When children misbehave, parents sometimes do not know how to react to do it right. There is no instruction manual with which to educate children. But what you do have to keep in mind is that you have to respect children, their person, their way of thinking. You can't expect a 5-year-old to be quiet for a long time, or for a 2-year-old to not touch the things around him.
Below from Madres Hoy We are going to explain some ways to act correctly so that you know what to do when your child does something wrong and that in this way, you can correct his behavior while respecting him as much as possible.
Warn of the consequences
But there are some ways you can act on negative behavior in children. One approach is to give children a one-time warning about inappropriate behavior and what the immediate consequence will be if the misbehavior does not stop. To follow this procedure you must bear in mind three fundamental aspects.
Just say it once
If your child does something wrong, just tell him what to do once. Why you can't have that behavior and what you need to do to change it. What's more, warn him that if he does not change his behavior there will be a specific consequence.
For example, if your child is getting into bed, say: 'Stop jumping on the bed because you can fall down and hurt yourself. If you don't do it before I count 3, you'll have to think for 5 minutes. 'This warning is only said once and is said in a calm but firm tone. It is not about yelling or raising voices, nor is it about your child being afraid.
Don't give multiple warnings if he doesn't listen
If your child interrupts his behavior, then congratulate him and thank him that he listened and that he did things well. If it does not stop, do not give more warnings because if not, the next few times it will wait for you to give more than one warning or to get nervous until it is obeyed. If you ignore it, it is time to immediately carry out the consequence.
After the consequence, talk about what happened
When everything has happened, after the consequence you will have to talk with your child to reflect on what happened. You can express that you are sad because he has not listened to the first one and that you are worried that he will fall and get hurt. Tell him that your obligation is to protect him because you love him.
It is very important that after following these three basic principles, you are consistent with your words and your actions, so your child can learn that when you say things you mean them and that you are not 'bluffing'.
Specific consequences
Warnings should include very specific and realistic consequences for children's actions. If your children know that you will not comply, they will not listen to you. For example, if you threaten to leave them in the middle of the road, they know it is not true, it is not a valid consequence and they will not change their behavior. The consequences must be realistic so that they can be carried out immediately. The times to think or take away privileges are the immediate consequences most used by parents and education professionals.
For behavior change to be effective, it is necessary that children do it from the heart, that is, it must be a voluntary change. There are key components to talking with children and helping them understand the problem behavior. If a child acts only out of fear of the consequence, then he is not really changing the behavior, which is why it is so important to talk with the children later to reflect on what happened. Parents need to get to the root and core of the problem. In this way, the child's heart is affected and he understands his need for change, feeling better emotionally.
Put yourself in their shoes to communicate well with your child
In order to achieve what was commented in the previous paragraph, it is important that you put yourself in his place to be able to understand him. You have to speak to him looking into his eyes, putting yourself in his place. Don't try to make your child listen to you if you speak to him from another room or if you are doing something else. If you really want to communicate well with your child, you should follow these tips:
- Get down and look him in the eye. To be able to talk to your child, you must bend down so that you can look directly into his eyes at the same height. Maintaining good eye contact is essential.
- Use their name. To make your child feel important, you should use his full name in a kind way when you are talking to him.
- Speak softly and be compassionate. Compassion is necessary for children to feel loved and understood. They don't have all of our life experience, wisdom, or active brain activity. They are still learning and growing, so speak with compassion and understanding acknowledging that your three-year-old is acting like a child.
- Simple messages. Do not use very complicated words or he will not understand you. Keep the language simple and brief. Children have poor attention span and retention, so you will lose their attention if you say complicated sentences.
- Listen when he talks to you. When you are at the level of your child to maintain good communication, allow him to express his feelings too. Allow time for them to respond in their own words and listen carefully to what they are saying. Remember that their verbal ability is lower and you should be understanding with their message and what they are trying to convey to you.
- Show that you understand and listen to them. To show that you understand him, you must paraphrase his words and nod while he is speaking to you. This way you will feel understood and heard. Make him see that you understand his perspective even if you don't always agree with what he is saying.
From now on you know how you should act when your children have inappropriate behavior. Remember that getting nervous or yelling is not the right way.