Omama abaningi bakhathazekile ngale nkinga, njengoba bengazi ukuthi kungaba ngumqondo omuhle kangakanani. ukuthi amadodana namadodakazi abo ababona benqunuikakhulukazi lapho izingane ziqala ukukhula futhi zidlula iminyaka emi-3. Omama abaningi bayazibuza ukuthi isikhathi esifanele sinini sokuba izingane zabo ziyeke ukuzibona zinqunu. Uma ushintsha izingubo zakho, uma ugeza nomntwana wakho omncane, uma uphuma eshaweni, noma uma ugqoke izingubo zangaphansi ekhaya.
Kodwa akuyona into ethinta omama kuphela, futhi Abazali babuza ubunqunu phambi kwezingane zaboIzingane zingase ziqale ukubuza imibuzo mayelana nepenis kayise, ipipi labo, i-vulva noma isitho sangasese somama wabo, noma esabo. Ngokuvamile, abantu abadala baphelelwa amazwi futhi abazi ukuthi baphendule kanjani noma ukuthi bathini, ngoba besaba ukusho into engafanele noma ukuvusa isithakazelo abangasazi ukuthi basingatha kanjani.
Okubaluleke kakhulu kukho konke lokhu, ngaphezu kwakho konke, Ungakhathazeki kakhulu noma ubhekane nakho ngokukhathazeka.Ezimweni eziningi, njengoba indodana noma indodakazi yakho ikhula, bayayeka ukubuza imibuzo eqondile mayelana nokuzimela komzimba wabo noma umzimba wabo, kodwa ukwenza kanjalo besebancane kunempilo futhi kungokwemvelo. Eqinisweni, nakuba kuyahlukahluka, imindeni eminingi ibona ukuthi le mibuzo ivame ukwehla cishe eminyakeni engu-7. Uma izingane zakho zikubona ngephutha unqunu eshaweni, uma zikubona ushintsha izingubo, noma zikubona unqunu nganoma yisiphi isizathu, Asikho isizathu sokwethuka noma ukwenza idrama.
Uma ukhathazeka noma usabela ngentukuthelo Uzobe ufundisa ingane yakho ukuthi umzimba onqunu uyinto embi, eyihlazo, noma eyenqatshelwe, kanti empeleni kuyinto yemvelo kakhulu emhlabeni. Umzimba uyingxenye yokuphila kwansuku zonke futhi, uma uphathwa kahle, ungaba ithuba lokufundisa inhlonipho, imingcele, kanye nomfanekiso womzimba. Kuyadingeka nje. beka imingcele ecacile ukuze izingane zazi ukuthi kunezimiso ezithile zomphakathi mayelana nobumfihlo okumele zilandelwe.
Iqiniso yilokho Akukho sikhathi somlingo noma ukubusa komhlaba wonke. mayelana nokuthi kufanele uyeke nini ukugeza nengane, ukushintsha izingubo phambi kwayo, noma ukuhambahamba endlini ngezingubo zangaphansi. Yonke imindeni ihlukile futhi inamazinga ayo okunethezeka uma kukhulunywa ngobunqunu phambi kwezingane. Nokho, izingane, Bavame ukufuna ubumfihlo ngesikhathi esithile ekuthuthukisweni kwabo Futhi lokho kumele kuhlonishwe, ngoba kuhlobene nomuzwa wabo wokusondelana kanye nentuthuko yabo enempilo yobulili obufanayo.
Lapho izingane seziqaphela kakhulu imizimba yazo, ziqala ukucela ubumfihlo, zivale umnyango wendlu yokugezela, zingafuni ukuthi izingane zakubo zibe khona lapho zigqoka, noma zibonise ukungakhululeki uma uzibheka lapho zigeza. Lolo shintsho esimweni sengqondo luyisibonakaliso esibalulekile sokuziphendukela kwemvelo Futhi sekuyisikhathi sokubasiza baqonde ukuthi ukusondelana kuyini nokuthi kungani kubalulekile.
Kusukela ngaleso sikhathi kuqhubeke, umbuzo awusekho kakhulu ukuthi "ngingahlala isikhathi esingakanani nginqunu phambi kwengane yami?" kodwa "Indlela yokuhambisana nale nqubo ngenhlonipho, ngokwemvelo, kanye nemfundo yocansi enempilo"Ngezansi, iMadres Hoy inikeza iziqondiso nezincazelo zokukusiza ukuthi unqume ukuthi yisiphi isikhathi esingcono kakhulu sokuvumela indodana noma indodakazi yakho ikubone unqunu, ukhumbula induduzo yawo wonke umuntu ekhaya, izindinganiso zakho, kanye nalokho okushiwo yi-psychology yengane kanye ne-sexology.
Izigaba zokukhula kanye nelukuluku mayelana nobunqunu
Ukuze uqonde ukuthi kungani izingane zibuka umzimba kangaka, zibuze imibuzo, noma zizwa zinamahloni ngokuzumayo, kuyasiza ukwazi ngokujwayelekile izigaba zokukhula kwengqondo kwengane njengoba kuchaziwe ochwepheshe abaningi bezengqondo. Ngaphandle kokungena ezicini zobuchwepheshe, kungafingqwa kanje: kulo lonke ebuntwaneni, ingane ishintsha indlela exhumana ngayo nomzimba wayo kanye nemizimba yabanye.
Eminyakeni yokuqala yokuphila, Umzimba uzizwa ngendlela engavamile kakhuluIzinsana nezingane ezincane ziyathintana, zibukane, futhi zihlole ngaphandle kwamahloni ngoba azikayifaki imithetho yokuziphatha mayelana nobunqunu. Njengoba zikhula, ilukuluku lazo ligxila ekwehlukeni kobulili ("Kungani unakho lokhu mina ngingenakho?") nasekuqondeni ukuthi yini "evamile" nokuthi yini engekho. Kamuva kufika isigaba sokunganaki okuncane, lapho umzimba uba sezingeni eliphansi kuze kube yilapho, ngokushintsha kwamahomoni okuthomba, ubulili buphinde buvele kakhulu.
Into ebalulekile ukuthi imindeni iyazi ukuthi Ilukuluku lokubona nokubuza imibuzo lilindelekile futhi linempilo.Ingane ayibukeki inelukuluku lokufuna ukwazi noma inenhloso yocansi yabantu abadala, kodwa inesifiso sokuqonda. Ngakho-ke, lapho besibuza ukuthi kungani umama enamabele noma ukuthi kungani ubaba enentshebe nepenis, kungcono ukuphendula ngokuthula nangamazwi alula, afanelana nobudala bayo, ngaphandle kokungena emininingwaneni abangakayidingi, kodwa futhi ngaphandle kokuqamba amanga noma ukuhlekisa ngemibuzo yabo.
Ngokufanayo, ukuchayeka ngokweqile ebunqunu, ukuziphatha okubonakalayo, noma amahlaya aqhubekayo ngezitho zangasese kungabangela kuyadida futhi kuvusa inkanuko ngokweqile Kwabanye abantwana. Akukhona ukuphila ngendlela engavamile, kodwa futhi akukhona "noma yini evumelekile." Ibhalansi itholakala ekubeni ngokwemvelo, ukubeka imingcele efanele iminyaka, nokuhlonipha njalo ijubane lengane kanye nenduduzo yayo.
Cishe eminyakeni eyisithupha kanye nomuzwa wokusondelana
Cishe kusesigabeni sobuntwana obuphakathi lapho izingane ziqala ukuqonda ngokucacile khona umqondo wobumfihlo kanye nokusondelanaFuthi bangakwamukela futhi bakuhloniphe. Ungase uqaphele ukuthi ingane yakho ayisafuni ukugeza nomfowabo, ukuthi ivala umnyango uma isegumbini lokugezela, ukuthi izikhiyela ekamelweni layo ukuze igqoke ekuseni, noma ukuthi igwema ukukuvumela ukuthi uyibone ingenazo izingubo ngenkathi izisula ngethawula. Lokhu kuziphatha kuyinto evamile, enempilo, futhi kufanele kuhlonishwe..
Uma ingane yakho ikukhombisa ukuthi ifuna ubumfihlo, empeleni isuke ikuphosela ibhola elijikajikayo. uphawu lokuzimela nokuvuthwaKusho ukuthi uyakhula futhi uyathuthuka, ukuthi udinga isikhala somuntu siqu ukuze akhe ubuwena bakhe kanye nomuzwa wesizotha. Lesi sidingo sobumfihlo asigcini nje ngomzimba wakhe, kodwa futhi simayelana nemidlalo yakhe, izingxoxo zakhe, kanye nezimfihlo zakhe.
Into engcono kakhulu kulesi sikhathi ukuthi hlonipha le mingcele futhi, ngesikhathi esifanayo, uyichazeUngamtshela ukuthi uyaqonda ukuthi ufuna ukuba yedwa ukuze ageze, aye endlini yokugezela noma agqoke, ukuthi kuyinto ehambisana nokukhula, futhi ugcizelele ukuthi ngendlela efanayo naye kumele ahloniphe ubumfihlo babanye: ukungqongqoza emnyango, ukulinda impendulo, hhayi ukuvula amakhethini noma iminyango ngaphandle kwemvume, njll.
Ngokulandela izincomo zochwepheshe abaningi, kunconywa ukuthi, uma ubona lolu shintsho, qala ukunciphisa izigcawu zakho zobunqunu phambi kwengane yakhoAkukhona ukwenza into enkulu ngaye ekubona uphuma eshaweni, kodwa mayelana nokuyeka ukungabi nqunu nhlobo nabo njalo, isibonelo, ngokugwema ukugeza ndawonye noma ukugqoka njalo phambi kwakhe uma ezizwa engakhululekile.
Futhi yisikhathi sokugcizelela ukuthi, nakuba umzimba uyinto yemvelo, Akuwona wonke umuntu ohamba ze kuzo zonke izindawo noma phambi kwawo wonke umuntu.Ngale ndlela, ingane ifunda ukuhlukanisa okuyimfihlo, okwabelwana ngakho emndenini, kanye nalokho okwabelwana ngakho kuphela noma ezimweni ezithile.
Ukukhuluma ngemingcele yomuntu siqu kanye nezindinganiso zomphakathi
Ngenkathi ezinye izingane ziqala ukucela ngokusobala ukuthi ziyimfihlo, Abanye ababonisi ukuthobeka okukhulu ekuqaleni.Bajabulela ukugeza nabafowabo nodadewabo, abakhathazeki ngokuba nqunu ekhaya, futhi bahambahamba ngokwemvelo bengenazo izingubo noma begqoke izingubo zangaphansi kuphela. Kulezi zimo, kubalulekile ukuthi abantu abadala baqale indaba... Imingcele yomuntu siqu kanye nezindinganiso zomphakathi, kokubili ngaphakathi nangaphandle komndeni.
Umuntu ngamunye unakho indawo yabo yokunethezekaEminye imindeni inqunu kakhulu, eminye inesizotha kakhulu, futhi eminingi iphakathi nendawo. Kubalulekile ukuchazela izingane ukuthi, nakuba kungase kube yinto evamile ekhaya ukuthi umama noma ubaba bagqoke phambi kwabo, kukhona abanye abantu ngaphandle abangakhululekile ngalokho, futhi lokho kudinga ukuhlonishwa. Ngale ndlela, ingane iyaqonda ukuthi ayikwazi, isibonelo, ukukhumula izingubo endlini yomngani noma ukuvula umnyango wendlu yokugezela esikoleni.
Eminye imithetho elula esiza ukusebenza ngale mingcele, isibonelo, ukungqongqoza emnyango ngaphambi kokungena ekamelweniUkulinda omunye umuntu ukuthi athi “ngena,” hhayi ukuthatha amathawula noma izingubo zabanye abantwana njengomdlalo, noma ukubuza ukuthi umuntu omdala ukhululekile yini ngaphambi kokuhlala emathangeni abo. Le mithetho emincane yakha isisekelo se inhlonipho ngomzimba wakho kanye nemizimba yabanye.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukukhuluma ngemingcele yomuntu siqu kuyindlela yokuqala nenamandla kakhulu yokwenza kanjalo. ukuvimbela ukuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi kwezinganeUma ingane iqonda ukuthi akekho onelungelo lokuthinta umzimba wayo ngaphandle kwemvume, ukuthi ingathi "cha" uma okuthile kuyenza izizwe ingajwayelekile noma ingakhululekile, nokuthi ingatshela umuntu omdala omethembayo njalo, siyayivikela. Ubunqunu bansuku zonke emndenini bungaba yithuba elihle kakhulu lokudlulisa le miyalezo ngokwemvelo.
Uma ubunqunu noma ukugqoka izingubo ezincane kuyinto evamile ekhaya lakho, kulungile uma nje kukhona inhlonipho, imvume kanye nokungabi khona kokungakhululekiKodwa-ke, kubalulekile ukuchaza ukuthi imithetho ingase ihluke kweminye imizi, ngakho-ke, kufanele uzivumelanise nezimo lapho uvakashela abanye abantu. Ukukhuluma ngemingcele yomuntu siqu kusiza izingane ukuqonda imingcele yabanye futhi zimise eyazo.into ezohlala nabo impilo yabo yonke.
Cabangela izidingo zakho kanye nomlando wakho siqu
Lesi sihloko asigcini nje ngokuthi ingane izizwa kanjani, kodwa futhi simayelana indlela abantu abadala abazizwa ngayoAbanye omama nobaba bakhululekile ukuba nqunu phambi kwezingane zabo futhi babhekana nobunqunu ngokwemvelo; abanye bazizwa benamahloni kakhulu, mhlawumbe ngenxa yokukhuliswa kwabo, okuhlangenwe nakho kwabo kwangaphambilini, noma ukungazethembi ngemizimba yabo. Konke lokhu kuthonya indlela ubunqunu obuphathwa ngayo ekhaya.
Uma, isibonelo, uzizwa ukhululekile phambi kwengane yakho ngenkathi unqunu, Akudingeki kube yinkinga ngokwayoKungaba yindlela yokuveza ukuthi umzimba akuyona into okufanele ube namahloni ngayo, ukuthi kunezinhlobo ezahlukene zemizimba, enezibazi, amamaki okwelula, izinwele zomzimba, isisindo nokwakheka okuhlukahlukene, nokuthi konke kufanele kuhlonishwe. Eqinisweni, abelaphi abaningana baveza ukuthi ukubona imizimba yangempela, hhayi ehlungiwe noma ephelelisiwe, kungasiza izingane zikhule. isimo sengqondo esihle ngesimo somzimba wakho.
Ngokuphambene nalokho, uma ungumuntu othobekile kakhulu futhi uqala ukuzizwa ungakhululekile njengoba ingane yakho ikhula futhi ikubona uhamba ze, kuyiqiniso ngokuphelele ukuthi funa ubumfihlo obengeziwe ukuyogeza noma ukugqoka. Yisikhathi esihle sokuchaza ukuthi nawe unelungelo lokuba wedwa, ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi udinga ukuvala umnyango nokuthi lokhu akusho ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle ngomzimba wakho, kodwa kunalokho kunezikhathi lapho ukhetha ukuba wedwa.
Kunoma ikuphi, into ebalulekile akukhona nje ukubeka imingcele yobumfihlo, kodwa futhi nokuba ingane iqonde ukuthi Kungaba namazinga ahlukene okuthobeka kuye ngomuntu kanye nesimo.Ngale ndlela, bazofunda nokuhlonipha ukuthi umama wabo, ubaba, noma umzali wabo wesibili bangase babe nezitayela ezahlukene. Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu ku- yakhiwe kabusha imindeniOmunye umuntu omdala angase azizwe ekhululekile kakhulu uma enqunu ngezinga elithile, kuyilapho omunye ekhetha ukuzikhethela okwengeziwe. Ukuxoxa ngalokhu, ukufinyelela izivumelwano, nokukuchazela ingane ngokucacile kuzovimbela ukungaqondani.
Izingane akudingeki zibone ubunqunu njengento eyihlazo noma engalungile; okudingeka zikuqonde ukuthi Kunezikhathi nezindawo lapho kudingeka khona ubumfihlo obengeziwe kunakwabanye, nokuthi umuntu ngamunye unelungelo lokunquma ukuthi uzizwa ephephile futhi ehlonishwa kangakanani.
Induduzo ibalulekile: indlela yokwazi ukuthi kufanele uyeke nini
Induduzo, kokubili kumuntu omdala kanye nengane, ibalulekile, futhi akukho mthetho ofanele wonke umuntu osebenza kuyo yonke imindeni. Abazali kufanele baqaphele futhi balandele isibonelo sezibonakaliso umntwana azinikezayo.Uma indodana noma indodakazi yakho ikucela ukuthi uvale umnyango lapho ifuna ukushintsha izingubo noma ukuya endlini yangasese, ikuthumela umyalezo ocacile wokuthi lesi sidingo sesikhala somuntu siqu siyavela futhi kumelwe sihlonishwe.
Lokhu kuyisibonakaliso esihle kubazali qala ukunciphisa noma ukuyeka ukuhambahamba unqunu Ungavumeli izingane zakho zihambe endlini phambi kwakho noma uyeke ukugeza nazo. Akusho ukuthi ngolunye usuku kulungile bese kuthi ngolunye kube yiphutha eliphelele, kodwa kunalokho ukuthi kancane kancane ushintshe imikhuba yakho ukuze uzivumelanise nalesi sigaba esisha lapho ingane ifuna ukuzimela kakhudlwana.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma ingane yakho ingenandaba, ingakhathazeki ngokukubona unqunu, noma ikuthola kuwusizo ukuba ndawonye endlini yokugezela ngenxa yezinkinga zokuhlela, Asikho isidingo sokuphoqa isimo ngokuzumayo.Ungangenisa imiyalezo eyimfihlo kancane kancane, futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo, uqaphele uma kuvela izimpawu zokuhlazeka, ukungakhululeki, noma ukwenqatshwa. Lokho kuzoba uphawu lwakho lokushintsha.
Kubalulekile futhi ukukhumbula lokho Ubunqunu babazali akufanele bube yinto ehlala iboniswaUkuhambahamba unqunu endlini ungacabangi ukuthi ingane ikhona, noma ukuveza obala izikhathi zokusondelana nomlingani wakho, kungamdida umntwana futhi kuholele ekuvuseleleni okungadingekile. Ukufundisa inhlonipho ngeminyango evaliwe, ubumfihlo bomlingani wakho, kanye nezindawo eziyimfihlo kuyindlela yokuvikela intuthuko yakhe yobulili obufanayo.
Ukuze kube lula kakhulu, kuyalulekwa ukwazi ngokwethembeka Yiliphi izinga lobunqunu umndeni ofuna ukubulungisa?Ukushintsha izingubo ngokunganaki ekamelweni lakho lokulala akufani nokuba nqunu isikhathi eside ezindaweni ezivamile. Ngokufanayo, ukubona umama ephuma eshaweni ngezikhathi ezithile kuhlukile nokwabelana naye ngebhavu lokugeza. Ukubeka la magama kulezi zinguquko kuzokusiza, njengombhangqwana nanjengomndeni, ukuthi unqume ukuthi nizizwa nilinganisela kuphi.
Akubalulekile kangako ukucabanga kakhulu ngokuthola "ubudala obufanele" obucatshangelwayo, kodwa Zilungiselele ukukhuluma, ubheke indlela izingane zakho ezisabela ngayo, futhi ulungise imingcele ngendlela evumelana nezimo.Ngokuvumela isimo siguquke, ngaphandle kokusenza sibe yidrama nangokukhulumisana okuvulekile, ubunqunu ekhaya bungaba yithuba elibalulekile lokufundisa inhlonipho, ukunakekelwa nothando ngomzimba womuntu.
Ithonya lamasiko kanye nesimo senhlalo
Esinye isici esikhohlwa ngezinye izikhathi ukuthi Umbono wobunqunu uncike kakhulu kumasikoKweminye imiphakathi, kuvamile ukuya kuma-sauna noma emabhishi lapho abantu behamba ze khona kalula; kodwa-ke, kwabanye, akukho sikhumba esiboniswa esidlangalaleni, futhi umzimba uhlotshaniswa kakhulu nesizotha noma ihlazo. Lokhu kwehluka kusho ukuthi okubonakala kungokwemvelo emndenini owodwa akucabangeki komunye.
Izazi zengqondo kanye nososayensi bezocansi bagcizelela ukuthi, lapho benquma ukuthi bangayiphatha kanjani inqunu nezingane, Izindinganiso zamasiko nezenhlalo zinesisindo esilingana, noma ngisho nangaphezu kwezesayensi.Akukho ukuvumelana okuphelele emphakathini wesayensi ngemodeli eyodwa; okwabelwana ngakho ngumqondo wokuthi, noma ngabe yikuphi ukukhetha okukhethiwe, kumele kwenziwe ngemfundo, inhlonipho, kanye nokungabi bikho kokulimala.
Ngakho-ke, kubalulekile ukuthi imindeni izibuze: yimiphi imiyalezo esayithola siseyizingane mayelana nemizimba yethu? Yini esifuna ukuyigcina futhi yini esikhetha ukuyishintsha? Yini ebhekwa njengeyamukelekayo endaweni esikuyo (isikole, umndeni obanzi, abangane) futhi sifuna ukuzibeka kanjani maqondana nalokho? Ukuphendula le mibuzo kusiza ekuchazeni isitayela sokukhulisa izingane esiqhubekayo, ukuze ingane ingatholi imiyalezo ephikisanayo.
Ukuxhumana okuvulekile nakho kubalulekile uma kukhona ukungezwani kwemibono phakathi kwabazaliLokhu kungenzeka emindenini ehlukene noma emindenini lapho umuntu omdala oyedwa engakhululeki khona ngobunqunu. Uma omunye umzali ekhathazwa ukuthi ingane ikhumulwe kancane ezindaweni ezivamile noma abanye beshintsha izingubo phambi kwabo, kungcono ukuthola indawo ephakathi nendawo: isibonelo, ukuvumela ingane ukuthi igqoke izingubo ezimbalwa, kodwa isebenzise izingubo zokulala noma izingubo ezimboza izindawo zayo zangasese, noma ukucela ukuthi lobu bunqunu bukhawulelwe ekamelweni layo lapho omunye umzali ekhona.
Lapho abantu abadala befinyelela izivumelwano ezinengqondo nezivumelanayoIngane ibhekana nokunqunu njengento ehlelekile nephephile, esikhundleni sokubanjwa ogibeni lwezinsolo noma imiyalezo ephikisanayo. Futhi, isihluthulelo ukuchaza izinqumo, ukulalela imizwa yayo, futhi njalo ibeke phambili inhlalakahle yayo kanye nenhlonipho yayo.
Lonke lolu hlelo lubonisa ukuthi umbuzo othi "Ingabe kuwumqondo omuhle ukuthi ingane yakho ikubone unqunu?" awunayo impendulo eyodwa, kodwa unesihloko esifanayo esicacile: ubunjalo bemvelo, imingcele ecacile, inhlonipho yobumfihlo bawo wonke umuntu, kanye nekhono lokuzivumelanisa nesigaba ngasinye Lezi yizinsika ezivumela ubunqunu emndenini ukuthi bube yinto efundisayo nenempilo, hhayi imbangela yengxabano noma umuzwa wecala.