If you have lost a loved one, it is normal that you are going through a difficult time as a parent. Loss is a painful and complex experience that affects all ages. Therefore, we want to explain the 5 phases of grief to you, so that both parents and children can face it together.
We are going to give you a deeper understanding of each one and provide you with effective strategies to deal with them for both you and your child. Don't miss out on each section because they are all equally important.
The 5 phases of grief
Grief is not something linear, it is a process that has advances, setbacks, ups and downs... and all of this is normal. What is important above all is that you understand what the phases are so you can know which one you are in at all times.
Denial
Denial is the first phase of grief, a kind of defense mechanism that helps us deal with the initial emotional overload of loss.
How it manifests:
- Reality avoidance: Parents may avoid talking about the loss or minimize its importance. They may act as if the deceased person were still present.
- Feeling of unreality: They experience the feeling of being trapped in a nightmare from which they will soon wake up.
- Difficulty making decisions: Making important decisions becomes overwhelming at this stage.
Strategies to help parents and children:
- Talk about loss: Addressing the loss openly and age-appropriately for your child is crucial. Use simple language and avoid graphic details.
- Offer emotional support: encourage your child to express their emotions. Make it clear that you are in this together and that you will always be there to listen.
- Practice patience: Both children and adults may need time to accept the reality of the loss. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and your child.
Wrath
Anger is a natural emotion that manifests itself in the second phase of grief. It can be directed towards oneself, towards the deceased person, towards the world or even towards a higher being.
How it manifests itself:
- Irritability: People may become more irritable and have difficulty dealing with everyday situations.
- Feeling of injustice: They may feel that the loss is unfair and wonder why it happened to them.
- Expression of anger: Some parents may express their anger openly, while others may suppress it.
Strategies to help parents and children:
- Validate emotions: Recognize that it's okay to feel angry and that you understand why they feel that way.
- Teach about anger: Explain that anger is a natural emotion, but show them how to channel it constructively, such as through drawing, writing, or playing sports.
- Encourage self-control: Help your child understand that it's okay to feel angry, but also teach them strategies to control and channel that anger in healthy ways.
Negotiation
The negotiation phase is where people try to make agreements to reverse the loss or find a solution that allows them to recover what they have lost.
How it manifests:
- Search for solutions: People may try to find ways to “fix” the situation, even if it is impossible.
- Review of past actions: They may question their past actions and think about what they could have done differently.
- Feelings of guilt: Feelings of guilt may intensify at this stage.
Strategies to help parents and children:
- Explore thoughts and emotions: Ask your child about what he or she thinks and feels. Encourage him to talk about what he would like to change or do differently.
- Teach about reality: Help your child understand that in some situations, we can't change what has happened and that it's okay to feel sad about it.
- Support their efforts: If your child wants to do something in memory of the deceased, such as planting a tree or making a charitable donation, support them in their efforts.
Depression
The depression phase is one of the most painful for parents and children. It is a moment of deep sadness and despair.
How it manifests:
- Vacuum sensation: People may feel deep emotional emptiness and overwhelming sadness.
- Isolation: They may isolate themselves from friends and family, feeling unable to connect with others.
- Loss of interest in activities: The loss can lead to a lack of interest in activities that were previously pleasurable.
Strategies to help parents and children:
- Give constant support and comfort: Make sure your child knows you are there for them during this difficult time.
- Seek professional help: If your child's depression is severe or persists for a long time, consider seeking help from a therapist who specializes in children.
- Show unconditional love: Constantly remind them how much you love them and that you will be there for them no matter what.
Acceptance
The last phase of grief is acceptance, where people begin to accept the reality of the loss and find a way to move forward.
How it manifests:
- Inner peace: People may feel a sense of inner peace and an acceptance of loss.
- Happy memories: They begin to remember the deceased person with affection and joy instead of sadness.
- Resumption of normal life: They can re-engage in everyday activities and set new goals.
Strategies to help parents and children:
- Support your grieving process: Allow your child to take his or her own time to come to acceptance. There is no set schedule for grieving.
- Talk about the deceased person: Encourage your child to share memories and keep alive the memory of the person they have lost.
- Foster hope: Help your child see a future full of possibilities and remember that there is always love and support in their lives.
The path of grief in parents and children
Grief is an individual and unique process for each person. As a parent, you play a vital role in your child's grieving process. Here are some general guidelines to help you and your child cope with grief together:
- Open communication: fosters an environment where both feel safe to express their emotions and thoughts.
- Seek external support: Consider joining a support group or seeking help from a family therapist if you feel that grief is significantly affecting your family.
- Take care of yourself: Make sure you take care of yourself physically and emotionally so you are in the best position to support your child.
- Learn about grief in children: Educating yourself about how children experience grief can help you better understand your child's needs and how to support them effectively.
professional support
Facing grief, whether as a parent or child, can be a very difficult experience. Sometimes support from a professional or access to appropriate resources can make a significant difference in the grieving process.
grief therapy
Grief therapy is a good option for people who are coping with loss. Grief therapists can help parents and children explore their emotions in a safe and structured way. They offer a space where difficult topics can be addressed and They provide tools to deal with grief in a healthy way.
- Individual therapy: Both parents and children can benefit from individual therapy. Parents can find support in managing their emotions and family responsibilities, while children can receive guidance in processing their grief in age-appropriate ways.
- Family therapy: Family therapy can be especially effective when all family members are dealing with the same loss. It helps improve communication, understand the needs of each family member and strengthen family ties.
Support groups
Joining a support group can be a powerful experience for parents and children who are grieving. These groups provide an environment of understanding where people share their experiences, emotions and coping strategies.
- Parent Support Groups: They offer a space for parents to connect with others who have experienced a similar loss. Sharing your feelings and listening to the experiences of others can help you feel less alone and find effective ways to cope with grief.
- Support groups for children: These groups focus on the needs of children who have lost a loved one. They provide a safe environment for children to express their emotions and feel understood by other children who are going through similar situations.
Grief is a complicated but necessary process to heal after the loss of a loved one. Each phase of grief is a crucial part of the road to recovery. As you move through these phases, remember that it's okay to feel a wide range of emotions and that there is no set timeline for grieving.
Grieving together as a family can strengthen your bonds and teach children important lessons about resilience and love. As you move toward acceptance, remember that life goes on and there is a place for hope in the journey of grief. Together, as a family, You can find your way to a new sense of normality and happiness.