We talk about Oedipus complex when the child between the ages of 3 and 7 feels a true devotion for his mother and also a certain rivalry with the father. The boy verbalizes that he wants to marry his mother and even that his mother is only his, showing possession. That the little ones go through this stage is normal and it is usual to let it pass without further consequence, but a series of measures must be taken so that it really overcomes it.
You will have to consider this stage as something normal so you don't have to worry too much, it's very important that you don't make fun of it and that never enter his game that you are his. You always have to set very clear limits before their possessive behavior, but always from love and affection. You should have intimate moments with your partner and your child should respect and understand them as something normal.
How to detect the Oedipus complex
Surely we all know the typical "mamitis" commonly experienced by boys and girls. It is a case where either of the two sexes usually wants to interact more than usual with the mother or the father. Generally the "Oedipus complex" is a much more acute phase, where in this case the male child creates certain attitudes that we must try to avoid.
In which cases should we worry?
La “mastitis” or “papitis” it is present, but in many of these forms it is usually interpreted in a noble way. The concern is exceeded when the admiration is exacerbated, has an obsessive love towards the mother and competes with other close males, Usually with the father. They are not good data, since they can arise feelings of hatred and hostility and regards his father as a rival.
In the same way it can happen when the girl observes her mother in the same tune described. In the case of girls, it is usually called “Electra complex”. At what times should we worry?
- When both the father or the mother have to leave and the children cry uncontrollably.
- When show acts of jealousy if they observe that the parents interact with each other with signs of affection.
- Or when either of the two sexes, in this case the children, do not stop saying that when they grow up they will marry their mother, because "mother is mine".
Although the Oedipus complex It can occur from 3 to 7 years. It will be about 5 years when the father stops being a threat and will gradually begin to become an example to identify with what the father represents.
But if you see that your child begins to have a overly loving behavior towards the mother and with rejection towards the father, you must first take it easy. Do not forget that it is a natural process of development and that if it happens there will be no major consequences.
When does it start and how long does it last?
The boy or girl may begin to manifest this complex intensely. between 3 and 5 years approximately. When children reach the age between 6 to 7 years begins to resolve spontaneously. From here they already feel fully qualified to give up the place occupied by parents. Even if children reach puberty, their hormones and sexual impulses begin to want to direct them towards their social environment.
How should one act when the Oedipus complex is detected?
Sometimes it may be the case that the child has constant tantrums and screams at the father, that he wants to dominate the mother and is very jealous, that he has nightmares, etc. In these cases it will be necessary treat the Oedipus complex calmly and as follows:
- Patience is what should reign in these situations, It will help us to overcome everything in a better way, but limiting certain behaviors.
- When the child acts this way no need to ridicule. Nor should you give importance to what he does, even if it is fun or funny, you should not laugh at his actions.
- Never provoke situations in which the child could increase his jealousy, but they should be instructed to respect the intimate area of the parents, such as the bedroom.
- When the child speaks of "marrying his mother" you have to explain that children do not marry their mother, and besides, his mother is already married to his father. Any communication must be given in a relaxed way, with total affection, you have to help him and not make fun of him.
- Encourage leisure time with the father as a source of fun so that you stop seeing him as an enemy.
- You will never have to mock, criticize or judge your child's behavior.
- Avoid competitive behaviors towards the mother, as this would only aggravate the problem. If moments of intimacy are needed, you have to teach him that he must accept and respect it.
- If the couple has some existential crisis, where it can end in a separation, it is important to make the child see that nothing that happens is his fault. The problems are related to the parents and the child can never be held responsible as a rival.
The Oedipus or Electra complex has its consequences. It is something natural that usually happens in that age range and that manifests itself with a change in attitude and behavior that does not usually have many consequences.
In many of these cases the Oedipus complex resolves naturally and is usually temporary. If some of these tips are not given importance and are not applied, it may cause repercussions in the future in the attitude and child psychosexual development. The future relationships that you may have may involve serious problems in managing a healthy relationship.
In these cases, there may also be siblings of the same sex who may behave in the same way and confront certain hostilities between them. Nevertheless, the indications will apply to both children. You will see that with these instructions and over time, your child will feel the same love for both parents again.