Ngelishwa, abanye abazali basavakala bexelela abantwana babo izinto ezinje: "Amadoda okwenyani awalili." Obu bobona buxoki bukhulu nobukhohlakeleyo obunokuthi umntu omdala abuxelele abantwana bakhe, kuba abantu, ingengabo abesilisa nabasetyhini, kufuneka bathintele ukukhula kwabantwana babo ngokweemvakalelo.
Kukho abo badlulisela ebantwaneni ukuba 'amadoda anolwazelelelo' ngamadoda 'angamadoda, kwaye Akukho nto iqhubekayo kwinyani. Abantwana babonakala ngathi bafunda ukuba neendlela ezimbini kuphela xa kuziwa kwiimvakalelo: balungile okanye banomsindo. Kwaye enyanisweni, iindlela zinokubaninzi, kuba iimvakalelo zehlabathi ligcwele imibala eyahlukeneyo.
Kubonakala ngathi umsindo uqhelekile kwaye wamkelwe kakuhle ekuziphatheni kwabantwana, kodwa enyanisweni, umsindo yimvakalelo enamandla ekufuneka yamkelwe, yazi ukuba kutheni isenzeka kwaye ufumane isisombululo esisenza sonwabe.
Xa umntwana esokola ukungazivezi iimvakalelo zakhe
Kungenzeka ukuba umntwana wakho ukhe wakuxelela ukuba akafuni kuthetha ngale nto yenzekayo kuye, ufuna ukufihla iimvakalelo zakhe. Olu luphawu lokuba ndindisholo ngokweemvakalelo kwaye abantwana banokukufumana oku njengokuba bekhula. Abantwana baqala ubomi babo kwiminyaka yabo yobudala bezele iimvakalelo kwaye baziveze kuba kufuneka, nangomsindo, kodwa njengoko bekhula bayazibamba iimvakalelo kuba becinga ukuba bomelele ngaloo ndlela, kodwa enyanisweni kuchasene.
Xa bechitha ixesha elithile esikolweni kwaye ngenxa yenkolelo ebubuxoki yokuba 'amadoda okwenyani' akalili okanye abonakalise 'ubuthathaka', bakhula benesifuthufuthu ngokweemvakalelo kwaye oku kunokubangela ukungalingani ngokweemvakalelo nakwixesha elizayo. Njengesifo se-schizoid. Abantwana mabafundiswe ukungazicinezeli iimvakalelo zabo kwaye kusoloko kukho indlela elungileyo yokubonisa indlela abaziva ngayo ngalo lonke ixesha.
Oku ekugqibeleni kubangela ukuba abantu abadala benze ntoni namhlanje: Abazi ukuba bangabonisa njani okanye bachonge ngokuchanekileyo iimvakalelo zabo, oku kunegama: yi-alexithymia. Amadoda amaninzi, phantse iipesenti ezingama-80 zabemi banokuhlupheka kuyo kwaye kubalulekile ukufundisa abantwana ukuze kungenzeki kubo kwaye banokukhula ngendlela esempilweni kwaye elungeleleneyo ngokweemvakalelo abazivayo.
Ngokwesiqhelo abantwana, xa beqala ukukhula bekhula bekwishumi elivisayo, enye yeemvakalelo zokuba bayazi eyona nto imbi kwaye bahlupheke kakhulu yeyona ntloni. Iintloni zinokukonakalisa ukuzithemba kwabantwana nakwishumi elivisayo, kwaye xa behlupheka rhoqo, banokufuna ukunqanda unxibelelwano lweemvakalelo nabantu abadala, ngakumbi xa ingabo abenza (kwiimeko ezininzi bengaqondanga) bazive ngaloo ndlela. Kuyimfuneko ukuba bonke ootata noomama emhlabeni bazi ukuba kuqeqesho olufanelekileyo, ukuthotywa okanye ihlazo akufuneki lisetyenziswe. Abantwana kufuneka baziqonde kwaye bazazise zonke iimvakalelo zabo kwaye ngenxa yoku, kufuneka babe nokuqonda kunye nenkxaso evela kubazali babo ngalo lonke ixesha.
Unolwazi lokufunda nokubhala ngokweemvakalelo
Abantwana abonwabileyo ngabo banezixhobo ezomeleleyo zemvakalelo kwaye banokwazi ukwazi ukuba baziva njani nangawuphi na umzuzu. Kodwa ungabafundisa njani abantwana bakho unxibelelwano oluzinzileyo lweemvakalelo ngonxibelelwano olunzulu? Uyakukwazi ukuyiphumeza ukuba wenza umgudu kwaye, ukuba uyakwazi ukuqonda iimvakalelo zakho ngalo lonke ixesha.
Ukwakha ulwazi lweemvakalelo emntwaneni wakho, kuya kufuneka uqale ngokufundisa isigama esivakalayo. Ukusukela ngela xesha umntwana wakho elusana, thetha kuye ngesigama esineemvakalelo ezahlukeneyo. Iintsana azalwa zinamagama ngeemvakalelo zazo; kufuneka bayifunde. Unokuthi "ulusizi" okanye "kubonakala ngathi uphoxekile." Unokuthetha ngeemvakalelo zakho ngaphandle kokumgcina enoxanduva umntwana wakho. Xa unokuthi, 'Ndiyoyika, nawe?'
Mamela into ayithethayo kuwe
Abantwana kufuneka baviwe ngabazali babo, ke musa ukungawamkeli onke amazwi abawathethileyo kuwe, nokuba ziintsuku apho uziva udiniwe okanye uxinezelekile. Umntwana wakho ufanele ukuhoya yena ngokupheleleyo. Xa umphulaphule uya kuba uyayikhuthaza intetho yakhe, kwaye kuya kufuneka umphulaphule ngaphandle kokugweba iingcinga zakhe. Ufuna ukuba umbonise uvelwano, kodwa ungamniki zonke izisombululo, Ikuvumela ukuba uphuhlise ukucinga kwakho okunzulu ngokukunceda ufumane isisombululo sezinto ezibangela ukuba ungonwabi, kunye nokuphonononga iimvakalelo zakho.
Khumbula ukuba akusoloko kufuneka uvumelane neemvakalelo zabantwana bakho ukuba umamele ngenyameko, awusoze wamkele isimilo esingafanelekanga, kodwa Ewe qonda kwaye uvelane neemvakalelo ozivayo. Ukuphulaphula kakuhle umntwana wakho xa ethetha nawe linyathelo lokuqala lokuseka unxibelelwano olululo lweemvakalelo kwaye umntwana wakho uqala ukufunda ukusombulula iingxabano eyedwa, nokuba uyenza kuqala ngokukhokelwa kunye nenkxaso yakho.
Kuya kufuneka ubonise ngezenzo zakho kwaye kungekuphela ngamazwi akho ukuba luthando kunye nonxibelelwano lokwenyani, unokwenza oku ngovelwano. Xa umntwana wakho ehlala yonke imihla ngentlonipho, uthando kunye novelwano, kuya kuba lula kakhulu kubo ukuba bazenze ngokwabo ezi zakhono ngoku nakwixesha elizayo.
Makhe iziveze
Ukongeza ekumameleni nasekufundiseni umntwana wakho isigama ngokweemvakalelo, mnike indawo yokuba abe nguye. Kuphephe ukumxelela into afanele ukuziva okanye angamele ayive. mnike indawo yokujonga amandla kunye nobuthathaka bakhe kwindawo ekhuselekileyo. Xa umntwana wakho engadingi ukoyika iintloni okanye ukwaliwa, banokuchaza iimvakalelo zabo, iimfuno kunye namaphupha ngokungafihlisi.
Kubalulekile kubo bonke abantwana ukuba bafunde ukuba iintliziyo neemvakalelo zabo azizukubenza buthathaka. kwaye ukumqonda yeyona nto iza kumenza abe yindoda yokwenene kwixa elizayo. Ngenxa yokuba abantwana ngamanye amaxesha badla ngokuba nomsindo kunye nobundlongondlongo, kububulumko ukubonisa umzekelo wokuzola nentlonipho xa ujongene neengxaki. Kuphephe ukuba nomsindo okanye ukungxola kwaye khumbula ukuba iimvakalelo aziyomfihlelo ezisongela ukusongamela; ziyinxalenye yento esenza ukuba sibe ngabantu ngakumbi.