multiple problems and difficulties in my life. life from childhood. I am left with this sentence that describes exactly how I feel at this moment: – «When the person manages to understand and integrate this last sentence, they are ready to learn how to choose from what they really want for the rest of their life.»
    This is how I feel… Cheer up for everyone, fight hard, be strong, learn a lot about what happens in our body, brain and mind due to the consequences of child abuse. And do not allow that monster to continue harming you, approach things from the understanding with yourselves of the not very favorable life events that you have experienced. Be introspective, but most importantly be loving and understanding of yourself. It is a one way road with a vision of different things. Greetings and hugs to all those who are feeling bad, at this time, be strong.

  56.   anonymous said

    4 years ago I had some memories about my stepfather abusing me when I was asleep, this content made me feel identified, I just want to be able to express myself a little since I could never tell anyone for fear that they would not believe me Besides, because he threatened me, the truth is, I just want to forget what happened, even though it's really impossible.