Umzali ocothayo, umzali ocothayo

Usenokuba awuzange uve ngegama elithi Slow parenting, nangona kunjalo, siqinisekile ukuba uninzi lwabafundi bethu bayalusebenzisa yonke imihla ekukhuliseni abantwana babo. Le ntshukumo ayinazingcambu zayo nakweyiphi na incwadana okanye isifundo se-psychopedagogy, nakweyiphi na ingcali yengqondo yengqondo yomntwana.

Njengomdla njengoko kubonakala ngathi, Ukukhulisa umzali kancinci ngumbutho wentlalo okhuthaza imfuno "yokwehlisa isantya soluntu ngoku.". Babejonge intetho ethelekisa "ukutya okukhawulezayo" kunye nokutya okukhawulezayo, eneneni, kuneziphumo ezininzi ezimbi empilweni. Ngandlela-thile, kwaye xa kuziwa kwimfundo yabantwana abancinci, kubonakala ngathi silandela iipatheni ezifanayo: ukukhawuleza ukuphakamisa uxinzelelo kwaye, ngenxa yoko, abantwana abangonwabanga. Siyakumema ukuba ucinge ngayo kwi «Madres Hoy».

Ukukhulisa umzali okanye ukuncoma ukucotha

Ihlabathi lihamba ngesantya esingenakuthintelwa: uluntu ngokwalo kwanathi ngokwethu lufuna lukhulu kuthi kumnqweno wethu wokuphucula. Kuyenzeka ukuba konke oku kusikhokelele ekuphumeleleni kwizihlandlo ezininzi, kodwa enyanisweni, ulonwabo alusoloko lubonakala luhamba kunye nale mibono.

Namhlanje, kukho iingcali ezininzi, ootitshala kwaye ke, nabazali ngokwaboNgubani Bazama ukuxhobisa abantwana ngezakhono zabo ngaphaya kokugqitha: IsiNgesi, umculo, iiklasi ze-ballet zabelwe bona, sifuna ukuba babe nobuchule, babe nokuqaqamba kwaye ngomso baya kufezekisa yonke into esinayo engqondweni.

Nangona kunjalo, ezi ziziphumo esizibonayo kumhla wethu:

• Ukuguga kwale mihla kuqhutywa phantsi kwemfuno ebonisa ubungqangi obuphezulu: Sifuna okuninzi ebantwaneni, ukanti siya sikhusela ngakumbi kwaye asishiyi, umzekelo, ukuba bafunde bodwa esikolweni de bafikelele kwinqanaba lokufikisa.
• Ibango eliphezulu lenziwa elingahambelani nokufundiswa koxanduva,  ukukwazi ukukhetha, ukukwazi ukwenza iimpazamo njengenxalenye yenkqubo yokufunda ngokwayo.
• Sikhawulezisa abantwana bethu ukuba banxibe ngokukhawuleza, bagqibe ukudlala kwangethuba kuba kufuneka babase kwimisebenzi yangaphandle. Namhlanje abantwana bagcina iishedyuli zabantu abadala. Ngoku, siyazi ukuba kwiimeko ezininzi uxanduva "lokukhawulezisa" abancinci ayilulo lwethu kuphela, noluntu ngokwalo kunye nenkcazo yemfundo inyanzelisa loxinzelelo ucacileyo.

Ukunconywa kokucotha okanye ukukhulisa umntwana kancinci kukhulisa ulwazi ngoomama, ootata, ootitshala kunye namaziko isidingo sokubuyela kolo mzali ucothayo apho kuhlala khona ulungelelwano, imbeko kwaye ngaphezu kwako konke, ukuthanda isingqisho somntwana ukuze akhule kwaye afumanise umhlaba.

Ukukhula kancinci ekukhuleni komntwana akuthethi ukuthoba isantya sokukhula komntwana kodwa ukuhlonipha isingqisho sakhe

Ukukhulisa kancinci kancinci akuthethi ukuba sibekela bucala ukukhuthaza okanye ukunxibelelana nabantwana bethu ukubanceda bakhule, bavuthwe. Ngumba nje "ongenalo uxinzelelo" kunye nokubekwa phambili komgangatho kubungakanani.

"Ukucotha" kuthetha ukuqonda ukukhula komntwana wethu, kwaye ungamtsali ngaphezulu kunesidingo sokubangela uxinzelelo okanye uxinzelelo.

•  Ukukhulisa umntwana kancinci kancinci kubandakanya nemibono efana nokwazi ukuba ungakusebenzisa njani ukuba ngumzali okunentsingiselo, apho "kufuneka sibekhona", sonwabele apha ngoku kuzo zonke iinkalo zobomi babantwana bethu, kodwa kwangaxeshanye sazi indlela yokuhlonipha inkululeko yabo yobuqu: kuninzi ukukhula, ukuthanda ukwenza izigqibo zakho xa ixesha lilungile.
• Ubuntwana akufuneki bugqatso ngokuchasene nexesha. Ukuba ngumntwana kuthetha ukuba nakho ukudlala, ukubanakho ukuya kwimidlalo, ukuba nexesha lokuzonwabisa, ukuhleka kunye nokuhlola umhlaba ngeendlela zakho.
• Into ekufuneka siyikhumbule kukuba ukukhulisa abantwana kancinci kancinci kuqala ukusuka ekhaya ngokwalo. Sifuna ixesha, kwaye sikwazi ukonwabela ishedyuli esinokuchitha nayo nabantwana bethu, siphumle nabo, sidlale nabo kwaye sicamngce nabo.
• Siyazi ukuba namhlanje lilungelo, ukuba iiyure zokusebenza azisoloko zilungelelanisa ngendlela ebesingathanda ngayo kubomi bosapho. Yiyo loo nto kufuneka ulwazi olwaneleyo lwamaziko ezentlalo.

Sithanda kakhulu ukunika abantwana bethu okona kulungileyo, ngelixa "singekho"

Olu luvo luyinkimbinkimbi njengoko luyinyani: uninzi lwabazali luye lwanomdla wokubanika esona sikolo sihle, ezona mpahla zintle, igumbi eligcwele iithoyi ngelixa bechitha ixesha labo elininzi bengekho ekhaya ngenxa yoxanduva lwabo lomsebenzi.

Siyazi ukuba le yindlela obusekwa ngayo ubomi namhlanje, kodwa kuya kufuneka siyijonge ukuze sizazi izinto ezithile:

• Inkcubeko yabathengi ifikelele kuhlobo lwe-apotheosis apho abantu abaninzi bahlala kuphela kulindelo, yesidingo sokubonelela ngeyona nto ilungileyo kubantwana babo: amazinyo agqibeleleyo ngebrashi zawo, iinwele ezigqibeleleyo, ukhathalelo lokuba azizukutyeba kakhulu, ubanike iholide efanelekileyo yekampu ... Ngoku, ngamanye amaxesha, akukho nanye kwezi enika ulonwabo lokwenyani inkwenkwe.
• Los expertos nos dicen que en los últimos años la maternidad se da ya en edades que rozan o sobrepasan los 40. Las madres han pasado mucho tiempo «soñando» cómo debe ser la vida de su hijo, ansiando darles sin duda lo mejor. Tienen unas expectativas muy altas.
• Isitshixo silula kunokuba sicinga, kwanele ukuthemba, ukuzikhulula, ukukuqonda oko esona sipho sinokusinika abantwana bethu kuthiwa "lixesha", "Ukuqonda," kunye "nothando." Akukho mfuneko yokuba bathethe iilwimi ezi-5, ukufumana iimbasa, okanye ubuchule kwezemidlalo.

Abantwana bethu baya kuba yile nto bayifunayo, kwaye bade bayifumane kufuneka babe nosukelo olunye kuphela: ukukhula empilweni naselonwabeni.

Imfundo ngamaxesha obunzima

Singawuphakamisa umbuzo onomdla wokuba ingaba imeko yangoku yezentlalo nezoqoqosho iyabonakaliswa kwizimbo ezikhoyo zokuba ngumzali:

• Ezinye iintsapho ziyasibona isidingo sokubanga kunye "nokukhawulezisa" isantya sabantwana babo ukuze bakwazi ukukhuphisana ngakumbi, ukuze ngandlela thile, babe namathuba amaninzi ngomso ukuba bazilungiselele kakuhle.
• Kwelinye icala, oomama nootata abaninzi baziva isidingo sokuhlaziya amaxabiso abo: ukunika ukubaluleka kwinto ebalulekileyo, ukuze iziseko: ukuvumela abantwana ukuba bonwabele ubuntwana babo kancinci, ngala mathuba olonwabo azokukhapha ngomso xa sele bebadala.

Ukukhula kancinci komzali akusixeleli ukuba kufuneka sihambe ngesantya senkumba ebomini, koko sivumele ukuba sihlolisise, siye, siphefumle, siyonwabele imeko-bume yethu sibambisene nabantwana bethu ukuxabisa eyona nto ibalulekileyo, ngaphandle kobugcisa okanye uxinzelelo.

Siyakumema ukuba ucinge ngezi zimvo kwaye uzisebenzise yonke imihla, hayi kwimfundo yabantwana bakho kuphela, kodwa nakubomi bakho: ngamanye amaxesha "ukuthoba isantya" kusivumela ukuba sifumane uninzi lwezinto ezintle ezisirhangqileyo kwaye ngamanye amaxesha, ngenxa yokukhawuleza, asithathi ngqalelo.