Umntwana ongathobeliyo uyakwazi ukunxulumana nosapho lwakho ingxabano ukusombulula. Inokuba yi-spiral apho ingathathi hlangothi kwaye inokudala iyantlukwano enkulu. Imeko ayiphelelanga ekujongeni abagwenxa, lo kuziphatha kuyinxalenye yentsebenziswano okanye ukuziphatha kwawo omabini amaqela, yaye ukuze kwenzeke oku kukho into engenziwanga kakuhle.
Siyazi ukuba asingabo bonke abazali abazalwa benomyalelo phantsi kweengalo zethu ukunyamekela abantwana bethu ngendlela echanekileyo. Sisoloko sisebenzisa iindlela zomlingo ukuba azisebenzi, zezomzuzwana nje. Kodwa imihla ngemihla, ukuzingisa kunye nencoko iyayenza imfundo echanekileyo, kwaye oko kunceda kakhulu.
Kutheni abantwana bam bengandiva?
Ngaba yimfundo yovula-zibhuqe? Asazi ukuba iya kuba ngaphakathi kolu hlobo. Into esiyaziyo kukuba izizathu zinokuba zininzi kwaye zonke zidibene zenza enye ebandakanya amandla emfundo yabazali.
Ukuba sihlala sihleli ukunika imiyalelo kubantwana bethu, mhlawumbi baya kuziva bonganyelwe kakhulu. Ukuba xa sifuna ukwenza umyalelo kwaye sincedisana namashumi amabini ngaphezulu, ngokuqinisekileyo umntwana akayi kuba namandla okuqokelela yonke idatha kwaye oko kuya kudlula umthamo womntwana. Ingcono ukunciphisa isicelo ngamagama angundoqo ukuba ufuna ukuba ndikhumbule kwaye ndiyenze ngesicelo esihlekisayo, kodwa esiqinileyo, esibonisa ukuba kukho intlonipho nothando.
Abantwana abaninzi ngokungafumani umlo okanye isohlwayo kwiimeko, bayazi ukuba ubomi babo buyaqhubeka njalo njalo abathobeli ngokwenyanzeliso. Umzekelo ngulo: abathobeli, abasifumani isohlwayo kwaye ngaloo ndlela bayabaleka baze baqhubeke naloo nto babeyenza.
Kwelinye icala, abanye abantwana nje Bazama ukufumana ingqalelo yabazali babo. Okwangoku benqaba, sele befuna ukuhoywa, abazali bayayeka ukwenza oko bebekwenza ukugxila emntwaneni kuphela. Kungqiniwe ukuba le yindlela abafumana ngayo "ibhaso" elincinci ngokukhawuleza.
Indlela yokulungisa ukuziphatha kwabo
Ngaphambi kokunika umyalelo kumntwana kubalulekile ukucinga luhlobo luni lomyalelo oza kunikwa kwaye ngayiphi indlela. Amaxesha amaninzi sinjalo ukunika imiyalelo eqatha kakhulu, ezingazalisekanga nezingenasiphumo. Okanye ziiodolo ezithambileyo nezingavakaliyo. Kuzo zombini ezi meko, umntwana makayiqaphele loo nto akukho ndlela yokuxoxisana, ukuba umyalelo ongazalisekiswayo unesiphumo esingqongqo.
Umyalelo kufuneka uhambe ngokuqinileyo, qiniseka ukuba umntwana uyakuphulaphula yaye uyakuqonda. Kuya kufuneka u-odole ngokukhuselekileyo, ufumane nzulu, kodwa ungoyiki okanye ukhwaze. Ukuba umntwana uphendula ngokwala, umyalelo kufuneka unikezelwe kwakhona, nge ukuzola ngokupheleleyo kwaye ngaphandle kokusongela.
Ukuba ukwala okwesithathu kuqhubeka ngaphandle "kokubeka ingqalelo" ngoko kuya kufuneka yenza neziphumo. Musa ukunyamekela kakhulu ukwala kwabo, musa ukugxeka oko kwenzekayo, musani ukubaluleka kakhulu. Abantwana badla ngokuba yilento bayifunayo, ukuba yinxalenye yale ndlela yokuziphatha. Isohlwayo okanye isilumkiso kufuneka siqine, ngaphandle kokunikela ingqalelo kakhulu koko kwenzekileyo.
Ukuba ngokuchaseneyo umntwana uye wathobela siya kumdumisa. Ngaloo ndlela sinikela ingqalelo kwihambo yakhe entle, kungekhona ngendlela echaseneyo, xa engazange athobele. Olu lwazi lubalulekile ukuze umntwana aqonde ukuba yile ndlela ingqalelo ehlawulwa ngayo kuye, kwaye oko ekugqibeleni kuba nemiphumo emihle.
Nangona kunjalo, ihlala isebenza kakuhle kakhulu unxibelelwano oluhle phakathi kwabazali nabantwana. Ngalo lonke ixesha sebenzisa uvelwano, yiloo nto bayiyo abantwana bakho, kufuneka ubaphathe ngendlela ebafaneleyo. Ukuba ntlonipho, nabo baya kukwazi ukuphendula ngendlela efanayo. Ukuba bakunika i-negative, bamamele, cela uluvo lwabo ngesizathu sokuba bengafuni ukukwenza oko yaye siya kuyiqwalasela kakuhle le meko. Ukuba awukwazi ukubeka isohlwayo, unokuxoxisana nomyalelo ngokubanika ezinye iindlela ezizezinye, ityala kukuba ugqiba ukwenza oko umbeke kuye.