Ukuphathwa gadalala ngokwasengqondweni ebantwaneni

Amabali abaBomi, abantwana abasele bekhulile ngoku kwaye abanye sele bengabazali kwaye basixelela malunga nokuhlukumezeka kwabo kunye nokuphathwa gadalala ngokwasengqondweni okwenziwe ngabazali babo okanye izihlobo zabo. Masingenzi iimpazamo ezifanayo nabazali bethu abazenzayo nathi, masifunde kubo!

Bade baqhawula umtshato, Abazali bakaNadia Babenomkhwa wokujika abantwana babo babhekane omnye komnye besebenzisa ubundlobongela bangaphantsi komhlaba. Umama, ungcono kunaye nabani na, wasebenzisa amabinzana anentsingiselo kunye ne-innuendo. Ngokuhlaselwa ngokungangqalanga washiya umkhondo oyityhefu kwimemori yabantwana bakhe ».

Ibali likaNadia lelinye lamatyala apho ingcali yamaFrentshi yamaxhoba, uMarie-France Hirigoyen, abonisa kwincwadi yakhe ethi El harassment moral (Paidós yoHlelo) ubundlobongela obenziwa ngabanye abazali ebantwaneni babo.

Kule ngcali ibalulekileyo, “izenzo ezincinane ezingendawo zixhaphake mihla le kangangokuba zibonakala ziqhelekile. Baqala ngokungahloniphi, ukuxoka, okanye ukukhohlisa. Ke, ukuba iqela lezentlalo aliphenduli, ezi zinto ziguquka ngokuthe ngcembe zibe kukuziphatha okuyinyani okuneziphumo ezibi kwimpilo yengqondo yexhoba. Nje ukuba lusekwe kusapho, ubundlobongela benza izixhobo zomlilo ekunzima ukuzinqanda, njengoko zihlala zigqithiselwa kwizizukulwana ngezizukulwana. Silapha kwirejista yokuxhatshazwa ngokwasemphefumlweni, edla ngokuphepha ukubekwa esweni kwesangqa sabahlobo abasondeleyo kwaye oko kubangela ukuphazamiseka okungakumbi nangakumbi ”.

Isivumelwano seHlabathi samaLungelo oMntwana sichaza ukuphathwa gadalala kwabantwana ngokwasengqondweni ngolu hlobo lulandelayo:

1. Ubundlobongela ngamazwi.
2. Ukuziphatha okubi kunye nokudelela.
3. Ukuchaswa okuchaphazelekayo.
4. Iimfuno ezigqithileyo nezingalinganiyo ngokunxulumene nobudala bomntwana.
5. Izilogeni eziphikisayo okanye ezingenakwenzeka zemfundo.

Ukuphathwa gadalala ngokwengqondo kunokuthatha iindlela ezininzi ezahlukeneyo. Ngamanye amaxesha kufihlwa njengemfundo. Ngokwesazi ngengqondo u-Alice Miller, "amaxesha amaninzi imfundo yesiNtu ineenjongo zokophula umyolelo womntwana ukuze awuguqule ube ngumntu othobekileyo nothobelayo" (Ukulungelwa kwakho, iiNdaba zoHlelo). "Kwezi meko, abantwana baye bangakwazi ukusabela ngenxa yokuba amandla amakhulu negunya labantu abadala liyabathulisa kwaye linokubangela ukuba baphulukane nengqondo," ubhala watsho ugxa wakhe, uS. Ferenczi ).

Ubundlobongela obungangqalanga

Ngokuka-Hirigoyen, "Obu bundlobongela bungangqalanga kwaye buchaphazele abantwana kuphela ngokubuyela umva okanye ukutshiza, okanye bujolise ngqo emntwaneni osuswayo. Kwimeko yobundlobongela obungathanga ngqo, oku kuhlala kusisiphumo sempixano yobudlelwane ethi iphele ichaphazela abantwana. "La ngamaxhoba kuba akhona kwaye ngenxa yokuba ayala ukuza kude nomzali ohlaselwayo," ucacisa uHirigoyen. Bafumana uhlaselo njengabantwana bexhoba. Njengamangqina kwimpikiswano bafumana bonke ububi obubandakanyekayo. Njengokuba oku kwakungonelanga, kumaxa amaninzi iqabane elihlaselweyo elingakwaziyo ukujika ubundlongondlongo kulowo umhlaselayo lenza njalo ebantwaneni. Oku kunokwenzeka kuba abantwana bahlala bexolela abo babathandayo, unyamezelo lwabo alunamida, utshilo uHirigoyen. Ukujongana nokukhuthazeka ngokusisigxina komnye wabazali ngokuchasene nomnye, abantwana abanandlela yimbi ngaphandle kokuzihlukanisa, ngenxa yoko belahlekelwe nangayiphi na indlela yokuzikhethela okanye ukucinga kwabo. Oku kusokola okuthathwa ngabantwana kuya kubakhapha kwaye kuya kuthi kamva kubekelwe bucala kwezinye iindawo, kwabanye abantu.

Ubundlobongela ngqo

Ngokungafaniyo nobundlobongela obungathanga ngqo, xa ukuxhatshazwa ngokwasengqondweni kuqhubeka nobundlobongela ngqo, luphawu lokulahlwa okanye ukungazi nto ngomnye wabazali bakhe. «Utata okanye umama uzithethelela ngokuchaza ukuba wenza izinto ezilungileyo zomntwana, ngenjongo yemfundo kodwa, enyanisweni, loo mntwana uyamkhathaza kwaye kufuneka amtshabalalise ngaphakathi ukuze azikhusele. Lixhoba kuphela elinokuliqonda, kodwa intshabalalo iyinyani. Umntwana akonwabanga, kodwa akananto anokukhalaza ngayo. Ukuba uyakhalaza, ukhalaza ngezimbo zomzimba okanye amagama angcolileyo, ”ucacisa watsho uHirigoyen.

Kumntu asebenza naye uBernard Lempert, “ukukhathazeka yinkqubo yokutshabalalisa ethi, kwiintsapho ezithile, ibethe umntana kwaye ifuna ukumbona esifa; Ayikuko ukungabikho kothando okulula, bubundlobongela obuhlala buhleli bokuba umntwana angabandezeleki kuphela, kodwa abe ngaphakathi. Ixhoba liphela lithatha indawo kubundlobongela obuqhutywa kuye ngokuziphatha okuzilimazayo ”(Desamor, Seuil).

UHirigoyen uthi: "Abantwana abangamaxhoba obundlongondlongo baphethe i-nusus yengqondo efileyo." Yonke into abangayisebenzisiyo ebuntwaneni iphinde iveliswe ebudaleni ngokwenza izinto eziqhubekayo.

Yenza ngokufanelekileyo

Yintoni enokwenziwa ukubuyisa imeko yobundlobongela bengqondo obuwela emntwaneni? KuHirigoyen, liqabane elihlaselwayo okanye elijonga ubundlongondlongo ngokuchasene nomntwana wabo ekufuneka ethathe amanyathelo ngalo mbandela.

Kuya kufuneka uchonge inkqubo egqwethekileyo, equka ukumenza (yena okanye umntwana) athwale lonke uxanduva kwimbambano yomtshato okanye yosapho. Emva koko kuya kufuneka uhlalutye ingxaki ngokungakhathali, ushiya bucala umbuzo wetyala. Ukwenza oku, kuya kufuneka ushiye umbono wakho wokunyamezelana ngokupheleleyo kwaye uqaphele ukuba nabani na othanda, okanye othande, unengxaki yobuntu enokuba yingozi. Oomama (okanye ootata) kufuneka bafunde ukuqaphela abantu, ngokungqalileyo okanye ngokungathanga ngqo, abayingozi kubantwana babo. ”Kwaye wenze ngokufanelekileyo. Ngamanye amaxesha iingxaki zinokusonjululwa ngongenelelo lobulungisa, utshilo.

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