Sometimes ignoring the behavior of a child when he has a tantrum can be an appropriate strategy to prevent the same situation from happening again in the future. It is usually a correct way of acting on parents because children do not receive attention and therefore this behavior is not negatively reinforced, achieving that in the future it will not be repeated or if it is repeated it will be of less magnitude. Although ignoring behavior as an effective discipline in young children is not always the best option. It is necessary to know how to differentiate when it can be done and when it is better to act.
There are parents who believe that if they ignore the behavior of their children, what they are actually doing is allowing them to get away with it, but in reality this does not have to be that way or much better. You will have to identify what types of behaviors your child is having by seeking your attention and when you know what these behaviors are, you will have to ignore them.
Selectively ignore
If you look the other way when your child is having a tantrum only to get your attention and ignore the behavior (ensuring under subtle surveillance that your child is not going to hurt himself or others), you are sending a strong and powerful message: "Your attempt to get my attention with that misconduct is not going to work for you, not today, not ever."
This type of strategy in disciplining your children is to selectively ignore the behavior. It is an effective discipline strategy when it can be combined with other effective discipline techniques such as praise (when you are able to redirect your behavior correctly), reward systems (to motivate good behavior) and wait time (when necessary remove the child from the situation to reflect with him or her what the negative behavior has been and what can be done to improve it so that it does not happen again. At the same time that the understanding and identification of emotions is worked).
It really works
Do you know why it works? Because bad behavior is not negatively reinforced. Children often go to great lengths to get attention. If they do not receive positive attention, they often prefer to act to get negative attention ... Because their goal is that you pay attention to them, in any way.
Ignoring attention-seeking behavior shows them that whining, yelling, or complaining all the time won't get your attention. Selective ignorance also teaches your child how to deal with his feelings in a socially appropriate way. For example, instead of yelling and falling to the ground when upset, Ignoring him can teach him that he needs to use his words to express himself if he wants you to comfort him.
Behaviors You CAN Ignore
Ignoring can reduce attention-seeking behavior, such as whining, open eyes, and unwanted responses. Without a watching audience, these behaviors are generally not very fun and will diminish over time. Yes indeed, You will have to be consistent and not backtrack on strategy or you will double reinforce misbehavior.
Depending on the values, you may consider the option of ignoring other behaviors such as cursing or swearing. Some parents are unwilling to tolerate this type of behavior and prefer to offer a more immediate consequence. It is important not to ignore more serious behaviors such as aggression towards oneself or others. These types of behaviors require a clear negative consequence, such as loss of privileges or waiting time to identify emotions and reflect on behaviors.
How to effectively ignore
For ignoring to be effective, you need to have a positive relationship with your child. If not, your child will not mind if you ignore him. You should pay attention to positive attention when they behave well and ignore bad behavior. This will be an effective consequence for him.
Ignoring requires you to temporarily stop paying attention to what your child is doing. This means there should be no eye contact, no conversation, no physical contact. Look away, pretend you don't hear him, and act like his behavior doesn't bother you. You will know that your attempts to ignore are effective if the behavior initially worsens. When a child is not getting the response they want, they may scream louder or complain more intensely.
Don't give up if the behavior worsens. Otherwise, this will reinforce to your child that understanding that these behaviors are effective ways to get your attention. Once you start ignoring, you need to make sure to continue ignoring until the behavior ceases.
Pay attention to him again when he has a good behavior
As soon as the misbehavior stops, return your loving attention to it. For example, as soon as a tantrum stops, say something like, “Oh honey, you did a good job of being quietly thinking about what happened. Now we can talk about what we can do next. " This will reinforce the calm in your child and he will realize what really catches your attention.
It can help to sit your child down and explain the plan ahead of time. Tell him when you will ignore him and explain how he can get your attention back. Then, your child will be aware of the direct link between his behavior and his reaction ... and it will be him who decides and feels the control over how his good behavior should be.
Common worries to forget
Parents sometimes worry that ignoring is an emotional scar on their child. It is important to remember that you are not ignoring your child; it is the negative behaviors that you are ignoring in order not to reinforce them. Plus, you're only going to ignore those behaviors for a short period of time. Later, you're going to pay close attention to good behavior.
At other times, parents worry that they cannot tolerate ignoring their children's behaviors ... or that they may become more nervous about misbehavior. It can be helpful to be distracted by a book or television to help you ignore. You need to keep in mind that ignoring attention seeking behavior will help your child in the long run.