Being a single mother by personal choice

Many women want to be mothers, but when they consider it they may be single or wish to have a child without a partner. Let us take care of this family model, the motives of women and the different ways to be a mother.

There comes a time in a woman's life when we seriously consider being mothers. Something happens to us, something inside us reveals that it is time. In the case of having a partner and both want it, it is tried between both, however, many women willingly want to feel, exercise and experience it alone, not just because of not having a partner.

Increasingly, being a single mother is seen as a less rare and isolated act, contrary to the preconceived idea in times past that no man wanted to be with a certain woman. Many of the women who opt for this condition, are single between 35 and 45 years old, mentally strong, confidentHowever, with superior and independent studies at an economic and personal level, this stereotype cannot be generalized.

These women consider that they will not stop being mothers for biological reasons or because they do not have a male partner. The fact that it is the woman who decides and chooses it is becoming more normal every day. The law protects this fact and the woman should not be conditioned to have a partner, and even less if it is not her desire. Assisted reproductive techniques and adoption they are avenues that advance and to which women can resort.

Conditions for this choice

Today, methods to be a mother are at hand without having to be in relationship with a man. The woman feels quite supported to follow these procedures. Over the years, it is respected and applauded that a mother makes such a courageous decision, demonstrating that she has the necessary capacity and responsibility to embark on that stage.

The woman may have doubts or feel upset about whether her decision is the right thing for her or whether it will be good for her child. It is an intense moment and despite insecurities, desire and enthusiasm to give love and raise a new being prevail, it is advisable to speak with a therapist. Even fears can be due to what affects issues of childbirth, education ... In the sessions, the woman can speak, ask questions and feel accompanied.

Methods for having a child without a male partner

When a woman without a male partner chooses to have a child in her care, she should consult and be advised on the different possibilities and taking into account the costs of her Autonomous Community, either in private clinics or by Social Security.

-Artificial insemination (between 500-1700 euros): The donor's semen sample is prepared (obviously in these cases the male couple does not participate) and is introduced into the uterus to be fertilized by the ovum. The medication is paid separately and is around 300 euros.

-In the in vitro fertilization (between 3000 and 5000 euros): In the laboratory is where sperm and ovum unite and the result, the embryo, is transferred to the woman's uterus. Donor semen is used. It is advisable to ask the cost of freezing embryos that have not been used.

To stimulate the ovary, the woman must buy some virals at the pharmacy, which cost between 1000 and 1200 euros. With this process he aims to recover between 8 and 10 eggs. When the woman passes the age of 40, a genetic analysis of embryos, whose cost rises to 9000 euros.

In the case of needing gamete donation, the cost can range from 5000 to 9000 euros. The medication that accompanies this process and that is used to prepare the endometrium, is valued at about 300 euros. If it was necessary to request donor sperm from adults, the woman would have to pay between 5000 and 9000 euros.

-Embryo adoption: The cost is 1500 to 3000 euros. The price for the preparation of the endometrium is around 300 euros.

It should be said that in Spain, in the Social Security centers, assisted reproduction treatments do not have any evidenceHowever, they have problems in the waiting lists and request a series of requirements. It is best to consult the different options in the Autonomous Community of residence.

-Adoption: In Spain, around 10% of single mothers adopt. It is a long process until the child is at home and in which emotional ties must be strengthened and achieved.

Challenges and fears before deciding

The woman wants to be a solo mother, however, as independent women that they usually are, they have their lives quite organized and with strong responsibilities, with which they must reconcile the family aspect with the work aspect. Planning and order in the daily routine allow exercising, however, it will be easier with the support of family or friends, extracurricular activities, babysitters ...

A woman may find it distressing to see herself alone and make an effort not to become a problem, or to appear overwhelmed or in need of help from others. What's more you are concerned that the child "yearns" for the father figure, by seeing the relationship of his friends and neighbors with his parents. It can be scary not knowing if that could be traumatic for the child in the long run. However, the child lives in a world where he interacts with children of divorced parents or other kinds of families.

You should talk to the child, do not treat him as ignorant or overprotect him, this is not beneficial for his maturity and emotional intelligence. Children perceive everything and if things are hidden from them, they become anxious and distrustful. It is better to talk about everything from the first moment. Explain that the desire to be a mother was very strong, but not to have a partner, so help was needed for him to come into the world.

It is advisable not to speak of "father" to the child when talking about the process followed, such as artificial insemination. As the data grows, they may be more specific and the child will understand it better. Not only does the mother have to champion the role of solo caregiver or the father would have been a great pillar, family and friends can teach you values ​​and collaborate in your personal development.

When you want to exercise and it is done with love, the child will receive protection, security, love ..., and you will become a person who is tolerant of others, having received an education free of prejudice and focused on respect. The mother must exercise with the child without limitations, despite the collaboration of her environment. She is his authority figure and all decisions in this regard fall on her.

Advice to prospective single mothers

Mothers who wish to be alone must feel confident in themselves and in their decision. They should not hide, nor feel inferior to the rest. What they are doing is not abnormal or reprehensible. They have decided to give love to a child without having the help of a father and that is not bad. The desire for a mother is above all. As long as they normalize their family and their choice, communicate and explain family diversity, the child and their environment will see it in the same way.

In parenting single-parent mothers, a normal relationship occurs with their children, as with other mothers. Generally the style that they choose for their upbringing is the one that is based on the tolerance, love and communication, without neglecting discipline and the obligations that correspond to it in each case.

With this, the woman must think and assess whether she sees herself within this type of family. You should not make a decision based on "what will they say" of society, and on the contrary make him safe and happy. When in doubt, do not rule out talking to professionals or other mothers who have gone through the process. As a single mother, the responsibility and obligation rest on her and on society the commitment so that she is not hidden.

It can be more exhausting to be a single parent than when you have a partner who is also involved, educates, and takes action. However, Being a mother is everyone's right and barriers cannot be put up in the face of salvageable circumstances. As long as the well-being of the child prevails, all measures must be made available to the woman who is prepared to be a great mother.