Isifo se-bond: isibopho esibucayi, esingabonakali, nesinamandla sothando

Kuqala ngasiphi isikhathi leso sibopho sothando phakathi kukamama nengane? Singakusho ngaphandle kwephutha lokho Kuzo zonke izinyanga eziyi-9 zokukhulelwa, lesi sibopho sithola ukwakheka nodaba ngentambo yenkaba. Inyunyana iphelele, iyavumelana futhi iyasebenza: ukudla, imizwa, ukuzola nokuphepha kuyadluliselwa.

Manje, ake sicabange, ngokwesibonelo, "ngesenzo sokuzalwa." Namuhla, ukuzalwa ezikhungweni eziningi sekuwuchungechunge "lwemikhombandlela yeprotocol" lapho ukuza emhlabeni kungaba yinto ehlukumeza ngempela. Usana olusanda kuzalwa luthathwa kusuka kwesinye isandla luye kolunye futhi kuthi emva kwesikhashana, ligezwe ukuze kususwe yonke imikhondo yaleyo nqubo yokusondelana phakathi kukamama nengane. Umama nengane bayadingana ngemuva kokubeletha, futhi lokhu kungaba ukuqala-noma ukuqiniswa- kwalesi sibopho lokho ngemuva kokuthi "kuqhume intambo" kusimema ukuthi sakhe olunye uhlobo lobumbano oluhlose ukunikeza okunamathiselwe okuvuthiwe, okuwusizo nokuthandekayo ngazo, ukunikeza umhlaba izingane eziphephile ukuze zihlole umhlaba futhi zifeze amaphupho azo. Ku-"Madres Hoy»sikutshelile ngakho.

Isifo se-bonding kanye ne-bonding engabonakali

Uma kukhulunywa ngokukhuluma ngokubopha noma ukunamathisela, abantu abaningi bagcina umbono wokuthi lezi zinhlobo zemiqondo abakutholayo kuphela «uvikele ingane ngokweqile«. Manje, kuyadingeka ukuqaqa lezi zithombe kancane. Okunamathiselwe, noma isibopho esiqinile phakathi kukamama nengane, akuyona intambo ebopha noma ephethe izingane zethu njengonodoli.

Isibopho siwukungabonakali futhi siyisiqiniseko sokuthi esinyathelweni ngasinye izingane zethu ezithathayo, noma ngabe sinabo noma cha, bayathandwa, bayathandwa futhi siyabethemba. Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi noma yikuphi okuhlangenwe nakho okwenziwa yingane njengokubi, kungaba lapho kuzalwa noma nganoma yisiphi isikhathi ebuntwaneni bakhe, kucatshangelwa ukuthi kugxilwe ezingeni lobuchopho kanye nomzwelo odaliwe ongamvimbela ekuzivumelaneni nemvelo yakhe ngempumelelo.

Siyazi ukuthi kuyinto eyinkimbinkimbi futhi ngaphezu kwakho konke ebucayi, ikakhulukazi ngoba ubaba, umama, akaze aqonde noma abone yiziphi izenzo esizenzayo ezingathinta kabi izingane zethu, zidale lokho okwaziwa ngokuthi yi-bonding disorder. Ake sikubone ngokuningiliziwe.

Okuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu besebancane

Inkinga yezibopho inomsuka wayo ikakhulukazi kulezi zinhlobo zokuhlangenwe nakho sonke esingakubona: ukulahlwa, ukungabi naluthando, ukungabi nalutho ekuvezeni imizwa, ukuhlukunyezwa ...

Konke lokhu kudala hhayi kuphela izinkinga ezinkulu ekuphepheni okungokomzwelo kwengane, kuyaziwa ukuthi Lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu kungaholela ekubambezelekeni kokuvuthwa, Izinkinga zokuziphatha ezifana nentukuthelo, ulaka, ukungasebenzi kahle ...

Lokho okunye okuhlangenwe nakho omama nobaba abangakwazi (kwesinye isikhathi)

Abaningi bethu baphatha emuva lokho esikukholelwayo, kufanele kube "ukulawula okwanele" ukuthi kusho ukuthini ukukhulisa ingane ngenjabulo. Sifunda izincwadi, siyaqeqesha, sinokuhlangenwe nakho komndeni, abangane futhi noma kungani kungenjalo, sesivele sinengane futhi sicabanga ukuthi elandelayo, "izofana."

Nokho, ukuphazamiseka kokubopha kungavela kwenye yezingane zethu kepha hhayi kwenye. Futhi izimbangela zingacacisa kakhulu futhi zingalindelwe.

• Izingane okufanele zichithe isikhathi ku-incubator isipiliyoni, ngokwesibonelo, ikhefu lokuqala nomama, okuyinto ezimeni eziningi ezingaba nemiphumela.
• Ukushiya izingane ekunakekelweni kwezinsuku zisencane kakhulu nakho kungabonakala njengokuhlukumezeka. (Kungenzeka ukuthi omunye wabazalwane wakuthola njengokujwayelekile, kepha esikhundleni salokho, kwaba yinto ehlukumezayo).
• Amahora achithwa omama nobaba kude nasekhaya emsebenzini nawo angaba ngumthombo wokuhlupheka ebuchosheni bengane.

Izimpawu zesifo se-bond

Manje njengoba sesazi ukuthi izimo ezithile zingaba nethonya elingokomzwelo nelibuhlungu kwezinye izingane kepha hhayi kwezinye, manje ake sibone ukuthi singazibona kanjani usuku nosuku.

• Izingane zihlala zisivivinya zifuna ukusondelana nothando lwethu.
• Imvamisa baveza ukuguquguquka kwemizwelo okuningi, ngomzuzu owodwa bayathandana, kuthi okwesibili baqhume ngokuhlaselwa ngentukuthelo nolaka.
• Banomona, basinika izixwayiso ezinjengokuthi "uma uya emsebenzini kungenxa yokuthi awungithandi." Yizimo futhi ezisolwa kakhulu ngokomama komama nobaba, futhi zingumthombo wengcindezi engapheli.
• Kujwayelekile futhi ukuthi izingane zikwazi ukuhlukanisa isifo se-bond ngokusebenzisa ikhanda, izinkinga zokugaya, i-enuresis ...
• Uma kwenzeka ungayifaki intambo noma ukhuluma ngalezi zindlela zokuziphatha ngendlela eyiphutha nezinye izimbangela eziyingozi njengokuthi "ingane yonakele", ingaqhubekela ekucindezelekeni kokuqala, lokho kancane kancane, kuzosifaka leso sidalwa esimweni lapho sizodinga khona ukunakekelwa uchwepheshe kungekudala. Kubalulekile ukukugcina lokhu engqondweni.

Yondla izingane zakho uthando nokwesaba kuzolamba.

Ukubaluleka kokunamathiselwe

Namuhla, khuluma ngokunamathiselwe, kwesinye isikhathi, kubangela ukudideka ngenxa yeminye imikhakha, komugqa wokomoya kakhulu lapho kunconywa khona lokho "Ukunamathela entweni ethile kuyimbangela yokuhlupheka", ngoba kusivimbela ekuqhubekeni phambili enkululekweni. Ngokufanayo, imibono efana noWalter Riso ngokunamathiselwe kwezithandani ivikela isidingo sokugwema lo mqondo, ngoba okunamathiselwe ebudlelwaneni bezithandani, ngokwalo mbono, kungumthombo wokuhlupheka.

Ngakho-ke kufanele sicacise imiqondo. Kulokhu sikhuluma ngokukhuliswa, imfundo, ubudlelwano bomama nengane futhi kulokhu, okunamathiselwe kubalulekile ukugwema ukuphazamiseka kokuhlangana.

UJohn Bowby Wayengu-psychoanalyst waseNgilandi owathi, ngenxa yeminyaka yakhe yokuhlangenwe nakho ezikhungweni zemfundo nezokwelapha, waqamba lokho manje esikwaziyo njenge "Theory Attachment."

• Okunamathiselwe ukujula namandla wesibopho esingokomzwelo esivela phakathi kwengane nabazali bayo (noma abanakekeli) Iyakwazi ukuhlinzeka ukuphepha okungokomzwelo okubalulekile ekuthuthukiseni ubuntu.
• Ukwakha okunamathiselwe okunempilo, okuphephile nokuvuthiwe nezingane zethu kubalulekile ukuthi wazi ukuthi ungakwenza kanjani ukucisha ukwesaba, kufinyeleleke, ube ngumthombo oyinhloko wothando, ngaphandle kokukhohlisa, ngaphandle kwezincazelo eziphindwe kabili, ukuba ngumama nobaba amahora angama-24 ngosuku noma singekho nabo ngokomzimba.
• Okunamathiselwe ukukhuthaza, kusukela ngesikhathi sokuzalwa, leso sikhumba somanyano esikhunjeni sikamama nengane (noma ngabe sigcwele igazi) esizoqhubeka neminyaka yokuncelisa, ngokugona, nobusuku lapho ukududuza ukukhala nokugcwala.

Kamuva kuzofika izingxoxo, ukumamatheka okunozwela nezimpendulo eziyizigidi ezimbili zale mibuzo eyizigidi izingane ezihlale zinazo ngathi. Okunamathiselwe, ngemuva kwakho konke, isenzo sokuba khona ngokomzwelo esigabeni ngasinye sezingane zethu, isibopho esihlukile okufanele sisinakekele, sinakekele futhi sakhe nsuku zonke.