Children have a low tolerance for frustration. They are demanding and inflexible, and will drag you into their adult lives if they are not taught to manage it effectively. This is why it is so important to teach children to manage frustration so that they are more flexible and tolerant.
Tolerating frustration means be able to face the problems and limitations that appear in life, despite the fact that the expectations we had are met and things do not go as we expected. It is an attitude, and as such it can be worked on.
Why do we feel frustration?
Frustration is a negative emotion. Is a mix between anger, disappointment, anguish, anxiety, sadness and anger. Happens when things don't go the way we expected. In life this will happen quite often. On many occasions things do not turn out as we expected. Adversities are inevitable, but what we can change is our attitude to them.
Frustration can be externalize in different ways:
-On some occasions they can be externalized with anger and aggressiveness (breaking things or hitting) when frustration generates anxiety and anger.
-Flight. You will escape situations in which you feel that sensation so that you do not have to deal with it.
-Substitution. This is the healthiest. Is when i know replace the frustrating situation with one that does not cause discomfort.
It is essential to equip children with strategies to know how to manage adversity effectively.
Why do children have such a low tolerance for frustration?
We adults also feel frustrated when our goals are not met. Well imagine a child who has practically no control of his emotions, and that in addition has not developed the space-time concept. He is the center of his universe (MY house, MY mom, MY car, MY toys) and nor understand why you cannot have what you want at that precise moment. Asking a child not to get frustrated is like asking a ball not to roll.
But neither should we give them everything they ask for, since we will be hurting them more than helping. They must face both success and failure situations from a young age. Sometimes things will work out and sometimes they won't. Paving the way for them will create adults who will not know how to adapt to reality.
How to teach children to manage frustration?
Here are some tips that may be useful to help teach children to manage frustration:
- Change the meaning of the word failure. If we adults have this stigmatized word, what a child will not do. Nothing happens for failing, it is the best teacher to learn how not to do things. The best learnings are made from failure, it is necessary to develop ourselves as a person and grow. You are not a failure because you are wrong, you are a failure when you don't try.
- Teach you to be persistent. If you are taught to recover and try again in response to frustration, it will cost you much less to deal with it. It will have a positive aspect.
- Set goals for them. They have to be realistic and reasonable for their age. If they are not able, nothing happens, they try again until it is successful. Promotes your confidence and self-esteem.
- Let him be wrong. Parents we have a tendency towards overprotection for our children do not suffer. We do them a disservice. In life they will have to face adverse situations and their attitude towards them will determine their emotional health. Let him make a mistake and do not solve his problems.
- Help him find solutions. Let him learn to turn the tables and turn the situation in his favor. That he learns to see the learning behind what happened, and plan a better way to do it. That poses the problems as challenges.
- Help you accept criticism from others. show you what criticism helps us improve, no longer be so self-demanding. We all make mistakes, nobody is perfect.
- Give example. We are their role models, and being tolerant will be the best way for them to learn to manage frustration.
How to help them manage negative emotions?
Frustration creates a barrage of negative emotions that can be difficult to control. By teaching our children to manage them, they will become more owners of them.
- Teach you to show your emotions. Putting your emotion into words will make you feel understood and heard. We have to make him feel accepted, that it is a passing emotion and that it does not help at all. Only from the relaxation of those emotions can we achieve achievements.
- Relaxation techniques. Teach him to calm those negative emotions to find another way to deal with the problem. Can help you Flask of Calm, which we talk about in this post.
- Teach them to ask for help. Let them try to find the solution first themselves and if they can't, ask for help.
- Reinforce appropriate actions. Encourage adaptive responses rather than negative ones.
Because remember… the one who has the least problems is not the happiest, but the one who knows how to handle them best.