What do you feel when you breastfeed? What did you feel when you were breastfeeding? You may answer that you had discomfort, that nobody guided you well, that you wanted to nourish the baby with your body but it was very difficult ... Your breastfeeding may even be pleasant, and not only because of the absence of pain or itching (it should always be like that truth?) but because breastfeeding is also sexuality, why else would it be part of the human reproductive cycle? Acknowledging this is a step toward eliminating the many taboos that surround us around this aspect of our lives, and the more of us who acknowledge it, the more force the misconceptions that fuel fear and taboo will lose.
You see, as early as 1805, a matron named Mary Watkins claimed that breastfeeding is "the greatest pleasure of which a woman's nature is capable". It is clear that being mammals, we can breastfeed our young to feed them, but not only that: it is biologically intended that we obtain pleasure, in this way we bond better with the baby and with breastfeeding, and also in this way there is the possibility that the latter will be prolonged.
I remember my first breastfeeding as a path between the theoretical, the desire and what seemed more rational to me ... at least that's how I thought it would be when I was still pregnant with my eldest son; because yes, somehow there are two beginnings of breastfeeding, the first, when the body prepares to breastfeed, and that happens months before delivery. The second beginning in the act of breastfeeding is when the baby finds the mother's breast for the first time and sucks (this which sounds so beautiful is not always the case, because the conditions in which the birth takes place are not always the ideal ones, and I refer to the obstetric violence).
The pleasure of breastfeeding.
Our definitive start in breastfeeding it was somewhat complicated: a birth by cesarean section (unjustified), a separation of mother and child, a baby who did not want to breastfeed, a mother who did not know how to start ... everything I had dreamed of was going to ruin. But on that occasion I did not give up, and I persisted ... and I tried so hard that my son spent 36 months suckling, until he wanted to quit. And yes, there were times when I had discomfort (itching), even cracks (I think I remember); But you know what? I remember the bad times in passing. And yet I was able to assure that I have very much in mind the pleasure that I felt so many times when breastfeeding. Authentic pleasure, hasn't it happened to you? It is recognized even years later when you see a mother breastfeeding her calf.
Pleasure is linked to sexuality, and sexuality is part of our lives, not only being linked to a sexual relationship with (or without) intercourse; in fact, it also doesn't have to be genital-only. So that you understand a little more what sexuality has to do with breastfeeding, it does not hurt to remind you that oxytocin is also known as the love hormone: it is secreted in childbirth, in orgasm, and when breastfeeding. She is responsible for the infatuation. At the same time, the "maternity hormone" (prolactin) is designed to make the mother feel good. It is not surprising that the enjoyment of breastfeeding is experienced with real pleasure; and no, mothers who experience it (of which there are many, although it seems that it is not easy to recognize it) do not have to feel ashamed, or think that they are doing something wrong.
Sexuality: not just sexual relations.
In fact, we live it with anything that gives us pleasure. It also happens that the combination of hormones secreted by breastfeeding is similar to those generated in a sexual relationship with another person. If you have had that experience you will know it, because what a pleasure to feel the suction! but also what a pleasure to watch the baby's face while nursing! And what enjoyment of a breastfeeding to which time is devoted, and for which there are spaces of intimacy!
Dare to think about it, and dare to feel breastfeeding, think that if you have never dared to express it, it is because of prejudices (many) surrounding breastfeeding, although it must also be recognized that women have always had difficulties living our sexuality. But it is something so natural that it deserves to be made visible.
I hope you enjoyed this reflection, or at least it has given you elements to recognize that pleasure is present when you breastfeed your baby… If so, breastfeeding will probably last longer. By acknowledging this, you will feel more secure about those feelings that have arisen around your relationship with your child. Do not be confused because you have already seen that pleasure is part of our sexuality, one more part. It is not obscene or disturbing to claim that you get turned on while breastfeeding; we are old enough to know how to differentiate all the situations that give us pleasure; and no, it is not incestuous.
To finish, I am very clear that sometimes what you feel is pain, or itching when breastfeeding, this and other difficulties, if they are not well addressed, they can make it difficult or prevent the maintenance of breastfeeding. And it's something we haven't talked about in depth in Madres Hoy, because by normalizing breastfeeding, Sometimes we seem to forget about those times when you really can't, so I hope that soon we can expand on this interesting topic.
Images - Aurimas Mikalauskas, Paul Cezanne, Carolyne dubé,