4-year-olds have a great ability to increase their vocabulary, they are like little sponges that repeat everything they hear. But just as they learn new vocabulary, they also learn bad words and often use them when they are frustrated, angry, disappointed or indifferent, without knowing what they mean ... But when adults listen to them, they imitate these words in similar contexts.
When 4-year-olds increase their vocabulary it is very important to them, but when they use bad words, how should you deal with that? There are parents who ignore them, others who use the consequences taking away privileges, others explain that they are words that should not be said because they are ugly ... But on many occasions and due to the immaturity of children at this age, the behavior with bad words continues, so it may seem somewhat hurtful and disrespectful.
4-year-olds are tough
Four-year-olds are notoriously difficult. In terms of development, they are at a crossroads. Her language skills, as well as her ability to communicate her needs and wants, are exploding to the full. They can pay attention to multiple instructions and understand them. Their motor skills allow them to move around the world more easily and this can make you have to put a thousand eyes to avoid dangers (that they do not see).
With these increased language skills, we began to see four-year-olds go from tantrums and physical violence to name calling and loud calls for attention. Why? Because a child gets frustrated when something doesn't work or doesn't go the way they want. Not getting a sweet before dinner is a great example. Your child doesn't have the maturity to understand that sugar before dinner is unhealthy. When someone experiences frustration, two options arise: change what is frustrating or accept it and adapt. This for a 4 year old is extremely difficult.
Express your discomfort in words
When 4-year-olds use bad language to get your attention, it is because their anger is at its peak. A child, being young and immature, can use an insult to express his anger and to push your patience to the limit. It is the same as when you say 'no' to a two-year-old who hits another or takes a toy ... He will cry and scream because it is the only way he can express his anger.
If your child tells you that he hates you, it may hurt, but remember that he does not know what those words mean and he is not feeling what he is saying. You are likely to be a little shocked, or when he tells you that you are a bad person for not fulfilling his wishes. Look at it like this: you are preparing for your teenage years.
Don't take it personally
No, don't take it personally because it isn't. Your 4-year-old is learning to express his emotions and channel the most intense feelings, but he needs you to be able to understand what he is feeling and to be able to put the right words to his emotions. Also, if there are things that need to be fixed to make them feel better, then you should help them find the best solutions to the situation.
The good news is that there are steps you can take to reduce these problems and that when your 4-year-old uses bad language, You can help him find the best ones and also, he can understand what emotion he is feeling. So when you understand what is happening to you, you will not have the need to use verbal aggression.
What to do if your child says bad words
Do not fall in the trap
When your child calls you by a name or insults you, he thinks that you are witnessing an explosion of frustration and you are using too rational thinking ... Using punishment or bribes will increase your child's frustration and the problem will escalate. What you should do is hold the situation without trying to increase the frustration of your little one ... One way to do this is to ignore that word and help your child manage those intense emotions.
You need to manage your emotions
If you fall into the trap of getting angry because your child is using bad language, or you punish him for doing it, you will only increase his frustration because he does not understand why he feels this way and he will only see that you are not understanding him. For example, You can tell your child that you will not go to the park because of some behavior he has had, but not because of the words used to express his anger. Help him name those feelings and find solutions together.
Reduce their frustration whenever possible
Reducing the frustration of children does not mean that you should not have certain degrees of frustration in your daily life. Frustration is important for a balanced development of children, small doses of frustration will help them find solutions to their problems and gain confidence in themselves.
When you can anticipate the needs of your children and know what they want before they ask, you will feel more relaxed but also more empowered in the face of their possible frustration. But never give in to his demands when he is in a tantrum because then he will learn that a tantrum is necessary to get what he wants.
Good frustration is the best path to resilience
Little frustrations and the search for solutions can help children to be able to accept the failures or obstacles of life and also to fight against them. As you continue to maintain limits and rules at home, your 4-year-old will continue to 'pull the string' with your behaviors and words, but staying firm (from a positive discipline) will help you continue on the path of resilience, essential for success in your future.
Mutual respect in the parent-child relationship is very important so that children feel understood and safe at all times.