A disobedient child can bond with your family too conflictive to resolve. It can become that spiral where it is not neutralized and can create large discrepancies. The situation is not limited to looking for culprits, this behavior is part of the interaction or behavior of both parties, and for this to happen something is not being done well.
We know that not all parents are born with a manual under our arms to take care of our children in the correct way. We always use magical ways that they are not effective, they are only momentary. But the day to day, perseverance and dialogue make it a correct education, and that helps greatly.
Why don't my children listen to me?
An overly permissive education? We do not know if it will be within this modality. What we do know is that the reasons can be many and all together form one that includes education capacity parental.
If we are constantly giving orders to our children, perhaps they will feel too overwhelmed. If when we want to execute an order and we complement it with twenty more, surely the child will not have the capacity to collect all the data and that will exceed the child's capacity. Is better reduce request with keywords that you want me to remember and doing it with a funny, but firm request, that it shows that there is respect and love.
Many children by not receiving a fight or punishment in conditions, they know that their life goes on and so on they disobey on demand. The example is: they do not obey, they do not receive punishment and thus they escape and can continue with what they were doing.
On the other hand, some children just They are trying to get the attention of their parents. At the moment they refuse, they are already demanding attention, the parents stop doing what they were doing to focus only on the child. It is proven that this is how they receive that small "prize" on a whim.
How to correct their behavior
Before giving an order to a child it is important to think what kind of order is going to be given and in what way. Most of the time we are giving orders too harsh, that are not fulfilled and that have no consequence. Or they are orders that are too soft and that do not make sense. In either case, the child must note that there is no way to negotiate, that the unfulfilled order has a strict consequence.
The order must go firmly, be sure that the child is listening to you and understands you. You have to order safely, get serious, but not scaring or screaming. If the child answers with a refusal, the order must be offered again, with total tranquility and without threatening.
If the third refusal continues without "paying attention" then it will be necessary act with the consequences. Do not pay much attention to their refusal, do not blame what is happening, do not give it much importance. Children are often what they want, to be part of this behavior. The punishment or the warning must be firm, without paying much attention to what has happened.
If instead the child has obeyed we will praise him. In this way we are paying attention to his good behavior, and not in the opposite way, when he did not obey. This information is important so that the child realizes that this is how attention is paid to him, and that in the end it has good consequences.
However, it always works very well good communication between parents and children. Always use empathy, that's what your children are for, you have to treat them as they deserve. Having respect, they will also be able to respond in the same way. If they give you a negative, listen to them, ask for their opinion on why they do not want to do it and we will take a better look at the situation. If you are not able to impose a punishment, you can negotiate the order by giving them other alternatives, the case is that he ends up doing what you have imposed on him.