When we think about bullying, we tend to always think from the side of the boys who are bullied. However, very few parents ask the question of "What would I do if I found out that my son was bullying a classmate?"
We are not always as aware as we would like of what our children do or do not do in class and how they relate to their peers. Teachers are sometimes overwhelmed, and this seemingly makes problems less important and masquerading as "childish things." It is more common than it seems that the parents of the bullying child are unaware of what their child is like in class.
How does a parent not realize that their child is a bully?
As parents our duty and responsibility is to detect and correct them, but sometimes it is a complicated task, they do not always make it easy.
Sometimes the bullying does not go beyond intimidating words, which no adult witnesses. Even the harasser may not know that what they are doing is actually harassment, because he thinks that is what he has to do to earn the respect or even the affection and approval of the rest of his classmates.
Unfortunately, what they do are behaviors that reinforce the security and self-esteem of the bully, so his parents see their son, normal, even happy and find no reason to worry. It is also likely that we unconsciously downplay the derogatory comments that our children may have towards their peers., or aggressive behaviors, because sometimes it is hard for us to face reality.
It is very important that we get to know their colleagues and that we talk with them so that we too can learn about the way they interact with their friends. No matter how well they lie, one day we will notice something that is out of the ordinary and we can act so that our child understands that he does not have a correct way of relating.
The most notable behaviors to consider are:
- Aggression towards others.
- Lack of empathy with the weakest or those who are different from him.
- Justification of aggressive behavior with other people, of the type "you deserve it because ...".
- He is vindictive or turns his frustration onto another when he fails to achieve his wishes.
Where to start after discovering it?
Once you have confirmed that your child is really not behaving well with a partner, it is likely that you are a little in shock and do not know exactly what to do. You must remain calm and assess the severity of your child's behavior. It is vitally important that we do not get into a rage and make the situation worse.
The center will help both parties to manage any difference that may exist and that worsens the relationship between colleagues. It is extremely important that all those involved work as a team creating positive synergies so that a good relationship flows between both parties.
In case your child needs it, the center can also advise you on some type of therapy, if it is necessary to control his aggressiveness or lack of empathy. You should not be scared in case they need it, not all children are born the same and not all react the same to stimuli. In case your child has been impaired in his development by any circumstance, the really important thing is to detect it as soon as possible and solve it, that will avoid greater evils.
For prevention, awareness
If you have already detected that your child has made a mistake, you have put means and you have managed to resolve the conflict, congratulations!
Group dynamics exercises are used to teach the importance of working together as equals.
It is possible that your child may feel bad when realizing and becoming aware of the wrong he has done to another partner. The best way to comfort this discomfort is encourage him to make the rest of his classmates aware of the problem of bullying. This will not only help you avoid other cases of bullying, but it will also reaffirm your self-esteem and advance your personal growth, learning that we can all improve as people even if we make mistakes.