Ngiyaqiniseka ukuthi sekwenzekile kuwe: ufika ekhaya ukhathele, isikhathi sokudla okulula siyinto exakile, futhi ungaqapheli, umemeza noma ukhulume amazwi ahlabayo akushiye unomuzwa wecala ngokushesha . Kuyacasula ukuzizwa sengathi ukucindezeleka kwansuku zonke kusenza sibe yi-autopilot nokuthi, yize siphila ngaphansi kophahla olufanayo, kubonakala sengathi siphila emhlabeni ofanayo. Kodwa-ke, into yokuqala okufanele uyazi ukuthi ubuhlobo bakho nezingane zakho abuxhomekile ekubeni ngumzali ophelele, kodwa ekhonweni lakho lokuba khona futhi wazi ukuthi ungalungisa kanjani isibopho lapho izinto zihamba kabi.
Ukuze siphume kulo mjikelezo, isayensi kanye nokusebenza kwengqondo kusitshela ngemikhuba emincane. Akukhona ukwengeza imisebenzi eminingi ohlelweni oluvele lugcwele, kodwa mayelana nokwethula izenzo ezincane , ezithatha imizuzu embalwa nje, ezishintsha amandla emizwa ekhaya. Ngokugxila enhlosweni hhayi esikhathini, lezi zenzo ezincane zisiza izingane zizizwe zibalulekile futhi ziphephile, zidala indlela enempilo yezinzwa ezobazuzisa kuyo yonke impilo yazo yobudala.
Ifilosofi yemikhuba emincane ekukhuliseni izingane
I-microhabit empeleni iyinguqulo elula kakhulu yenqubo. Ukuze isebenze ngempela futhi ingabi umthwalo, kumele ibe lula kangangokuthi ingqondo yakho ayimelani nayo. Isihluthulelo sisekuphindaphindeni nasekuzibophezeleni kwangempela . Asihlose ukuphelela, kodwa kunalokho sidala izikhathi zokuxhumana lapho ingane izizwa sengathi iyona eza kuqala ngaleso sikhathi. Kunconywa ukukhetha isenzo esisodwa bese usizama isonto lonke; uma wenza iphutha ngolunye usuku, kulungile, vele uzame futhi ngosuku olulandelayo.
Kubalulekile ukuqonda umthetho kaGottman ongu-5:1, osikisela ukuthi ukuze silondoloze ubudlelwano obuhle, sidinga ukulinganisela umzuzu ngamunye wokungezwani nokuxhumana okuhle okuhlanu . Yilapho imikhuba emincane ikhanya khona, njengoba isivumela ukuthi siqoqe la maphuzu amahle ngothando, amahlaya, kanye nokuqinisekiswa, ukunciphisa amazinga e-cortisol nokukhulula i-oxytocin , i-hormone yokubopha.
Amasu asebenzayo okuxhumana kabusha ngokweminyaka
Indlela okhuluma ngayo nengane iyashintsha ngokuya ngokukhula kwayo, kodwa isidingo sokuzizwa ibonwa siyinto evamile. Ngezansi, sichaza indlela yokusebenzisa lezi zimpawu esigabeni ngasinye:
- Ubuntwana obuncane (iminyaka emi-2 kuya kwemi-5): Kulesi sigaba, amasiko amafushane ayigolide elicwengekileyo. Ungahlala ucula ingoma efanayo lapho uvuka noma udale umkhuba wokuthi xubha amazinyo akho ndawonye okuphela ngokushaya i-high five. Ukudlala phansi, lapho ingane ibeka khona ijubane, kanye nokuxhumana ngokomzimba okuqhubekayo kuyenza ibe nekhono ukuvikeleka ngokomzwelo ukuthi badinga ukuhlola umhlaba.
- Iminyaka yesikole (iminyaka engu-6 kuya kwengu-12): Ukugxila lapha kufanele kube ekuzimeleni nasekufuneni ukwazi. Umkhuba omuhle kakhulu ukucela izinto. into enhle nento enzima okwenzeka esikoleni, kugwenywa indlela evamile yokuthi "isikole besinjani?". Ukukhuthaza ukufunda ngokuhlanganyela imizuzu emihlanu kuphela noma ukukhetha "umbala wosuku" ndawonye ukuze ugqoke kwenza izinto zansuku zonke zibe yinto evamile. isikhala sokubambisana.
- Ubusha: Kubantu abadala, okuncane kukhulu. Izingxoxo ezisemthethweni zivame ukwehluleka; okusebenzayo yikona ukuqinisekiswa okuthuleUkushiya inothi elihle esibukweni sendlu yokugezela, ukuthumela umlayezo ongalindelekile othi "Ngiyakwethemba," noma ukwabelana ngama-headphone ukuze ulalele ingoma kuyindlela engcono kakhulu yokuxhumana, ikakhulukazi uma ufuna. izindlela zokusiza osemusha okhungathekileKubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi ukuqhelelana kwabo kuyingxenye yendlela yabo yokuphila. inqubo yomuntu ngamunye hhayi ukwenqatshwa komuntu siqu.
Ngisho nobudlelwano nogogo nomkhulu bungaqiniswa ngemikhuba emincane, njengokwabelana ngeresiphi yomndeni emfushane noma ukulalela ingoma evela kwenye inkathi, kusetshenziswa umculo njengebhuloho lesizukulwane elidlulisela umlando kanye nokuba yingxenye yeqembu.
Imikhuba yansuku zonke yokuguqula ukuhlala ndawonye
Kunezikhathi zosuku ezifanele kakhulu ukufaka la maphilisi okuxhumana ngaphandle kokudinga umzamo owengeziwe:
- Itafula njengesiphephelo: Esikhundleni sokubuza izingane imibuzo, ungaqala ukubonga, lapho ngayinye ikhuluma ngento enhle yosuku lwayo. Enye indlela yokuzwa yile iphunga lokudla ngaphambi kokulunywa kokuqala, okuxhumanisa nesistimu ye-limbic futhi kunciphisa ukukhathazeka.
- Ukushintsha kanye nokuvalelisa: Izinguquko endleleni okwenziwa ngayo izinto ngokuvamile zibangela ingxabano. Ukunikeza isaziso kusenesikhathi ngenqubo ethile, njengengoma noma ukwanga isikhashana ngaphambi kokuhamba ekhaya, kwenza ushintsho lube lula. ukubingelela okufudumele Lapho befika, kuyisibonakaliso esinamandla sokuthi umntwana wamukelekile.
- Ukuphela kosuku: Ngaphambi kokucima ukukhanya, ukuzijwayeza ukuphefumula okuhambisanayo (ukuphefumula okujulile kathathu ndawonye) kusiza ukuphumula isimiso sezinzwa. Ukubuza imibuzo yokuqinisekisa ebusuku, njengokuthi "Yini oziqhenyayo ngayo namuhla?", kuqinisa ukuzethemba kwengane ngaphambi kokulala.
Amathuluzi ayisihluthulelo: Ukuqinisekisa Nokulungisa
Enye yezinsika ezibaluleke kakhulu ukuqinisekiswa ngokomzwelo. Lokhu akusho ukuvumela noma yikuphi ukuziphatha okubi, kodwa kunalokho ukuvuma umuzwa ngaphambi kokubeka umkhawulo. Isibonelo, ukusho ukuthi, "Ngiyabona ukuthi uthukuthele, ngiyaqonda, kodwa awukwazi ukushaya," kuvumela ingane ukuthi izizwe iqondakala, okwenza kube lula ngayo ukubambisana nomthetho . Uma inqubo yehluleka futhi sigcina simemeza, khona-ke ukulungiswa kuyaqala ukusebenza.
Ukulungisa isibopho mhlawumbe kuyindlela encane enamandla kakhulu kunayo yonke. Inkulumo ende ayidingeki; ukuxolisa ngobuqotho kwanele: "Ngikuthethisile, futhi lokho bekungalungile. Ngiyaxolisa." Leli khono lokubuyisela uxhumano ngemva kwesiphepho lifundisa izingane ukuthi izibopho ziqinile nokuthi amaphutha angalungiswa, kususwe umuzwa wecala futhi kuthuthukiswe ukuqina ngokomzwelo.
Ukuzinakekela kwabantu abadala njengesisekelo
Asikwazi ukunikeza lokho esingenakho. Ukuze uxhumane nezingane, kubalulekile ukuthi umuntu omdala aqale azixhumanise nazo . Uma usebenza ngemithombo yemizwa engenalutho, kungokwemvelo ukuthi noma iyiphi inhlansi izovutha umlilo. Ukufunda ukulawula ukucindezeleka kwakho nokuzinika isikhathi sokuphumula akuyona isenzo sobugovu, kodwa isisekelo esidingekayo sokukwazi ukunikeza ubukhona bangempela nobubekezelayo.
Ukuxhumana kwangempela kwakhelwe phezu kwemininingwane engabonakali: ukuvala ifoni yakho ukuze uyibheke emehlweni, ukubonisa isithakazelo sangempela emidlalweni yevidiyo noma emaqenjini e-K-pop ingane yakho ewathandayo, noma ukwabelana ngokubuka iso ngasese ngesikhathi sokuhamba. Ekugcineni, okuthinta ngempela inhlalakahle yengqondo yengane ukwazi ukuthi, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi amaphutha ayo angakanani, kukhona umuntu omdala okhetha ukuba khona ngenxa yayo ngaphandle kwemibandela.
Ukwakha ubudlelwano obuqinile kusekelwe engqikithini yalezi zikhathi ezimfushane neziqondayo ezibeka phambili ukuxhumana kunezidingo. Ngokuhlanganisa izenzo ezincane zokuqinisekisa, ukulalela ngenkuthalo, kanye nokulungisa njalo, siguqula indawo yomndeni ibe yindawo ephephile lapho ilungu ngalinye lizizwa libonwa futhi lihlonishwa, okubonisa ukuthi uthando olujulile luvame ukubonakala ngezenzo ezilula.