When we become parents always we want the best for our children; the best school, the best clothes, the best food, the best bed to sleep in… But sometimes we forget, or are unable to understand, that all a child needs is a few conscious parents. What I mean by this? Well, from my point of view, on many occasions we forget what a child is. A child is a new soul without evil who is willing to be molded to the taste of his parents.
The moment we start the arduous task of educating and raising a child, they happen to us Lots of doubts that almost always, with their own natural instinct, would be solved. But it is common to reject that natural primal instinct because it is not normal in our environment. Hostility, haste and bad mood are frequent with our children, and we treat crazy those who respect, ask for forgiveness and do not hit their children as an educational method. As an observant person that I am, I have been picking up the most frequent errors when raising the little ones, the ones I see or hear the most in my environment. Am I calling you bad parents for having committed or committing any of these things? No. That is not the purpose of my post. My intention is to make you mindful parents to raise happy children.
Letting babies cry
When I talk about this with a person who is in favor of letting them cry, I always start with the same question: would you like to be crying and to be left in a car-crib-playpen, and not even look at you? Almost all the answers are negative, but adding that being an adult who does not manipulate with crying.
El heartbroken crying, the one that can only be calmed with a hug, a little tit, a little mom, a little dad ... In short, a cry that only ends with attention. Let this cry go on for minutes and even hours, it greatly harms the emotional health of our child. Perhaps in those first years of life we are not aware, but it is possible that we are raising children lacking empathy for the pain of others. Remember that crying is the only means of communication for the little ones. I also want to clarify that not all the cries that are not attended leave consequences in our children. I speak to you of this type only, of whom it cannot be calmed if it is not with attention.
Many times my daughter starts to "cry" but she keeps quiet on her own without my having to comfort her. It is usually especially if something goes wrong; She gets frustrated as a human being, or who wants to do something she shouldn't and I don't let her, because as a person she also feels anger and rage. Therefore my recommendation is to ignore people who tell you that your children are born manipulators, that they only cry to have you all day on top of them, and that you fuck them as much as you can now that they are small. Empathy is the most important quality that the human being has, and raising empathetic children it will help them to behave well with the world tomorrow as they will be able to feel the pain of others.
Yell at the children
The scream is the companion of physical abuse; They do the same damage only that this one does not leave external marks. The screams leave emotional scars that are just as difficult to heal as a "slap in time." Children see us as their idols, their protectors, their everything. They have nothing else in the world, they value us more than any other material thing they have. If they see us lose our way with them, like yelling at them to order something for example, they will end up getting scared of us. You can also give the other variant, and that is that they lose the respect that they have for us at those early ages because they will get used to shouting. And not only that, they will use them in the future, and not as far as we can think, by way of communication with you, parents, and also with other people.
I know that this error is very difficult to control, especially when we have to repeat things many times and the mental exhaustion has overtaken the physical for months. But really try count to 10 before yelling at them, because it does not and will never work in a positive way. The child will not pay more attention to how loud you say things, if not for the way you say them. Love and kindness open more doors than anger and hostility.
The scourge in time
So called to minimize the importance of it, but it is still physical violence towards our children. How would a society react in which the elderly are beaten because they ignore it? Or that a couple hit each other because they don't think alike? Means would be put in place to "save" those attacked; However, when it comes to our children, we think that spanking on time is the best because "they did it to us and we are doing very well." I think that we cannot be very well if we see that as something normal. Violence generates more violence, and a child who is educated by spanking will learn that violence is a way of responding to life's problems. In the same way that with shouting, children will get used to the blow and they will get scared or lose respect for us.
Your child is your most precious asset, someone who carries part of you in his genes, you are his greatest example. Do not fail him Because someone tells you that a spanking on time removes a lot of nonsense and makes clear your decision to your relatives not to use violence as an educational method with your child so that no one overcomes him since it is quite common for grandparents to use spanking when just like they did to us in their day.
Force them to eat
Very summarized since I think there is little to explain with the title. Forcing to eat generates states of anxiety before, during and after eating. Tomorrow we will have children who eat badly, who do not eat anything or children that tomorrow will have more likely to develop an eating disorder. Be careful, you have to know how to differentiate between "I don't want to eat this because I don't like it" to "I don't want to eat this because I don't want more." moment. You have to respect the amounts of food they want to eat and never "prime" them with something that they like for fear that they will go hungry or have some deficiency.
Do not pick them up
This could well be linked to the first point that we have discussed, but I wanted to put it here because I have two points of view on this. Denying arms sometimes seems logical to me; we don't always have the amount of limbs that we would like or the back that we deserve. But In moments when you see that your child is having a really bad time, denying the arms is the same as ignoring a heartbroken cry. For the little ones, your arms, your chest, your person, you are their place of safety; neither the crib, nor the park, nor their toys; simply you. Many times we have no choice but to let the little ones claim their arms for a few minutes because we cannot attend to them at that moment and as long as the denial does not generate anxiety or uncontrolled crying, we will have made a good decision.
Not let them sleep in our bed
The reasons why many couples argue about their decision regarding this is because fear that the partner will suffer for not being able to have sexual intercourse when the child is sleeping in bed. If a couple resents this, the problem may be something else and not the fact that the child does not leave you intimate at night. The colecho, which is called when sharing a bed with our son, is something that all animal species do when it is time to sleep. The feeling of protection of the child is enormous between his two favorite people in this world and our feeling of tranquility in knowing that he is resting well and that he does not need anything is a relief. It is true that you do not rest the same, but hey, one day they will fly out of the nest as we have all done.
There are people who criticize those who co-sleep, but then they do let the dog get into bed, and be careful, mine also sleeps in bed, but I don't see any point in letting the dog sleep in the bed. bed and not the child because "the child then will never go to bed." The dog is not going to get out of bed either, sleeping in a pack is a universal language and it is a pity that we are losing it.
There are many more things we could talk about, such as how we load a young child with too many responsibilities or how we do not allow an older child to grow. These situations have seemed to me the most frequent and I hope it helps you Open the mind and do what your body asks of you. We are not bad fathers or bad mothers, we are human but many times little aware of what our children really need in this world.