Ngamanye amaxesha Uva ngokuxhatshazwa komntwana kwaye awazi ukuba kutheni ikukhathazaYinto ongayaziyo nongakwaziyo ukuyichaza, uyazi kuphela ukuba imvakalelo yokubandayo ihla ngomqolo kwaye uloyiko luphazamisa izivamvo zakho. Uzama ukuwuthintela umbandela, uwenze unyamalale ebomini bakho, wenze ngathi yinto engekhoyo, ukuba zizinto ezingenzeki nyani.
Nangona kunjalo, zonke ezi mvakalelo zinokubonisa ngokuchanekileyo ukuba yingxaki yokwenyani, into engenzeki kuphela, kodwa Inokuba yenzekile kuwe kwaye bekunzima kuwe, ukuba imemori yakho iyivalile imemori.
Ukuba yenzekile, kutheni ndingayikhumbuli?
Ayisiyonto ingaqhelekanga ebantwini ababandezelekileyo iimeko ezibuhlunguNgaphandle kokuphuhlisa iintlobo ezithile zokuziphatha okungafunekiyo, thintela ezo nkumbulo. Yinkqubo yokhuselo yokuba umzimba wethu kufuneka uphile koxinzelelo olugqithisileyo olubangelwa yingozi yokwenene.
Ukuphathwa gadalala okanye ukudlwengula, ngaphandle kwamathandabuzo, zizigulo ezibuhlungu kangangokuba ngamanye amaxesha inkumbulo inyanzelisa ukufihla, nokuba unezikhewu ezithile kwimemori, okanye ngokuzisusa ngokupheleleyo. Ubuncinci ngokubonakala, kuba, Naziphi na iinkcukacha zomzuzu zinokusebenzisa ezo nkumbulo kwaye zibangele intlekele esingayiqondiyo ukuba ivelaphi. Inokuba sisiqholo, igama, isandi, nayiphi na inkcaza encinci kwaye unokuziva ngathi intloko yakho iza kuqhuma ngenxa yolwazi olugqithisileyo mhlawumbi ongazange ufune ukulazi.
Ndiyazikhumbula izinto kodwa, andazi ukuba ngenene kukuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo
La Inkcazo ngokubanzi Ukuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo kugubungela ezi ngcinga zilandelayo:
- Ukungena ngamalungu esini okanye izinto.
- Ukuchukumisa okanye ukukhuthaza ukuchukumisa ukuthatha ithuba lokunqongophala kolwazi.
- Ukujonga amanyala kumntwana, ukumnyanzela ukuba abone izenzo zesondo okanye abone umxholo ongalunganga njengeemovie, imifanekiso engamanyala, kunye nokuncokola ngesini.
- Kwaye nakweyiphi na imeko Nakuphi na ukuziphatha okwenza ukuba umntwana azive engonwabanga okanye esoyikisa kukuxhatshazwa.
Ndiqiniseke njani ukuba ndiye ndaxhatshazwa ngaphandle kokukhumbula?
Kukho izikhewu kwimemori yakho, kodwa ungakhumbula okwenzekileyo ngaphambili nasemva koko kwenzeke, Buza kwaye ubeke iphazili ndawonye, uya kufumana impendulo. Ungasoloko ufuna ubungqina obuvela kusapho kunye nabahlobo bakho okanye uqale unyango oluhlehlayo.
Ukuba ukhe waphathwa gadalala ebuntwaneni ngokwakho, kwenye ikona yengqondo uyakukhumbula kwaye ngoncedo lwendalo yakho, uyakukufumana oko uswelekile ukuze uqhubeke nokunyanga. Ukuxhatshazwa kushiya uphawu, amanxeba okuphilisa, ayisiyonto onokuyiphatha ngokulula.
Ngaba kufuneka ndikhumbule ukubuyela kwimeko yesiqhelo?
Impendulo yile Hayi, eneneni kukho amaxhoba angenakubalwa okuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo angathanda ukuba angakhumbuli kwanto kwaphela. Kuyinyani ukuba kunzima ukufumana nokwamkela okwenzekayo, kodwa nje ukuba uthathe elo nyathelo, inkqubo yokuphilisa iqala njengalo naliphi na ixhoba.
Ukuchacha kunzima, kodwa kunokuba lula ngenkxaso eyiyo. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba usapho kunye nendalo iphela ngokubanzi ixhase inkqubo ukuze isebenze. Incwadi enokukunceda uyi "Isibindi Sokuphilisa", nguLaura Davis no-Ellen Bass, uphawu lokunceda amaxhoba oxhatshazo ngokwesondo.
Ukubhala kunokukunceda uhlele iinkumbulo zakho.
Kusenokwenzeka ukuba ukuba awukhumbuli kwanto iminyaka, inkqubo yakho iqala ebudaleni kwaye oku kungakhokelela kwiingxaki kwindawo eyahlukileyo kuleyo wawunayo ngexa kwenzeka ukuxhatshazwa. Oku kunokubangela uxinzelelo olongezelelekileyo, njengoko unoloyiko olutsha lokuba ibhalansi yakho yangoku iya kwaphulwa ziimeko zangaphambili. Sukuba nexhala, lonke utshintsho luya kuba lolungcono, ibhalansi oyifumeneyo ibingeyokwenyani, le uyifezekisileyo ukusukela ngoku ukuya phambili, iya kuba njalo..
Ungaziva njani xa uxhatshazwa usengumntwana?
Kuqhelekile ukuba ekuqaleni uzive unetyala, umsindo, uloyiko kunye nosizi olungapheliyo kunye nokungabikho koncedo.
Kodwa eyona nyani yile kufuneka uzive womelele, kuba usindile, kuba ungathetha ngayo, kuba unganceda abanye kwaye ngaphezulu kwakho konke kuba wena Ulufanele ulonwabo olo kuphela kwabo baphuke ngaphakathi abakwaziyo ukulonwabela. Ngoku uphezulu enzonzobileni yakho kwaye uyayibona ephezulu.
Kuyinyani ukuba ukuxhatshazwa kuhlala kuthintelwe kude kubekho into ebenza ukuba batsibe kwakhona. Ingqondo yethu ineendlela zokuzikhusela ukuze sikwazi ukusinda kuloo ntlungu. Enkosi, Maria, ngokuyinika ilizwi.
Injongo yam ngeli nqaku kukuba abantu abanokuziva bachongiwe, bayabazi ubukho bezi ndlela kwaye bayazi ukuba banokubekwa ezandleni zeengcali ukubanceda baphilise. Enkosi ngamazwi akho, ukomelela kwakho kunye nesibindi sakho.
Mva nje ndiziva ndingaxabisekanga, ukuba ndineentloni, ukuba ndingcolile kwaye andifanelanga nantoni na elungileyo kuba ndimncinci kakhulu. Ndihlala ndineenkumbulo ezinjengentombazana encinci kwaye namhlanje bendinesibindi sokuxelela intombi yam, yonke into ikhomba kwinto yokuba ndihlukumezekile, kwaye andiyikhumbuli njengento enobundlobongela, yayiyimidlalo, yonke into icotha kangangokuba khange ibonakale okanye ndingayiqondi.
uqhelekile uvakalelo lokuchukumisa umzimba wam, andiva nto ngaloo mizuzu, xa endanga kwaye endichukumisa, ndikhona nje. ubudlelwane bam obubi kunye nomzimba wam, indlela yam yokulalana njengomntwana, loo mizobo, imidlalo kunye nokunyanzelisa namhlanje kundijikele kwaye kundenze ndiziva ndimbi, kanye xa yonke into yayihamba kakuhle kwaye ndiyifezekisile into endiyifunayo kakhulu ...
Ndisoloko ndisebenzisa ukucofa, ukumanga, kolo loyiko lwamadoda kunye neendawo ezikhanyisiweyo, bendingayiqondi imvelaphi yayo kwaye ngoku ndiyabona ukuba yonke into ivakalelwa ngathi yile mihla. Ndineempawu entlokweni yam kuphela, izigcawu ezindenza ndigule kwaye zindenze ndizithiye kwaye ndibathiye.
Ngaloo mini ndaya ebaleni kwaye lo mfo wayethetha nam, ndandingakhululekanga, izinto awayezithetha kwaye ngakumbi indlela awayefuna ukundanga ngayo.
Kutheni wonke umntu efuna lo mzimba ungcolileyo?
intiyo ukusukela ebuntwaneni bam, ukoyikwa kwamadoda, ukuba kuphela kwabasetyhini ndiziva ndikhuselekile, ukuba kuphela kunye nentombi yam endandithandana nayo, endibona wonke umntu njengabadlwenguli nangaphezulu ... yonke into iyangena ngoku, ndiqinisekile ukuba ndihlukumezekile kwaye Andikwazi nokukhumbula yonke into.
Since 3 years ago I started to feel very uncomfortable with my father, ndaqala ndanezikrokro zokuba undihlukumezile ndilele (kodwa khange ndikwazi ukuziqinisekisa kuba andazi), ndabethwa kukuba ne Incoko yezesondo, inokuba luxhatshazo (ukuba umntwana uziva engonwabanga) kwaye ndaqonda ukuba utata ebethetha nam ngezi zinto ubomi bam bonke (abazange bathathele ingqalelo kuba bekusoloko kukho ukuzithemba ekuthetheni ngale miba nkqu ukuba ndiziva ndingakhululekanga bendicinga ukuba yinto eqhelekileyo), andazi ukuba ndingayichaza njani indlela endiziva ngayo, kodwa andazi ukuba kumnandi ukungazi nto, umama uyayazi ukuba ndinezikrokro zokuba undihlukumezile. sobabini siyayazi ukuba unengqondo emdaka, kodwa akukho mntu wenza nto) Umcimbi kukuba undixelela ukuba lityala lam kwaye ndibekek' ityala "ngokuyixhokonxa", ngokutsho kwakhe akazange andenze nto xa Bendimncinci kodwa akazi nyani, ebesebenza kwaye utata ebendihoyile, lonto iyandoyikisa nangakumbi, akafuni ukundisa kwi psychologist okanye.ngokusisiseko akukho nto ifuna ukuba ndiyilibale kodwa andinako ukuba ndiziva njalo yonke imihla, ngaphandle kotata xa ehleli kwifowuni yakhe ngamanye amaxesha kufuneka ndithathe into kwaye uhlala ebukele i-porn, uyazi ukuba sonke siyazi, ide ibengathi uyenza ngamabom, ndizive ndonyanya, ndimdaka, andisafuni kuphinda ndihlale kulendlu, andiqinisekanga, inoba iyabaxa kodwa zininzi izikhewu endizikhumbulayo. iyoyikisa, indinika imvakalelo embi kakhulu kwaye ndiziva ndingakhululekanga malunga ne.
Andazi nyani ukuba ndenzeni, ngutata wam lo ndimbona kulo mfanekiso, lisikizi elo. Yonke into iyacekiseka andinakwenza nto ngaphandle kokukhala andifuni kucinga nganto… Akwaba ndandingazange ndiyikhumbule le nto. I'm only 14 kutheni kwanyanzeleka ndifumanise ngoku??! Oku kubi yonke into iyoyikeka
Ndifuna uncedo, endlini yam sihlala nabantakwethu nomama, utatomkhulu notatomncinci, bendihlala ndinobudlelwane obungaqhelekanga nomalume wam, undinika ukutya okuthosiweyo, iikeyiki, njl
Kuphela ngamanye amaxesha bekungaqhelekanga kum, wandichukumisa imilenze kanye xa wandimemela ukuba ndibone izinto zabantu abadala kodwa ndandingafuni kwaye ndahamba, kwaye okwangoku undichukumisa esinqeni kwaye iyamangalisa, andikhumbuli gadalala ngaye nje. Mhlawumbi xa ndandisemncinci wayezakwenza izinto kum, into endiyikhumbulayo yiminyaka eyi-6, 7 okanye 8 ubudala, yonke into endiyibhalileyo kodwa ayikho enye into, kufanele kuqatshelwe ukuba utya izinto kwaye uyaphambana, nceda, ndifuna uncedo lwakho , Andazi nokuba wandixhaphaza okanye yintoni.okanye lento ayenzileyo kum ayilunganga please
unyaka udlulile okokoko ubeke izimvo kwaye ndiyathemba ukuba ulungile, ukuba unako, hlala kude nala ndoda kangangoko unakho
U-Ola igama lam ndingu eliza kwaye andazi nokuba ndihlukumezekile na, ndiyazi nje ukuba ndisoyika ubudlelwane andikaze ndibenomntu endimthandayo ndiziva ndikude kakhulu kuyo yonke into, kodwa phambi kwayo yonke into ndiqhelekile kodwa ngamanye amaxesha ndiyabanda khumbula ezinye iziganeko, ndakuba ndixelele abazali bam kwaye utata wam wandixelela ukuba ndiyaphambana akazange aphinde athethe ngesihloko, ndiyazi nje ukuba ndinenzondo enzulu ngomntu, nokuba indenza ndicaphuke xa ndisiva igama labo.
Molweni andikhumbuli ngaphambili nasemva ngenxa yezinto ezingathandekiyo endizivayo.Ingxaki yam enkulu namhlanje ngamabele am,uchuku olulula lundivusa ndiziva ndimdaka.
Kwiminyaka edlulileyo, nayiphi na imeko yesondo yayingathandeki kunye nelo mvakalelo yokungcola, ndicinga ukuba ndiyinqobile, kodwa loo nto yamabele isaqhubeka.
Ndikhumbula nje ukuba nenzondo ngakunye inkwenkwe kwasebuntwaneni bam endiyikhumbulayo idlala ihashe, unokuyicingela into awayeyenza ngam, le ngempahla yakhe. Ukwaliwa kwandibangela kwakusele kuphambi kwale nkumbulo.
Kwaye andazi ukuba ndingenza ntoni ukoyisa le mvakalelo iviwa ngumzimba wam, imbi kakhulu.
Andikhathali nganto ngaphandle kokuyeka ukuyiva.
Okunye kusonjululwe.
Ukuba ungandikhapha kancinci….
Gracias!
Molweni andazi noba ndahlukunyezwa na ngumntu andinalo kwa uhlobo lwenkumbulo kodwa xa kuthethwa ngolala nomntu wam noba ndiyayonwabela ndiziva ndingakhululekanga xa ndigqiba ndizive kabuhlungu. lonto indenza ndifune ukulila ndizive ndinetyala kakhulu, andiqondi ukuba kutheni nam ngamanye amaxesha ndikhe ndibeneengcinga zokuba kukho umntu ozondivisa kabuhlungu.
Andifumananga mpendulo kumbuzo obuzwe linqaku, ngaphandle kwale migca mithathu ngendlela elula kakhulu:
«Kwiinkumbulo zakho kukho izikhewu, kodwa ungakhumbula okwenzekileyo ngaphambili nasemva koko, buza udibanise iphazili, uya kufumana impendulo. Ungasoloko ufuna ubungqina kusapho lwakho nakubahlobo bakho okanye uqale unyango oluhlehlisayo. "
Ngamafutshane, amagama amaninzi awatsho nto ephathekayo. Isihloko siphakamisa enye into.
Ndiyabulela kakhulu ngamazwi akho, ukugxeka okwakhayo kuhlala kwamkelwa, kuba kuyanceda ukuphucula, ndiza kuyithathela ingqalelo kwimibhalo elandelayo 😉
I-Pz ami ibiluncedo kum kwaye phantse zonke izinto ezenzelwe inqaku zenzekile kum kwaye i-pz ndiye ndahlukunyezwa ndiyakhumbula ukusuka kwiminyaka emi-5 ukuya phantse kwesi-8 kwaye ngenxa yento oyithethayo kwingcaciso yakho ndiyacinga. Ukuba wena nunka uxhatshazwe ngokwesondo
Ndahlukunyezwa ngumzala wam ndisengumntwana, le nto ingamasikizi isisithulu esisimumu, umama emva kweminyaka emininzi ehlala kwam wamgxotha kuba wamfumana izinto ezingamanyala. Ndikhumbula nje ukuba lomfo wandibiza ngezimbo zomzimba kwaye wandiphuthaphutha kwigumbi likamakhulu ndisemncinci kakhulu emva koko wandinika imali okanye iilekese wandenza isenzo sokuthula. Ndiyintombazana enesondo kakhulu, ndihlutha amalungu esini ukususela oko ndandisengumntwana, ngoku ndingumfazi okhulileyo, bendihlala ndisoyika kwaye ndindlongondlongo, kunzima ukuba ndibe nabahlobo, ubudlelwane bam bothando bube sisilelo, Andinakuze ndibenabantwana kwaye ndiqinisekile ukuba kungenxa yento endandihlala njengomntwana, andikhumbuli phantse nantoni na malunga nobuntwana bam, nokuba ngabantu, okanye iimeko kwaye ngamanye amaxesha kukho izinto endizikhumbulayo endingazenziyo Ndiyazi ukuba ziyinyani okanye ndiyaziqamba, ndiyakhumbula kuphela ukuba ndenze imizobo engamanyala ngokungathi nditsala umdla wabazali bam, xa ndandineminyaka engama-20 ndaye ndajamelana nabazali bam, ndifuna ukuzibulala, ndandinokudandatheka okungathethekiyo kunye neengxaki zeanorexic, nge-23 ndaya phesheya, ndatshata ndahlala ngaphandle kwelizwe lam kangangeminyaka eyi-14, umtshato wam wasilela ndabuya ndabuyela kubazali bam, ndisengumntu odandathekileyo kwaye ndisoyika, ndingakhuselekanga kakhulu, bendiye kwisociologist, ugqirha wengqondo njlnjn Ndiva ngathi akukho mntu undiqondayo kwaye ndinganyaniseka nyani kungekho mntu, ndiyayicaphukela yonke le ntetho yezandla, iyandonyanyisa ngalo lonke ixesha ndibona umntu eyenzayo. Inyani yile yokuba ndinobomi obubuhlungu kakhulu.
Chapo! Kucacile ukuba akukho ndlela ifanelekileyo yokukhumbula nokwazi ukuba ukuxhatshazwa kuye kwahlupheka, nokuba ingqondo yethu iyakuvimba oko. Ayizizo izibalo, kodwa kum zibonakala ngathi zingaphezulu kwesiseko esichanekileyo sokuqalisa ukuphanda, ukuba yintoni ukuqonda kwethu esele ngamanye amaxesha kusikhwaza….
Enkosi, njengoko usitsho, ayizizo izibalo, akukho ndlela ifanelekileyo evula ibhokisi yePandora esezingqondweni zethu. Isitshixo unaso wena kuphela, ndingakhomba kuphela apho usixhoma khona
Ndiyakhumbula ekukhuleni kwam, ndihlaselwa ngabantu ababini. Andazi ukuba yinto eqhelekileyo kodwa ufuna ukukholelwa okanye ucinge ngento engakhange yenzeke. Kodwa mva nje ndiziva ngathi ndinemixokelelwano, andilali kakuhle, ndinamaphupha amabi kunye neenkumbulo okanye ngokungathi umzimba wam usabela kuloo nto. Okanye iimeko ezinje ukuba umzimba wam uyazikhumbula, ndivuka kwizikhundla ezikhumbuza zona. Ngokukhawuleza ndiziva ndibuhlungu kwaye andinakukudlula, ndineenkumbulo zento eyenzekileyo kwaye iyandikhathaza. Kwakungekho nto yokungena kodwa ndiyakhumbula indlela abazithatha ngayo izandla zam, bandivala umlomo ndanyanzelisa imilenze yam. Kwaye ndothuka kuba kutheni ndingayazi indlela yokulawula indlela endiziva ngayo.
Babendixhaphaza ndisemncinci. Ndidikwe kukuzula phakathi kweengqondo, oogqirha bengqondo kunye nezinye iindlela zonyango, bendihlala ndinoluvo lokuba kukho into kum engalunganga. Intombazana ebuhlungu kwaye igulayo, ukusukela ndandineminyaka elishumi elinambini ndinengxaki yoxinzelelo kwaye ndinama-25 unyango lwam lokuqala lokudandatheka kwiipilisi, ndineminyaka engama-45. Kwaye ekugqibeleni ndamfumana uCarmen. Bendingazi ukuba uchwephesha kulo mbandela. Wayeyibona ngokucacileyo emva komva wam. Emva koko ndiye ndazazisa kwaye kufana nokuba iziphumo zam kukuphathwa gadalala kwabantwana, kodwa ndingenazo iinkumbulo ngenxa yobudala bam, intloko yam ngamanye amaxesha iyala kwaye iyakholelwa kwaye kufuneka ndiqiniseke ngokupheleleyo ukuze ndikwazi ukwenza inkqubo . Ndingayenza njani?
Iyamangalisa indlela umzimba wethu osebenzisa ngayo iindlela zayo zokuzikhusela. Kwimeko yam ekhethekileyo, bendikhathazwa kukungalali iminyaka emininzi, uhlaselo loxinzelelo kunye noxinzelelo. Ndikhe ndaya kwizazi ngeengqondo ezininzi ezindincedileyo. Ukusukela ndisemncinci kakhulu bendinengxaki yobundlobongela basekhaya kwaye ndade ndaba yi-21 ndakwazi ukuthetha ngayo kwaye ndathatha amanyathelo asemthethweni. Ngapha koko, sonke esinamava abuhlungu, mandikuxelele ukuba sinenjongo kobu bomi. Musa ukunikezela, zikhuthaze amaziko otshintsho kunye namandla. Sonke sinokukhanya okusibonakalisa, masingakuvumeli ukuba kuphume. Ndiyithande kakhulu inqaku.
Xa kungekho nkumbulo icacileyo, ungajika ugqirha wengqondo oqeqeshiweyo okhethekileyo kwi-hypnosis.
Enye indlela kukubonisana nonyango olunezalathiso zokwenene, ezinamava kumaqela eentsapho, ukufunda ngesandla, ukutolika ifoto yaseKirlian, phakathi kwezinye izinto. Konke oku kunika imiqondiso yokudityaniswa kunye kukhokelela kwisiphumo onokwamkela ngokulula.
Nokuba uqinisekile ngokuxhatshazwa, kuya kufuneka uqale unyango oluthathelwa ingqalelo ukuqonda apho ukhetha khona ukuthanda kwakho okusondeleyo ebomini bakho.
Ngokwesiqhelo, umntu omdala oye waxhatshazwa uye wakhetha kwaye usakhetha ukuthanda kwakhe kukhuseleko abalunikezelayo, nokuba kungenxa yokuba kumenza azive ukuba ungaphezulu ngandlela thile kumntu amkhethileyo, okanye ngenxa yempawu ezithile zomntu lowo umntu uziva ukuba bakwimeko yamandla ngokubhekisele kuyo, umzekelo, isigulo esele sikhona salo mntu sichaziweyo sinokubabeka ebomini babo kwixesha elizayo, okanye ngenxa yeempawu ezilula ezinento yokwenza nokubonakala komzimba okanye kwengqondo.
Enye into enokwenzeka kukuba ekukhetheni iqabane kukho iimeko zokungabikho kokuzibophelela kothando ngokupheleleyo, umzekelo ukubeka imida kunxibelelwano rhoqo nesizathu esithi "ndinje" okanye "owaziwayo" yile nto ikhona "ngokudibanisa "okomzuzwana", isithembiso esicacileyo ngekamva elingaqinisekanga ukuba bayakukhathalela ukuthintela nantoni na abanayo ngexesha elifanelekileyo.
Umntu oxhatshazwayo woyikiswa ngokuziva ukuba bayathandana ngokwenene neqabane lakhe okanye basendleleni eya, kuba oko kudala imvakalelo yokuba baya kuva ubunzima ngakumbi ukuba ubudlelwane abusebenzi.
Ke ngoko, ukungabikho kokuzinikezela ngothando kunento yokwenza noloyiko lokwenza njalo, kuba kwixa elidlulileyo bebemphethe kakubi.
Ayifani into yokuba uxhatshazwe njengomntwana, apho wawungenawo amandla okuphepha ukuxhatshazwa; ukuba mdala ube neziphumo ezibi ngenxa yokhetho lwabo.
Xa umntu ekwazi ukuqonda nokudibanisa eli binzana lokugqibela, bakulungele ukufunda indlela yokukhetha kwinto abayifunayo ebomini babo bonke.
Ndinamathandabuzo okuba bandixhaphaza okanye hayi, bendihlala izinto ezininzi kangaka ebuntwaneni bam ... into endikhathazayo yeyokuba ngezihlahla zam bendizidlalela ukuba banobudlelwane (andazi ukuba yinto eqhelekileyo na okanye abanye abantwana Yenze) kodwa into ephazamisayo kukuba ndadlala Kuba badlwengula u-barbie, ndizifumana ndikhumbula ukuba xa le ntombazana yayikhala kwaye izixelele ukuba andingomntu ombi kwaye ndathandaza kuThixo ukuba andincede ndiphambili. Iinkumbulo zam zobuntwana ziphantse zangabikho, ndikhumbula okuncinci kakhulu. Andazi nokuba yenzekile okanye ayenzekanga
Njengomntwana, andikhumbuli ukuba mdala kangakanani umzala wam wandenza ukuba ndimbukele ephulula amalungu esini kwaye wazama ukuba ndimbonise iinxalenye zam kodwa kukho into kum ethi ayilunganga kwaye ungayenzi. Kwakunjalo, andikhange ndiyenze kodwa kutshanje ndiyikhumbule lonto kwaye ndingathanda ukuthetha ngayo ngoba ngoku ndicinga ngayo bendihlala ebuntwaneni obumnandi, bendinabahlobo kwaye bendonwabile kodwa okwangoku ngenxa yoxinzelelo Ndinezo nkumbulo zibuyiselweyo kum.
Molo ongaziwayo, into yokuba umntwana omncinci adlale ukuba iithoyi zakhe zazabelana ngesondo, kuxhomekeke kwimeko ekufanele ukuba ichazwe, ayibonisi ukuba wayephethwe gadalala, ngendlela yoDlwengulo okanye ngcono ukuba. Kodwa ukuba oko kubonisa ukuba umntwana uxhatshazwa ngokwesondo, nokuba kungokuba wabona ubungqina bokwabelana ngesondo, wabukela imovie yabantu abadala ephindaphinda kwaye ecacisa gca kumabonwakude, umamela iincoko zabantu abadala, wadlwengulwa… Zonke zihlukunyezwa ngokwesondo. Ke usebenzisa ulwimi olungenamlomo ukuvakalisa izimvo zakhe. Umxholo wendlela oonodoli ababelana ngesondo ngayo uthetha kakhulu, umzekelo, ukuba wenza isondo ngomlomo okanye oku kuchukumisa, loo mxholo uthetha ngemeko ehlala ngakumbi okanye mhlawumbi ndiyazibona ezi zigcawu. Zama ke ukukhumbula umxholo. Musa ukuzingcungcuthekisa, kodwa khumbula, mhlawumbi khange yenzeke, kwaye uneengxaki zengqondo ezizama ukufumana nayiphi na inkcazo yokuziva ngathi ayilunganga, njl. ubone ukuba ubuntwana bakho bebufuna okanye hayi ...
Molo, khange ndibenesibindi sokuxelela umntu ukuba ndiziva njani, kuba iyandoyikisa. Xa ndandineminyaka emi-5 ubudala, ndandinommelwane ongandihloniphiyo, wandibamba, ndingazi nto, ziimvakalelo ezingaqhelekanga, into ekungelula ukuyichaza.
Emva koko ndafudusa indlu. Apho bendihlala khona bekukho amawele angamadoda amabini, andikhumbuli kakuhle, kodwa into encinci endiyikhumbulayo yoyikeka, bobabini babembi, benza izinto ezimbi.
Kwaye xa ndingu 16 umhlobo wam wazama ukwenza okufanayo nakum.
Andazi ukuba ndiyenza ndingazi, kodwa andisafuni ukuba le yenzeke kum. Ngenxa yoko ndinoloyiko olukhulu ebantwini. Andikwazi ukuhlala nabo kuba bayandoyikisa, bayandonyanyisa, kuyandicaphukisa kwaye ndiziva ngathi onke amadoda afuna ukwenza okubi.
Ndize kwinqaku, kuba namhlanje bendikunye nesithandwa sam kwaye wayefuna ukuba ndenze isondo ngomlomo kuye, andifuni kodwa wanyanzelisa kwaye wamkela kodwa ndathi ndakubona ilungu lakhe ngokusondeleyo ivumba landinika imvakalelo yokuba le uqhelene kwaye uyaziwa ndim kwaye kwimpembelelo ndiphantse ndakhwaza ndiphindaphinda andifuni andifuni andifuni aqonde ukuba ikhona into eyenzekayo kwaye wandinceda kodwa yonke into yaziwa iphazamisa iingcinga zam kwaye iyandikhumbuza mna ngento esele ilityelwe
Ndandihlala ndikhumbula ubuntwana bam xa ndandineminyaka emi-4 okanye emi-5 ubudala, ndaya kummelwane kwibloko enye, wayeneminyaka engama-20 ubudala kunam, ndandicinga ukuba ndiyathandana naye andazi kutheni , Ndiyakhumbula ukuba ndakuba ndimxelele ukuba ashiye intombi yakhe ayokunditshata, yahamba iminyaka, emva kweminyaka emininzi ndabona uxwebhu olushiya i-Neverland kwaye ngequbuliso iinkumbulo kunye nokuthandabuza kuyaqala ukuvela, kulapho ndiqala khona ukuzibuza malunga nokuxhatshazwa kodwa mna Andikhumbuli, ndinayo ivinjiwe, kodwa ndiyazi ukuba ikhona into eyenzekayo apho engafanelekanga, ukuba mandingayichazi ngesicelo sakhe, ndiqhubekile ndazixhobisa kangangoko ndinako, nangona kusoloko kukho umbuzo .
Ungaxela njani ukuba umdlalo phakathi kwabantakwenu uphathwa gadalala? Ndineenkumbulo ezingacacanga, kodwa ndiyazi ukuba izinto zenzekile, ukuxubha, isondo ngomlomo, kufuneka ukuba bendineminyaka eli-9/10 ubudala, umntakwethu uneminyaka emi-3 ubudala (iminyaka eyi-13/14). Ndikhule ndicinga ukuba mhlawumbi yinto eqhelekileyo, "ukufunyanwa kwezesondo"? ixhaphake kangakanani? okanye ayiqhelekanga kwaye yinto eyiyo ukuxhatshazwa? umahluko wobudala uyancipha? . Ndineenkumbulo ezingacacanga zonyana womhlobo wabazali bam, owaziveza kum, kodwa andikhumbuli ncam. Namhlanje ndineminyaka engama-34 ubudala, kwaye ndinengxaki yokuxhalaba ngokubanzi, bendinengxaki yokuphakuzela, ndihlala ndidandathekile, kwaye ndihlala ndinengxaki zesisu (isisu esivuthayo), endixelelwe ukuba sinokuhambelana noxinzelelo (Ndafunda kwezinye izicatshulwa, ukuba isisu yingqondo yesibini). Eyona nto indikhathaza kakhulu kukuba andinazo iinkumbulo zobuntwana bam, okanye zimbalwa kakhulu, kwaye xa ndifuna ukukhumbula, andinakho, kwaye xa kubaliswa amabali abaliweyo okanye amabali, kunzima kakhulu ukuba ndizibeke kuloo meko. , kwaye andikukhumbuli ngokupheleleyo. UGoogle zonke ezi mpawu, yiyo loo nto ndifikile apha….
Enkosi ngeli nqaku.
Ndingathanda ukubuza ukuba ngaba esi senzo silandelayo sesisenzo sokuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo: Ndiyakhumbula ukuba xa ndandineminyaka esi-8 ubudala ndaya endlwini katata (ndahlukana nomama) ndimtyelela kwaye ndinomfanekiso wokuncancisa ingono yakhe umdlalo. Uye wandibamba esifubeni sakhe ingathi ndingumama wam kwaye bendimunca ingono yakhe ngokungathi undinika ubisi. Oku kumxholo womdlalo.
Andazi ukuba sisiphumo senani lezikhalazo ezenziweyo malunga nokuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo umntu ucinga ukuba "kulungile, nam kufuneka ukuba ndilixhoba kuba phantse zonke bezikhona", okanye inyani yokuba umntu akhangele Ixesha lakhe elidlulileyo ngebali elibuhlungu apho kungekho mntu wokuphanzisa imeko esele ilungile ngokweemvakalelo. Ngapha koko, xa ndikhumbula ngomzamo omkhulu, ndifumana umfanekiso endisandula ukuwuchaza. Abazali bam babeziintlobo zehippie ababehamba hamba endlini beze.
Kungekudala yaphuma kunomathotholo ukuba umfana wayephethe gadalala intombi yakhe encinci kwaye ndaziva ndisiva kakubi ukuyiva, ndazivale iindlebe zam ndaphuma egumbini. Nangona ingumxholo ekuxoxwa ngawo kusapho lwam, ondenze ndabuza isizathu sokuphendula kwam (kumaxesha angaphambili bendingekaphenduli ngaloo ndlela). Ndichithe ixesha elithile de kwafika kum ukufumanisa ukuba ingaba ikhe yenzeka na le nto kusapho lwam, umama wandivuma ukuba xa ndandisemncinci kakhulu (iminyaka emi-4 okanye emi-5 ubudala) kukho ixesha apho ndandiziphatha ngendlela engaqhelekanga Ndikrokrela ukuba baphethwe gadalala ngam, kodwa andiqondi ukuba ibingubani, kuba oyena mntu bendihleli naye yayingutata kunye nomntakwethu, kodwa andizange ndimlahle utata kwaye lonto yamenza wangaziwa, kunye nomntakwethu Andizange ndihlangane ke ngesiqhelo yayikukude naye.
Okwangoku akuvumayo oku kum, ndaphinda ndaziva ndingonwabanga. Ndamxelela ngalento kwaye wagqiba kwelokuba afune uncedo lokufumanisa ukuba izisolo zakhe ziyinyani na ngengqondo, kwiiseshoni ezimbalwa ndikwazile ukukhumbula okuncinci kakhulu ngento eyenzekileyo, ndiyakhumbula ukuba umntakwethu wandinyanzela ukuba ndimange ndimphathe indawo yakhe esondeleyo (eneempahla), kodwa andisakhumbuli kuba isifuba sam siqala ukuba buhlungu kwaye ndinomoya omncinci.
Ngaba ikhona enye indlela yokukhumbula into eyenzekileyo ngaphandle kokuphendula? Okanye kunokwenzeka ukuba bathathe isikhalazo kum ngento encinci endiyikhumbulayo? Enkosi kwangaphambili ngenqaku, beluncedo kakhulu.
Ndineenkumbulo ezimbi xa ndandiseyintombazana ndandineminyaka eyi-6 ubudala ndicinga, utata wam wesibini wandichukumisa amalungu am abucala kwaye ngenye imini ndilele wazama ukundixhaphaza, kodwa ndakwazi ukuvuka wabaleka waya kwigumbi likamama. , ngengomso ndimxelela uMama ngento eyenzekileyo khange andikhathalele wayokusebenza, enkosi Thixo umakhulu notamkhulu bam banam kwaye uninzi losuku ndikunye nabo, utatomkhulu nomakhulu bam abazi kwanto ngalento, ndim ndedwa umntwana nasendlwini yam sisodwa Sobathathu, umama, utata wam wesibini kunye nam, andinamandla okungakwazi ukutshintsha ubunyani bam nokuba kude naye, kunzima kum ukuhlala nomhla nezolo naye nembonakalo yakhe enezothe. Kule ndawo yokuzivavanya kubi kakhulu ndisekhaya imini yonke, esikolweni bendihlala ndiphazamiseka, xa zisiza engqondweni
iinkumbulo ndiyagula, andizinxibi iimpahla endizithandayo kuba uyandihlukumeza ngenkangeleko yakhe, andikhange ndithethe ngalento komnye umntu ngaphandle kwelo xesha nomama, amaxesha amaninzi ndizamile ukuzibulala kodwa ndicinga umama notatomkhulu wam
Ndize kweli nqaku kuba ngalo lonke ixesha ndibona imovie apho umntu wasetyhini wayexhatshazwa, inokwenzeka into yokuba kwenzeke into ethile kum iyeza engqondweni, kodwa andazi ukuba yintoni. La mabali andenza kakubi kakhulu kwaye ndikhala kakhulu xa ndibona ngenxa yokuba ndiziva ndibonisiwe, kodwa andazi ukuba yintoni. Ndingumfazi ona-33, nditshatile kwiminyaka emi-3 eyadlulayo, andinamntwana kwaye andikaze ndifune ukuba nabo, khange ndimithe nam. Ndatshata, kodwa njengemfuneko yoluntu, kwaye nangona ndimthanda umyeni wam kwaye ubudlelwane bam naye bulungile, andikaze ndifune ukutshata. Ndiyayithanda isondo kakhulu, kakhulu kwaye yandichukumisa kakhulu. Njengomntwana, ekubeni ndandineminyaka eyi-5 ubudala, ndiyakhumbula ndizichukumisa, andinakuyithintela into yokwabelana ngesondo, ngokuchaseneyo, inditsala kakhulu. Xa ndandisengumntwana ndandidlala nabahlobo bam kwaye ndikhumbula ndibanga emlonyeni kwaye ndidlala ngokuthintana, kuba ndandineminyaka emi-5 ubudala, ukongeza, kunye neBarbies endandiyidlala ekwenzeni uthando, kodwa enyanisweni bendingazi nantoni na malunga nokwabelana ngesondo, ndiyazi kuphela ukuba ndaziva ndinemvakalelo zesondo ndisemncinci kakhulu. Nge-9, 10, 11, 12 iminyaka ubudala ... Ndandinobudlelwane obusempilweni kunye nabahlobo bam, ngaphandle kokuchukumisa nabani na, ngaphandle kokuncamisa nabani na, kodwa okoko nje ndikhumbula, ndizichukumisile. Ndilahlekelwe bubuntombi bam kwi-18 kumhlobo, kwaye yayisempilweni. Nangona kunjalo, xa ndibona ezi zihloko, indenza ndixhalabe kakhulu. Ndinqwenela ukuba ndikhumbule yonke into ukulahla umbono wokuba mhlawumbi umntu othile undichukumisile ndingekafiki neminyaka emihlanu ubudala.
Mholo emvakwemini…
Ndakhe ndahlukunyezwa kwakanye, ndiyakukhumbula kuba ndandineminyaka eli-11 okanye eli-12 ubudala. Utata womhlobo ophulula amalungu esini phambi kwam. Ndamngcatsha ngentombi yakhe kunye notata. Ndaziva ndicaphuka kuba utata wayesithi wenze njalo ukuze ndingaphindi ndiye kwakhe. Ndijongene nale ndoda kunyaka odlulileyo. UKUSUSELA KWELI XESHA YONKE INTO icacile. Okwangoku, ndicinga ukuba kukho into eyenzekileyo ebuntwaneni bam beminyaka emi-3 ukuya kwemi-5 ubudala. Kuba ndiyayikhumbula le ndoda, yayingekuko ukutyelela indlu yakho. Ndikhumbula ngaphambili (ndandilele kuye, ndingqengqile kwaye imilenze ithe saa) nasemva (umakhulu ethetha nomnye umntu ukuba ucinga ukuba kwenzeka into kuba ndinento emhlophe ecaleni kwam). Ndikhumbula ndimsulwa kakhulu kwaye andinakugqiba ukuba yayiyinyani okanye yayiyimveliso yokucinga kwam, endikuthandabuzayo kuba njengomntwana andizange ndiboniswe kuwo nawuphi na umfanekiso owakhokelela kum ukuba ndicinge loo ndawo. Oko kungqonge intloko yam, kwaye ndinoloyiko lokuba iyinyani kwaye iyandichaphazela kamva. Andithembi kakhulu ngabantu kwaye umxholo uyandicaphukisa. Ngenye imini, xa ndandineminyaka eyi-6, entlanganisweni nabazala bam, ndabona le ndoda ihamba esitalatweni, ndayijonga ndaza ndaxelela umzala wam, owayemdala kum kunonyaka, ngendlela ekhululekile ndidlwengulwe. Emva kwexesha, wandixelela ukuba umama undibizile. Xa ndandiye, wandihlwaya kuba izinto ezinje azithethwanga. Yiyo loo nto ubudlelwane bam nomzala wam butshintshile kunye nomama nangona ndineminyaka engama-24 ubudala ... xa ndiphikisana ndimbanga ngokungathi bendinomsindo wento ethile. Ndifuna ukushiya yonke into ngasemva, ndifuna ukuba okwenzekileyo kungabi luxanduva, andifuni ukuba kundichaphazele okanye iqabane elinalo, okanye abantwana endifuna ukuba nabo ngenye imini. Ndifuna ukuzinza, ndive izinto ngento eyenzekileyo hayi eyenzekileyo. Ucinga ntoni gqirha? Ucebisa njani ukuba uqalise inkqubo? Enkosi kwangaphambili kwaye ndiyayihlonipha into oyenzayo.
Ndingumbhali wale post kwaye ngamanye amaxesha undishiya ndingathethi ngezimvo zakho. Ekuphela kwento endinokuyithanda kukuba ikuncede, isebenze njengendawo yokujika uye kunyango, kuba kulapho ungasombulula khona nakuphi na ukuthandabuza. Inkuthazo kunye namandla kubo bonke kwaye ndiyabulela ngokundifunda.
Ngaba ucinga ukuba singathetha ndiyathandabuza ukuba ndadlwengulwa okanye hayi ndineminyaka eli-14 ubudala
Molweni, bendifuna ukubalisa ibali lam, andazi nokuba ndadlwengulwa okanye andadlwengulwa, kodwa ndineenkumbulo ezithile, xa ndandineminyaka eli-9 ubudala, abazali bam baqhawula umtshato, saya kuhlala nomakhulu wam, indlu kamakhulu wam inkulu, ke inxalenye yayo yayiqeshiwe, yayisisiqabane.UMnu wayeneminyaka engama-34 ubudala kanye xa ndandidlala nomzala wam kwaye ndafika kwelo cala kwaye ndineenkumbulo zokuba wayehleli ebhedini yakhe ephulula amalungu esini andazi ukuba ndiguquka njani kwaye ndiziva njani kuye ngoku ndineminyaka eli-14 eyadlulayo Iminyaka embalwa andikhumbulanga oku kuphela ukuba le ndoda xa ndayibona kuba isengummelwane wam ngoku ihlala izindlu ezi-5 yandibhalela ku fb khange ndimhoye kodwa ndimfumene ethatha izinja zam wandibulisa wandixelela uba ndiyamkhumbula bendingxamile ndinovalo kakhulu kodwa andazi nokuba kwenzeke okanye yonke into isentloko yam kodwa Ndiva ukuba iyandikhathaza kuba ndiye kumgangatho wam wesithathu ukuxhoma iimpahla kwaye akayeki ukundijonga ndiyoyika kakhulu kuye kwafuneka ndixelele ubhuti ukuba athenge kwaye agobe afumane incoko bendithetha nomama kodwa yena Ndamphatha ngokwesiqhelo kodwa kwakubonakala ukuba ikhona enye into ayifunayo, unomnye umlingane kuba umama wandibonisa iifoto zabo wahleka andazi ukuba ndizophendula ndithini xa umama endibuza ngokuhlekisa ukuba bandidlwengulile, andazi into emandiyiphendule ndathula Waqhubeka ehleka, andazi nokuba mandiyithethe okanye ndingayithethi, ndixelele kuphela ezinye izihlobo endizithembileyo, andazi ukuba ukwenza ubomi bam yintlekele, into endiyenzayo kukulala nokutya. Sivalelwe sodwa kwaye ndiziva ngathi ndiza kuwa.
Kuya kufuneka uzikhuthaze kwaye uzame ukuthetha nomama wakho okanye nabani na onoxanduva lwakho, ukuba kunokwenzeka funa uncedo lobuchwephesha (isayikholojisti) kwaye ubone indlela yokuphatha eli tyala, kuba ukuba kukuhlukumeza oko ufumana kulondoda uthetha ngayo, ungayixela. Zama ukuthetha ngayo nomntu omdala othembekileyo okanye umntu okwaziyo ukukuqonda nokukunceda, nokuba ulilungu losapho, umhlobo okanye ingcali. Ndiyathemba ukuba niphilile, niyabulisa
Ewe, ndinengxaki yokuxhalaba, ingxaki yokuphakuzela kwaye bendinodandatheko kutshanje xa bendisetafileni nosapho lwam, inkumbulo ihlasele ingqondo yam, eyona nto ibindenza ndikhale kwaye nesifuba sam siqinisiwe ndifuna ukwazi ukuba kwenzeke ntoni Ndiyakhumbula ukuba yayikukuhamba epakini apho ndandihamba khona notata kwaye umntakwethu omncinci wayesimemile ukuba siyokutya inyama ezinye izihlobo ngaphakathi kolo sapho kukho inkwenkwe eyayindala kunam, ndandimalunga ne-8 okanye Iminyaka eyi-9 ndandiyintombazana nje ndiziva ngathi kukho umsantsa phakathi, andikhumbuli ukuba bekunjani ukuba ibikukuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo, inyani yile, kunzima ukuba ndikhumbule, ndikhumbula kuphela ngaphambili kwaye Umzuzwana emva koko ndiyoyika kodwa ndiyazi ukuba ndiza kuhamba phambili, usapho lwam lunam.
Ndandihlukunyezwa ngutata ndineminyaka eyi-6 kwaye wayehlala endixelela ukuba oku kuyimfihlo kwaye asinakumxelela umama ukuba kutheni ezobanomsindo kodwa uhlala esitsho phambi kwabo bonke abantakwethu Yonakele ke ndacinga ukuba, kodwa andizange ndikuqonde oku de ndaneminyaka engama-25 ubudala, xa emva kokuba kwinqanaba lokufikisa elinoloyiko oluninzi, uloyiko lasebusuku, amaxhala kunye nokukhathazeka, ndaqala ukuya kwisayikholojisti kwaye naye ndaziva ndiziva ngcono Ngomhla, nangona ndandingumfazi okhutheleyo kakhulu.kunye nomyeni wam wangaphambili ndaqonda ukuba wayeyintombazana ukuze ulwalamano alusebenzi ke ndaqhubeka nesayikholoji kwaye ngolunye usuku ndandinememori yazo zonke ukuba ukususela ebuntwaneni bam kwakuyinto kakhulu Yomelele kakhulu kuba kwiinyanga ezithile ezidlulileyo ndiye ndaqala ukubona ubuso bukatata kuzo zonke izinja azibonayo esitalatweni kwaye ndacinga ukuba ndizakuphambana ngalo mini ndathetha emnxebeni nesayikholojisti yam ndamxelela ukuba kwenzekani kwaye apho yonke loo memori yafika kum ndaqala ukugabha ndalila ngathi ziiyure ezimbini nawe Ndandisoyika kakhulu into enokwenzeka kum kwaye ukusukela ngala mhla ndaye ndaziva ndingcono emva koko ndaphinda ndatshata ndaphinda ndanonyana wumbi, kodwa apho akuzange kuphelele apho ndaya kuhlala kwiphondo njalo kwaye ngoku siyaqonda ukuba akenzanga gwenxa nje i-sini yam yabazala nabazala abaninzi kwaye nabazukulwana babo yonke le nto ibiphambene kodwa ndinombulelo ngokuya kwisayikholojisti kwaye ndizolunga xa ufunda la mazwi kwaye abazali bahlala bekhathala Oonyana bakho neentombi zakho ungazishiyi kwindlu kaMntu okanye nokuba lusapho, kuba ezi zinto zisenzeka kakhulu ngaphakathi koomalume bosapho, abazala, izihlobo zosapho njl njl. BONAKELE
Ndivakalelwa kukuba ikhona into engalunganga kum ndineminyaka engama-35 kwaye andinako ukwanelisa ubomi besondo endiziva ukuba kukho into eyenzekileyo ebuntwaneni bam, eyona nto indikhathazayo kukuthanda kwam ukubukela imiboniso bhanyabhanya engamanyala apho kubonwa khona udlwengulo okanye ukunyanzelwa kwesini kwaye nangona kungenjalo Kubonakala kuyinto eqhelekileyo kum, yinto endiyithandayo, ndiyakholelwa ukuba oku kukwaluphawu lokuba kukho into eyenzekileyo kum xa ndandisemncinci
Uxolo, ndingathanda ukwazi ulwazi oluthe kratya
aguilarsantiagobiancasarahi@gmail.com
Ndinezinto ezininzi zokwazi malunga nokudlula kwam endifuna ukuba undincede nceda, ndifuna ngokwenene ukuba undiphendule nceda
Enkosi ngolwazi
Andazi nokuba ndandihlukumezekile na, ndikhumbula ukuba xa ndandineminyaka eli-9 ubudala umama waya kuhambo ndaza ndahlala notata nobhuti wam, utata wanditsalela umnxeba ekuseni kwaye andazi ukuba kutheni ndaya , wandikhaba ndaza ndaziva into yam kwaye ndaqala ukukhala ndaza ndabuza utata ukuba xa umama eza kuza, ndikhumbula ukuba wandichukumisa ngokungafanelekanga, ndiyamcaphukela utata wam, ngoku ndingu 19 kwaye Khange ndithethe ngale nto kuye nabani na, bendisoloko ndisoyika ukukhumbula ukuba ugqithise ntoni. Ndiyaqhubeka nobomi bam obuqhelekileyo, akukho mntu waziyo kwaye ndiyazi ukuba kudlule iminyaka emininzi kwaye mhlawumbi andinakukwenza ngoku, ndiyoyika ukuba abayi kundikholelwa, andazi ukuba ndingoyisa njani le nto kodwa mna yazi ndizohlala ndimthiyile utata
Molo, ndinodade oneminyaka eli-17 ubudala oye wazisa ezi ndlela zokwenza iminyaka emi-4:
Kuqala, waqala ukuhamba ecaleni phambi kwamadoda unonkala, emva koko waphinda amagama kaninzi okanye wasinyanzela ukuba siphendule umbuzo amaxesha amaninzi, waphinda wachopha nakwigumbi lokuhlambela, hayi kwindlu yangasese, waphinda wakhwaza, khange afune ukusondela kubo.amadoda kwaye andithethi notata kunye nam nokuba ekuqaleni emveni koko itshintshe kancinci njengoko indlela yokwenza ibitshintshile emva koko waqala ukubeka isepha okanye umgubo wesepha kumalungu akhe abucala njengoko yena usixelele emva kwethuba naye usixelele ukuba uyakhumbula ukuba xa wayekwibanga lesi-6 umntu afunda naye wafaka isandla sakhe phantsi komlenze ngaphandle kwemvume yakhe wathi naye wenze okufanayo komnye ofunda naye kamva wathi kanye kwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo umlilo inkwenkwe yamxhasa ngasemva kwaye tmb yathi into efanayo yenzekile kuye ebusini wabe esithi uyamonyanya ummelwane x owayetyebe kakhulu kwaye emdaka x owayecinga kakubi ngaye naye ngokufanayo nomqhubi owayehlala esithatha Esikolweni kunye nabanye abantu emva koko wathi kanye emotweni xa wayesele egula eneminyaka eyi-13, utata wam wayemsa esikolweni, kwaye ngelo xesha wayesebenzisa iimpahla ezimanzi kakhulu kwaye ezihlamba ngesepha. ixesha, kwaye wathi uxelele utata wam ukuba angajonga ukuba iblukhwe yakhe imanzi ngasemva emva koko wathi utata wam watsala esinqeni kancinci ukubona ukuba ungasemva kwaye wayephambili , Kwaye uthi ngempazamo wa brusha iimpundu zakhe wamxelela ukuba iblukhwe yakhe ibimanzi kakhulu ngoko ke wehla wayozitshintsha kodwa wayehlala enxibe iimpahla ezimanzi ezantsi ngeloxesha, kuba ngeloxesha wayesele enjalo eyayisuka ngaphambi koko wathi kanye nge14 xa utata wamwohlwaya kuba engaziphathi kakuhle ndandikhona ngeloxesha kuba wayendicelomngeni, ke njengokuba udadewethu wayesele eqale ukumcekisa okanye into enje emadodeni utata wam wayembi kangaka wayefuna ukumtshisa emva kokuphosa Igar yena kwaye wayehlala ekhala kwaye elila (into enjeya andiyikhumbuli kakuhle) ekuqaleni kwayo yonke into andonyanyisa ngayo, wasuka kude kakhulu kwaye akazange athethe nam kodwa emva koko waqala ngokusondela okanye okungaqhelekanga madoda, ewe umbuzo kukuba andazi kutheni le yindlela endifuna ukwazi ngayo ukuba yinto entlokweni yakhe okanye kwenzeke into kuye andinalwazi kodwa abazali bam sele bemthathile amaxesha am nengcali yezengqondo kunye noogqirha babantwana kodwa yona ihlala injalo bamnike iipilisi kuphela kwaye ulala kude kubethe u1 emva kwemini
Bendihlala "ndingumntwana owahlukileyo" bendingabaleki, bendingayithandi imidlalo, bekunzima kakhulu kum ukunxulumana nabanye abantwana, bendisoloko ndindedwa, ndisoyika ukwaliwa, ndihlala ndibuhlungu kwaye ndilala. Andikhumbuli ukuba ndandimdala kangakanani, kodwa babengaphantsi kweminyaka emi-5 ubudala, andikhumbuli kakhulu kwaye xa ndizama ukuzibamba, ndibuza emva koko kwaye ndicacile malunga noku: Ndifuna ukudlala iSpongeBob nge abazala bam, bamsulwa, kwaye omnye wabo wandibuza- Loluphi uhlobo lweSpongeBob? I-spongebob kwi-TV, okanye xa ndidlala ne "pitty yakho encinci"?. Ukubhekisa kwinto yokuba wayesele eyenzile ngaphambili, kodwa andikhumbuli ukuba wayenza nini. Uneminyaka emithandathu ubudala kunam. Emva kwexesha, xa ndandineminyaka emi-6 ubudala, ummelwane kamakazi wam wandinyanzela ukuba ndibukele iphonografi, kwaye wandixelela ukuba kufuneka ndiyenze loo nto kunye naye okanye nodadewabo omncinci, ndala zombini kuba ndandisoyika, emva koko ndinezithuba engqondweni, kodwa ngequbuliso ndicinga ukuba ndiyakhumbula ukuba naye wayephethe ipipi yam. Xa ndandineminyaka eyi-6 ubudala, ndicinga ukuba ndandinxiba amabhanti kunye nomlingane ofunda naye esikolweni, kodwa andizange nditsaleleke kuwo, mhlawumbi ngenxa yezo ngxaki zazingazibandakanyi. Ndihlala ndiziphatha ngendlela engaqhelekanga, ngamanye amaxesha ndiziva ngathi ndilahlekelwa kukuzilawula. Andazi ukuba ndingajongana njani nayo, kule mihla andizithembanga, mva nje ndibandezelekile. Ndineentloni zokudlala ngothando nabasetyhini kunye namadoda kulula, kodwa ndinolwalamano olubi kakhulu, kuyacaca ukuba ndinomdla kuphela ukuba bandiphatha kakubi.
Molo, igama lam ndinguJuan kwaye ndineminyaka engama-26 ubudala.Ndiyayixabisa into yokuba kunabantu abapapasha amanqaku afana neli kuba kukho amawaka amatyala alolu hlobo kwaye ngelishwa ndihamba nale ngxaki inkulu ngenxa yeemeko ezininzi ndangena kwiziyobisi Sebenzisa kwaye ndibethe ezantsi ndingazi Isizathu kude kube ngenye imini ndafumana inkumbulo yokuba bandixhaphaza nini kwaye ndaye ndadandatheka kakhulu ndaza ndalikhoboka leziyobisi abafuna ukuba umfazi nabantwana bam bahlale kude nam kwaye utata wam Ungakholelwa xa ndimxelela ngento eyenzekileyo kum. Ebuntwaneni bam iminyaka emi-3 okanye nangaphezulu phantse yonke imihla kodwa kulungile. Ngoncedo lukamama nabantakwethu kunye nabatshana bam ababini ndakwazi ukuphuma. Ukuntywila kancinci kwaye ukusukela ngoko ndizinikezele ekuphandeni indlela yokoyisa lo mkhuba kunye nokulutha kwam ngaphezu kwayo nayiphi na into kuba umntu ondixhaphazayo uhlala edolophini enye nam nakumaxesha angalindelekanga esitratweni ndimfumana kunye pz yonke Iinkumbulo ziyikhukula intloko yam ngokungazenzisiyo enkosi kwaye uThixo asikelele abantu abapapasha amanqaku ukuze bancede okanye babonelele ngezixhobo kubantu abafana nam kwaye ndiza kuyithenga le ncwadi kwaye ndiyincome kakhulu
Ndahlukunyezwa xa ndandiphakathi kweminyaka emi-3 nengu-4 ubudala ngoku ndineminyaka eli-10 kwaye andazi ukuba ndiza kubaxelela njani abazali bam yiyo loo nto ndikhangela uncedo kwaye ndiyoyika ukuba bangandikholelwa kwaye bandithumele Ukubhoda esikolweni kwaye ndiyoyika
Mna naamas ndiyakhumbula ukuba umzala wam ebendenza izinto ngathi xa esiya kwigumbi lokuhlambela wandichukumisa ngomnwe wakhe ngasemva kwaye ndandineminyaka nje eyi-4, ndikhumbula nje ukuba wandichazela ukuba sisifuba sam kwaye beka umnwe wakhe esifubeni sam andisakhumbuli kakuhle ndingathanda ukwazi ukuba oko sele kuhlukumeza okanye okwangoku ndineminyaka eli-11 ubudala kwaye ndinengxaki yokoyika endinako kwamadoda kwaye andazi Kutheni ndinqwenela ukuba umntu aphendule umbuzo wam
Mholweni. Xelela abazali bakho okanye abagcini abasemthethweni, kwaye uhambe kude kangangoko kunokwenzeka kwezo ntsapho ngaphandle kokunxibelelana nabo.
Molo, ungandinceda ndisuse oku kungathandabuzeki malunga namava am okwabelana ngesondo okokuqala, kwenzeka xa ndandimalunga neminyaka eyi-10, ndahlala ndalala nabanye abafana kwaye umzala wam waqala ukundichukumisa ebusuku kwaye ndaphulula amalungu esini ndenza ngathi ndilele le Iphindaphindwe kaninzi ngamanye amaxesha kude kube lusuku olunye ukungena, yonke le nto yayizenza ngathi ilele kwaye yayihlala iphindaphindeka sade sayenza siyazi kwaye siphaphile de ndingasafuni ukuyenza kuba bendiziva ndibi kakhulu ukuyenza, ndiyekile Ukuthetha naye okwethutyana emva koko ndabuya ndazothetha naye kodwa bendingafuni ukuyenza kwaye yonke into ibilibalekile kodwa bendiziva ndibi kwam iminyaka emininzi, bendiziva ndinetyala kwaye ndineentloni ngokuba ndiyenzile nesizalwane de Ngenye imini andinakukuthwala ukuziva ndinetyala ndaye ndaxelela umama ukuba ndifuna ukuyokuvuma ukuba ndingaya phi, wandixelela ndahamba ndathi xa ndizivuma kutata ndaziva ndithuthuzelekile kodwa ngoku ndimdala Andikwazi ukubona abafazi ngendlela enomdla nanini na xa ndizama ukucinga ngendlela yesondo ndicinga ukuba mna I-rsona inokuba sisihlobo sam, umama okanye udadewethu kwaye andiva lonwabo, umntu angandixelela ukuba kutheni le nto isenzeka kum
Molweni, ndandineminyaka emi-4 ubudala kwaye ndineminyaka eli-11 ubudala ndikhumbula isalamane sindixhaphaza. Bendihlala ndiyazi, kodwa bendihlala ndisohlula kum, ingathi ndiyayazi imfihlo yentombazana encinci ehlupheke oku. Kwiinyanga ezimbalwa andinayo nofifi lokuba ndabona njani ukuba ndiyile ntombazana inye eyabandezeleka yile nto! Oku kundikhathaza kakhulu. Ndine-sicatrises ezingalweni zam endizaziyo ukuba ndizibonile, sele ndinemvakalelo yokuzilimaza ngalo lonke ixesha ndisiva iintlungu ezazifunyanwa yile ntombazana yonke imihla yokuxhatshazwa.
Xa ndandineminyaka eli-13 ubudala, ndaxelela abazali bam malunga nayo, khange bakhathalele, bayigodusa kwakhona emva koko ndiyacinga, bendingenandlela yimbi kwaye ndohlukanise oku nam, ndatshata ndineminyaka eli-16 ngoku ndineminyaka engama-23. iminyaka ubudala, kungekudala ndiza kukhangela uncedo kuba ndiqaphele ukuba andinakho ngazo zonke ezi nkumbulo bendingenazo kwaye ngoku zilapha ..
Ndineminyaka eli-13 ubudala kwaye ndinombono wokuba ngaxa lithile ndaxhatshazwa andazi andikhumbuli kwanto kodwa ndiyazi ukuba ndinento enkulu ngaphakathi kwaye andazi nokuba yile okanye enye into Ubomi ndibukhathazile ubomi bam buya kuba buphelele kuba usapho lwam luhle kakhulu ndinendlu kwaye yonke into ilungile kodwa bendihlala ndinoloyiko olomeleleyo kangangokuba bandikhokelele ekwenzeni izinto ezinkulu ezixhalabisayo ngoku ndinedepression khange ndibenayo ukonwaba nobomi obugcweleyo kudala ndaziva ngcono noko kodwa izolo ndiphumile kwalandela indoda yandilandela ngoku ndibhidekile indenza ndonyanya ngoba ndiyintombazana kwaye ixhego elenyanyekayo landenzakalisa endikuthandayo olona luhamba kakhulu kukuhamba wedwa okanye ngebhayisekile okanye ngenja yam kodwa ngoku ndiyoyika kwaye ndiziva ndimbi kakhulu kwaye ndedwa ndicinga ukuba ndihlukumezekile yinto efana nokuzingela kwaye umama wandixelela ukuba lolona loyiko lwakhe lukhulu kukuba ndihlukumezekile, into ethetha ukuba naye unezimpawu zokuba ndiye ndaxhatshazwa
Molo, kutshanje ndiqale ukukhumbula izinto endizenzileyo ndisengumntwana, kwaye kuloo nto inkumbulo engaqhelekanga yandifikela. Xa ndandimalunga ne-5 okanye i-6 yeminyaka ubudala, ndabona imuvi eyoyikisayo, ndandisoyika kakhulu ngobo busuku ndafikelwa ngumkhuhlane kwaye andakwazi ukulala, andazi ngawe, kodwa kusapho lwam, umakhulu wam ubuchule (andazi ukuba ndibubize ngantoni) ayenzileyo. Ingaba uloyiko lwakho lungaphela? Wayezodlulisa iqanda kuyo yonke imizimba yethu esenza imithandazo eliqela, kwaye xa kugqityiwe saziva singcono, kulungile Ngelo xesha umakhulu wayehlala kwesinye isixeko, ngoko ke akazange akwazi ukundinika olo nyango? Ke abazali bam bajika baya kumalume ukuba andincede, ngokutsho kwakhe wayekwazi nokwenza olo hlobo. Ke ngobo busuku, ndazivalela egumbini, yayingathi sobabini, inyani andiyikhumbuli kakuhle into awayendixelele yona, kodwa ndayiqonda kwaye wayendikhotha lonke ibele, ndandicinga yayiyinxalenye yonyango okanye into enjalo., emva koko andikhumbuli ngakumbi. Kodwa ndinoluvo lokuba ndiye ndaphathwa gadalala emva koko, kuba ngokutsho kwakhe wayezakudlulisa iphephandaba ngomzimba wam kwaye wayengazukundikhotha, ndisenezikrokro, ndiyoyika. Ndincede
Emva kokufunda le ndise ndadideka, andazi nokuba ndihlukumezekile na ngokwesondo, ndiyakhumbula kuphela ukuba indoda endandiyithatha njengotatomkhulu, ngamanye amaxesha bendihlala phakathi kwemilenze yakhe ndizive ngathi kukho into ehambayo okanye ephakamayo, ngeloxesha Ndandineminyaka emi-6 ngoko ndandingaqondi ukuba yintoni leyo, andikhumbuli ukuba ikhona enye into ayenzileyo kum, ngaphandle kwalonto ndikhumbula kuphela ukuba ngesinye isihlandlo wayefuna ndihlale ndedwa naye, ngethamsanqa akwenzekanga kwaye ngesinye isihlandlo wandinyanzela ukuba ndimphuze, ngaphambi kokuba ndikhumbule ukuba wandixelela ukuba imilebe yam mihle kakhulu, kwaye ibomvu kakhulu kwaye wandixelela ukuba ndinuke kamnandi, andazi nokuba ikhona into ayenzileyo kum. , Khange ndithethe nto, ndiye ndathula, ngesizathu sinye eh bendinethamsanqa lokuphinda ndimbone kwaye lonto yandichaphazela, xa ndiphinda ndimbona ndaziva ndonyanya, uloyiko, umsindo, zazininzi iimvakalelo kwangaxeshanye ixesha ndiyathemba ukuba ngenye imini ndiyakwazi ukuqonda yonke into kwaye ndazi ukuba le ndoda yenze kuphela loo nto hayi enye into embi.
Ndidinga uncedo kule ndawo yokuvalelwa ndedwa ndiye ndaqonda ukuba utata wam wegazi, ondigadileyo, undijonga ngendlela engcolileyo nengcolileyo ngalo lonke ixesha okanye ubona impundu yam okanye ubona amabele am ngendlela engamanyala, ndizama ukunxiba iimpahla ezirhabaxa kwaye zimbi kodwa nangona ndihlamba umzekelo ndiva ukuba kukho umntu osemva kwam ebona impundu ndibuyela umva kwaye utata ukhona kwaye ngalo mzuzu uyatshintsha ukujonga kodwa ndiyayibona indlela atshintsha ngayo ndiye kwenye indawo x, ke ndizama ukuba segumbini lam imini yonke, kwaye ndiye ndiphume kuphela xa ndingekho ... Ndiyintombi nto kwaye ndinosulelo oluhlala luphuma kwilungu lobufazi, ngumzabalazo oqhubekayo, nditsho nowam ugqirha wamabhinqa uyasazi isizathu sokuba ndihlaselwe zizifo eziphindaphindayo, ndivile ukuba abanye abantu ababhinqileyo abangamantombazana baphathwa gadalala xa bebadala okanye bekwishumi elivisayo baba nezifo njengendlela yokuzikhusela engekho zingqondweni ... mzalwana omncinci, nangona kunjalo andinakungqinelana kodwa kwabonakala kungaqhelekanga kum oko waya kulala ebhedini yomntakwethu omncinci, nangona yena nomama banebhedi yabo, isizathu sakhe yayikukuba wayeshushu ... kwaye ngamanye amaxesha xa elala nomntakwethu omncinci wayebeke isandla sakhe phezu kwengqele yakhe ngokungathi yena wayeziphulula amalungu esini, kodwa ngamanye amaxesha andibonanga zandla zakhe ziphantsi kwesigubungelo kwaye walala egone umntakwethu, kuba ndabona ukuba okokuqala usulelo lwam lobufazi lwaqala nge-16 kwaye andazi ukuba xa ndandisengumntwana wenza okufanayo kum uMama wamchazela ukuba andimthandi elele nomninawa wam, umama wandixelela ukuba ndisisidenge ngeengcinga ezimbi, olona loyiko lwam kukushiya indlu kwaye uqala ukubamba umntakwethu omncinci, Andazi nokuba uyayenza okanye akayenzi, kodwa akandixeleli.iyoyikeka ukumshiya yedwa.
Ungaqhagamshelana njani ukuze uqale unyango?
Ndiyabulela ngamazwi akho Maria. Kunjengale nto uyithethayo, ndiyiphile, yonke imeko. Namhlanje ndineminyaka engama-44 ubudala kwaye kunyaka ophelileyo bendinokukhumbula kuphela ngaphambi nasemva kwemeko enditshintshe ngonaphakade. Nge-38 ndaqala ngohlaselo loloyiko, kodwa kuba ndandimncinci ndineengxaki zokutshisa ebusuku, i-tachycardia, ukuphefumla kancinci, amaphupha amabi, njl. Ndafunyaniswa ndine-SAD. Ndazimisela ukufumanisa ukuba yintoni eyandenza ndibandezeleke xa kufuneka ndinxulumana nabantu endibaziyo, kunokuba ndihlale nabantu endingabaziyo. Ndiqale ukuqaphela ukuba emaphupheni am bekuhlala kusebusuku, kukukhanya kwesitalato kuphela, ndikhumbule ukuba ngaxa lithile ebuntwaneni bam kude kube namhlanje, andinakukwazi ukuzoba izandla, ndiyathanda ukuzoba, kodwa andikwazi ukwenza izandla. Zonke ezo zinto kunye nezinye ezininzi zenze ukuba ndifike kwimemori ethile. Iinyanga zidlulile kwade kweyona ndlela ibingalindelwanga ndikwazile ukuqinisekisa ukuba "umalume" okhohlakeleyo unjalo. Ufile iminyaka embalwa, kodwa wasweleka yedwa kwaye waphuka. Andazi ngenene ukuba ndiyisebenza njani le nto okwangoku. Kodwa ndiyayiqonda unobangela wentlungu yam. Yanga sonke singakhumbula, kwaye siphilise.
Kwiminyaka embalwa edlulileyo ndaya kunyango kwaye ugqirha wengqondo wandibuza ukuba bandidlwengulile na, kucacile ndathi hayi kodwa ukusukela ngala mhla zange ndayeka ukucinga ngalomba. Kunyaka ophelileyo ndilele esibhedlele ndinenkwenkwe ndandikhona, ndaziva ngathi ndiyintombazana encinci engenakuzinceda kwaye ndaziva ukuba undikhumbuza umntu owandilimazayo. Ndandihlala ndinengxaki yokutya kunye nesisu, ixhala, kwaye kunyaka ophelileyo ndafunyaniswa ndine-BPD. Ndicinga ukuba ndive into efana nokuxhatshazwa kodwa andikhumbuli, zincinci izinto ezenza ukuba ndicinge malunga noko, kodwa andinayo indlela yokufumana loo mntu ndikholelwa ukuba wenze njalo kum. Kwaye ngalo lonke ixesha ndithetha nonyango lwam undixelela ukuba "ixesha lam liza kufika" ucinga ukuba ndiziva ndilala ngesondo kwaye into angayaziyo kukuba ndicinga ukuba ndihlukumezekile kwaye yiyo loo nto ndinguye.
Ndinexhala lokudakumba okokoko ndise mncinci, kwi-10 yeminyaka ndathatha amayeza kamama, emva koko ndaziva ndimsizela kwaye ndiwagabha, ndineminyaka eli-15 ubudala ndatsala iinwele zam ngalo lonke ixesha utata endiphatha kakubi, Undixelele izinto ezimbi kwaye ndiyakhumbula ukuba wayenesifo, nangona ndicinga ukuba uvimbile izinto ezininzi ndiqinisekile ukuba wandichukumisa amatyeli aliqela, ndandineminyaka eli-10 ubudala kwaye ndandiphulula amaphambili ndandifuna ukuziva izinto endicinga ukuba liphupha ukuba umntu othile undichukumisile, ke xa ndandineminyaka eyi-17 ndafuna ukuzibulala kwakhona phakathi kwengxaki enkulu ndaye ndahlukunyezwa ngutata, ngexesha lokuba mdala kwam bendinengxaki yoxinzelelo, bendinamaphupha amadoda amadala abelana ngesondo, ndiphuphe yesandla esachukumisa intombazana ndandimncinci kwaye ngenye imini ndaphupha utata wam omncinci engena ebhedini yam kwaye njengomntwana, yomelele kum. Kutshanje ndiye ndakwazi ukuxelela omnye umntu ukuba yayingenguye ugqirha wam wengqondo kuba utata nasemva kweminyaka endihlukumeza ethetha izinto ezimbi ngam, umtshato wam uhambe kakubi ngoko andifuni ukuba andichukumise okanye abenobudlelwane. Ngalo lonke ixesha ndisondela kutata, ayithandeki.
Molweni ... andazi nokuba bendihlukumezekile na, ukusukela ebuntwaneni bam ndikhumbula izinto ezimbalwa kakhulu, namhlanje ndineminyaka engama-31 ubudala kwaye umbono wokuba utata undixhaphazile uyandiphazamisa, ndiyamlahla, bendisoloko ndisiva into Akumangalisi oko kundenza ndingafuni okanye ndimmamele Nangona ebesoloko ebonakala eyindoda elunge ngokwasentlalweni, utshatile nomama wam iminyaka engama-36, akuzange kubekho ngxaki ngokungathembeki, okanye ukusela, phambi kokuba abe nemveliso, Iminyaka embalwa ngoku (ngoku uneminyaka engama-58 ubudala) akenzi nto ngobomi baKhe kwaye iingcinga zam kukuba uyindoda engenamsebenzi, ayisiyonto endinokwazi ukuyithetha ebusweni bakhe ngenxa yokumkhathalela kwaye ngoba Ukongeza ekubeni nzima kakhulu, kungazisa iingxaki kusapho, kuba ngumntu othi xa ephikisana naye, abe ndlongondlongo kwaye abangele imilo yabo apho bemamela ukuya kuthi ga kwiibhloko ezi-2 kude. Umntakwethu omdala kum ngeminyaka eyi-4 kum, wasibetha kakhulu xa sisebancinci, kwanaxa sasineminyaka engama-20, kwaye savota ukusuka ekhaya amaxesha amaninzi. Ukuthetha ngokubanzi sisishwankathelo sento endiyibonayo kuyo.
Ndiva ukuba bendihlukumezekile ngenxa yala mandla andihlaselayo xa ekufutshane, ndiziva ngathi iyanditya, ndiziva ndingakhuselekanga malunga nokubonisa ulusu esitratweni kunokuba ndikhululeke xa ndikunye naye, ke ngoko ndikhetha ukunxiba impahla.
Njengomntwana ndineenkumbulo ezimfutshane zokukhwela emqolo kwaye ndimpeyinte ngepensile okanye isiphawuli nanini na xa ebuya ekhaya evela emsebenzini, kodwa kuphela kwendlela ebonakalayo endinayo engqondweni ebomini bethu bonke, nditsho nokuwola.
Kweminye yemilo yethu undixelele ukuba ndi «ngumama kamama ukusukela ndandineminyaka emi-5 ubudala» kunye nokufumana iimpendulo kwaye mhlawumbi nokuzikhusela ndiyazibuza «kwenzeka njani ukuba intombazana eneminyaka emihlanu ibe umama kamama? » «Yintoni ebendinokuyenza ukuze emva kweminyaka engama-5-20 ndisakhumbula ukuba ukususela kwiminyaka emi-25 ubudala ucinga ukuba ndingumama womama?».
Ngaphandle kokwazi ukuba kutheni eyenzile, uye wakhankanya nokuba ukhe wazama ukuzibulala izihlandlo ezi-2 kwaye xa wayethetha ngeminyaka awayezama ngayo, u-1 kwaba xa ndandineminyaka emi-5 ubudala, kuyamangalisa kuba ndibuze Umama ukuba uyasazi isizathu kwaye undixelela ukuba yonke into ibilungile, usisi wam omncinci wayeneminyaka emi-2 ngelixesha ndandineminyaka emi-5, omnye wayekwiminyaka yokufikisa. Kanye kwimpikiswano ndambuza "kutheni uzame ukuzibulala?" kwaye ke waqumba, waqala ukukhala, kodwa ecaphuka wandixelela ukuba yinto engekhoyo leyo, akandiphendulanga.
Ndiyakhumbula ndidlala izilwanyana ezifakwe ngesondo, ndikhumbula ukumanga emlonyeni kunye nomzala, ndikhumbula ndibeka ukhilimu ngasemva kukadadewethu ofihlwe phantsi kwebhedi (kutheni ndingazifihla ukuba bekungengokuba ndicinga ukuba oko akulunganga? ?) Abazali bam babehlala begcinwe ngobomi babo obusenyongweni, andinakutsho ukuba ndabelana ngesondo ngenxa yokubabona okanye ukubukela imovie, kananjalo, ngokuka mama, uhlala enikela ixesha lakhe lokuba ngumfazi wendlu, ke ayikuko ukuba ndishiye ndigadwe ngabanye abantu.
Enye into kukuba ndiye ndaqala ukuphulula amalungu esini ngokujikeleza i-13, nangona amava am okwabelana ngesondo nendoda (endiyikhumbulayo) yayikwiminyaka ye-18, ndiyayithanda iphonografi kwaye uhlobo olujika lukhona phakathi kwabazali neentombi okanye amandla, ngamanye amaxesha bendikhe ndizicingele notata wam.
Konke oku kunzima kakhulu ukukukhulisa, kuba kundenza ndizigwebe kwaye ndiqale ndicinge ukuba ndiyagula nyani na kwaye ukuba ngaba kukho impatho-mbi eyenziwa ngutata ndisemncinci, kungenxa yokuba ndayibanga. wandixelela ukuba "ubungumama womama okoko uneminyaka emi-5" kwaye emva kokuba enze into kum waziva kakubi kangangokuba wazama ukuzibulala. Andazi, andiqinisekanga ngayo nantoni na, kuba andikhumbuli nto ngokungqalileyo njengoko wandiphuzayo okanye wandibamba okanye wamenza ukuba amthinte, endinako ziingcinga nje kuphela ezingenankxaso ngaphezu kohlalutyo lwam, izinto Utshilo kwaye ndiva ntoni ... kodwa inyani kukuba ndihlala ndikhathazekile yile nto kwaye ndifuna ukukhumbula ukuba kukho into eyenzekileyo, ukuqonda ukuba kutheni ndingayithandi kakhulu kwaye ndingavuli izinto ngokungathandabuzekiyo ezichaphazele ubudlelwane bam ebomini bam bonke.
Ndikhumbula ibhafu kuphela, ijeli yeenwele kunye nomzala wam kwaye besikhuthaza, kungena umakhulu wam esithi mandingayenzi kodwa andazi ukuba kwenzeke njalo
Ndiyakhumbula kwakhona ukuba ukususela ngoko (ndandineminyaka engama-3 ubudala) wayendikhuthaze (andifuni ukuthetha i-masturbating, ndiyayithiya elo gama kwaye liyandikhathaza kakhulu). Ndandihlala ndikuthiyile ukuzivuselela, ndikuthiyile, ndikuthiyile, ndikuthiyile ukukhumbula oko. Ndiyakhumbula ukuba njengomntwana ndaye ndadlala noonodoli abahamba ze besenza isenzo sesondo, ndibukela iividiyo ezinomxholo wabantu abadala kunye nomzala wam kwaye sidlala ngokwesondo, sisikhuthaza, emva koko ndakwenza oko nomhlobo wam, ndayifundisa, kodwa ngaphandle kwenjongo embi , Ndiyazisola yonke imihla kwaye ndihlupheka kakhulu. Mna nomzala wam siyalingana. Ndikhumbula kwakhona ndizivuselela ngesihlalo enkulisa okanye kwisikolo samabanga aphantsi, bendingenakukunceda, bendisenza rhoqo.
Andazi ukuba olo luxhatshazo, andikhumbuli umntu omdala okanye umntu omdala kunam nomzala wam, ndiyakucaphukela ukungakwazi ukukhumbula. Kodwa bendihlala ndisoyika ukuthetha ngesini, ndiyayicaphukela into yokuba bachukumisa umzimba wam nokuba bangamadoda okanye bangabafazi. Andikwazi ukuma xa umama endibetha, ndiziva ndisoyika kwaye ndinokuziva ukuba isandla sihleli emzimbeni wam sinezothe kum. Kuyandikhathaza ukuhamba phambi kwamehlo amadoda, andithandi ukucinga kakubi ngomntu kodwa akunakuphepheka ukuziva ukuba umzimba wam uyajongwa. Ilungu lesini lam livuselelwa ngokulula, ngaphandle kokuba neengcinga zesondo, kuphela kukhuthazo olubonakalayo ngaphandle kwendawo kwaye ukongeza ekundiphazamiseni, ngamanye amaxesha kuyandikhathaza emzimbeni.
Xa ndifunda eli nqaku ndikhale kakhulu, nditshisa intloko ngenxa yokufuna ukukhumbula, ndityhafile.
Ndifumene uncedo olukhulu kuThixo, uThixo wayengowokuqala ukwazi malunga nengxaki yam, nangaphambi kwam, kwaye owokuqala ukundinceda. Uphilise kakhulu kum, ngokwenene, kusafuneka ndiphilise ngokupheleleyo, kodwa yintoni kanye kanye? Ngamanye amagama, KWENZEKA NTONI?
Kubo bonke abo bantu bangakhange bakwazi ukuphuma noochwephesha bengqondo, zinikeleni kuThixo, Unako UKUPHILA YONKE INTO, aphilise YONKE into, ndibubungqina boku. Ukucinga ngaye kuyandiqinisekisa kakhulu kwaye ndiqinisekile ukuba uyakundibeka kubantu abaqeqeshiweyo ukuze bakwazi ukuphuma ngokupheleleyo kule nto.
Awuyiyo loo mpatho gadalala, awuyiyo loo nto yimbi eyenziwe kuwe, UNGAMAXABISO kwaye ufanelekile ukuphuma kule nto. Bayathandwa, ngokwenene, bayathandwa kakhulu kwaye bayathandwa, baxabiseke kakhulu kwaye baxabisekile. Ndiyathemba ukuba singoyisa oku ngokukhawuleza kwaye sinqande kuzo zonke iindleko ukuba inkwenkwe okanye intombazana enye yenzakale.
Ngokusekelwe kule nto uyifundayo, ngaba ucinga ukuba wayelixhoba lokuxhatshazwa kwabantwana?
Xa ndandineminyaka eyi-5, ndahlala kwamakazi, umyeni wakhe wathi ndiyintombi yakhe, wayithetha phambi kwabantu bonke kwaye ndandimsizela, mhlawumbi wayithetha phambi komntu wonke ukuze ndizive ukuba kwakungekho kubi. Ngamanye amaxesha umakazi wam wayephuma aye kuhambisa imiyalezo kwaye andazi nokuba ukucima kwam indawo kuthintele naluphi na uxhatshazo ngokwalo. Ukuba ndiyakhumbula ukuba uye wandiwola kwaye kubonakala kungonwabanga, ndiye ndacela umakazi ukuba andenzele ukutya endikuthandayo ukuze ndikwazi ukuhlala isidlo sasemini, kwaye ndanyanzelisa ukuba umama ahlale kodwa andazi ukuba wayenza nomnye injongo. Nangona kunjalo ndiyakhumbula ukuba omnye woonyana bakhe wayebukele umabonakude egumbini lakhe wanditsalela umnxeba wandixelela ukuba uzobeka iikhathuni, wayelele phantsi ndabe ndihleli esitulweni kufutshane nebhedi yakhe. Ndiyakhumbula ndiziva ndingonwabanga kwaye ndifuna ukuhamba kwaye wandixelela ukuba ndihlale ukuba siza kubona ezinye iikhathuni, kwaye ndiyakhumbula wabeka isandla sakhe emlenzeni wam. Igumbi belumnyama, ndikhumbula umabonwakude kuphela kodwa ayikho enye into. Kwaye nangona bendiqonda iminyaka emininzi ukuba oku akulunganga, andikakwazi ukuyoyisa, isandibangela ixhala noxinzelelo kwaye ndibeka imiqobo yam ebonisa umsindo kwihlabathi.
Ndisandula kufumanisa kutshanje ukuba ndihlukumezekile ngutata wam wesibini, ubomi bam babusaziva bungaqhelekanga kwaye zininzi izinto endingazikhumbuliyo ukususela ebuntwaneni bam kwaye ukuba ndiyakhumbula kufana nezikhewu, ndiqala ukukhumbula kakuhle ukusukela kwiminyaka 10, phantse yonke into endiyaziyo ukuba kutheni umama endixelele kunye nezinye iinkumbulo ezingacacanga endinazo, utata wam wesibini wandirekhoda ngelixa endichukumisa okanye endenza into, andikhumbuli oko kodwa ndiyakhumbula ukuba wandihlawula kakhulu kwaye ngoku ukuba ndicinga ngayo umama uhlala esithi Ndiziphathe kakuhle ke ngoba uhlala endibhatala, kwaye eyona nto ndiyicingayo kukuba emva koko akazange andibhatale, wenza ezinye izinto kwaye ingqondo yam iyayikhumbula ngaloo ndlela kwaye inika iintlungu, usizi kunye nomsindo, kwaye ndidandatheke kakhulu kuba umama wayeyazi into awayeyenza kum kwaye engazange enze nto, engazange amnqande, engazange ayenze kwaye ngoku ndiyayazi le nto undixelela ukuba bubuxoki kodwa Ndiyayiqonda yonke into kwaye ndikhangela uncedo kuba andikwazi, bendihlala ndizama ukomelela kodwa ngoku ndiziva ngathi ndifuna ukufa
Xa ndandiphakathi kweminyaka emi-4, 5 okanye emi-6 ubudala (namhlanje ndineminyaka eli-14 ubudala)
Ndahlukunyezwa, xa ndandineminyaka eli-10 ndaxelela umama wam kunye nomakhulu wam kumakhulu wam kunye nabantu endibaziyo nabasemzini kwi-Intanethi. Khange axele kuba andinabungqina kuphela iinkumbulo eziphazamisayo.
Nceda ungaxeli
Molo, Uxolo, kodwa ibali lakho liyafana kakhulu nelam, ndineminyaka eli-19 ubudala kwaye okoko nje ndikhumbula ndenza ngokufanayo nawe! Kwaye andazi kutheni ... ndiyakuthanda ukwenza uthando, ingathi umnqweno awupheli, kodwa zikhona iimeko ezindenza ndicinge okanye ndive ukuba bendihlukumezekile ngandlela thile kwaye andikhumbuli, andikhumbuli Yazi indlela endiqale ngayo ukuyichukumisa kwaye ndiyithanda! Ndixhalabile kakhulu yile meko kuba andithandi ukuhlala nabantu, ndiyathanda ukuba nobudlelwane kwaye ndiyadandatheka rhoqo, ukutshintsha kwemood yam kuyahluka kwaye kutshanje umntu othile undibize ngo «Nympho» kwaye eli gama lindenze ndacinga kakhulu kutheni ndiziva ndinje ... Imvakalelo yokuba ndidlwengulwe ndiyizisa kwakudala….
Andizange ndithethe ngale nto nabani na, ndiziva ndindedwa ...
Ndingathanda ukufumana impendulo, enkosi ngokufunda ...
Ndineminyaka eli-17 ubudala kwaye andikaze ngaphambili ebomini bam ndicinge ukuba ndihlukumezekile, ndihamba kwisiqendu esidakumbisayo kwaye ngesiquphe inkumbulo yesiqingatha yayingavulelwanga. Ukusukela xa ndandineminyaka eyi-6-7 ubudala ndiyakhumbula ukuba yayikukuthweswa isidanga kwam enkulisa kwaye ndandihlala kwigumbi ndedwa nomalume wam, emva koko andikhumbuli okwenzekileyo emva koko ndikhumbula umama wam esilwa naye emgxotha yendlu ndimngxolisa ngokuxhaphaza abantwana ngokwesondo kwaye andiqondi kwanto kodwa ndicinga ukuba bendilila. Ndiyathandabuza kuba laa mfo uqhubeka nokuza kwam kwaye andimcaphuki, into yokuba ahlala endoyikisa, ehlala endikhanyela, endijonge kakubi kwaye endijula ngezinto ezincinci, wakrwela imizobo yam, njl, ngoku undiphatha kakuhle kwaye andazi ukuba kutheni. Usapho lwam lukuthatha njengesiqhelo, nditsho nomama wam, andazi nokuba kukuhlukumeza na okanye hayi indlela endisokole ngayo, ndiyazi kuphela ukuba usapho lwam ludla ngokujonga iliso ekuphatheni gadalala kwaye lundikhathaza ngakumbi, andazi ukuba yintoni Ndizakwenza, ndingumntu onesondo kakhulu kubudala bam kwaye ndiyaziphazamisa kubo bonke ubudlelwane bam nanini na ndinako
Xa ndandineminyaka eyi-6, okanye i-7 ubudala, ndathinjwa ngumhlobo osenyongweni katat'omkhulu kwaye okwethutyana ndaya kunyango, emva koko andisayi kuba semva koko xa ndandineminyaka esi-8 ubudala, abafundi endifunda nabo aba-2 bandibamba kwakhona, andizange Andizukuthetha nto de ndixelele umama ngayo. Kunyaka ophelileyo omnye endandifunda naye wayishiya enye yaqhubeka esikolweni kwaye ngoku ndifunda ibanga lesi-6 kwaye siyavana ngokungathi akwenzekanga nto ndaxelela abahlobo aba-2 abangakholelwayo ndinetshomi endixelela ngayo zonke iingxaki zam kwaye yena ngowakhe uyandiqonda kwaye ndiyazi ngenye imini kodwa andazi ukuba oomama babo bantwana bazakuyifumana nini eyona nto ...
Kudala ndikhe ndayosela nefamily yam, kwafika abanye abahlobo xa kurhatyela bahamba ifamily yam yabe itshomi katata enomfazi wayo ithi mandiqhubeke notata wandixelela ukuba xa ndiyafuna kungabikho nto. kwenzekile, ndamshiya nomkakhe baya edisco nabo, akathandanga nokutsala isigwebo okanye nantoni na kuye, xa siphuma edisco ndiyayazi ukuba ndandinxile kakhulu ndandiziva ngamanye amaxesha kodwa ngamanye amaxesha, yazi sifike kowabo walala umfazi ndafuna ugoduka ndacela uber but since bendikhuphele imobile yam zange ifike uber ndaziva uba uyandibamba ndamxelela. that akandixelelanga nzolala akhonto yenzekayo masambe siye kwa wena goduka solala ngomso, ndenyuka ndizama ukumsusa kancinci ngoba ibingowam ndamxelela uba ndindodwa. safika ndalala nomfazi wakhe ebhedini wahamba ndabiwa bubuthongo but Kuthe kusenjalo ndavuka sendihlisa iblukhwe yam ndashukuma ndashukuma ukuba azive. Kwakungenxa yokuba ndandisezingqondweni kodwa ndingekho kakhulu ngoba amandla okuphuma ebhedini ndandingenawo kodwa ukuba ndandiyazi ukuba kwenzekani, yonke into yenzeka ndiyayazi ukuba wayenam kodwa andikhumbuli kakuhle ndinezahlulo zodwa. enkumbulweni ndithe xa ndiphakama ndagoduka kodwa bendizisola ngalento yenzekileyo kuba bekumele ndigodukile, lahamba ixesha ndaqhubeka nobomi bam, ndibona ngathi lityala lam ngaphezulu kuba andizenzi. Yiva into eviwa ngabaninzi xa behlukunyezwa ndaqhubeka nobomi bam besiqhelo kodwa ukuba iintsuku ndiyicinga kancinci kwaye iyandidika kwaye indenza umsindo ndizazi ukuba bendinexhala kwaye andenzanga nto.
Umyalezo oya kuMaría kunye no-Anonymous ngo-2021. Ndiyakuqonda. I in the same situation only that I have been given the opportunity to be excessive affectionate and super accommodating as if I didn't matter and the other person should give him 120 percent of affection, inyama, uthando.
Iphelile iveki ndicinga izinto ezingaqhelekanga ngokuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo, xa bendikhuliswa ngayo isoloko indoyikisa kwaye indenza ndibe nexhala ndinezikrokro zokuba ndilixhoba ndiselusana, ngoku ndineminyaka eyi-15 kwaye ndiyakrokra. yazi ndalibona eli nqaku kwaye izinto elizithethayo zinyanisekile, ndicinga ukuba kukho into eyenzekayo kum xa ndisenkulisa :(...umfazi owayesihoyile wayengasoloko ekhona, washiya indoda yakhe ngaphakathi. uxanduva lwabantwana bonke xa kufuneka enze umsebenzi... Ndikhumbula ukuba indoda yayikhupha ichibi ebaleni ifake bonke abantwana kuyo iphinde ibambe omnye imxelele ukuba ifuna iti. ndimsuse...ndi..ndikhumbula ukuba ebekhe wandiphulula ngendlela engaqhelekanga...kodwa kuba ebengenabungozi,ndandingazi :<...andikhange ndiyive lonto. ndoda kodwa wathi umama wathi uzofaka usisi wam omncinci edaycare ndavele ndanovalo...ngathi bendifuna ukumkhusela ndifuna ukungqina ukuba bendilixhoba lempatho gadalala ndisengumntwana..okanye? ...
Ndiyabulela ngeli nqaku, liye landinika intembelo yokuvakalisa iimvakalelo ebezisoloko zifihliwe. Ndandisoloko ndisazi ukuba kukho undonakele, kukho into eyenzekileyo, into engathandekiyo yaye ndandingazikhumbuli zonke iinkcukacha.
Ukubopha amachaphaza obuntwana bam, iziqendu eziphazamisayo kunye nokuziphatha okungaqhelekanga kumntwana oneminyaka eyi-8, ngoku ndiyayiqonda into eyenzekayo, nangona andiyikhumbuli ngokweenkcukacha ezinkulu (okanye ngokuzisola), kwenzekile.
Yenzekile kwaye ayilotyala lam, kwenzekile kwaye ndihlale iminyaka ndiphantsi kwexhala elingaqondakaliyo kunye noloyiko, yenzeka kwaye ndifumana kunzima ukunxulumana nabantu, yenzekile kwaye namhlanje yonke into iye yavakala, ndiziva ndikhululekile. ukwazi ukuba langoku mna inengcaciso kwaye ndomelele ngokwaneleyo ukuba ndibe lapha, ukuphilisa nokuzalwa ngokutsha njengomntu omtsha, ngaphandle koloyiko okanye isithintelo.
Ubomi bam bebunzima ndingazi ukuba kutheni, kodwa ngoku ndiyazi kwaye ukwazi nje isizathu kundinika isiqabu, ndivakalelwa kukuba ubunzima bususiwe emagxeni am.
Ububi buphelile, namhlanje ndiyazi ukuba ndikhuselekile, kwaye akukho nto yokoyika.
Imuchas Gracias
Namhlanje, xa ndineminyaka engama-40 ubudala, ndaqala ukuziva ndingakhululekanga ngamathuba athile kumalungu am angasese, oku kwafana nokuxhuzula okucaphukisayo okwabangela ukuba kwangaxeshanye ndibe nexhala, imithambo-luvo kunye nomsindo kwaye andizange ndiyiqonde loo ntlungu.Ngenye imini. ngequbuliso ndaqalisa ukukhumbula ezinye izinto kwasebuntwaneni bam. Izinto ezizonyanyekayo kakade, kudala zandenza ndabona ukuba le nto babeyenza kum yayiyinto eqhelekileyo. Ukuqukumbela, kwakunzima ukujongana naloo nyaniso yobomi bam, kwangaxeshanye ndafumanisa isizathu seengxaki ezininzi endandinazo ebomini bam, ngakumbi ngobudlelwane bomntu. Kwakunzima. Inkqubo yokuphilisa ithatha ixesha. Ndamnkela ndabona namhlanje emva kwexesha elingaka oluhlobo lobubi bufana nobudemon kwaye bukhona, nabani na owandenzayo akazange andenze ndibonakale ndinje ngelaxesha lakhe, wandixelela ukuba yinto eqhelekileyo le ayenzayo. iyasikhulula, oloxolelo lubuyela kumnini walo into eyeyakhe nawe uzikhulule ngaxeshanye kwaye liyeza elingcono, ndafunda nokuba uthando nomonde zizinto ezisisiseko zokuphilisa, ndafunda ukuzinika lonke uthando nothando. kum kangangoko ndinako ngawo wonke umzuzu wobomi bam kwaye ndizalwe ngokutsha
Molo Goodnight! Ndikunye neqabane lam sijongene nemeko embi kakhulu. Kwiintsuku ezimbalwa ezidlulileyo, sithe sisalele, sabona ingxelo yeendaba ukuba amapolisa abambe iibhotile ze-popper; Khange ndiyinike kubaluleka kangako kodwa ezi ndaba zangxola kumfana wam. Phezolo besisitya isidlo sangokuhlwa kwaye undixelela ukuba xa wayeneminyaka eyi-14 ubudala wadibana nabanye abafana abadala (malunga ne-19 malunga) ukuze basebenzise iziyobisi (wayejongene noqhawulo-mtshato lwabazali bakhe kwaye wabalekela kobo bubi) kwaye ukhumbula ukuba omnye Wamenza ukuba aphefumle ngengqayi emdaka, akakhumbulanga nto yimbi, kuphela waqala wadinwa, wabiwa bubuthongo, wavuka kwiiyure nje ezimbalwa, wabalekela ngaphandle kwendlu awayekuyo waza waqalisa ukuthabatha. wakhulula ihempe yakhe (kwakuphakathi ebusika). Akakwazi ukuyikhupha le nto entlokweni yakhe, ukhumbula ukuba abanye bamkhapha ukuya kwikona yendlu yakhe baza abanye aba-2 bahlala, kwaye emva kobo busuku abazange bamdibanise kwakhona kwiqela. Ukusukela ngala mini sifunda ezo ndaba, kwakungathi kuza amaqhekeza entloko kuye, ukrokrela ukuba wayenokudlwengulwa kwaye watshatyalaliswa. Ewe nam ndenza njalo, ndiyazama ukuhlala ndomelele kodwa andazi ukuba mandithini ukuze ndimncede. Sifuna nje ukwazi ukuba yenzeka ngokwenene kwaye ingqondo yakhe "typecast" kuye ukuze angabandezeleki, okanye ukuba yimveliso yengcamango yakhe, kodwa kubonakala kungaqhelekanga kuthi ukuba emva kweminyaka eyi-15 ezi ziqwenga ziza kuye. intloko. Yintoni esinokuyenza? Singaya kubani?
Ndifuna ukuxelela ukuba ndalubona njani uxhatshazo lwam, ngoku ndineminyaka eyi-25 kwaye kunyaka odlulileyo ezinye iinkumbulo zaqala ukundifikela malunga nomfana owandibamba ngokungafanelekanga isifuba sam, umsila wam kunye namalungu am angasese, mandiyithethe le nto. umntu was never to my liked I always tried to run away from him and avoid uba ndodwa naye, my mom always took it as a rude attitude but I didn't even understand what was happening, ndathi ndisaqala ukulala naye ndaqonda ukuba ndiyamyeka. ndandingaziva ndikhululekile ngokwasemphefumlweni xa ndingamadoda kangangokuba ndade ndalila ngesinye isihlandlo, kwakuxa ndandisazi ukuba kukho undonakele yaye ndagqiba ekubeni ndizinike ixesha lam... njengoko ndanditshilo de kwaba ngunyaka odlulileyo ndaqalisa ukukhumbula ezi ziganeko kwaye lendoda ibizibiza ngomalume ibisoloko ithatha iadvantage yam xa ihleli nam ndodwa, well my mom trusted him, since I remembered all this everything made sense, but I felt dirty just thinking that I ever made him think that I wanted that. , emva konyango olude lwengqondo ndaba nobuganga bokuthetha nomama kunye naye Ndijongene nayo ngokwam
Xa ndimncinci, ngaphambi kokungena kwi-Kindergarten (iminyaka emi-3-4 ubudala), ndikhumbula ukuba ndandidla ngokutyelela ugogo wam kaninzi, enye yeentombi zakhe yayihlala endlwini yakhe kunye nabantwana abathathu, ndiyakhumbula ukuba ndandithanda ukuchitha ixesha. kunye nomzala wam omdala, andazi kakuhle ukuba wayeneminyaka emingaphi (ndicinga ukuba phakathi kwe-3 kunye ne-15), sasidla ngokudlala ngoonodoli kwi-anime yam endiyithandayo "Pokemon". Andikhumbuli ukuba into efana nale ndiza kuyithetha yenzeka ngaphambili.
Ndikhumbula ukuba bendirhalela umzala azodlala, uthe efika wandithatha endithwele njengesiqhelo, bendinxibe isiketi esifutshane esibeige nehempe yepokemon eluhlaza, eloxesha ndikhumbula ndiziva ndingaqhelekanga kwaye ndiphaphile ngaxeshanye kodwa. Andizange ndiyazi ukuba kutheni , njengokuba ndihlala ndihleli emphethweni webhedi waza waqala ukundibonisa oonodoli abatsha ababethengile, phakathi kwabo kwakukho i-2 ngokukodwa, yayiyi-pokemon yamanzi "Poliwag" kunye ne "poliwhirl" ebabonisa wathi kum, ufuna ukubona enye? Ndamxelela ewe ngoloyiko, waguquka washukuma kakhulu, xa wajika weza kum…. wayesele ekhuphe yonke into kwaye wandixelela ukuba xa ndizithanda iipokemons kangangokuba mandimncamise, khange ndivume. ndifuna wahleka esithi akhonto yenzekayo waphinda wandincamisa, andazi nyani ukuba bendiyenzela ntoni xa ndiziva ndingakhululekanga…. Ngelo xesha kwathi gqi umazala wam endibaleka endibaleka esiya kulaa ndlu ingezantsi ezondiphazamisa ngezilwanyana. Ndagqibela ngeloxesha ukuya kwaMakhulu kodwa andizange ndixelele mntu, qha ndaxelelwa ngudade wethu xa ndifumanisa ukuba ndizophinda ndidibane naye (ngenxa yezicwangciso zikatata ngam nodade wethu. kulento iphethwe ngumazala ngoku.kwade kwafika i20years ndaphinda ndambona ndaziva ndingento yanto yangathi ndiphinde ndibeyila ntombazana ina 4years, qho ndimbona ndikhumbula lonto. Imeko, ukungonwabi kubukho bakhe kunye noloyiko lokuhlala naye yedwa okanye udade wethu ebehleli naye, njengoko benditshilo ngaphambili, uyayazi kwaye ndiyazi ukuba uyakuthatha amanyathelo okuqinisekisa. Andazi ukuba wenza njani uzama ukundenza ndithethe ndizolile kwaye ndincumile.
Ndisahlukunyezwa ngubhuti lo akangowegazi kodwa sikhule sinaloo mbono... wayena 5years mna ndandineminyaka emithathu, wathi mandikhulule impahla ndibambe iindawo zakhe. wandincamisa wandiphathaphatha, ebesoloko endiqumbela kuba andenzanga ngendlela afuna ngayo, wandixelela ukuba yinto eqhelekileyo xa abantu bethandana kwaye nathi njengabazalwane kufuneka sithandane, umama usixelele. eyokuba sithandane singalwi qho, ibindim lo ebesilwa kuba ngelaxesha sidlalayo ebesoloko ezicingela ngam, nakula midlalo ebefuna kwenzeke kwaloo kissing and touching andayithanda. , eneneni ngesinye isihlandlo xa sasiseneminyaka emi-3 kunye ne-5 ubudala, wandenza ndazibeka kwindawo yesini kwaye ndazama ukubeka icala lakhe umama wayibona kwaye wayemthethisa. Ungazibuza ukuba abazali bam bebephi, bebengekho, bebeyosebenza kunye eMelika, ebefundisa indima yakhe naxa sele efikisa, wandifundisa izinto ezinezothe ndingazi ukuba ndenze njani. yiyeke. Weza ezondiwisa iblukhwe ngesaquphe ezondibona amaqamza, ngamanye amaxesha ndiye ndicinge ukuba undinike umhlobo wakhe kuba omnye wabo wayesoloko esithi mandibe yintombi yakhe, wayendithumelela imiyalezo ethi ufuna ukundincamisa, ngeny’ixesha sasithandana. sleepovers namantombi silala sohlukene nabantwana ndithe xa ndivuka ndabona itshomi ka bhuti esecaleni kwam elele ndakhawuleza ndaphuma apho ndathetha namantombi zange ndiwaxelele kwanto ibiyiyo. ukuze ndibakhuphe nje, kuyabonakala ukuba kukho into ayibonayo umama ngoba ethubeni uye wasithethisa, ukuba ndilele nomfana kwaye kuba ndimyekile ukuba andibambe, khange ndive nalonto, bendisoyika ukumbona. kum ekuseni, wabe ehleli nobhuti wam Kwaye andazi ukuba kwenzeka ntoni na. Ide yayeka kodwa andazi njani ngokomdlalo abantwana bebesoloko befuna ukundibetha ibindikhathaza kakhulu.
Kamva, xa ndandineminyaka eyi-17 ubudala, ndadibana nomntu endisebenza naye enkonzweni kwaye umlawuli wayesoloko endibeka kunye naye ukuze ndimncede ngamaphepha akhe, waqala ukundijonga ngendlela engaqhelekanga kwaye abantwana besikolo samabanga aphantsi babesoloko bendixelela ngokuncuma "lalo. udla wena ngamehlo », yandikhathaza kakhulu loo nto kuba kwakusele kungekapheli neveki ebelilungu lenkonzo, eyandilumkisa ndaza ndazama ukumka kuye ngokujoyina amaqela ahlukeneyo, ndixhasa ootitshala ngeeklasi zabo okanye ngezinto zabo. bebedinga, umlawuli uhlala emthumela apho ndikhoyo, lonto yamenza ukuba aqalise ukundihlukumeza, wake wandixutha iphone wandixelela ukuba akazundinika de ndimnike inumber yam, watsho njalo. seriously ndavuka wandoyikisa ixesha, ndathintitha xa ndimkhwaza ukuba andizumnika kwanto makaphinde andibuyisele kuba kufuneka ndihambe ngokungxamisekileyo, wayengayihoyanga lonto. wandigcina ixesha elide, ndamnika I false number ne frame ukuba ayazi ukuba yeyam wabona ukuba ayiyo, wabaleka wade wayofika. Ndixhobile ndamnika inumber yam ndake ndacinga ukuyiblocker late ndayenza lonto ndaphinda ndazenza ngathi ulahle iphone, ukusukela ngoko wabe sele esemvakwam, khange ndikwazi ukuyiyeka le nkonzo, ngoba ibisele inguye. process of my service letter , kodwa umlawuli khange afune ukundi signer, usuke wandibekela amangomso esithi mandingabhanxi kuba kucaca ukuba ndimsukela, sisohlwayo sam eso sokwenza isoka. , xa kwakungenjalo.
Ngenye imini wandileqa ndingazi noba ndiye ngaphi, ndibhekise kubani, uthe xa efika kufutshane nendlu yam wayeka ukundilandela.
The following days iharassment yaqina, wanditsalela kwezinye izitrato wandincamisa ngamandla endivisa kabuhlungu, he resisted my blows and screaming and more wandibetha ngodonga ndanemivumbo emzimbeni. , ezingalweni. nasemlonyeni, emilebeni nasezidleleni. Inyani yayikukuba ndandineentloni ukuhamba ngolo hlobo, abantu babecinga ukuba ndingcolile.
Kwaba njalo ke kangangeentsuku ezimbalwa ngenxa "yesohlwayo" somlawuli, wandilandela kwaye kangangoko wayenokufikelela kum wanditsala ukuba ndenze loo nto, ngesinye isihlandlo wanditsalela kwisitrato esinesithukuthezi. zonke zazibonakala zilahliwe izindlu. Ngethamsanqa ndikwazile ukuphuma apho kuba esithi ufika kade ekhaya…. ndaye ndakwazi ukugoduka. kwaye andikhumbuli nokuba ndandigqibele nini ukuya kwinkonzo yentlalontle.
kodwa emva kweentsuku emva kokugqiba yonke le nkqubo, babesele bethathile iifoto zam zokuphumelela, kwaye ngenye imini, ngoLwesihlanu weshumi elinesithathu ekuseni, bankqonkqoza emnyango wesitrato njengoko umama wayedla ngokunkqonkqoza (iikhowudi ezihambelanayo zokwazi ukuba ngubani), Ndivule umnyango ndilindele ukumbona kodwa andabona mntu kulendawo ame kuyo, ndithe ndivala ucango kwathi gqi umntu wamtyhala ngamandla esithi, akhomntu kowenu, ungene wambakraza ucango. ibingathi lirhamncwa lamntu wakwinoveli efika endlini equmbile yonke into ibityhutyha nobundlobongela yindlela ebendiziva ngayo ibindoyikisa bendingcangcazela nyani ndacinga yonke into eyenzeka kwafika kum ndihambe ndiyofuna imela kodwa andavuma, ndiye ndabaleka ndayozivalela ekamereni kodwa andakwazi ukuwuvala kwangethuba umnyango wakwazi ukundidlwengula...kuye kwavakala umntu engena wabaleka. ndaphuma ndatsiba kwifestile yomgangatho wesibini, ndathula ndineemvakalelo ezixubeneyo, ndilusizi, ndinomsindo, ndidanile, ndicinga ukuba kutheni ndinje, ndenze ntoni, ndithini, kuzakwenzeka ntoni kum, ndifuna ukwanga oku, ndenze ntoni, ndixelele bani, ndiyaphi…. Ekucingeni oko ndandingazi kwanto ndahamba ndayohlamba kuba ndandiziva ndonyanya ndilila ndicinga ukuba mandithini, ndandingasaziva ndikhuselekile endlini yam. Ndandingenangqondo kwaye ndisisidenge kuzo zonke izenzo zam kwaye ukususela ngoko ndine-phobia ye-social phobia, ndine-post-traumatic stress, ndaphupha izinto ezoyikisayo apho amadoda amadala ahlukeneyo andidlwengula, andizange ndilale, iminyaka emininzi kwaye yonke into. lonto indivise kabuhlungu nangoku.
Ndinqwenela ukuba ndibe nonyango lobuchwephesha, asingabo bonke abanalo ilungelo. Ndisokola ndodwa kulonto, ngoku ndinomntu endithandana naye, ukude nam kuba uhlala kwelinye ilizwe, sina 8years sithandana kwaye uye wandi understand(a) kakhulu, naye ibiqala lento yam. iminyaka emithathu emva kokuthandana, kwaye sekunjalo bekunzima kum ukugcina ubudlelwane kunye naye. Ngoku ndigqiba iminyaka engama-25 ubudala.
Bendingathanda ukwazi ukuba kutheni zindehlele ezi zinto, kuninzi ekumele ndibalise kodwa sele ndibhale ngokwaneleyo
Undikhalisile nge comment yakho. Kudala ndisebenza ixesha elithile ngoku, inkumbulo okanye imvakalelo yokuxhatshazwa kunye nayo yonke into endiyivelisayo kubomi bam. Ndifunda okuninzi ngalo mbandela kwaye ndenza okuninzi kwicala lam ukuyilungisa ngendlela eyandichaphazela kancinci, kuba kwiintsuku ezimbalwa emva komhla wam wokuzalwa wama-22 ndingajonga ngasemva kwaye ndijonge ngokuqonda okwahlukileyo yonke into evelise iingxaki ezininzi. kunye nobunzima ebomini bam ukususela ebuntwaneni. Ndishiyeke nesi sivakalisi esichaza kanye indlela endiziva ngayo ngalo mzuzu: – «Xa umntu ekwazi ukuqonda nokudibanisa esi sivakalisi sokugqibela, ukulungele ukufunda indlela yokukhetha kwinto ayifunayo ngokwenene ubomi bakhe bonke. »
Le yindlela endiziva ngayo… Gcobanisa wonke umntu, yilwani ngamandla, yomelelani, fundani okuninzi malunga nokwenzeka emizimbeni, engqondweni nasengqondweni ngenxa yeziphumo zokuxhatshazwa kwabantwana. Kwaye ungasivumeli esi silo ukuba siqhubeke sikwenzakalisa, sondela kwizinto ezisuka ekuqondeni kunye nawe ngeziganeko ezingathandekiyo zobomi oye wazifumana. Yiba nomdla, kodwa okona kubaluleke kakhulu yiba nothando kwaye uziqonde. Yindlela enye enombono wezinto ezahlukeneyo. Ndibulise kwaye ukwanga kubo bonke abo baziva kakubi, ngeli xesha, yomelela.
4 years ago I had some memories about my stepfather ebendihlukumeza ndilele, lo mxholo undenze ndaziva ndichongiwe, bendifuna nje ukukhe ndiziveze kancinci kuba bendingasoze ndixelele mntu ngokoyika ukuba angandikholelwa Besides. , kuba wandisongela, inyaniso kukuba, ndifuna ukulibala into eyenzekayo, nangona akunakwenzeka.