One of the great concerns of every father and mother is that their children grow up with good self-esteem. Making children confident is difficult. Many parents opt for excessive celebration, that is, celebrating whatever their son or daughter does. This, rather than giving them confidence, can cause the opposite effect.
Praising everything your son or daughter does is not the best way to strengthen their self-esteem.. First of all, you have to help them to be competent in the world. To do this, you have to let children take risks, make decisions and solve problems on their own. Let's see some tips for children to grow up confident.
What to do to make your children self-confident
To help children grow up confident, we can consider this short list to help their self-esteem without becoming spoiled children:
- Feel special. It is important to help children discover their own talents and qualities, and especially to value them. This means that you have to teach them to feel special because of their qualities, but not because of that to feel better or superior to others.
- Set goals. It is also important to teach children to work toward concrete, achievable goals, and to feel proud when they achieve them.
- Not giving up. They will not always achieve their goals, so it is important to encourage them to keep trying until they do, to be persistent. If they don't achieve their goals one way, they will achieve it another if they don't give up. In this way they will also learn to deal with the feeling of frustration, and that of overcoming obstacles.
Following this list, let's see some tips for children to grow up confident.
Praising children too much does more harm than good
Praising children for whatever they do is not recommended. This is so because, involuntarily, we are lowering the bar for them, that is, we are sending the message that you do not need to make an effort because everything you do you do well. But Confidence comes from doing, from trying, from failing and from trying again, that is, from practice.
Also, constantly telling him that he is the best, the smartest, the most handsome, the most… everything, is setting him up for an unpleasant surprise in the future. A) Yes the child becomes an egomaniac who thinks that everything he does is the best, and when you discover that this is not the case, it may cause you great self-esteem issues.
Praising them excessively can make them think that they are perfect, or that they always have to be perfect, something impossible. When a child is praised even if he does something wrong, the child knows that he is doing it wrong but still receives applause, and this confuses him. This way learn not to trust your instincts, and that compliments are nothing but lies.
However, praise well used is an important pillar of self-esteem. That is, do not praise anything the child does. If your children are struggling to achieve something, then praising them is normal because they will have earned it. This will strengthen your self-esteem much more than constant praise.
Let your children make decisions to be sure of themselves
Children should not be saved from all the risky situations they face. Children have to make decisions themselves, and learn to take responsibility for them. If parents always take responsibility for their bad decisions, then they do not learn and they will not mind taking risks thinking that their parents will be there to solve their problems.
For example, if your young child wants water and takes a jug or bottle to put a glass on, but it is too big and heavy for him, it is normal for him to pour it in and fill it all with water. In this situation, many parents would rush to get the bottle or jug to avoid disaster. But if the child pours out the water, and then cleans up the mess he has created by his bad decision, learn that when you can't do something, you can ask older people for help.
Encourage your children to complete tasks so that they are confident
To develop their self-esteem, children they need opportunities to show their competence and feel that their help is valuable. Simple things like fixing your room, making the bed, setting the table, etc. are simple tasks of which they can take charge and feel useful. Also, at specific times, you can ask them for help when making food or going to buy bread, and thank them so they know that they have been very helpful.
Encouraging them to take on tasks they show interest in and making sure they complete them is another way to boost their self-esteem. For example, if they are good at sports, encourage them to improve their performance, play a video game, or draw something they like. The goal in this case is that they start something that they like and do not leave it half, so that they feel the satisfaction of reaching a goal.
What to do when children fail
When children's self-esteem plummets for not getting what they want, parents get scared. It is logical to worry thinking that they will lose their self-confidence, but in reality it is an opportunity for children to help develop it. Therefore, do not be alarmed when this happens, it is better to put the following tips into practice.
Make it clear that your love is unconditional
Make your child understand that failing or making mistakes does not detract from it, and what happens to all of us. You may think that by failing at something you are letting your loved ones down, especially if you think they have high expectations for your accomplishments. This will cause you to lose faith in your worth, hence it is important to devalue the failure you feel. The task is to make him see that he has done what he could, and that the results will surely be much better the next time, because he has learned from his mistakes.
It is important for the child to see that more than the result, the important thing is the work you have done to try to achieve your goal, and everything he has learned, And for that, his parents are proud of his effort. This, which in all probability will be true, will make the child see his self-confidence strengthened, and find the strength to keep trying until he achieves his goal.
Make sure your children's goals are realistic
Sometimes children set unrealistic goals and this causes their frustration level to rise alarmingly. Hence the importance of parents being interested in what their children want to achieve. Feeling nurtured and guided by parents will make your confidence strong. Although children take responsibility for their decisions, whether they are successful or not, and all the way to achieving their goals, their parents are always there.
Feeling the support of their parents will strengthen their self-confidence. Therefore, your guide is important. If you see that your children have unrealistic goals, encourage them to think that before achieving what they want, they can achieve small achievements along the way, that bring them closer to what they want so much.