Ngeshwa, abanye abazali basazwakala betshela izingane zabo izinto ezinjengalezi: "Amadoda angempela awakhali." Lawa ngamanga amakhulu futhi anonya kakhulu umuntu omdala angawatshela izingane zakhe, ngoba abantu, abesilisa noma abesifazane, kufanele bavimbele ukukhula kwengqondo kwezingane.
Kukhona nalabo abadlulisela ezinganeni ukuthi 'amadoda azwelayo' angabantu besilisa 'futhi' Akukho okunye okuvela eqinisweni. Izingane zibonakala zifunde ukuba nezindlela ezimbili kuphela uma kukhulunywa ngemizwa: zilungile noma zithukuthele. Futhi empeleni, izindlela zingaba ezinye eziningi, ngoba imizwa izwe eligcwele imibala ehlukene.
Kubukeka sengathi intukuthelo yande kakhulu futhi yamukelwa kahle ekuziphatheni kwezingane, kepha empeleni, intukuthelo imizwa enamandla okufanele ibonwe, wazi ukuthi kungani kwenzeka futhi uthole isisombululo esisenza sizizwe siba mnandi.
Lapho ingane izabalaza ingayivezi imizwa yayo
Ingane yakho kungenzeka ukuthi ikutshele ukuthi ayifuni ukukhuluma ngokwenzeka kuyo, ifuna ukufihla imizwa yayo. Lokhu kuba ndikindiki ngokomzwelo futhi izingane zingakuthola lokhu njengoba zikhula. Izingane ziqala impilo yazo eminyakeni yazo yokuqala zigcwele imizwa futhi ziyiveze ngoba ziyayidinga, noma ngabe ziyaxakaniseka, kepha lapho zikhula zivimba imizwa ngoba zicabanga ukuthi zinamandla ngaleyo ndlela, kepha empeleni kuphambene.
Lapho bechitha isikhathi esithile esikoleni futhi ngenxa yenkolelo yamanga edumile yokuthi 'abesilisa bangempela' abakhali noma bakhombise 'ubuthakathaka', bakhula benokukhathazeka ngokomzwelo futhi lokhu kungadala ukungalingani ngokomzwelo ngokuzayo ngisho nokuphazamiseka kobuntu. njengesifo se-schizoid. Izingane kufanele zifundiswe ukuthi zingayicindezeli imizwa yazo nokuthi kuhlala kunendlela efanele yokuveza ukuthi bazizwa kanjani ngaso sonke isikhathi.
Lokhu ekugcineni kubangela okwenziwa ngamadoda amaningi amadala namuhla: Abazi ukuthi bangaveza kanjani noma babone kahle imizwa yabo, lokhu kunegama: yi-alexithymia. Amadoda amaningi, cishe amaphesenti angama-80 wabantu angahlupheka ngakho futhi kubalulekile ukufundisa izingane ukuze kungenzeki kubo futhi bangakhula ngendlela enempilo futhi elinganiselayo ngokuya ngemizwa abayizwayo.
Imvamisa izingane, lapho ziqala ukukhula futhi ziba yintsha, omunye umuzwa wokuthi zibona okubi kakhulu nokuthi zihlupheka kakhulu yihlazo. Amahloni angalimaza ukuzethemba kwezingane nentsha, futhi lapho behlupheka njalo, bangafuna ukugwema ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo nabantu abadala, ikakhulukazi uma kuyibo abenza (ezimweni eziningi bengahlosile) bazizwe ngaleyo ndlela. Kuyadingeka ukuthi bonke obaba nomama emhlabeni bazi ukuthi ngokuyala nangokuziphatha okuhle, ukuthotshiswa noma ukuhlazeka akufanele kusetshenziswe. Izingane zidinga ukuqonda nokwazisa yonke imizwa yazo futhi ngalokhu, zidinga ukuqonda nokusekelwa okuvela kubazali bazo ngaso sonke isikhathi.
Yiba nolwazi lokufunda ngokomzwelo
Izingane ezijabule kakhulu yilabo abanezinsizakusebenza ezinamandla ezingokomzwelo futhi abakwaziyo ukuthi bazizwa kanjani nganoma yisiphi isikhathi. Kepha ungazifundisa kanjani izingane zakho ukuxhumana okuzinzile okungokomzwelo nokuxhumana okujulile? Uzokwazi ukukufeza uma wenza umzamo futhi, uma ukwazi ukuqonda imizwa yakho ngaso sonke isikhathi.
Ukwakha ukufunda ngokomzwelo enganeni yakho, kuzofanele uqale ngokufundisa ulwazimagama olungokomzwelo. Kusukela ngesikhathi ingane yakho isewusana, khuluma nayo ngegama elicebile nelihlukahlukene lomzwelo. Izingane azalwa zinamagama ngemizwa yazo; kumele bayifunde. Ungathi "udabukile" noma "kubukeka sengathi udumele." Ungase futhi ukhulume ngemizwa yakho ngaphandle kokubheka ingane yakho ukuthi iyimbangela yayo. Lapho ungathi, 'Ngethukile, nawe?'
Lalela ukuthi uthini kuwe
Izingane zidinga ukuzwa ngabazali bazo, ngakho-ke ungapheleli ekulaleleni wonke amagama okufanele akusho kuwe, ngisho nasezinsukwini lapho uzizwa ukhathele noma ucindezelekile. Ingane yakho kufanele uyinake ngokugcwele. Uma umlalela uzobe ukhuthaza ukukhuluma kwakhe futhi, kuzofanele umlalele ngaphandle kokwahlulela imicabango yakhe. Udinga ukuthi umkhombise uzwela, kepha ungamniki zonke izixazululo, Ikuvumela ukuthi uhlakulele ukucabanga kwakho okubucayi ngokukusiza ekutholeni izixazululo zalokho okukubangela ukungaphatheki kahle, kanye nokuhlola imizwa yakho.
Khumbula ukuthi akudingeki ngaso sonke isikhathi uvumelane nemizwa yezingane zakho ukuze ulalele ngokucophelela, awudingi ukwamukela ukuziphatha okungafanele, kodwa Yebo qonda futhi uzwelane nemizwa oyizwayo. Ukulalela ingane yakho kahle lapho ikhuluma nawe kuyisinyathelo sokuqala sokwakha ukuxhumana okuhle ngokomzwelo nokuthi ingane yakho iqale ukufunda ukuxazulula izingxabano iyodwa, noma ngabe lokho ikwenza kuqala ngokuholwa nokusekelwa nguwe.
Kumele ubonise ngezenzo zakho hhayi ngamazwi akho kuphela ukuthi uthando nokuxhumeka kwangempela kunjani, ungakwenza lokhu ngozwela. Lapho ingane yakho ihlala nsuku zonke ngenhlonipho, ngothando, nangokuzwela, kuzoba lula kakhulu ukuthi isebenzise lawo makhono eyedwa manje nasesikhathini esizayo.
Ake iziveze
Ngaphezu kokulalela nokufundisa ingane yakho isilulumagama esingokomzwelo, yinike isikhala sokuba uqobo. Gwema ukumtshela ukuthi yini okufanele ayizwe noma angayizwa; mnike isikhala sokuhlola amandla nobuthakathaka bakhe endaweni ephephile. Lapho ingane yakho ingadingi ukwesaba ukuphoxeka noma ukwenqatshwa, ingakwazi ukuveza imizwa, izidingo namaphupho ayo ngokusobala.
Kubalulekile ukuthi zonke izingane zifunde ukuthi izinhliziyo nemizwa yazo ngeke kuzenze buthaka. nokuthi ukumqonda yilokho okuzomenza abe yindoda yangempela ngokuzayo. Ngenxa yokuthi izingane kwesinye isikhathi zijwayele ukuthukuthela nolaka, kuwukuhlakanipha ukulingisa ukuzola nokuhlonipha lapho ubhekene nezinkinga. Gwema ukuthukuthela noma ukumemeza futhi ukhumbule ukuthi imizwa akuyona amandla angaqondakali asongela ukusisinda; ziyingxenye yalokho okusenza sibe ngabantu ngokwengeziwe.