Izikhathi eziningi ngenxa yokungazi noma ukuphindaphinda kwamaphethini (bakwenza kithi njengezingane) siwela ku- usebenzisa i-blackmail ukwenza izingane zakho zenze lokho okufunayo. Sikwenza ngokungazi futhi cishe ngaphandle kokuqaphela. Ukuze ugweme le ndlela eyingozi kungakuhle ukuthi uqale wazi ukuthi yini -limazayo okuwukuyisebenzisa futhi okwesibili ukukwenza ukwazi. Kungaleso sikhathi kuphela lapho singakugwema khona ukusebenzisa leli thuluzi futhi sisebenzise amanye afundisa futhi ahle ngokwengeziwe. Sizokutshela ukuthi kungani ungafundisi ngokungcolisa ngokomzwelo.
Ukusetshenziswa kokuhlukunyezwa okungokomzwelo
Thina bantu abadala sisebenzisa i-blackmail ngaphezu kwalokho okufanele sikwenze ukuze sikhohlise noma silawule abanye. Ingabe i- ithuluzi lokulawula ukuze omunye azizwe kabi futhi enze esikufunayo.
Imishwana enjengokuthi “uma ungaliphakamisi igumbi lakho, ngeke ngisakuthanda”, “uma ungagezi amazinyo, inganekwane ngeke ikulethele lutho”. Zibukeka njengezinkulumo ezingenabungozi kepha zingenza umonakalo omkhulu kwi-psyche yengane yakho.
Izingane lapho zincane njengezipanji ezimunca konke okuzizungezile. Bafunda futhi babona impilo ngamehlo abo, futhi babheka isibonelo sethu ukuze babone lokho okubhekwa njengokujwayelekile. Ukusetshenziswa kwe-blackmail ngabazali enze umonakalo engqondweni yakhe encane: kubenza babe nezinkinga zokuzethemba, ingcindezi, ukudangala, ukwesaba, ukudabuka, izinkinga zokufunda, ukuzizwa bephansi… Bangakuthobela kepha inani abalikhokhayo likhulu.
Ukuhlukumeza okungokomzwelo kubangela amanxeba angabonakali ngamehlo kodwa abuhlungu kakhulu futhi awavimbele ekukhuleni kwengqondo ngendlela enempilo.
Ukukhohlisa ngokusebenzisa i-blackmail
Lapho sisebenzisa i-blackmail kokubili ezinganeni nakwabanye abantu abadala siba ngabakhohlisi. Sisebenzisa uthando ukukhwabanisa omunye, ukuthola okuthile kulowo muntu ngokushintshana nothando nokunakwa kwethu. Uthando alunakuba yinto yokuxoxisana, sengathi uthando lwakho lunenani elithile. Uthando alunakunqotshwa kumuntu owenza okuthile noma angakwenzi.
I-Blackmail iyi- isikhali esiyingozi kakhulu, futhi okubi kakhulu ukuthi izingane zifunde ukuthi isebenza kanjani ngokushesha. Kuyindlela yobugovu futhi engakhiphi, okungcono kakhulu ukuyidedela futhi uyigweme ngazo zonke izindlela.
Izinhlobo zokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo
USusan Phambili Encwadini yakhe ethi Emotional Blackmail, uhlukanisa izinhlobo ezi-4 zokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo:
- Umjezisi wabanye. Lolu hlobo lwe-blackmailer lumemezela ukuthi kuzokwenzeka kabi kanjani kwabanye uma bengakutholi abakufunayo.
- Umjezisi wakhe. Usongela ubuqotho bakhe uma izifiso zakhe zingagcwaliseki.
- Isisulu. Ungumuntu osebenzisa ukuthula nempi ebandayo ukwenza kwaziwe ukuthi akaneme ngalesi simo futhi ufuna ukuthi omunye athole ukuthi ufunani.
- Iyashukumisa. Thembisa uthando nokunakekela uma uthola izifiso zakhe.
Ungakugwema kanjani ukuxhashazwa ngokomzwelo nezingane
Ukuthi kuyinto ejwayelekile kanjani ngeke kube lula ukuyisusa kepha manje sesingayibona ukuyishintshela amanye amasu ahloniphayo. Kuthatha isikhathi nokubekezelaAkulula, kepha kungenziwa. Ake sibone izeluleko esiziphakamisayo zokugwema ukuxhashazwa ngokomzwelo nezingane:
- Ukubekezela Ungalahlekelwa yimizwa yakho ukuze ungadonseli phansi. Thatha ukuphefumula okumbalwa ngaphambi kokukhuluma. Hlonipha izikhathi zabo bese ubeka lonke uthando nokubekezela kwakho ukuze uphinde uthole ukuphepha kwakho ngaphandle kokusebenzisa ubuqili.
- Nika isibonelo. Uma ufuna ingane yakho yenze okuthile ngokukhethekile, ukufunda okuhle kakhulu ukufundisa ngesibonelo esikhundleni sokusongela.
- Xoxa. Esikhundleni sokumnika izinketho, mnike ezinye izindlela. Xoxa naye, lalela ukuthi uthini kuwe. Lokhu ofuna ngikwenze kungahlangabezana nezidingo zakho, kodwa hhayi ezakhe.
- Chaza izinzuzo zokuziphatha kuye. Ukwazi izinzuzo zokuziphatha ezingaba nazo kubo, maningi amathuba okuthi bakwenze ngaphandle kokusebenzisa i-blackmail.
- Ukuxhumana okunenhlonipho. Vumela ingane yakho ukuthi ikhulume nawe futhi izizwe iphephile. Ukuthi ubona wena njengomuntu omethembayo hhayi umuntu obeka intando yakhe kuphela.
Kungani ukhumbula ... unquma ukuthi iyiphi imbewu okhetha ukuyitshala kubantwana bakho, noma yesaba nokubusa, noma yothando nenhlonipho.