On December 24, 2015, we failed (again) as a society, although the failure was especially prevalent in the educational community of the Catalan Institute where Alan had studied. Alan was 17 years old and a transsexual, there was no lack of reasons for joy because he had managed to change his name on his ID, however his colleagues were raging against him because of his identity; the harassment suffered was the cause of her committing suicide. We know these behaviors as homophobic bullying: they are minors who suffer continuous humiliation, both in the corridors of the educational center, like taking advantage those virtual spaces, which sometimes bring out the worst in ourselves.
A Christmas without Alan for his parents, and what remains for them; I was stunned when I found out two days later, I didn't want to believe it and went straight to my children, I asked them to listen to me: 'Do not tolerate anyone harassing others in your presence, do not participate in collective humiliation, tell an adult if you cannot face the situation alone'; What else could I say? At the end of the day it is a collective responsibility, because if there were no teachers who looked the other way, the spectators of bullying would take an active part, and the families of the aggressors would not be accomplices, we wouldn't be talking about this.
Enough already! Don't you think? Are we unable to relate to someone who is different or what happens to us? After the protest rallies, and after Alan took center stage in newspaper news and reflections on various blogs, the Observatory against Homophobia in Catalonia, asked the Síndic e Greuges to investigate the circumstances in which the suicide occurred, and political responsibilities were demanded, because it is precisely an Autonomous Community with advanced LGTBI legislation, but with deficiencies in its application.
Transsexuality and coexistence in the classrooms.
Three institutes and a long history of bullying: Who would want to go to class every day if they know that they will push them, insult them or throw them down the stairs there? And what happens to us adults? Are we blind ?; perhaps it is just the comfort of moving in a system that provides us with a certain well-being, or we may not want to know anything about the suffering of others. Put yourself in the place of Ester, the boy's mother, think of her and that Christmas Eve in which Alan took pills mixed with alcohol, the day in which the terror of violence overcame the love of his family.
If you work with minors in the field of education or complementary training, even if you are a monitor in youth homes ... well, if you are a parent, too: you may be interested in this book called Trans * Exualidades, in which Raquel (Lucas) Platero Méndez. who has a long history of LGBTQ activism and in the field of education, proposes strategies that can influence prevention and intervention on transphobia.
Collective task?
Undoubtedly: it is the task of eliminating these behaviors in schools and institutes, and it is a (collective) responsibility that unfortunate events such as the one I am telling you occur, or is it that we do not delegate our children to the educational system as well so that they feel comfortable and protected? All teachers are not the same or have the same sensitivity; They do not have the necessary tools to transcend the educational curriculum and educate those who are people before students, but from the will, you can always intervene. It is also true that homosexuality and transsexuality are more visible and therefore more accepted today, but not enough.
We have wanted to educate our children in sexuality by talking to them about human conception and the prevention of unwanted pregnancies and STDs, but we have forgotten the most important thing: make visible the invisible, that is, emotions, fears, decisions, doubts, orientations and identities. We tell them what we want to tell them without asking if they are interested, we only listen to the answers to our questions, but not what the children want to tell us. We also forget that they have sexuality. At the same time, we have no qualms about delegating training on such important topics on Social Networks and in online porn.
Do you know that the suicide rate in transgender people is around 41%? Don't you think it's intolerable?
The following graph shows victims of bullying in Mexico (2012) due to their sexual orientation or identity:
Either we tolerate or we cannot call ourselves society.
Alan he was brave but he was just a teenager surrounded by mediocrity in a social environment that builds its men into hegemonic masculinity, and I am not saying that women do not have responsibilities, because mothers and fathers must make more of an effort to provide references that help our children to respect EVERYONE else. If machismo is partly to blame, it is because it is contrary to the presence of other models, or is it that you have not heard any parent speak disparagingly about (for example) homosexuals? Children do what they see ... remember.
A society is a 'Set of people, peoples or nations that coexist under common norms', it is understood that the norms must apply to all
It is worth mentioning that most of the homophobic violence is produced by boys against other boys with a different orientation; something is wrong of course, and I repeat that I consider that the responsibility for the eradication of these behaviors is joint.
How do you approach sexuality issues at home? Do you give your children an image of tolerance or do you show yourself as someone incapable of understanding the richness of diversity? Do you remember that your attitude and opinion are shaping the children you live with? Let's start from that small space we call home, let's start to think and make people think, to foster the critical spirit of the youngest,… let's be intolerant of intolerance, and walk along a renewed path free of prejudice and full of love.
Let's feel free to shout from the rooftops that we want schools free from transphobia and bullying, so that it never happens again that an Alan can no longer handle his life and wants to take it from him.
In memory of Alan.
Image - (Second) blkmurch