One of the children's learnings that most worries parents is that of toilet training and the use of the potty. Some are paralyzed by the uncertainty of not knowing when the right time will be and what steps they should take to accompany their little one. Others, full of anxiety, try to advance the process to confirm to themselves that their child has passed a new stage of maturation. It should be known that, although it is true that giving up diapers is a more difficult learning than other types of behaviors, sooner or later all children end up mastering this aspect of their development.
At what age?
Between 15 and 18 months, a child already knows that he has evacuated, but cannot yet anticipate such an action. Hence, it is premature to pretend to use the potty. Still, it may be a good time to show it to him and explain what it is for, so that he can become familiar with it. If the parents go ahead, they run the risk of violating the child's natural evolution and causing him to reject the potty.
Between 18 and 24 months, most children verbally express the need to go to the bathroom. At that moment they begin to relate certain physical sensations to the fact that they are going to get dirty. Your reaction to these sensations can be variable: from crying or screaming and pointing to the diaper, to staying still and turning red, or expressing it verbally.
Another important point in the maturation of the little ones is that they begin to be aware of some of the parts of their body and, when they are named, they know how to point them out. They are also able to name their droppings with words ("poop", "pee").
Who decides?
It is important that parents do not decide, unilaterally, when the little one should begin to relieve himself on his own. On the contrary, it is the child who must make this decision. It is clear that parents can and should help and encourage him, but never against the will of their child.
The right time to start learning is when the child is in a position to recognize that the signals he perceives from his bladder and intestines anticipate what is going to happen next. When the child becomes aware that he is going to defecate or urinate, and not that he has already done so, the encouragement and help that his parents can provide will be effective.
What signs to watch for?
Before beginning to remove diapers or potty training, it is important for the child to show a set of behaviors. First, if it can be kept dry for at least two hours. This will give us an indication that you are able to retain, at least for a short time, your desire to urinate.
Second, if you know the difference between wet and dry. The increasing comfort provided by modern diapers often delays the child's experience of the discomfort of being wet. Still, sooner or later, you will begin to discover the connection between the wetness in your diaper and the fact that you have urinated.
Third, if he can pull his pants up and down on his own. This will give you the necessary autonomy to sit on the potty when you feel like having a bowel movement.
Fourth, if you are able to follow simple instructions. This way you can remember all the steps you need to take to go to the potty.
Fifth, if you can tell when you are about to have a bowel movement. If you do it after this happens, you are not yet ripe to put down diapers. Finally, if you show interest in learning to use the bathroom. Whether by imitation of their elders or to please their parents, it is a behavior that must arise from the child.
Arm yourself with patience
Although around two years of age the child is physically and mentally mature to leave diapers, that does not mean that overnight he learns to carry out the whole process on his own. You have to be patient and, above all, not be in any rush.
It is very likely that the little one, despite regularly using the potty, sometimes refuses to do so. If this happens, do not force it, or leave it there until it relieves itself. In this period of your life you are affirming your own individuality, and one of the ways to do this is by refusing to do what others want. Hence, when he perceives that he can control the exit of his own excrement and that his parents are very aware of the issue, he can use this situation as an instrument to oppose them.
In addition, it should be remembered that giving up the advantage of relieving themselves where and when the child wants is an act of love towards their parents. Therefore, if he is forced and does not achieve the purpose of evacuating, it can be experienced in terms of frustration, not being able to satisfy the wishes of his parents. Hence, the best strategy is not to show anxiety to achieve the goal.
Step by step
Children have early control of their bowels before their bladder. That is why it is easier for them to be "clean" than to be "dry." The time lapse between the sensation of bowel movement and defecation is longer, which allows a greater margin of time to warn and go to the urinal.
Around the age of two and a half, most children achieve bladder control during the day. At that time, daytime diapers can be dispensed with. But about half of the little ones that age continue to urinate in their sleep. This occurs because your nervous system is not yet ready to keep your bladder full for such a long period of time.
It will be at the age of three that most of them can control their bowel movements during the day and at night.
Meanwhile, you should resort to using the night diaper. It is normal that, even after this apparent control, the child continues to occasionally wet the bed. To avoid frustrations for the little one, it is advisable not to give too much importance to this fact. What is recommended is to take the necessary precautions, such as keeping the night diaper for a longer time or placing a soaker under the sheets.
What to do with "accidents"?
When the child leaves the diapers, in addition to these nocturnal "accidents", those that occur during the day are very frequent. One of the most common reasons is the child's inability to predict exactly how long he will be able to retain urine and feces. This ability will be acquired through experience and, in a certain way, "accidents" are necessary to
get it.
Another very common reason is distraction.
When the child is very focused on an activity, such as a game, he forgets to go to the bathroom. To avoid "accidents" it is convenient that, on these occasions, we ask you if you want to go to the toilet.
Finally, some changes such as vacations, moving, returning to kindergarten, or the arrival of a baby brother, can mean small setbacks or stagnations in the learning process. This is very normal and should not be taken as a failure. The important thing is not to be discouraged, to remain calm and to give our son security.
Some keys
- It is essential to respect the child's development, without forcing him to make a change for which he is not yet ready.
- It is important to be aware of the signs that the little one is ready to start learning.
- The child should not be forced to sit on the potty, nor should he be held there for too long.
- You should not use tricks, such as turning on the tap water, to provoke the urination reflex.
- Parents must show patience and perseverance, supporting and helping their child at all times.
- You should avoid scolding the child, or dramatizing the situation, when the process is slow, there are small setbacks, or “accidents” occur.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Eva Bargalló Chaves, "The third year of life", Born and grow.
The world of your son step by step, Barcelona, Salvat, 2000, Volume XV.
David Shaffer, Developmental Psychology. Childhood and adolescence,
Mexico, International Thomson Editores, 2000.
