Treating an adopted child It shouldn't differ from how we treat a biological one. Each child is a unique being, with their character, difficulties and abilities to face life. What does change is that our biological sons and daughters are from birth with the family that will protect and give them love, while the adopted ones come to her. Some of these children already have a past of rejection, have lived in orphanages or come from other cultures.
None of this should flatten a family you want to adopt, for the reasons you have decided, and nothing changes the way these adopted sons and daughters should be treated. They have the same rights to be loved and respected as other family members.
Should we tell the child that he or she is adopted?
This is one of the classic questions parents ask themselves. There is enough supporting literature and even children's books, stories about adoption, since the situation is normalizing and it has ceased to have the golden taboo that it maintained many years ago. Specialists recommend let the parents inform the child. Don't lie to them with romantic stories, but tell the truth.
If the adoption process is at a early age and the child is of similar ethnic characteristics to the host family, their integration is immediate, obvious and natural. If it is about other cultures and ethnicities, it is possible that from the age of 3, in the schooling stage, he begins to ask questions. We must explain its origin, very naturally, without the painful details that do not add anything. It is super important to convey that He was always very desired and that although he grew up in another mother, his current parents were already waiting for him.
It's normal that each adopted child reacts in a different way, you may refuse to do so and create fantasies about its origin. It happens normally that adopted children believe that they were given because they were bad or that they were kidnapped. This is why it is so important to be clear and tell the truth about the adoption process.
As an adoption occurs when the child is older, the child is emotionally charged, which can make relationships with new parents difficult. This type of adoptions, children over 7 or 8 years old, are made with the monitoring of a professional during the initial process. The child already remembers, and may have experienced traumatic situations, such as the separation from other siblings, who has gone through various institutions or even other foster families.
Orientations for families with adoptees
We continue to insist that the behavior and way of being of each child, adopted or biological, is different depending on multiple factors. But we can give some orientations, and general guidelines that will help parents and other family members, grandparents, siblings, cousins, to understand, regulate and normalize the emotions that the whole group is experiencing.
Most of the behaviors that will occur in adoptive families, you have to understand them emotionally. Therefore, it is also necessary to work on its emotional base origin. Both children and the rest of the family demand your mutual adaptation time, which is not the same for each individual.
Parents have to be clear in setting limits and carrying out punishments if they settle down. Faced with disruptive episodes, do not raise your voice, or try to reason anything at that time. The reasoning about emotions and behaviors is better cold.
Parents must express their disappointment with the behavior of the adoptee, but not with the child. We must establish effective communication channels, know how to listen, take seriously and respect any question that arises, learn to channel, manage and express emotions and feelings.