All children at any stage of their life have moments of not wanting to listen to their parents. They try in this way to enhance their identity or show that they too can make decisions without their parents having anything to do with it. Has your child ever said 'no' defiantly after you gave him an order? If your answer is yes, do not be alarmed, it is something absolutely normal ... although for you it is really frustrating.
Children test the limits of their parents, it is your nature to do so and in that way you will affirm yourself, you will be trying to be more independent. Actually, a little is fine, but when there is a continuous pattern of challenging behaviors and constantly refusing to obey, then it is no longer normal. In this case, measures must be taken to prevent the problem from becoming greater.
It is possible that your child pretends that he does not listen to you when you tell him to pick up his toys, or refuses outright to do so ... But do not despair, you must take measures to motivate your children that the time has come for them to listen to you better .
Positive attention
When children refuse to do your bidding, they may do so because they want more attention from you. Of course, this type of attention is not the best or the most positive, but they want to feel close to you at any cost, even if it means having to get angry for you to listen to them.
To prevent this from happening, your children will need you to listen to them in a positive way, that is, Give them daily positive attention. To do this, you will have to play with your children, spend time talking, go for a walk, have lunch and dinner together ... A few minutes a day of positive attention can go a long way to your child needing to get your attention in a more negative way.
Good behavior, let it show!
For good behavior to be noticed, you need to praise it, so your children will know that you have really noticed their good behavior, they will notice that they have your attention. In this sense, They will behave in a good way again to receive a compliment from you again… because they want your recognition.
It is possible that even when you ask him to do something simple or habitual, you should give him a compliment because this way he will be able to understand how important he is to you. For example, if you ask him to bring you a piece of bread at dinner, thank him for doing so. This will make him realize that you appreciate these good gestures and will perform them more often thanks to the feeling of satisfaction that causes them to say those nice words.
Instructions… must be clear!
It is necessary for your children to be clear about the instructions they must follow in order to carry out a specific type of task. You can't expect your kids to do something without knowing how they should do it first. In addition, you should also bear in mind that if your child is too absorbed doing something and you speak to him from another part of the house, most likely they will not listen to your instructions and therefore, they will not listen to you either.
To make sure that he is really listening to you, you will have to make physical contact and eye contact, because only in this way will you be able to make sure that your child is listening to the words you are saying.
Let me choose what you want
Allowing him to choose what he wants does not mean giving him all the power of choice, far from it! What it means is that you will have to choose some options that they consider viable in a certain context so that later, your child chooses the ones that he thinks are best for him. In this way, your child will feel that he is in control of the situation. Although in reality you are the one who has chosen the best options, your child will feel that it is he who has made the best final decision.
You do not have to ask open questions, but you will have to give him options, for example, do not say something like: 'do you want to dress now?' Because the refusal may be imminent. It is better to ask something like: 'Do you prefer the green sweater or the blue one?'
Use positive phrases
Instead of saying negative phrases to give an order, it is much more effective to use positive phrases. In this way, the child receives the information better and will feel better when obeying a specific order. For example, instead of saying things like: 'You will not be able to play with the tablet until your room is cleaned', it is better to say something like: "As soon as you finish cleaning your room, you will have 10 minutes of extra time with the tablet."
Try to change the negative phrases for the positive ones and you will realize how the results are much more productive and beneficial for everyone.
Reward good behavior
Giving children a reward system can help them feel motivated to do good behavior. It is like an economy of tokens, the child knows that if he behaves well he will have a positive token and when he collects a few (those that you have set in advance according to the behaviors), then you can get a small reward.
The reward must not be material, that is, if they are experiences better, and if it is material it should be something more symbolic than something the child wants. Examples of rewards: 10 extra minutes of tablet, 20 extra minutes of time in the park, cook your favorite cookies, etc.
If the child is older, a token economy system may not be very useful, but instead, working on behavior through a 'behavior contract' can be a good sign. In this type of contract, the child must be clear about the rules to follow and the type of behavior to have ... just this. Manner will be able to receive a reward according to their good behavior. The reward must also be agreed in advance so that you know what you will receive if you fulfill your part of the contract.
Power struggles are useless
Power struggles are futile and also a waste of time and energy. In addition, if that were not enough, the power struggles will cause the relationship between you to suffer and there are even communication problems.
Avoid power struggles at all costs when your child ignores you. It will only make things worse, it is better to give a clear warning to change the behavior and if it does not, you will have to apply the consequences whenever necessary.