Imagine your partner losing control and yelling at you. Now imagine that your partner is four times bigger than you and that their screams are much louder than yours. Also imagine that you are totally dependent on that person to survive: food, shelter, security and protection. Also, imagine that this person is your primary source of love and trust and the one who provides you with all the information about the world. Now, Reflect on the feelings you just had and multiply it by 1000. This is how your child feels when you yell at him.
Of course, we all get angry at our children, even sometimes we can even get angry. The challenge is to invoke our maturity to control the expression of that anger, and therefore minimize its negative impact on children.
Anger is very scary for children. Insults or verbal abuse, speaking disrespectfully to children, makes children feel afraid and leaves a dark mark on their personality. Children who experience physical violence, including spanking, have been shown to suffer long-lasting negative effects that reach into every corner of their adult life.
If your toddler doesn't seem afraid of your anger, it is an indication that he or she has seen too much of your anger and has developed defenses against it, and against you. The unfortunate result is a child who will not behave to please you and will be closer to being negatively influenced by boys and girls his age. This means that you have a lot to do, such as stop yelling at your children and not use any kind of violence towards them, ever again. Anger is scary to children and they will look for ways to protect themselves emotionally from it, even if it means emotionally withdrawing from you.