Authoritarian parenting is lauded as one of the most effective parenting styles, but the reality is that for it to be effective there must be certain inflections. If you think that authoritarian parenting is the best option to educate your children, know well what it is to apply it without harming the emotional development of your children or to break a good environment at home. To achieve this you will have to know democratic parenting.
All parents want to have a balance at home, so that the lives of all, including that of the children, go on a good path. Democratic parenting, well done, focuses on this. But you have to be careful, because if you carry out an authoritarian parenting taken to the extreme, you can achieve the opposite and that the children grow up unhappy, insecure and with low self-esteem.
Democratic upbringing
Democratic parenting is characterized by high expectations and good emotional receptivity. Clear limits and fair discipline are incorporated and at the same time, warmth and support are offered to the children, from the respect. Neither the child nor the parents should have the upper hand. Instead, In a toxic bossy parenting, parents want to have the upper hand all the time Without respecting the feelings of their children, they believe that 'order and command' is the best way.
It was in 1960 that developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind studied child-parent interaction in families with preschool-age children to determine the most common and effective parenting styles. His pioneering research defined three main styles, contrasting the democratic parent with those who are authoritarian or permissive.
Authoritarian parents are very demanding but offer little emotional support; they simply demand obedience, and are harshly critical when their children don't meet their expectations. Permissive parents are warm and loving, but they don't set sufficient limits and may be reluctant to set rules or comply with punishments. The child is left with unclear limits and expectations and ends up regulating his own behavior.
Parents know how to set clear limits
On the other hand, when the democratic approach to parenting is carried out, parents know how to set limits for their children very clearly, but they also participate in maintaining a good relationship with their children knowing that they are an independent being, with their own idiosyncrasies. Democratic parents do not allow children to misbehave, They have to abide by rules and have real expectations.
These parents are rational, kind, loving and affectionate. They explain the rules and the consequences of not following them with reasons, respecting their children at all times. They may even ask their children's opinion at times, and they know how to differentiate what is negotiable from what is not.
This parenting style is appropriate since it has a positive effect on the development of children and the relationship between parents and children is taken care of.
Characteristics of democratic parents
Democratic parents tend to have some characteristics in common:
- They set clear boundaries
- They have real expectations of their children
- They know how to negotiate taking into account the interests of all and the good of their children
- They are loving and affectionate with their children
- They listen and talk openly with their children
- They give children the opportunity to express themselves
- They are aware that their children have their own thoughts
- They promote critical thinking and good actions
- They are flexible and reasonable
- Their children can trust them
- The consequences that apply are always fair and sometimes even consensual
Benefits of a democratic parenting style
This style of parenting has great benefits in the development of children. There are many studies that show that children develop in a healthy way if their parents are democratic. Children who have democratic parents are happier, more competent, they have better social relationships, they are more popular wherever they go, they have better grades in school, better self-esteem and a good concept of themselves. In addition, they are also less likely to develop emotional or behavioral problems.
They tend to have good emotional control and self-confidence to learn new skills and adapt to different situations and contexts. They are usually assertive, empathetic and more resourceful people.
In order to enjoy the full benefits of this parenting style, parents will need to be a good role model. In this way, children will learn the most effective skills and feel good about themselves and the environment. In addition, the balance of boundaries, flexibility and the love received will create a secure bond between parents and children.
Apply the democratic parenting style
If so far you have used an undemocratic parenting style and have relied more on the authoritarian or permissive model, the time has come for you to change that, both for your sake and for your children's. But how can you know that you are raising democratically? You will have to be a warm and affectionate person with your children, but at the same time you must have firmness in the rules, with real expectations regarding the behavior and abilities of your children. In addition, you will also have to be consistent and consistent with the rules and consequences that you impose. Your children, while being flexible at the right times. It sounds easy, but it is the most complicated and of course the most effective parenting style.
Little by little, you must increase the autonomy of your children so that they gain independence and are autonomous in their actions, knowing how they should behave at all times. But it will have to be gradual and leave you independent only when you demonstrate sufficient capacity. to control specific situations.
At the same time, it is also very important to be involved in your children's lives so that they know that you care about everything that happens to them. In order to be an understanding parent, to know what your children are like or what they need, you must know them, know what their life is like both at home and at school, what they do after school activities, etc. Talk to your child, strive to improve your communication. Your child will know that he can always trust you, without fear.
It seems to me a parenting style, extremely interesting because it implies emotional intelligence on the part of the parents, this being a factor that allows them to establish limits in the behavior of their children, without damaging the integrity of the child.
I believe that if all parents followed this model we would have an ideal society.