I promise you that I did not know how to start looking for images for this post on (education) accompaniment to child sexuality. Children kissing? Naked children? Ah no, not naked! Naked no, because as we saw here the beauty of the body is prohibited in our societyAlthough we tolerate child hypersexualization and don't give a damn that 9 or 10-year-olds are viewing pornography.
And yes: 9 or 10 years old, and older of course, but the impact on the construction of sexuality is not the same at one age or another. Parents who are alarmed when they see their son touching his genitals and then utter exclamations of joy when they turn on the television and see 'object women' walking around with very little clothing; they will be the least (I hope), but that is one of the hypocrisies that is lived today. So look, worse or better this article is accompanied by some images, and an intention: make visible that child sexuality exists (I paraphrase the psychologist Laura Perales), and also invite you to accompany the growth of the little ones, to promote as much as possible that their present and future experiences are healthy.
Winnicott was a pediatrician and psychoanalyst, who understood the mother / infant relationship as an indissoluble unit, has some published works; and there is a phrase of his that I like very much: "The basis for adolescent and adult sexuality is established in childhood".
If as mothers or fathers, we wanted them to live a healthy sexuality (it could not be otherwise, I imagine), what could we do? The family is a very important social group in the transmission of roles and values, and we have the power to influence and counteract (according to age, of course) the great amount of erotic stimuli that girls and boys receive from an early age, and that they can do more good than harm.
For example, although it deserves a separate post: sexist advertising can become very violent and influence not only the acceptance of girls regarding their own body, but on the vision that children develop of women. Family is not everything, but if we are very present, we can help.
Sexuality: necessary for the development of the child
As Laura Perales states in the link above, the cultural and moral influence (and heritage) that we carry with us, is showing us sex as something dirty that cannot be talked about.
Thus, we do not answer children's questions, we create prejudices, we build taboos, and we limit ourselves to warning children, when they are already adolescents, to use condoms. As if sexuality were not also pleasure, affections, emotions, desires, doubts, ... Ah, I forgot! As if that were not enough, we hide our naked bodies from our children, and instead of naming the genitalia as penis or vagina, we reproduce absurd words that only add to the confusion.
Healthy sexual experiences.
Nobody can guarantee us that in the future they will enjoy their sexuality very much, that they make decisions, that they do not allow abuse, that they know how to refuse, or negotiate the use of condoms.
But from the family education, we will do what we can, to begin with we should understand the search for pleasure and naturally accept that girls and boys explore and touch their genitals, and those of his brothers.
And to continue, we will answer all your questions with all the naturalness in the world, or all that we are capable of having. And we will tell the truth: I prefer that you tell your son that you are in a hurry, or that you prefer to talk another day, before giving him a false answer.
I'm talking about young children all the time, because after 9 they probably won't ask, and you may have to devise other ways to 'reach out' to the child and find out their concerns.
Infant genital phase.
Joan Vilchez, psychologist at the Spanish School of Reichian Therapy, talks about genital autoerotics as a form of basic regulation, and points out that genital arousal or drive and desire are implicit in genitality, and that this does not only occur after adolescence. It seems that the parents' response is a determining factor for the development of self-esteem. This phase occurs between the ages of 3 and 7 and it is recommended to satisfy curiosity and not put limits on games of pleasant exhibition.
I am clear that our previous experiences condition us a lot (for example, nobody prepared me for menarche), but also that we can try. And remember that naturalness always ahead. Let's not forget that the freedom to ask and the awareness of the body (without taboos) and of the limits (oneself is the one who obtains pleasure and authorizes others to touch or not) can act as prevention of child sexual abuse.
Picture - John singer sargent