Today we must emphasize the importance of educating from childhood and adolescence to eradicate sexist violence.
As mothers we do not like to think that our little ones can take the role of the victim or aggressor. However, tomorrow they will be adults, and here we intervene.
What is Gender Violence?
Gender or sexist violence not only it's physics. It encompasses physical, sexual, or psychological assault. And it manifests itself both in all ages and in different areas (couple, social, work and even political)
Gender Violence begins from childhood
The key to eradicating gender violence from childhood and adolescence is to educate in the same values.
That is to say, in childhood values and roles are learned through play. So let's let our little one play in the kitchens, take care of babies. And our little one to construction games, action or soccer. It is the way of normalizing that both can perform the same tasks and functions.
In adolescence that they collaborate equally in the housework. Here, many times we make the mistake of saying «Who help us with homework». We imply that most of the work falls on us. Let's use inclusion terms like "We all collaborate at home." From this perspective we speak of an egalitarian teamwork.
Another key is reading. There are very good books for teenagers. For example, Carlota's Violet Diary y ECarlota's violet diaryby Gemma Lienas. Approaches in a pleasant and close way the issue of sexuality and Gender Violence.
I feel that my daughter may be a victim of Gender Violence by her partner
Adolescence is the most vulnerable stage we go through. For this reason, do not despair, sometimes it catches us a little out of place because they are different times from the ones we have lived (new technologies, studies, policies ...). However, the feeling of detachment or the search for our own "I" is the same.
Please do not judge or pressure, so he will feel even more guilty about the situation and possibly will not openRemind you that the profile of the abuser is that of a very persuasive person, capable of emotional manipulation and this can turn against us.
What are the phases of Sexist Violence?
We must know that Gender Violence consists of 3 phases:
- Voltage build-up.
- Explosion of violence
- The honeymoon
Voltage build-up
La aggressor creates tension, irritation, discomfort, expectation, fear, etc.
- Directs scary glances and critical gestures.
- As punishment avoid talking.
- Denies what the other person says or does, they manipulate situations by saying the same thing.
- You ridicule the other person's body, their work, their concerns, etc.
- It exercises control and devaluation.
- When the other person tries to talk or change the situation, they get angry.
La victim he ends up assuming that he has a wrong perception of reality.
- She doubts herself.
- It does not differentiate the severity of what you feel and live, if it is real or not.
- He constantly blames himself for everything.
- Try to avoid situations that could trigger anger or disgust in the other person.
- His self-esteem weakens, he loses authority.
- The shame, the guilt begins ...
Explosion of violence
La aggressor shows violence in all aspects (physical, psychological, sexual, economic, environmental)
- Destroy the environment that the victim loves.
- He systematically accuses her of being unfaithful.
- He compulsively controls everything (his finances, friends and family, clothing ...).
- He is aggressive (slamming doors and kicks objects, screams, threatens, forces them to have sex…).
- You can threaten to do more harm if you tell.
- Threatens to self-harm or commit suicide.
The victim here is devalued and insecure.
- Feel panic
- Fear paralyzes him.
- You have an inability to think and / or react.
- If they react, try to ask for help.
The honeymoon
El aggressor repents and promises to change.
- Apologize, cry, promise changes.
- He is affectionate and kind.
- It has "romantic" details (gifts, takes care of dinner, the children ...)
- Maintains sexual relations without imposing.
- He promises that he will change and ask for help.
- Feel that you can change.
- Stay enthusiastic, positive, dreamy, and romantic for a few days.
La victim is puzzled by the change and forgives. Even so feel like you never keep promises.
- You feel valued by your partner again.
- He has a tiny hope.
- He cannot refuse the request for forgiveness and gives him the opportunity he asks for.
- Withdraw the help requested or the complaint.
- If you have previously spoken with a family member or a friend about these situations that you are experiencing, now you minimize and justify it, even defend or deny it.
If you have come to this post looking for help for you or your daughterSearch the internet for the services offered by your autonomous community to help you get out of this situation. ASK FOR HELP, We are a great network of women who have gone through the same thing as you, you will not be judged, you will be understood and they will accompany you at all times. It is not impossible to get out of this situation, even if you now think so.