It is possible that you feel that raising your children is being too complicated or that you do not see yourself capable of being able to carry out a correct education without losing your temper or using punishment as the first weapon to get your children to obey. The goal of parenting is not to create little children who will obey everything you say without question. Your home does not have to be a dictatorship or your children will grow up with serious emotional problems.
Children need to grow up feeling that they have some power and control over situations and you, the same. In this sense, parenting can be much more successful if you are based on respect for your children and the unconditional love you have for each other. But how is it possible to educate children without punishing them? Because it's the consequences that really work behavioral choices and, in many cases, gentle discipline as well.
Gentle discipline
Gentle discipline is one of the 5 main types of discipline that is based on mutual respect between parents and children (positive discipline, gentle discipline, emotional coaching, behavior modification, and discipline with limits). The basis of gentle discipline is that it focuses on the use of discipline and NOT punishment.
Gentle discipline is similar to positive discipline and parents do not punish or use any type of aggression (neither physical nor verbal) towards their children. They do not embarrass children's behavior and provide negative but always respectful consequences that prevent misbehavior from happening again in the future.
Gentle discipline is better in the long run
Gentle discipline doesn't just focus on the bad behavior that happened today. Help parents to look long term. Parents recognize the skills their children need and find discipline strategies that will help them achieve their goals.
For example, if you want your children to learn responsibility, parents can offer more homework to ensure that their child acquires the skills he must learn to increase his responsibility. Gentle discipline involves addressing skill deficits so children can grow up to be healthy and responsible adults.
Children learn what is expected of them
Gentle discipline focuses on teaching children appropriate behavior. For example, a child who insults his brother, in addition to having time out to reflect, will be taught other correct ways to address his brother or to channel anger instead of anger coming out through name calling.
Gentle discipline teaches children how to express their feelings in socially appropriate ways. Children learn how to make healthy choices for themselves.
They will feel respected and understood, leading to better behavior
Gentle discipline also takes a child's feelings into consideration. If a child is upset, a parent would not say, "Well, that's life" or "You shouldn't be so angry about something so small." Instead, Parents who use gentle discipline teach children to learn with those uncomfortable emotions.
Parents talk to children about their feelings and take them seriously. Children feel validated when they see that adults take their feelings into consideration. When there is a problem, they work together on problem solving and the children can give their input.
It is a safe discipline
Parents emphasize physical and emotional safety. Children are taught to assess risks and consider whether their choices are safe. If a child is about to make a bad choice, parents point out the possible consequences of that choice so that the child learns to make the best choice.
Children are also taught the underlying reasons for the rules. A parent might say: "We walk in the garage slowly because there are many vehicles on the road that we must watch to avoid being run over.". Parents who use gentle discipline do not tell children to do something, "Because I said so."
Expectations explained ahead of time
Everything can be used as a learning experience for children. A trip to the store, a car ride, or a game can be used to teach children a variety of skills. Parents clarify rules and expectations in advance.
For example, before going to the hospital, you might say to a child: “Today we are going to visit Aunt Paula in the hospital. We will have to use low voices because the people in the hospital are not feeling well and some of them will be sleeping. We will also have to walk and be calm. "Children are given the opportunity to ask questions and are told the consequences if they break the rules.
When children know the rules in advance, they are given a choice. They know what will happen if they misbehave and also what the negative consequences will be if they misbehave. When parents use gentle discipline, they do not try to force children to do anything out of sheer will and avoid power struggles.
In gentle discipline, positive and negative consequences are used
Gentle discipline should not be confused with permissive parenting. Instead, parents offer effective consequences. It is important to note that each consequence has a specific purpose. Consequences are not just because a parent is angry or frustrated. Instead, every disciplinary action serves as an opportunity for a child to learn.
With young children, redirection is a common and effective discipline technique. Instead of yelling or sending a child into their room for repeatedly touching something they shouldn't, a parent can distract them into a new activity to stop the behavior. Logical consequences and natural consequences are often used to prevent negative behavior from repeating itself. Time-out can be used as a way to teach children to take a break when they are angry or upset.
There are also positive consequences that reinforce good behavior. Reward systems or point tables are often used to motivate good behavior or to help children work on a specific behavior problem. Praise cannot be lacking in this case.