The whirlwind of emotions in which a two-year-old immerses us is usually, at least, disconcerting. How many times have we found ourselves preparing with our son, in an atmosphere of total joy, the toys to go to have fun in the park. Suddenly, our decision to wear more suitable clothing for playing outside triggers a heartbroken cry. To our surprise, after a short time and without our having the opportunity to intervene, our little one seems to be completely recovered, he laughs again and feels very happy. How to interpret these changes in your mood? How should we react in these situations?
Self-assertion search
One of the first things to keep in mind in understanding these contradictions is that the child begins to differentiate himself from his parents. At two years of age, he perceives that his will is independent of that of those around him. For this reason, far from being complacent, he seeks to assert himself by opposing his wishes to those of others.
This exercise of seeking and expressing what you want is not done in a totally conscious way. Hence it is full of hesitation, stumbling, and confusion. For example, he refuses help from adults and insists on dressing himself. You experience confidence and joy in believing that you can do it. But, realizing that he still needs the help of his parents, he becomes irritated and begins to cry. It is an internal struggle between the need to be independent and the need to discover oneself dependent.
Added to this conflict with himself is the fear that, by opposing his parents, he will lose their affection. This feeling adds even more drama to their reactions because, if there is something that the child cannot live without, it is precisely the love of their parents.
The sense of time
Another cause of the constant change of moods of the two-year-old is that he lives subject to the present. Both the past and the future do not yet have much relevance to him. Your memory is very fragile and allows you to hardly benefit from your experiences
previous. You may fall out of a chair over and over again, not remembering that you have been hurt by it several times before. Make a game of fitting that you have played before, as if you were doing it for the first time.
On the other hand, his relationship with the future is very different from that of an adult. He does not wonder about what will happen beyond the moment that is passing in his life. That is why it is difficult for him to foresee the consequences of his actions. For example, he runs in the park at will but later cannot return to the place
of departure.
Finally, you have a hard time waiting. What you want, you want now. Hence, he rejoices when he is seated in his high chair, but while he waits for his mother to heat the food, he may begin to cry.
Dramatic expressiveness
At this age the child has great dramatic expressiveness. As oral language is still for him an imperfect means of expression, to make himself understood, he needs to help himself with his body and gestures. That is why he expresses his joy with laughter and grimaces, or his approval with slaps. If he is angry or feeling bad, he cries or hits. Unlike adults, it is very
physical in the manifestation of their emotions.
He also discovers that laughing, crying, yelling or hitting are great ways to release his tensions. These manifestations should be interpreted by the parents, as a further sign of the maturity reached by their child. For example, it is very common for the little one to ask us to run him around the house, with that deep voice and with the rigid gestures that scare him so much. Before this game he will respond with nervous laughter, screams
wild and laughter of pleasure. All of these expressions will help you to work out your tensions and fears.
What to do in the face of these contradictions?
First of all, we should not interpret the way a child expresses his emotions, in the same way that we would an adult. As we have seen, crying, laughing or tantrums do not, in general, manifest intense or lasting discomfort.
Second, it is important to remain calm in these situations. If we respond to his outbursts by reprimanding him, we will only make him more distressed. With a calm attitude we will help you regain your own peace of mind.
Finally, we must not be indifferent or think that we spoil the child for attending to his crying. On the contrary, we should comfort him and be tender. Children who with their sobs gain attention and calm, gain self-confidence and, in the long run, become less whiny.
Recapping
- It is very common for a two-year-old child to go from one moment to another and for no apparent reason, from happiness to grief.
- These contradictions in the manifestation of your emotions are linked to the satisfactions or frustrations that the need to seek and express what you want brings.
- Another cause of the constant change of moods is that he lives subject to the present. Both the past and the future do not yet have much relevance to him. It takes a lot to wait.
- What you want, you want now.
- He also has great dramatic expressiveness that helps him to complete his limited oral language with gestures and emotional manifestations and to relieve tension.
- In the face of these emotional contradictions, it is good for parents to respond with a calm and understanding attitude, in order to help their child regain tranquility and self-confidence.
Bibliography
Luciano Montero, The adventure of growing up. Keys to a healthy development of your son's personality, Buenos Aires, Planeta, 1999.
Jesús Palacios, Alvaro Marchesi and Mario Carretero (compilers), Evolutionary Psychology. Cognitive and social development of the child, Madrid, Alianza, volume 2, 1985.
very interesting note