Ungenza ntoni ukuba umntwana wam akafuni ukohlukana nam

Xa unyana akafuni ukwahlukana nomama okanye uyise Ngokuqinisekileyo kungenxa yokuba baziva bexhomekeke ngokweemvakalelo, into engeyiyo kwaphela xa bebancinci. Ngenxa yesi sizathu, xa abantwana befanele bashiywe kwindawo yokunyamekela abantwana okokuqala, abazali nabantwana baba nobunzima obunjalo, kuba umntwana akafuni ukwahlukana nabazali bakhe.

Ukuba ungumama, uya kwazi ukuba iqhina lothando elikhoyo phakathi kukamama nosana alomelele nje kuphela kodwa phantse alinakutshatyalaliswa. Ukuba ngomnyaka wokuqala wobomi uye waba nguyena ojongene nokunyamekela umntwana wakho ngamaxesha onke (kunye neqabane lakho, ngokuqinisekileyo), ngoko uya kukwazi ukuba le ntambo iya kuqiniswa ngakumbi. Kodwa xa iinyanga zokuqala zobomi ziphelile, abantwana banokuziva bexhalabile xa behlukene nonina. Emva koko, Ndithini xa unyana wam engafuni ukwahlukana nam?

Ootata ixesha, lonke ixesha

Kukho abantwana abadlula kweso sigaba esaziwa wonke umama/utata: "isigaba sikamama" okanye "isigaba sikatata". Sisenokucinga ukuba ukuzivalela nomntwana iiyure ezingama-24 ngosuku kunokwanelisa umnqweno wakhe, kodwa akunjalo, asimele siwele esilingweni. Enyanisweni, simele sifune ukwenza okwahlukileyo koko.

Abazali abaninzi baye bafumana ezi zigaba kule minyaka mibini idlulileyo, xa i Ingxaki ye-Covid 19 kwasinyanzela ukuba sihlale ngaphakathi ixesha elide. I ubhubhane kunye nokuvalwa kwakubenza baxhomekeke ngakumbi, ukuthanda umama okanye utata ngayo yonke into: imisebenzi yesikolo, imidlalo, yonke into; kwaye ngokuphambeneyo, ukuthatha inxaxheba kwimisebenzi yabazali, ukusebenza nge-Zoom, iiklasi ze-yoga, ukuthengwa kwe-intanethi, yonke into ngokupheleleyo.

Inokuba nomtsalane kuthi into abayifunayo yiba nathi, kodwa ayisempilweni ekuhambeni kwexesha. Iingcali zengqondo yabantwana zithi kuqhelekile ukuba ngamaxesha obunzima okanye ukuxhalaba umntwana uhlakulela ukuthanda omnye wabazali, ovuselela indawo yakhe yokuthuthuzela, ngokungathi kunjalo. Ukuba ngaphambi kokuba umntwana wakho abe "lusana lukamama" ubhubhane uye waqinisa le meko kwaye nanamhlanje usasixelela ukuba siphume kuyo.

Kwaye kufuneka siyazi ukuba umntwana akafuni ukwahlukana nathi emva koko kukho umlinganiselo othile wamandla nolawulo. Ukuba asiyitshintshi imeko yodwa siyaxhobisa kunyana wethu kwaye siqinisekisa ukuba "yinto ayifunayo, ngubani ayifunayo kwaye xa efuna".

Kukho abantwana okwenzeka kubo kwangethuba, njengasemva kweenyanga ezisithoba, nabanye (njengakwimeko yonyana wam), osuka kunyaka onesiqingatha nangaphezulu, xa banokuziva le nkxalabo inkulu yokwahlukana. , into ebenza bona kunye nootata noonina bakhathazeke. Ingxaki yokwahlukana yinxalenye eqhelekileyo ekukhuleni kwabantwana, Isenokuqala malunga neenyanga ezisibhozo kwaye ifikelele incopho kwiinyanga ezili-14 okanye ezili-18, kodwa idla ngokuhamba kancinci kancinci kwasebuntwaneni.

Ukuba unyana wakho uzive uxinzelelo lokwahlukana Kusenokwenzeka ukuba uyakhala nanini na xa kukho umntu angamaziyo efuna ukumfunqula, yaye xa ekwazile ukwenjenjalo, uya kukukhangela kuphela aze akubize ukuba ubuyele ezingalweni zakho. Ukuba oku kuyenzeka kumntwana wakho omncinci, akufanele ukhathazeke kuba yinto, njengoko besitshilo, iya kunyamalala phantse ngomlingo xa umntwana edlula umqobo weminyaka emithathu.

Kodwa ukuba uziva umbi kwaye umntwana wakho uyacaphuka kakhulu, Unokulandela ezi ngcebiso malunga nokuba wenze ntoni ukuba umntwana wakho akafuni ukwahlukana nawe: 

• Dlulisa inzolo emntwaneni wakho kwaye ungothuki, khumbula ukuba oku kuyinto eqhelekileyo.
• Unyana wakho akawuqondi umbono wexesha ke ucinga ukuba ukuba uyakushiya awuyi kubuya, yiyo loo nto ekhathazekile.
• Olunye uluvo kukuba umntwana wakho asebenzise ukuchitha ixesha nabanye abantu ngaphandle kwakho usapho kunye nabahlobo.
• Ukuba uya kwenye indawo (nokuba kungomzuzwana) hlala umazisa nokuba ucinga ukuba akakuhoyi okanye akakuqondi.
• Ukuba kufuneka uvalelise ukuya emsebenzini okanye ukumshiya esikolweni, musa ukwandisa ixesha kwaye xa uphinda umbona, mbonise uvuyo lwakho olukhulu kwaye ukuba unako, hlala naye okwethutyana kuloo ndawo intsha ngaphambili. Ukwahlula. Oko kuya kunciphisa uxinzelelo lwakho.
• Unokumshiya into ayifunayo, into yokudlala, unodoli, umqamelo okanye ingubo. Ezi zinto ziya kukunceda uzive ukhuselekile ngakumbi. Ngokuthe ngcembe, emva koko ungazikhulula.
• Xelela nabani na oshiya umntwana wakho (isizalwane, umhlobo okanye iziko), ukuba umntwana unexhala xa esahlukana nawe kwaye abonise into oyenzayo ukuyisombulula.
• Ungaze uzibonakalise unxunguphele xa kufuneka umshiye.
• . Sukucaphuka kuba unexhala lokwahlukana. Ayilotyala lakho.
• Ungamfundela ibali eliyiliweyo apho umlinganiswa oyintloko aziva ngokufanayo naye, ukuze achonge. Oko kuya kumnceda, kodwa nawe, ukuze ufumanise indlela unyana wakho avakalelwa ngayo.

Emva ukusa kwinqanaba lokuba umntwana usesikolweni nakwiminyaka yesikolo, loo nkxalabo iya kushiywa ngasemva. Ngokuqinisekileyo, kuya kuhlala kukho amaxesha apho efuna ukuba yedwa kunye nawe: ukuba uyagula, ukuba uziva kakubi ... Ngaba ufanele ukhathazeke nangaliphi na ixesha nangona sisithi le meko iqhelekile?

Kufuneka uthathe inyathelo kuphela ukuba ucinga ukuba umntwana wakho uye wahlakulela ukuphazamiseka kokukhathazeka ngokwahlukana. Kuphela yi-4% yabantwana abasaqalayo nabakwiminyaka yesikolo abayiphuhlisayo, kwaye Enye indlela yokufumanisa kuxa:

• ixhala lomntwana liphazamisana nobomi bakhe nobentsapho yakho
• uqatha kunabantwana abalingana naye
• Akakahambi noba ziinyanga ezine.

Ukuba sithelekisa umntwana onengxaki yokuxhalaba yokwahlukana nabanye abakwiminyaka efanayo, baqhelekile ukuxhalaba ngokwenzakala okanye ukwenza ingozi xa bengekho nawe, abafuni kuhlala esikolweni, abafuni kulala kwezinye iindawo okanye ngaphandle kwakho, akhalaze ngokuziva uyagulas xa bengekho. Kuphela ke banokucinga ngoncedo lwengcali enokuthi ibe ngutitshala, umcebisi wesikolo, ugqirha wabantwana.