The call "awkward age" It's quite stigmatized: it's a stage in which many boys and girls are indiscriminately labeled as immature, rebellious, or irrational. However, it's a normative and expected behavior within its development. It is the reflection of a brain, a body, and an identity in full transformation.
Teenagers are on the path to adulthood and this implies a succession of hormonal, physical, cognitive, social, and emotional changes that will change their lives, even though they themselves often don't know how to manage them. Understanding what lies behind these behaviors is key to supporting them without minimizing what they feel or demonizing this phase. Many parents recognize that this stage usually begins between the ages of 10 and the 13 years and can reach its peak during adolescence, until a maturity that in some cases stabilizes between 16 and the 19 yearsalthough the timeframes can vary greatly from person to person.
Adolescents seek to establish their identity And they need an adult to guide and support them. Hearing that they're "going through puberty" doesn't help them, because trivializes their discomfort and reinforces the idea that everything that happens to them is just silly nonsense.
This stage usually begins around the preadolescence, when the first physical and character changes appear, and continues throughout adolescence until a sufficient degree of emotional and social maturityThe exact timing varies greatly from one boy to another, but it usually extends over several years.
During this period, in their desire to establish their identity, adolescents tend to separate from their parents They rely much more on their peer group. They seek friends who share their tastes, their way of thinking, and their fears. But this doesn't mean they stop needing their family, not at all. Although they may show that they don't need you and that their friendships are the most important thing, the reality is that They still need a secure base at home.clear boundaries and available adults.
Although it cannot be generalized, what is most widespread is that Girls usually mature earlier than boys This applies to their physical abilities and, in many cases, also to how they manage their emotions and relationships. Girls tend to be more reflective and verbal; boys are more impulsive and action-oriented. Understanding these differences helps avoid comparing siblings or friends.
The brain is developing and explains many behaviors
When puberty arrives, boys' and girls' bodies change very rapidly: the secondary sexual characteristicsTheir height increases, their voices change, body hair appears… They become teenagers and their physique begins to resemble that of adults. However, although they may look older on the outside, Inside, his brain is still under construction..
The brain is the last organ to mature and its development continues well into young adulthood: many experts place full maturation around the 24 years approximatelyIn terms of structure and chemistry, the adolescent brain only reaches a part of its final form (in some studies it has been estimated to be around 80% (in certain aspects), so there are still refinement and connection processes that allow for stable self-control and a fully developed capacity for judgment.
Thanks to this rapidly developing brain structure, teenagers can learn with extraordinary speedThey are at a stage of maximum intensity. synaptic plasticityBrain cells communicate with each other by forming new connections (synapses), and when they learn something, these connections are strengthened. At this stage, the proteins and chemicals involved in building learning synapses are especially active.
Therefore, it is possible to acquire during childhood and early adolescence two or three languages with relative ease or develop complex skills (instruments, sports, programming, etc.) in less time than an adult. A teenager is not as efficient as a young child in certain basic learning, but It clearly surpasses adults in speed at absorbing and processing new information..
The paradox is that, while they have an enormous capacity to learn, connections between different areas of the brain (especially between the emotional areas and the prefrontal cortex) are still consolidating. That's why they can exhibit behaviors that from the outside seem incoherent or unpredictableThey know what they “should” do, but they struggle to translate it into consistent actions.
The frontal lobes are still developingThey are responsible for functions such as planning, judgment, impulse control, empathy, and the ability to put themselves in another person's shoes. It is precisely in these areas that many teenagers show the most difficulty: they struggle to anticipate consequences, assess risks, curb impulses, or consider how the other person feels.
Furthermore, at this stage the areas of the brain linked to the quick reward search They are activated very intensely. Dopamine spikes when experiencing new sensations, different relationships, or risky activities are higher than in childhood or adulthood. This makes them feel very attracted by the noveltyeven when it involves obvious risks for an adult.
All this does not mean that they “cannot” control themselves, but rather that they need more. training, support, and consistent boundaries from the outside to learn to self-regulate.
Physical, emotional, and social changes during adolescence
For the teenager himself, the relatively sudden physical changes in his body represent a contrast difficult to reconcileThe new appearance can generate pride, but also shame or insecurity. They tend to believe they are now mature and "know everything," and this influences their behavior.
Very diverse behaviors arise that depend on the personality, education received and also about sex. Many girls are torn between the need to please and the desire for independence; they tend to be more sentimental and have a higher level of idealism. Boys, in general, They mature a little later and they tend to be more dominant or defiant towards authority.
The group of friends takes on a central role. A very group-oriented attitudeThey need to fit in, to feel they belong, that they are accepted. The group strengthens their ego and becomes a mirror in which they see themselves to build their identity. At the same time, they depend more on the opinions of their friends than on those of their parents, which can lead to family tensions when they seek freedom and the limits clash with their desires.
The interest in sexualityThe first intense attractions appear, crushes, curiosity about one's own and others' bodies. This is not alarming, but rather part of healthy development, provided there is a clear, respectful and preventative sex education and openly discuss topics such as consent, equal relationships, and contraceptive methods.
Bad habits, consumption and IQ in adolescence
Drugs and alcohol can have a especially serious impact in the adolescent brain. During these years, neural networks are still consolidating, so exposure to certain substances can alter key maturation processes and increase the risk of future addictions.
During adolescence, the intelligence quotient (IQ) is more plastic than was thought years ago. It can fluctuate upwards or downwards depending on factors such as the familiar surroundings, the Cognitive stimulationsleep quality, chronic stress levels, and, of course, substance use. Some studies have observed noticeable changes in cognitive indices among 13 and the 17 years, periods that are especially sensitive for the consolidation of academic capabilities.
Ongoing stress is also a problem, because teenagers don't yet handle difficult situations as effectively as adults. If they don't have coping strategies When these coping mechanisms are inadequate, children may resort to unhealthy escapes (excessive screen time, isolation, substance abuse, risky behaviors, etc.). Providing support, teaching them how to ask for help, and validating their feelings are essential to reducing this stress.
Multitasking, screens and sleep: a delicate cocktail
Teenagers live surrounded by stimuli: social networks, video games, instant messaging, videos, music… The call multitask (Multitasking with different screens) creates sensory overload that can hinder your ability to concentrate and remember informationThey have more difficulty maintaining sustained attention, constantly switch tasks, and feel overwhelmed.
Excessive and inappropriate use of screens has been linked to sleep problems, increased anxiety, academic difficulties and increased irritability. At this stage it is especially important to mark clear usage time limitsAvoid using devices in the bedroom at night and encourage alternative leisure activities: sports, reading, music, board games, volunteering, etc.
Sleep is essential for learning, memory, and emotional regulation in teenagers. However, many don't get the sleep they need. If a teenager goes to bed late or wakes up late in the morning, it's not necessarily laziness: your biological clock has changedAt this stage, the hormone melatonin is released later than in childhood; practically speaking, while in many adults melatonin increases towards the 8:30 PMIn adolescents, this release can be delayed until around age 10. 11 pmThat's why they have trouble falling asleep early.
They generally need some 8 or 9 hours of sleep daily For healthy brain development. Forcing them to get up very early for school is, biologically, equivalent to an adult having to get up in the middle of the night: for example, a teenager getting up at 6 am It can be comparable to an adult having to wake up at 3 amInsufficient rest is associated with low mood, worse academic performance, impulsivity, and greater vulnerability to stress.
Screens at night aggravate this problem: the blue light from devices further delays the production of melatonin, and the content they consume (videos, chats, games) overstimulates the brain when it should start to relax.
Key psychological and social aspects of adolescence
On a psychological level, adolescence is characterized by intense and rapid mood swingsThey can go from euphoria to sadness or anger in a matter of minutes. This is related to the combination of hormonal fluctuationshigh emotional reactivity and an still immature prefrontal brain.
Self-esteem plays a central role. The way adolescents perceive themselves (their body, their abilities, their worth as a person) largely determines their future. way of acting and relatingPhysical changes, acne, weight, height, or any trait they consider "different" can generate insecurity and self-criticism.
In stressful situations, self-esteem tends to decrease, causing the entire environment to be perceived as a threat or a constant source of judgment. At this stage, parents and educators have a responsibility to strengthen self-esteem Without labeling children. It's not the same to say "you're bad" as "what you did wasn't right." Behaviors should be questioned, not the person's identity.
From a social point of view, the circle of friends is fundamental to their development and realizationIt's the space where they try out roles, test boundaries, explore attraction to others, and develop their understanding of friendship, love, and loyalty. If they feel insecure about their appearance or personality, the support of friends who accept them as they are helps them manage those fears.
At the same time, the adolescent brain is very sensitive to possible slightsA joke, a comment on social media, or a glance can be interpreted as rejection and trigger significant social anxiety. This explains why they are so concerned about the approval of their peers and, at times, so sensitive.
How to connect with your child during adolescence
Parents' attitude at this stage can make a big difference. It's not about becoming their children's "friends," but about adopting the role of Parental guidance: people with serene authority, listening skills and a willingness to accompany without intruding.
- La confidence. It must be won by both parties.
- Negotiate and set limits clear and coherent.
- The alternatives They can be your best ally in avoiding unnecessary arguments.
- Your child's attention to you is based on the confidence that you have.
- Establish a open communication so that he knows he can count on you.
- Spend quality time with your children, without screens in between.
- Do activities together that you both find enjoyable.
- Give them space and responsibilities appropriate for their age.
- Choose your words carefully: even the best intentions can be misinterpreted if you use a inappropriate tone.
- Take a genuine interest in everything your child wants to explain or tell you.
- Learn to listen effectivelywithout interrupting or minimizing.
- Control your ira and avoid insults.
- Be the best example It's possible: they observe more than it seems.
- Learn to be flexible already giving in on what is not essential.
- Listen to their opinion and value iteven if you later make a different decision.
In addition, it is advisable to:
Working on strengthening self-esteemhighlighting their talents and efforts more than just the results. Promoting activities of healthy leisure (sports, cultural groups, community projects) where they learn to work as a team and follow rules. Allow them to make mistakes in manageable matters so they learn to repair them and find their own way of being without their parents solving everything for them.
In communicating about sensitive topics such as alcohol, tobacco, drugs or sexualityIt's better to create spaces for frequent dialogue than to limit oneself to a single conversation. Talk about moderation, self-control, respect for one's own body and the bodies of others, and teach them to recognize peer pressure that puts them at risk.
The key is to combine patience, firm boundaries, warmth, and a sense of humorYour teenage children need you, even though it may sometimes seem otherwise. They need your guidance and support, but also your respect for their privacy and the changes they are experiencing.
It is advisable to avoid the global accusations, value judgments, and hurtful wordsEmpathy and assertiveness should be the foundation of your communication: expressing what you think and feel without attacking, and listening to what they think and feel even if you disagree.
The "awkward age" is an intense but temporary transition. If you understand what's happening in their body and mind, adjust your expectations, and position yourself as a supportive adult, this stage can become a valuable opportunity for growth. strengthen the bond and lay the foundations for a healthy relationship when adulthood arrives.