Bonke abazali badlulile esigabeni sethu sobusha futhi asiphoqi ukunakwa kwethu izikhathi eziningi ukuba baqonde unjani umhlaba wendodana yethu endala. Siyazi ukuthi kulesi sigaba izingane zishiya ubusha, kodwa zisacwilisiwe ukuthi izwe ukuthola futhi uzizwe ukhungathekile ngokomzwelo.
Impela indodana yakho zwakalisa intukuthelo yakho ngokuhoxiswa kwegama lakho, noma abafanayo abazali, ngenxa yokuthi ababhekene nengcindezi noma ukukhathazeka, banquma ukuthatha isinyathelo esifanayo futhi babone isidingo sebanga futhi unqume ubuhlobo bokuhlala ndawonye. Kunoma ikuphi, uthando nothando lukhona ngoba zihlala zakha umndeni futhi amathuba okuhlangana kabusha alinganiswa yinoma yiliphi iqembu.
Ingane yami endala ayikhulumi nami. Kungani lokhu kwenzeka?
Isigaba sengane esikhulile singafana naleso sobusha. Abafana namantombazane amaningi bayaqhubeka nenselelo enkulu yokuthi ukufuna ubunikazi babo nabazali kuleli cala bazizwa bengenamakhaya. Ukusuka eminyakeni eyi-10 kuye kwengu-13 ubudala ibanga cishe liphelele nabazali futhi banentshisekelo ebalulekile kubangane babo.
Kusuka eminyakeni eyi-14 kuye kwengu-16 kunokuhlangana kabusha okukhulu, kepha mhlawumbe kuyisigaba sengxabano enkulu kakhulu nabazali. Phakathi kweminyaka yobudala eyi-17 nengu-19, ukusondelana ngokomzwelo nomndeni kuyakhula. Kuyisihluthulelo ukuxhumana ngokuphelele futhi hhayi okuyingxenye kodwa bangazizwa bengaqondakali emphakathini lapho nabazali babo bengabaqondi. Yilapho lapho vula ukuvimba kwabo kwengqondo futhi bayazivikela ebuhlungwini obujulile lapho ilele khona ekuvukeleni nasezimpini ezincane.
Abazali kufanele benze isinqumo sokuqala sokuxhumana
Kungakhathalekile ukuthi ingane yakho ineminyaka emingaki nokuthi ingxoxo ibaluleke kangakanani, ngaso sonke isikhathi ungakuthathi mathupha. Kufanele ukhohlwe ukuthi inkinga ibikade ingalungile kanjani bese ubeka i-ego yakho eceleni okwesikhashana, ukuze ubone inkinga kangcono kakhulu.
Uma inhloso kungukuzibophezela kabusha nengane yakho, kufanele kube abazali okufanele baqale ukuxhumana. Kuyindlela yokulwela ubudlelwano, yazisa konke ukwesekwa kwakho nothando olungenamibandela. Ngaphezu kwalokho, yibo abalindele lokho kubuyisana, ngoba bayakwazisa ukuthi abazali babo bayabathanda.
Ngikhulumisana kanjani nengane yami?
Uma isinqumo siqinile, impela uzofuna ukuhlangana nendodana noma indodakazi yakho mathupha. Uma kungahlala kubonakala kungangenisi kakhulu ungasebenzisa ifoni, i-imeyili noma incwadi yomuntu siqu. Buyekeza amagama ofuna ukuwadlulisa kanye nomlayezo omfushane, njalo kusuka enduduzo yakho futhi ngaphandle kwesihlamba: "Ngingathanda kakhulu ukuhlangana, ungabheka isikhashana?" "Ngazise lapho ungahlangana nami khona, ngifuna ukwazi ukuthi ucabangani nokuthi uzizwa kanjani."
Uma usakwazi ukuxhumana ngqo nengane yakho, kulula ukuthola ukuthi kungani ingane yakho ingakhulumi nawe futhi isheshe. Kufanele njalo ulinganise amagama azodluliswa, uma kuyingane yakho eqale ingxoxo ngokuthanda kufanele ugcine ukuma kwakho futhi ubonise ukuthi ubusilawula isimo, lokho ngeke kusebenze.
Iya endodaneni yakho futhi mbuze ukuthi kungani engafuni ukukhuluma: “Ngiyazi ukuthi awufuni ukukhuluma nami njengamanje futhi ngingathanda ukwazi ukuthi kwenzekeni. Ngicela, ungitshele? Ezimweni eziningi, impendulo esheshayo ayitholakali okokuqala, ungahlala ukhetha ukuxhumana ngosizo lwelinye ilungu lomndeni noma umngani ukuthola ukuthi kwenzekeni, noma ukuze udlulise ukukhathazeka kwakho.
Kwezinye izimo, ungahle ungatholi mpendulo noma uthole ukuthi kwenzekeni. Noma kunjalo, lokho akusona isizathu sokushiya konke ngemuva bese uqhubeka uzama, kodwa ngaphandle kokuhlasela isikhala somntanakho. Kodwa-ke, uma lesi simo siphindaphindwa, kuzodingeka ukuthi kuhlolwe futhi kuxazululwe isimo esihlala sibangela izikhathi ezifanayo. Uma udinga ukuxhumana okuningi nengane yakho, ungaxhumana nezeluleko zethu ku "Ungayithonya Kanjani Intsha Yakho".