You may have had a wonderful relationship before you got married, but once you had children, things changed drastically. Children unite or disunite, depending on how you approach parenthood or motherhood and the good team that you can form with your partner in terms of parenting. When you add children to the mix for a happy couple, it becomes wonderfully more stressful. This is universal although not everyone admits it.
Children's stress
Many people admit that their children add a significant amount of stress to their relationship, especially when the children are young. There is research showing that there is a decrease in relationship satisfaction after the birth of the first child. This drop in happiness doesn't go away until the children leave the nest, and by then, many couples have divorced or separated. Here are a few more details worth mentioning:
- Children add stress to a relationship whether you are married or not.. They become part of the relationship.
- Children create stress for parents as individuals, as well as for the couple as a unit. Perhaps not surprisingly, mothers take on the majority of childcare in most relationships.. It's also not surprising that this stress hits mothers in particular quite hard. Most of the other relationships of women deteriorate to some degree as their bond with their children strengthens.
- Children's stress is universal. It is not isolated from certain social classes or even specific countries or regions of the world.
Factors that create stress
There are many factors that come into play when it comes to children and stress. However, certain stressors that affect many parents are particularly demanding on a relationship and on a person. The following stressors are particularly challenging for any couple:
Less time together
When couples have a child, they are often surprised by the amount of work it takes to raise a baby, and young children also take a lot of effort and dedication. Due to the intensive care required and the fact that any time that occurs only during the baby's waking hours requires attention, couples naturally find themselves with less time to spend together, and generally with less energy to dedicate to each other when they do.
It is necessary to find that time that seems lost to take care of the love of a couple. Obviously this can take a toll on the connection they feel as they are less free to have fun spontaneously or enjoy lazy days together, even on weekends.
Less time for yourself
When parents get very little sleep and have little time to tend to their own needs (as is often the case with a new baby or a young child with many needs), they can feel more stressed and the days become more difficult and tiring, especially, at the end of the day.
When one or both members of the couple are not working in the best possible way, especially If this lasts for a long amount of time, it can affect a person's relationship and self-esteem.
Many demands and a lot of fatigue
When a child enters a relationship, caregiving responsibilities must be divided, even if both agree that most of the work should fall on one parent, while the other focuses more on making money.
This can lead to the feeling that the couple is more of a functional partnership than a romantic partner, as couples begin to feel more like roommates than soulmates. Due to these additional demands and the negotiation that is needed, there is a higher probability of conflict. This can make couples confused about their feelings for each other.
Different responsibilities and different expectations
In addition to everything mentioned, when couples have different responsibilities. One or the other may feel resentful if they feel like they are working harder than the other. Without a frame of reference for what the other couple does, it is easier for new parents to feel that they must handle things differently. They can get frustrated as a result.
Added stress
But in addition to what has been mentioned so far, there may be particular tensions in the family. Although not all of the factors mentioned or to be mentioned will affect all families equally, the truth is that these special circumstances can add added stress.
- Temperaments found between the couple or between parents and children
- Special needs in children
- Health problems
- Economic problems
- Lack of social support
- Lack of practical support
- Life adversities such as job loss
Not everything is as bad as it seems
Actually, this stress of being a parent is not bad. There will come a time in your life when you will look back and realize how well you have done. From how quickly time passes and with struggle, everything is achieved. The effort of having children is always worth it, they will be the reason for your struggle. The result of your love and your family may be the most wonderful project you have created together. The pros outweigh the cons, do you need some examples? Keep reading:
- Children improve altruism. You give to others without expecting anything in return.
- They improve you as a person. You realize that you want the best for and for your children at all times because they are your everything.
- They reduce the likelihood of a divorce. While new parents may feel less happy, they are also less likely to get divorced after having children. This may be because they are more motivated to keep their association together for the sake of their children. The increased commitment can help you cope with the challenges you face and maintain your connection until happier times return.
- Worth it. Although challenges can be difficult for a couple, virtually all parents say that the sacrifices they make are worth it. They could not (or would not) imagine their lives without their children. They say that their children give meaning to their life… And this is the greatest truth you can read today! When people give meaning to their lives, they are happier… also in marriage.