Ukuthetha ngokuzibulala nabantwana: ungaxoki kwaye wamkela iimvakalelo zabo

Si bien ya habíamos hablado en Madres Hoy acerca de cómo Ukudlulisela kubantwana ukusweleka kothandekayo kwaye sihamba nabo kwi-duel, siyakholelwa ukuba Ukuchaza ukuzibulala kufumana enye intsingiselo, ngenxa yeempembelelo ezinamandla neziphikisanayo oko kubangela kwizihlobo zokuzibulala. Mhlawumbi ucinga ukuba kuninzi, kodwa uyazi ukuba bangaphi abantu abazibulalayo kwilizwe lethu minyaka le? Malunga ne-4000, kunjalo ke ngumntu obalulekileyo (ndiyacacisa ukuba nam ndingachukumiseka ukuba bebesiqingatha). Njengoko usazi, sisizathu sokuqala sokufa okungaqhelekanga (okanye kwangaphandle) owesibini phakathi kolutsha. Ngaba iinwele zakho azimeli?

Kwaye uluntu lwenza ntoni phambi koku, esele ithathwa njengengxaki yezempilo yoluntu? Ewe, uyayifihla, okanye ayenze ngathi "yingozi", ade abonise ukuba unetyala (yokubandezeleka okubangela kwabanye) kwabafileyo. Kuvakala ngathi kukuhlekisa, kodwa yinto engaphezulu yokuhlekisa. Ndiyakuxelela: kukho ithiyori, ekuthi ngayo "ukuthetha ngokuzibulala" kubangela isiphumo esosulelayo, nangona kunjalo inentsomi, kuba iswele isiseko sesayensi. Eyona mpendulo isengqiqweni ekunikezelweni yile ichanekileyo ngokwembono yeengcali zempilo yengqondo; oko kukuthi: ukuthetha malunga nale nto kunye nokuyilwa kwamaphulo othintelo (ngokukhululekileyo, kodwa nangaphandle koloyikiso); ibonakala njengesona sisombululo sisiso ukuba sifuna ukuthintela amanani anyuke, nokuba sifuna ukujongana nawo.

Umzekelo, izindululo ezithile eziqinisekisiweyo zamazwe aphesheya zinokusetyenziswa ukuze ulwazi malunga nokusweleka lungaveli kumaqweqwe, ayizukuchaneka ukubonisa iifoto okanye ukongeza iinkcukacha ezoyikisayo. Kwilizwe lethu, kuhlala ngaphezulu kweprofayili yokuzibulala: eyindoda phakathi kweminyaka engama-50 ukuya kwengama-60 ubudala (ukuhlala yedwa kwaye ngaphandle kwenkxaso), ulutsha (ngenxa yoko usokola ukuxhatshazwa, isazisi esingacingelwanga, ukusetyenziswa kweziyobisi, ukubethwa gadalala ngokwesondo kwabantwana), kunye nabenzi bokubulala ngokwesini. Ayithethi ukuba abantu abanezinye iimpawu abazibulali, kananjalo ukuba bonke abo banokufana kwezi nkcazo zikhankanyiweyo ngaphambili bayila ukuzibulala ...

Njengoko bendikhe ndacinga ngasentla, injongo yam namhlanje kukugxila ekunxibelelaneni kwabancinci malunga nokuzibulala (ngokubanzi kwaye ngakumbi kwenzeka kwindawo yabo). Ndiphefumlelwe yile nqaku ngu IWashington Post, kwaye ndisebenzise imithombo yolwazi emininzi, phakathi kwayo ndibalaselisa Isebe likaRhulumente wamaVeterans (eUnited States).

Ukuthetha ngokuzibulala nabantwana: ungaxoki kwaye wamkela iimvakalelo zabo

Ukuthetha ngokuzibulala nabantwana: ngaphandle kobuxoki nokwamkela iimvakalelo zabo.

Nokuba intombazana okanye inkwenkwe ilahlekelwe sisihlobo ngenxa yesi sizathu, Abazukuhlupheka kancinci ukuba isiganeko esenzekileyo sihonjisiwe, sifihliwe okanye senziwe ngokutsha ukwenzela ukuba bangabinampembelelo yeemvakalelo kwiziphumo ezingalindelekanga. Ukongeza, xa sithetha nabo, kuyakuthatha isigqibo sokuba babalwa ekuthatheni inxaxheba kwabo (uyafuna ukuba kulo msitho? Ngaba uyafuna ukuya emangcwabeni?); Yigcine engqondweni into yokuba amasiko esitsho ngawo kwabafileyo awangafaneleki. Endaweni yoko banokukhetha ukubhala ileta, bazobe okanye ukuhlala ekhaya uhleli esofeni kwaye ugone umntu oxhasayo.

Phambi kokuba ndiqhubeke ndingathanda ukucacisa ukuba ungacela ukuhambelana okanye ingcebiso yesayikholojisti, enokusikhokela kwinkqubo yokunxibelelana nokukhathalela abantwana.

Ayilotyala lomntu.

Ndiyakholelwa ukuba ukuzibulala kuyasilela kuluntu, kodwa ndiyayilahla imbono yokuba abantu ababandakanyekayo (ukuzibulala kunye nabahlobo babo okanye usapho) banokuba netyala. kwaye yeyona mvakalelo banokuba nayo abantwana. Nangona banokuziva belahliwe, benomsindo, bedidekile, okanye bengazithembanga.

Kwelinye icala, ngaphandle kobudlelwane ababenabo nomntu ongasekhoyo, Into esengqiqweni iya kuba kukuvumela abantwana ukuba bachaze intlungu yabo nangona benqwenelaNokuba ngamaxesha anzima anje ngomsitho, okanye imibuzo evela kwabanye abantu, bayathula. Siya kuba nembeko kakhulu, kodwa akufuneki simangaliswe kukuba bagcine inqanaba eliphantsi lokuqwalaselwa, kuba nje bengabantwana kwaye bekhula.

Sele nditshilo ukuba kufanelekile ukuba singathethi phandle kwaye samkele: thetha ngokuthe ngqo nangokuphandle iya kubathintela ekufumaneni kwabanye abantu kwaye bazive belityelwe. Ngubani owazi umntwana ngcono ngutata wakhe, umama wakhe, usapho lonke (abantakwethu abadala, oomalume, ...), kunye nomntu ophetheyo ukuxela okwenzekileyo kufanele ukuba ibe kwinqanaba elilindelekileyo kwaye icaciswe kakuhle kuthathelwa ingqalelo iminyaka yobudala, kunye nokukwazi ukuqonda. Umzekelo, phambi kobudala beminyaka emi-6, abantwana bahlala bengazi ukuba ukufa akunakuguqulwa, kwaye ngaphambi kobudala obuyi-9/10, kusenokwenzeka ukuba abanakukwazi ukuphatha umba wokuzibulala.

Kubaluleke kakhulu ukunyaniseka ngento esasazwayo, nakwiimpendulo ezinikiweyo: umzekelo, zikhona iindlela zokufa, kwaye ilungu losapho abalahlekelwe kulo ayingomntu ombi ngokuthatha ubomi babo; okanye: Ukuzibulala kuyinyani enxulumene nentando yokufa, kodwa okubulala kukwenzakala. Banokuba bebancinci kakhulu ukuba bangabuza ngezizathu zokuzibulala (ngasemva kweziganeko ezininzi zolu hlobo kukho ukuxinezeleka), Ngaphandle koko, siya kuba nakho ukuphatha yonke into ngakumbi, kwaye ngekhe kulunge kumntu ongasekhoyo..


Akukho mfuneko yokugqithisa ngeenkcukacha ezingafunekiyo, kwaye kungaphantsi kakhulu ukuba zibandakanya iingxaki zobudlelwane nesihlobo kunye nabanye abasondeleyo okanye ababaziyo

Ukuthetha ngokuzibulala nabantwana: ungaxoki kwaye wamkela iimvakalelo zabo

Ukuzibulala ayisiyonto intle, kodwa idrama.

Ndiyazi ukuba isihlokwana asiqhelekanga, ndiyamangaliswa. Inyani yile yokuba ngokufunda inqaku kwi-WP ndiyifumene loo nto Ngokuqinisekileyo xa usaziwayo ezibulala, amajelo eendaba "ayiphakamisa" ukuya kwinqanaba lokuphulukana noMntla, kwaye izinto azinjalo: abanatyala kwinto eyenzekileyo, kodwa nabangabaphikisi abangaphezulu kwesigqubuthelo (ndicinga ukuba ngekhe bayifuna ngoluhlobo). Oku kusenokwenzeka ukuba kunike abantwana umbono ongalunganga. Kwelinye icala, xa umntu osondeleyo kuwe esweleka, unemibuzo emininzi kwaye uziva unxunguphalo, ngenxa yoko kufanelekile ukubakho.

Utshintsho ekuziphatheni, imikhwa, iimvakalelo ezididekileyo ... ziya kuba zeziqhelekileyo, kodwa ndiyanyanzelisa: akukho mntu waziyo ukuba imbonakalo yahlukile okanye iyakhathaza, ngaphezulu komntu omdala ohamba neduo. Ukuphulaphula, ukwamkeleka ngokweemvakalelo nothando ziya kuba zezona zixhobo zethu zibalaseleyo. Kwaye ke ndicinga ukuba kuya kuba yimfuneko ukuba neengcebiso zobungcali, ubuncinci ukubonelela ngezikhokelo.


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