Sikhulume ngocansi lwezingane noLaura Perales Bermejo; ULaura ungudokotela wezengqondo wengane futhi ugxile ekuvikeleni nasekusebenzeni kwengqondo ngokuzalwa komuntu. Kuwebhusayithi yakho Ukuzilawula okuzimele uzokwazi okuthe xaxa. Ngokuqondile lapho uzothola i-athikili ebizwa "Ukuvimbela nezincomo zokuhlukunyezwa kwezingane ngokocansi", lapho ungafunda khona: 'Ngokuphikisana nalokho okucatshangwa futhi njengoba sike saphawula phambilini, ukuvumela ingane ukuthi izwe noma ithole ubulili kulukuluku lwayo akulimazi (inqobo nje uma kusendleleni enempilo)'.
Kwakuwulowo mbhalo lapho ngaqala khona ukwazi umlingiswa oyinhloko wale ngxoxo, nomsebenzi wakhe. Ngaphezu kokwelashwa kwengqondo nezingane nabantu abadala, ULaura uqhuba imihlangano yokufundisa ngocansi lobuntwana, imingcele ehloniphekile, kanye nokulawula intukuthelo.Uphinde abe noHlelo lwakhe Lokuqeqesha Ukukhulisa Abantwana Oluqaphelayo Lonyaka. "Imibuthano yakhe yomndeni" nayo iyaziwa kakhulu, izindawo lapho abahlanganyeli befunda khona ngolwazi futhi babelane ngolwazi. Ukuphetha, kubalulekile ukugqamisa ukuthi kulo lonke umsebenzi wakhe wobungcweti ugcizelela njalo isidingo sokuba abantu ngabanye, imindeni, kanye nomphakathi... Shintsha indlela esiphatha ngayo izingane, ngoba ukuziphatha okuningi esikubiza ngokuthi izinkinga, empeleni, kuyimizamo yengane yokuzivumelanisa nendawo ezikuyo.Nginishiya nengxoxo, enaniswe ngamathiphu awusizo mayelana nokuba ngumzali oqaphelayo kanye nokuvimbela.
Ubulili ebuntwaneni kanye nomthetho wokuxhumana nabantu
Omama Namuhla: Ngabe siyaqhubeka nokudlulisa imibono engalungile ngezocansi ezinganeni? Ngabe sesesimanjemanje kepha sisacabanga ukuthi ucansi "lungcolile", noma ingabe umbono wami nje?
ULaura Perales: Ngempela, umthetho wobulili usaphila kakhulu, noma siwufihla ngenkululeko ebonakalayo. Kuyinkinga yezizukulwane, ebangelwa ukucindezelwa okufanayo esabhekana nakho ebuntwaneni, kanye nombono wobulili njengoba into engcolile okudingeka ifihlwe, akukho lutho oluphathelene nobulili bemvelo. Kwamanye amasiko angangcolisiwe kangako kuneyethu, ulwazi lobulili lugcwele, alunazo izithiyo noma ukufihla.Kuvele ukuthi ubudlova abukho nhlobo kuleyo miphakathi, futhi lokho akulona iphutha. Kuye kwafakazelwa ukuthi injabulo yokuzwana nobulili kanye nokuntuleka kokucindezelwa kobulili kuhlobene kakhulu nobudlova.
Lo mbono uyaqiniswa uma sibheka ucwaningo lwe-anthropology olwenziwa emiphakathini lapho ubulili bobuntwana kanye nobomuntu omdala butholakala khona ngaphandle kokucindezelwa. Lapho, Injabulo ayihlotshaniswa nomuzwa wecala noma ihlazo.Futhi abantu abadala ngokwemvelo bahambisana nesithakazelo sezingane. Umehluko emiphakathini yethu, lapho ucansi luxubene nezithombe zobulili ezingcolile, ubudlova, kanye nemfihlo, ubonisa ukuthi umthetho awuvikeli kanjani izingane, kodwa kunalokho uzishiya zichayeke kakhulu emilayezweni ephambene kanye namandla ayingozi.
Kungani sifihla into enempilo?
MH: Uma ucansi nokukhuluma kwalo kunempilo, uma kuyingxenye yentuthuko yethu ... singachaza kanjani ukuthi sisathanda ukukufihla?
LP: Ngesizathu esifanayo engisishilo ngaphambili: uma umuntu eke wabhekana nokucindezelwa kobulili kanye nokudluliswa kwalowo mqondo njengento engcolile (futhi lokhu akwenzeki ekhaya kuphela, kuyinto yomphakathi), noma ngabe uyazi kangakanani le mbono futhi uyaqonda ukuthi inempilo, Izenzo zokucindezela zizovela ngokuzenzakalelayo (noma ngabe kusesimweni sokubuka, ukungakhululeki, ukuthula okungajwayelekile...). Ulwazi lokususa izinganekwane kanye nokwelashwa kwengqondo komuntu siqu luyadingeka.
Uma abantu abadala bephethe lo mlando wokucindezelwa, Bakuthola kunzima ukusekela ilukuluku elinempilo lezingane zaboImisho efana nokuthi “akufanele ukwenze lokho” noma “ungazithinti lapho” ivela, noma isihloko sishintsha ngokushesha lapho ingane ibuza umbuzo. Akukhona nje lokho esikushoyo, kodwa nalokho esikukhulumayo nemizimba yethu: ukucindezeleka, ukuhleka kovalo, ukugwema ukuxhumana emehlweni. Yingakho, ngaphezu kokufunda nokuqeqeshwa, ukukwazi ukubuyekeza umlando wakho ekwelashweni kuyasiza. Yeka ukudlulisela ihlazo esizukulwaneni esilandelayo.
Iphuzu elibalulekile lokuba ngumzali oqaphelayo ukuqaphela ukuthi ukungakhululeki okuvelayo mayelana nocansi lwasebuntwaneni kuvame ukuba yikho okwethu. Ingane ayinankinga, imane nje ifuna ukwazi.Ukuqonda lokhu kusenza sikwazi ukusuka ekuvinjweni siye ekusekeleni, okusiza ekwakheni ubudlelwano obuhle nomzimba womuntu.
Kuyini ngempela ubulili bobuntwana?
MH: Kwenzeka kanjani ukukhula kwezocansi emantombazaneni nakubafana abancane? (Kuze kube yiminyaka eyi-6).
LP: Ubulili bukhona kusukela ngesikhathi sokukhulelwa, buqhubekela phambili ngezigaba ezahlukene. Ubulili abuyona nje indlela yokuhlangana kwabantu abadala; sivame ukukhawulela umqondo kakhulu. Ubulili buhlanganisa konke okuhilela injabulo. Umntwana oncelisa unina ngendlela ejabulisayo kuwubulili.Isibonelo, kusukela eminyakeni emithathu, kuba nokutholwa kwesitho sangasese sobulili, futhi ukudlala kuqala kuleyo ndawo. Ngokungena ezweni lezenhlalo, kanye nezinye izingane, ukuhlola phakathi kwazo nakho kuyavela. Nemibuzo, esatshwa ngabazali. Konke kunempilo, kuvamile ngokuphelele.
Ngombono obanzi, ubulili bezingane bungaqondwa njengento inqubo yokuthola umzimba wakho, injabulo, kanye nobunikazi bakhoNgesikhathi sokufunda ngomlomo, kuze kube yiminyaka engaba mi-3, izingane zihlola umhlaba ngemilomo yazo: zincela, zilume, futhi zihlole izinto nezingxenye zomzimba. Lokhu kufuna injabulo nenduduzo kuyingxenye yokukhula kwazo kwezinzwa nezingokomzwelo.
Kamuva, uma izidingo zakuqala sezihlangatsheziwe ngokwanele, ukushintshela ngokwemvelo esigabeni isithakazelo esikhulu ezithweni zangaseseIzingane ziyazithinta, ziqaphela ukuthi kuveza umuzwa omnandi, ziqhathanisa imizimba yazo neyabanye abantwana, futhi zizibuza ngomehluko nemizimba yabantu abadala. Lokhu kuziphatha akuthwali icala lobulili labantu abadala, kodwa kuqhubeka kusezingeni ubumsulwa, ilukuluku, kanye nokudlala okungokomfanekiso.
Emasikweni lapho lokhu kufuna ukwazi kungavinjelwa khona, kuye kwaphawulwa ukuthi izingane zisuka esigabeni sokuhlola ngomlomo ziye esigabeni sobulili ngaphandle kokudinga isigaba eside "sokubambezeleka" lapho kubonakala sengathi akukho sithakazelo sobulili. Ngakho-ke, Amandla ayasebenza futhi awavimbekiNgakolunye uhlangothi, ukucindezelwa kuvame ukudala ukungabaza, ukwesaba, kanye nobunzima obulandelayo ekujabuleni ngendlela enempilo.
Imibuzo enzima nokuthi ungayiphendula kanjani ngombono wobuzali oqaphile
MH: Lapho izingane zisencane zifuna ukwazi konke futhi zibuze imibuzo, abazali bayayesaba kancane le mibuzo futhi asinakho okwemvelo, kepha singaba kanjani semvelo uma sikhulele endaweni enemikhawulo? Ngabe kufanele siphendule kukho konke ukukhathazeka kwezingane zethu?
LP: Yebo, kubalulekile ukuthi singabaqambi amanga noma sigweme imibuzo; kumelwe siphendule lokho abasibuza khona, lapho besibuza, ngaphandle kokulindela noma ukunikeza izinkulumo ezinde. ukuphendula ngqo lokho abasibuza khonaLokhu kwesaba ukubaphendula kuncipha ngokushesha nje lapho abazali beqonda ukuthi, ngaphandle kokuba nempilo enhle, uma bengabaniki izimpendulo, izingane zizozifuna kwenye indawo. Futhi-ke umbono wezocansi abazowuthola emphakathini awuphilile.
Empeleni, lokhu kusho ukuthi ekuphenduleni umbuzo onjengokuthi “bavelaphi abantwana?”, singakunikeza izimpendulo zangempela, ezicacile nezilulaizincazelo ezifanele ubudala. Asikho isidingo sokusebenzisa izindaba eziphathelene nonogolantethe noma imbewu yemilingo. Ungachaza, isibonelo, ukuthi ingxenye yomzimba kababa kanye nenye ingxenye yomzimba kamama kuyahlangana, nokuthi kusukela lapho umntwana ukhula esiswini. Uma ingane ifuna imininingwane eyengeziwe, izobuza futhi.
Ukukhulisa izingane ngokuqaphela kusikisela ukuphendula kuphela kulokho ingane ekulungele ukukuzwaUkwelula incazelo ngale kwalokho okubuziwe ngokuvamile kuyimpendulo yokukhathazeka komuntu omdala, hhayi isidingo sengane. Ukulalela kuqala, ukuphefumula, ukuqaphela indlela ebukeka ngayo, bese uphendula kusiza ekugcineni ukuxhumana okuqotho nokuphephile.
Kubalulekile futhi sebenzisa amagama afanele ukubiza umzimbaUmthondo, i-vulva, amasende, amabele… Ukugwema amagama amancane noma iziteketiso ezihlekisayo kudlulisa umyalezo ongaqondile wokuthi lezi zindawo ziyihlazo noma ziyingozi. Ukuziqamba ngokwemvelo kuqinisa inhlonipho ngomzimba wakho futhi kuzoba yisihluthulelo kamuva ekuvimbeleni ukuhlukunyezwa.
Izihloko ezibalulekile ngaphambi kobusha
MH: Zikhona yini izihloko ezibalulekile ukuxoxa namantombazane nabafana ngaphambi kobusha?
LP: Yiqiniso, kunezihloko eziningi, futhi ucansi lungenye yazo. Ukuba nokuhlangenwe nakho okunempilo nolwazi olusondelene nocansi lwemvelo (hhayi ucansi olungenampilo, oluhlanganisiwe) kuzobanika izikhali zokulwa nokuxhashazwa ngokocansi kanye nemikhuba abangafuni ukuyenzanoma ngabe kukhona ingcindezi yomphakathi. I-taboo ingeyethu, hhayi eyaboUma siphinda siwuphindaphinde umjikelezo futhi siqhubeka nokubabonisa ukuthi yini engeyimpilo noma sifihla ukuthi yini enempilo, nabo bazohlupheka ngenxa yawo.
Ngaphambi kokukhula, kubaluleke kakhulu ukubhekana nezinkinga eziyisisekelo ngendlela eqhubekayo nenenhlonipho:
- Ukuhlonipha umzimba wakhoukuthi bayazi ukuthi imizimba yabo ingeyabo, ukuthi banelungelo lokuthi "cha" nokuthi akukho muntu omdala (ongaziwa noma ongaziwa) ongathinta izitho zabo zangasese ngaphandle kwemvume yabo.
- Umehluko phakathi kokubonisa uthando nezimo ezingathandeki: basize babone imizwa yomzimba lapho bengathandi okuthile, futhi uqinisekise ukuthi bangacela ukuyeka.
- Ukusondelana kanye nobumfihlo: ukwethula kusukela ebuntwaneni umqondo wezindawo eziseduze (indlu yokugezela, igumbi lokulala) kanye nokuziphatha kwangasese, hhayi njengento engcolile, kodwa njengento esiyinakekelayo.
- Ukulingana kanye nezindima zobuliliUkubuza ngemiyalezo yobandlululo ngokobulili emathoyizini, ezindabeni, noma ekukhangiseni, nokwenza kucace ukuthi Abafana namantombazane banenani elifanayo, amalungelo afanayo, kanye nelungelo elifanayo lokuzijabulisa nokuhlonishwa..
Le ngxoxo akuyona ingxoxo eyodwa, kodwa ingxoxo ingxoxo eqhubekayo eminyakeni edlule, evumelana nemibuzo, ukuvuthwa kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kwesidalwa ngasinye.
Ubusha, ingcindezi yomphakathi kanye nobudlelwano bocansi
MH: Kusebusheni (mhlawumbe cishe eminyakeni eyi-15 ubudala?) Lapho umuntu enentshisekelo yokuba nobudlelwano bezocansi obufana nalezo esinabo njengabantu abadala, futhi kungabe kusuka lapho ukuthi thina bantu abadala sikhathazeke kakhulu ngezingozi ezingaba khona?
LP: Ngezinye izikhathi kwenzeka ngisho nangaphambi kwaleyo minyaka; inkinga akuyona isikhathi sobusha lapho lokhu kwenzeka, kodwa ulwazi oluphambene olufinyelela kubo Futhi ukuya ocansini ngenxa yokucindezelwa komphakathi noma izindima zobulili (futhi ezingavamile). Okusho ukuthi, ingozi akukhona ukuthi banobudlelwano, kepha ukuthi banabo ngaphandle kokufuna ukuba nabo, ngaphandle kokuvikelwa, ezindaweni eziyingozi ... Singakuvimbela lokhu, okokuqala, ngesitayela sokukhulisa izingane esikhuthaza ukusondelana nokuxhumana, okuvumela umuzwa wengane wokuzibona ukhule ngendlela eqinile; okwesibili, ngokungacindezeli ucansi kusukela ebuntwaneni ukuze bafune okuhlangenwe nakho okujabulisayo (kungabi okuphoqelelwe noma okungenampilo) futhi babe nolwazi oludingekayo; okwesithathu, ngokubathemba nokubavumela ukuthi balethe abalingani babo ekhaya, endaweni ephephile, ngemithi yokuvimbela inzalo. Umehluko phakathi kokuvumela lokhu noma cha ukuthi uma singakuvumeli, bazogcina sebenobudlelwano noma kunjalo., kepha kusulwe, mhlawumbe kudakwe noma kudakwe izidakamizwa, futhi ngendlela embi kakhulu, ngezingozi okukusho lokhu.
Ubusha yisikhathi ukuhlelwa kabusha okujulile kobunikaziUmzimba uyashintsha, kuvela izifiso zobulili ezinamandla kakhulu, futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo, iqembu lontanga lithola ithonya elikhulu. Intsha eningi izithola ibanjwe yizinto ezishintshashintshayo lapho isithombe nedumela kubaluleke khona njengoba nje nesifiso ngokwaso sibalulekile.
Kulesi simo, izithombe zobulili ezingcolile ezifinyeleleka kalula zisebenza njenge umthombo oyinhloko (nowesabekayo) wemfundo yocansi Uma indaba ingaxoxwa ekhaya nasesikoleni, abafana namantombazane bangakholelwa ukuthi ubudlelwano bocansi bufana nobabo ababubona kumavidiyo: ngaphandle kwemvume ecacile, ngaphandle kokuvikelwa, ngaphandle kokuxhumana, nemikhuba evame ukungakhululeki noma ngisho ebuhlungu.
Ukukhulisa izingane ngokuqaphela kusikisela ukuthi imindeni inganikeza ulwazi olucacile mayelana nokuvikelwa, ukuvimbela inzalo, izifo ezithathelwana ngocansi, imvumelwano, imingcele, kanye nenjabulo yokubambisanaHhayi ukubakhuthaza ukuthi baqale ubudlelwano kusenesikhathi, kodwa ukuze lapho benquma ukwenza kanjalo, bakwazi ukukhetha endaweni yokunakekelwa hhayi ngokwesaba noma ingcindezi.
Imikhuba eyingozi, ukucindezela kontanga, kanye nezindima zobulili
MH: Njengoba kungenzeka uyazi, kunemibiko ethile yezindaba esitshela ngemikhuba eyingozi phakathi kwezingane ezisencane (isibonelo, pierNgaphandle kokungena ekuthini ziyizinganekwane zasemadolobheni noma cha, kungenzeka yini ukuthi amantombazane nabafana bathuthukise ubulili babo ngendlela enempilo? Yiziphi izimo okungadingeka kuhlangatshezwane nazo ukuze lokhu kwenzeke?
LP: Yebo, lokhu kukhona, i-pier (neminye imikhuba) akuyona inganekwane yasemadolobheni. Ngize ngazi amacala wezingane ezineminyaka engu-12 noma eyi-13 ezazikwenza; nokukhulelwa kuleyo minyaka. Izindima zobulili ezingezona ezemvelo, i-machismo, zinokuthintana okuningi nakho.
Uhlelo lonke lufundisa abafana ukuthi kumele bacindezele imizwa yabo, babe "ngamadoda," futhi bagqoke izihlangu ezicindezela abesifazane, kuyilapho befundisa amantombazane ukuthi kumele ahlale ngaphansi kwalezo zihlangu futhi aphathwe njengezinto. Imiyalezo eminingi eqhubekayo kuzo zombili izinhlangothi ibahlasela kusukela ebuntwaneni, ngokukhangisa, izingoma, amathoyizi acwasa ngokobulili, njalo njalo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, le mikhuba iwumphumela... ukungabi khona noma ukukhulisa izingane ngobushiqela okuvame ukunikezwa izingane, kanye nokucindezelwa kobulili bemvelo.
Ukuze sivimbele lokhu, into yokuqala okufanele siyenze ukuqonda i-biology, lokho umntwana nomntwana abakudingayo, sikwehlukanise nezici zamasiko, futhi sikufake engqondweni lokho. Konke okwenzeka ebuntwaneni kungabonisa izimpawu eminyakeni eminingi kamuvaKonke kuyavumelana; akukho ukuhlukaniswa phakathi kwalokho okwenzekayo lapho beseyizingane nalokho ababhekana nakho ebusheni. Kubalulekile ukukhulisa ulwazi. impilo yengqondo yezingane zabo kanye nobuntu besikhathi esizayo kuncike ekukhulisweni okuphephile, isibopho, isikhumba namehlo. I-ego yengane izokwakhiwa eminyakeni emithathu yokuqala yokuphila, futhi ngalokho idinga umama wayo (lokhu kungokwemvelo, akuyona inkinga yezinhloso). Futhi umama udinga 'isizwe' esimnakekelayo, esimthakazelayo, esivuna ukuphumula kwakhe ukuze simnakekele. Lokhu ukwehluleka okukhulu kwenhlangano yethu yezenhlalo, omama bebodwa, bakhungathekile, ababonakali, basolwa ngisho nangokuphefumula. Kwesinye isikhathi bangomama ngenxa yengcindezi yezenhlalo, ngoba kucatshangwa ukuthi kufanele ube ngowesifazane, lapho kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthanda, ngaphandle kwesibopho noma indima ebekiwe.
Emiphakathini engikhulume ngayo ekuqaleni, eduze kwemvelo, ngaphandle kokucindezelwa ngokocansi, kukhona nokunakekelwa okuhle komama, isizwe esivikela omama futhi sithanda okwenzeka ngokwemvelo. Akukho okuphathelene namasiko ethu. Lokhu kungavuna, kanye nokukhuliswa okuvela esibophweni, ukwakheka kobuntu obuqinile nokungabi bikho kokumboza, okuzovumela lezi zingane ukuba zithi cha ezintweni ezingafuni ukuzenza (uma zingafuni ukukwenza ), kungaba umgibeli, izidakamizwa, utshwala ... Isikhathi esiningi bagcina benza lezi zinto ngenxa yengcindezi eqenjini, bezama ukunikeza isithombe “sabadala”, noma empeleni njengokuvukela ukwenqatshelwa kwabantu abadala. Futhi ezocansi azivunyelwe, zifihliwe, emphakathini wethu.
Lapho amamodeli aqinile obudoda (“ungakhali,” “qina,” “yenga amantombazane amaningi”) kanye nobufazi (“thobela,” “ungahluphi muntu,” “ungabi ‘lula’”) efundiswa kusukela ebuntwaneni, kwakheka isimo lapho ukuziphatha okuyingozi kuvame khona. Abafana bangase bazizwe sengathi kumele babonakalise ukubaluleka kwabo ngokuziphatha okweqile, futhi amantombazane angase abone ukuthi ukubaluleka kwawo kuncike ku ukufiseleka noma ukwamukelwa ngabafananoma ngabe kusho ukwenza izinto abangafuni ukuzenza.
Ngakho-ke, ubulili obunempilo bentsha budinga izithako eziningana:
- Vikela ukunamathiselwa kusenesikhathi, ngokuba khona komuntu omdala, ukuthintana ngokomzimba, ukubhekana emehlweni nokulalela, okuvumela ukwakha ubuwena obuqinile.
- Amamodeli obudlelwano obulinganayo phakathi kwezibalo ezibhekiselwe kuzo, lapho kungekho khona ukubusa noma ukuzithoba.
- Imfundo eqhubekayo yothando nocansiekhuluma ngesifiso, imvume, isivikelo, ukuhlukahluka kanye nenhlonipho efanayo.
- Izikhala zengxoxo ngaphandle kokwahlulela endaweni yomndeni, lapho abafana namantombazane bengabelana khona ngokwesaba, ukungabaza kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho.
Ukukhulisa izingane, ukubopha, kanye nobulili: konke kuhlobene
Ucwaningo kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kwezokwelapha kubonisa ukuthi Akukho ukuhlukaniswa phakathi kwendlela umntwana anakekelwa ngayo nendlela azobhekana ngayo nobulili bakhe lapho esemusha kanye nalapho esemdala.Ubulili, obuqondwa njengekhono lokuzwa injabulo, ukuxhumana nomzimba wakho kanye nowomunye umuntu ngenhlonipho, bunezimpande ezijulile eminyakeni yokuqala yokuphila.
Phakathi nalesi sigaba, umntwana udinga ukwaneliseka ngezidingo zakhe. izidingo eziyisisekelo, eziyisisekelo, ezingokomzwelo, zomzimba nezengqondoAkukhona nje kuphela ukuzondla, ukugqoka, nokuzigcina zihlanzekile, kodwa futhi nokusabela ekukhaleni kwazo, ukwesaba kwazo, isidingo sazo sokugonwa nokuba khona. Ikhono lakamuva lokuthi "yebo" nokuthi "cha" emkhakheni wezocansi lihlobene nokuhlangenwe nakho kokuqala kokuzwiwa nokuhlonishwa.
Ukuzimela kwezingane, enye insika yokukhulisa izingane ngokuqaphela, kuhlanganisa nendawo engokwenyama. Lokhu kuhilela ukuhlonipha imisindo yengane ezindabeni ezifana ukuqeqeshwa ethoyilethiUkulala nokudla okunempilo kusifundisa ukuthi umzimba unezigqi zangaphakathi ezifanele ukuhlonishwa. Uma uphoqwa, uhlaziswa, noma uhlekwa usulu, kuthumela umyalezo wokuthi umzimba kumele ulalele ukubuka kwangaphandle, futhi lokhu kwenza buthaka inhlonipho ngemizwa yomuntu.
Ukuba khona, ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo, kanye nokuba "lapha futhi manje" nezingane kudala isisekelo se- ukusondelana ngokomzwelo okuphephileIngane efunda ukuhlonza nokuveza imizwa yayo (kufaka phakathi injabulo) izoba nezinsiza zokuveza izifiso zayo kanye nemikhawulo yayo ebudlelwaneni bayo bothando nocansi.
Imizwa, ukuzinakekela, kanye nenjabulo
Ukulawula imizwa ebuntwaneni (ukukhala, ukucasuka, ukwesaba) kuhlobene kakhulu nendlela injabulo ezotholwa ngayo lapho umuntu esemdala. Ukucindezela ukubonakaliswa kwemizwelo (“ungakhali”, “ungathukutheli”, “ungadlulisi”) kuvame ukuhambisana nokuncishiswa kwazo zonke izimpawu zomzimba eziqinile, okuhlanganisa nenjabulo yocansi.
Uma ingane ingakhala ikhululekile, ithukuthele ngaphandle kokujeziswa, idlale ngokukhululeka, futhi ithole induduzo, ifunda lokho umhlaba wabo wangaphakathi uyasebenzaLokhu kuqinisekiswa kuyisisekelo sokuzethemba okunempilo. Kamuva, leli zwi elifanayo langaphakathi lizomvumela ukuthi ahlukanise phakathi kobudlelwano bothando lapho ezizwa ekhathalelwa khona kanye nobudlelwano lapho ezizwa exhashaziwe noma ehlazekile.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, izitayela zokukhulisa izingane ezisekelwe emivuzo, ezijezisweni, nasezinsongweni zikhuthaza ubudlelwano nomzimba ogxile ukuthobela imithetho nokwesabaKulezi zimo, kulula ngabantu ukungena ezindleleni zocansi lapho bebekezelela khona imikhuba noma ubudlelwano abangabufuni, besaba ukulahlekelwa uthando noma ukuvunyelwa.
Ukudlala, ubuchwepheshe kanye nokwakhiwa kobunikazi bobulili
El ukudlala mahhalaNgezinto zayo ezingahlelekile kanye nomdlalo ongokomfanekiso, igumbi lokudlala liyindawo enelungelo lezingane lokuhlanganisa okuhlangenwe nakho, izindima, kanye nemizwa. Ngokudlala, baprakthiza izigcawu zomndeni, ukunakekela, amandla, kanye nokuhlola ubulili. Lapho abantu abadala bebuka ngaphandle kokwahlulela futhi bengenelela ukuze bavikele kuphela, bavumela ingane ukuthi izame futhi ihlele umhlaba wayo wangaphakathi.
Lo mdlalo ubuye ube ne- ukuhlolwa kwezitho zangaseseLe misebenzi ihlanganisa "imidlalo kadokotela" kanye nokuqhathaniswa kwemizimba. Uma kungekho mehluko omkhulu ngeminyaka, uma bonke abantwana abathintekayo bezimisele ukuhlanganyela, futhi uma kungekho ubudlova, lezi zigcawu ziyingxenye yobulili obunempilo ebuntwaneni. Ukungenelela kwabantu abadala kungagxila ekubekeni lezi zinto ngamazwi ("Ngiyabona ukuthi ninesifiso sokwazi ngemizimba yenu") futhi kubakhumbuze ngobumnene ukubaluleka kobumfihlo ("lokhu kuyinto esivame ukuyenza ezindaweni eziyimfihlo nalapho wonke umuntu evumelana nakho").
Ubuchwepheshe obusha buletha isici esiyinkimbinkimbi. Amathebulethi, omakhalekhukhwini, namakhompyutha kungaba izindawo zokukhosela ezingokomzwelo Uma ingane ingatholi ukuxhumana okwanele kwangempela nabantu abanamathelayo. Emkhakheni wezocansi, ukufinyelela okungahlungiwe kokuqukethwe kwezithombe zobulili ezingcolile kungaphambukisa kakhulu ukuqonda kwayo ngokuthi ubudlelwano bezocansi buyini.
Indima yomuntu omdala akuyona ukwenza ubuchwepheshe bube yidimoni, kodwa hamba, beka imingcele efanelekile, futhi utholakale ukuze uxoxe ngalokho ingane noma intsha ekutholayo ku-inthanethi. Izinto ezivimba okuqukethwe, ukuqapha okusebenzayo, kanye nezingxoxo ezivulekile ngalokho ekubonayo nekuzwayo kuyizinto eziyisisekelo.
Ubulili obunempilo kubantu abadala: isithelo sokukhulisa izingane ngenhlonipho
MH: Futhi-ke, yize umuntu ngamunye ehlangabezana nezocansi ngendlela yomuntu siqu, futhi sonke sinezidingo zethu ... ingabe ikhona indlela yokuba nobulili obuhle? okusho ukuthi?
LP: Abantu abaningi abazi nokuthi yini i-orgasm. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi abazizwa bejabule (ngezinye izikhathi kukhona nokuhlupheka), noma kukhona ingxenye encane yayo, engahlangene ne-orgasm yangempela (nakuba engakaze ayithole, lo muntu ukholelwa ukuthi bane-orgasms). Kepha njengoba ngishilo ngaphambili, ezocansi zidlulela ngaphezu kocansi lwabantu abadalaKuyinjabulo. Kukhona abantu abazincisha injabulo; kukhona ukuzijezisa, umuzwa wokungafaneleki, ohlanganiswe kusukela ebuntwaneni, ngokwenqatshwa, isibonelo, izingalo zabazali babo, ukusolwa uma bethinte izitho zabo zangasese, ukuhlukaniswa okuqhubekayo nomzimba kanye nalokho okujabulisayo okwenzeka ngokukhuliswa okuvamile, ukwahlukana, ukujeziswa okugcwele, ukuthethiswa, ukungadlali, ukuxhumana, njll.
Uma sinqamula emizimbeni nasebumnandini bethu, buyoba njani ubulili bethu babantu abadala? Okuwukuphela kwendlela yokuzwa ucansi ngendlela enempilo ukukhuthaza ukukhulisa izingane ngendlela enempilo nokuyeka izindima zobulili..
Ubulili obunempilo kubantu abadala buhilela ukukwazi ukuzwa umzimba wakho, ukuqaphela lokho okuthandayo nokungakuthandi, kanye ukukhulumisana ngakho ebudlelwaneni lapho kukhona inhloniphoKusho futhi ukuzwa injabulo ngaphandle kwecala futhi ngaphandle kwesidingo sokufakazela noma yini. Le ndlela yokuxhumana ikhuliswa okuhlangenwe nakho kwasebuntwaneni kokuhlonishwa, ukugonwa, ukulalelwa, nokungajeziswa ngenxa yokuzizwa.
Uma izigaba zokukhula ngokocansi ebuntwaneni sezihlonishwe (ukuhlola ngomlomo, ilukuluku lobulili, ukudlala nontanga, imibuzo ephendulwa ngokwethembeka), amathuba okuzibamba kakhulu kanye nokuvinjelwa ayancishiswa. Ngokuphambene nalokho, ukucindezelwa okuhlelekile Kungaholela kubantu abadala abafuna izimo eziveza onxantathu bamandla amadala, abalingani abangatholakali, ubudlelwano lapho ukuhlupheka kwasebuntwaneni kuphinda kuphindwe khona, noma ukungakwazi ukuzinikela enjabulweni.
Indlela yokusabela ekushayweni indlwabu kwasebuntwaneni
MH: Ungathini kumzali othukile ngoba ethole indodakazi noma indodana yakhe ishaya indlwabu?
LP: Mtshele ukuthi angesabi nhlobo; kuwuphawu oluhle lokuthi lokhu kuyenzeka. Esikhundleni sokwesaba, mtshele ukuthi naye uyakwenza futhi kuyajabulisa. Ngakho-ke, ngaleyo ndlela, sisiza ingane yethu ukuba ingacabangi ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle. noma ukuthi bazizwa benecala ngokuzizwa bejabule.
Ngokombono wokukhulisa izingane oqaphile, ukushaya indlwabu ebuntwaneni kuqondwa ngokuthi indlela yemvelo yokuhlola umzimba wakhoAkukhona ukukhuthaza noma ukudikibalisa, kodwa mayelana nokuqinisekisa: "Ngiyabona ukuthi uzithinta, kuyinto evamile ukuzizwa kahle, kuyinto oyenzayo." Lesi simo sengqondo sokulungisa isimo sengqondo sivimbela ingane ekuhlanganiseni injabulo nomuzwa wecala.
Kungaba usizo ukwethula umqondo wokuthi ukusondelana“Lokhu kuyinto esivame ukuyenza ngasese, ekamelweni lethu noma endlini yokugezela, njengoba nje abantu abadala benza ngasese.” Ngale ndlela, ingane ivikelekile ekubukekeni okungaba yingozi noma emazwini avela ngaphandle, ngaphandle kokubangela ihlazo ngomzimba wayo.
Kubalulekile futhi ukuhlola ukushukuma komzimba kwakho kanye nokubukeka kobuso bakho. Ngezinye izikhathi, noma ngabe amazwi akho alungile, ithoni yezwi lakho noma ukubukeka okumangazayo kungabonisa ukungavumelani. Uma umuntu omdala ebona ukungakhululeki okukhulu, kuyisibonakaliso esihle sokuthi... funa ukwesekwa kochwepheshe futhi ubuyekeze umlando wakhoukuze kungaboniswa enganeni.
Ubuhlobo bobulili ekhaya ngesikhathi sobusha
MH: Uthini komunye umzali odidekile ngoba ingane yakhe efuna ukungena ngesinyenyela egumbini nomlingani wayo?
LP: Nokho, into efanayo engiyishilo ngenhla, bazoba nobudlelwano kungakhathaliseki ukuthi siyabavumela noma cha; ukubavumela ukuba babe nobudlelwano ekhaya kuzobavikela engozini yokuba nabo noma kuphi, futhi ngaphandle kwesivikelo.
Lesi simo asisho ukuthi awusafuni ukuzibandakanya nabanye, kodwa sisho okuphambene nalokho: bamba indima esebenzayo ekunakekeleniUkukwazi ukukhuluma nentsha mayelana nokuvimbela inzalo, ukuvikelwa ezifweni, ukuvumelana kanye nokuhloniphana, kuyilapho kunikeza indawo ephephile ngokomzimba, kunciphisa izingozi eziningi.
Kweminye imindeni, lokhu kungase kungqubuzane nezinkolelo zenkolo, zamasiko, noma zomuntu siqu. Ukukhulisa izingane ngokuqonda kukhuthaza ukuhlukanisa phakathi isifiso sokuvikela inhlalakahle yomzimba nengokomzwelo yengane kanye nesidingo sokulawula ubulili babo. Ngisho noma kwenziwa isinqumo sokungavumeli umlingani ekamelweni, kubalulekile ukugcina ingxoxo evulekile, ngaphandle kokusola noma ukusongela, ukuze ingane engaphoqelekile ukwenza ucansi oluyingozi.
Ilukuluku lezingane ngomzimba womuntu omdala
Esinye isimo esivamile ukuthi izingane zibonisa ilukuluku ngemizimba yabazali bazo: zifuna ukubona ukuthi zibukeka kanjani, ziyaqhathanisa, ziyabuza imibuzo, noma zize zizame ukuthinta izingxenye ezithile. Uma nje umuntu omdala engasishintshi isimo, Ilukuluku lezingane liyiqiniso futhi alinacala.Futhi akuyona inkinga.
Uma umuntu omdala ezizwa engakhululekile, angakusho ngenhlonipho: “Angifuni ungibone manje, ngifuna ubumfihlo,” noma “Angifuni ungithinte lapho.” Lokhu, ngaphezu kokuvikela imingcele yabo, kufundisa ingane ukuthi imizimba yabantu abadala nayo inelungelo lobumfihlo, into eyisisekelo kamuva. hlonipha imizimba yabanye abantu.
Ukuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi kwezingane kanye nokuvimbela ngokuba ngumzali
Ukwesaba okuyisisekelo lapho kuxoxwa ngocansi lwasebuntwaneni kuvame ukuxhashazwa ngokocansi. Umphakathi uvame ukuhlanganisa lokhu kokubili, njengokungathi ukuvumela izingane ukuthi zihlole imizimba yazo kwandisa ingozi. Ubufakazi kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kwezokwelapha kubonisa okuphambene nalokho: Ubulili obunempilo nobuvunyelwe ebuntwaneni buvimbela ukuxhashazwa.
Ingane enolwazi futhi ehlonishwayo ngomzimba wayo inezinsiza ezengeziwe zokuqaphela isimo esingafanele, ikuthola kulula ukuthi "cha," futhi inamathuba amaningi okucela usizo. Iyazi ukuthi umzimba wayo ungowayo, ukuthi akekho ongayiphoqa ukuthi iqabule noma igone uma ingafuni, nokuthi akulungile ngomuntu omdala ukuyicela ukuthi igcine izimfihlo ngezitho zayo zangasese.
Ngokuphambene nalokho, izitayela zokukhulisa izingane ezingondlovukayiphikiswa, lapho "umuntu omdala ehlala elungile" futhi ingane kumele ilalele ngaphandle kokungabaza, zakha indawo efanele yokuzalela abahlukumezi. Uma ingane iphoqelekile ukuba ukuqabula noma ukwanga ngenxa yesibopho Emibuthanweni yomndeni, uma ehluleka uma ethi “Angifuni” noma ehlekwa usulu ngakho, ufunda ukuthi imingcele yakhe ayinandaba nokuthi ukuze athandwe kumelwe anikele ngomzimba wakhe.
Ekuhlukunyezweni ngokocansi, ingxenye eyinhloko ivame ukuba amandla nokulawula okungaphezu kocansi uqobo. Ingane efunde ukuthembela ekuhluleleni kwayo, eyaziyo ukuthi abanakekeli bayo bayakholelwa futhi bayabasekela, izoba yisisulu esinzima kakhulu. Ngakho-ke, esikhundleni sokutshala ukwesaba, kungcono ukunikeza ulwazi, ukulalela, kanye nenhlonipho yansuku zonke.
Imfundo yocansi ezikoleni nasezikhungweni
MH: Uyazisa kanjani imfundo yezocansi yezikole nezikhungo zezwe lethu?
LP: Kunendawo enkulu yokuthuthukisa. Angazi ukuthi kwenziwani kuzo zonke izikhungo, kodwa engikubonile mayelana nemfundo yocansi kuhlobene kakhulu nokufaka amakhondomu noma ukunikeza abantu ama-tampon kunocansi uqobo. Akuyona imfundo nhlobo. kufanele siyeke ukucindezelaThina bantu abadala singazifundisa kanjani izifundo ngocansi uma sesivele sivinjiwe?
Ezikoleni eziningi, lokho okubizwa ngokuthi “imfundo yocansi” kuncishiswa kube yizifundo ezimbalwa ezigxile kuzo ukukhulelwa kanye nokuvimbela ukuthelelekaLezi zindawo zivame ukuhlukaniswa ngokobulili, zinendawo encane yokuxoxa ngenjabulo, imvumelwano, ukuhlukahluka, imizwa, noma ubudlelwano. Kodwa-ke, intsha idinga amathuluzi okusebenzisa Ukuqonda ukuthi ubuhlobo obunempilo buyiniIndlela yokubeka imingcele, indlela yokusingatha ukwenqatshwa, isifiso esingaphendulwanga, noma ukuhlukana.
Imfundo ephelele yezocansi kufanele ihlanganise:
- Ulwazi lwebhayoloji kanye nezempilo: izinguquko ekuthombeni, umjikelezo wokuya esikhathini, ukwakheka komzimba kwangempela (hhayi okulinganiselwe), ukuvikelwa, njll.
- Ubukhulu bomzwelo nobudlelwano: uthando, umona, inhlonipho, ukuxhumana, ukulawulwa kwezingxabano.
- Ukuhlukahluka ngokobulili kanye nobulili: ukwenza kubonakale izindlela ezahlukene kanye nobunikazi, kunciphisa ukucwaswa.
- Ukuvimbela ubudlova: ubudlova bobulili, ukulawula ngokusebenzisa amanethiwekhi omphakathi, ukusongela ngokomzwelo, ingcindezi yokwenza izinto ezithile.
Ukuze le mfundo isebenze kahle, kubalulekile ukuthi abasebenzi bokufundisa bakwazile futhi hlola ukucwasa kwakho kanye nokubandlululaNgaphandle kwalo msebenzi wangaphambilini, kunzima ukuba nezingxoxo eziqotho nezinenhlonipho nentsha evame ukuxhumana nokuqukethwe okusobala ngokocansi ku-inthanethi.
Ukuzibandakanya komndeni kubalulekile: lapho isikole nekhaya kwabelana ngendlela esekelwe enhloniphweni, kuqinisa umyalezo wokuthi ucansi luyingxenye yemvelo yokuphila komuntu, okufanele iphilwe ngokunakekela, inkululeko kanye nomthwalo wemfanelo.
Ukuqeda, Ngithanda ukubonga uLaura ngokubambisana kwakhe, futhi ngithemba ukuthi ukuthole kuwusizo ukuxoxisana isikhathi eside.Ngikujabulele ukukubhala, futhi nakuba kunzima ukukhetha, kuzodingeka ngisho lesi sisho: "Uhlelo lonke lufundisa abafana ukuthi kumele bacindezele imizwa yabo, babe 'ngamadoda,' futhi bagqoke izihlangu ezinyathela abesifazane, futhi sifundisa amantombazane ukuthi kumele ahlale ngaphansi kwalezo zihlangu futhi abe yizinto." Ngicabanga ukuthi wonke umphakathi kufanele ucabange kabusha ngendlela ophatha ngayo izingane, kodwa futhi Izindima zobulili, indlela esifundisa ngayo ngomzimba kanye nenjabulo, kanye nemibono eyiphutha esiyidlulisela ngamabomu noma ngokungahlosile.Ngaphandle kwalokho, sizoba nezinkinga esinazo kakade (njenge- i-violencia de géneroLezi zinkinga zingaba zimbi kakhulu esikhundleni sokuxazululwa. Ukwamukela ukukhulisa izingane ngendlela eqaphelayo ehlonipha ubulili bezingane futhi egxile ekuzibophezeleni kungenye yezindlela ezinamandla kakhulu zokwakha izizukulwane ezikhululekile, ezinozwela kakhulu, nezingenabudlova.