Words have great power in the minds of children, and although what really teaches them is your actions, there are words that can be stuck in your soul for a long time, causing an emotional wound that is not easy to heal. Therefore, the words you say to your children will have a great impact on the way your children feel about themselves and also about you.
When your child has bad behavior (which as a child, he will have it because it is necessary for his development), you will have to choose the words that you say very carefully. There are some things that You will NEVER have to tell them when you are disciplining them because if you do, it will be throwing hard rocks on your own roof.
You act like (the other parent's name)!
Telling your child that he behaves just as badly as his father or mother or that he reminds him of another person (whose behavior you do not appreciate) is not helpful at all. Comparisons are always obnoxious and a problem, because even the ones you want to do with a more positive character can be really harmful. Never compare your child to someone else because they are not like someone else. Your son is unique in the world and has his own idiosyncrasies, so never compare him with someone other than himself.
You are a (negative label)
If you label your children negatively and call them things like: 'heavy', 'bad', 'nervous', 'naughty', 'monster' ... This will become, much to your regret, a self-fulfilling prophecy ... done, even positive labels can also have a negative impact on children's self-esteem, especially those that are unrealistic.
It is necessary that you do not label your children in any way, if you tell him that he is a bad child, he will think that he really is and therefore, as a father or mother that you are, you are always right ... So his role will be that of misbehaving because you are right.
Stop crying at once
Why do you have to stop crying if you really feel bad at the moment? As a father or mother, you must learn to separate the emotion that your child feels at that moment with the behavior that he / she has had or has. To discipline your children you have to focus on behavior, but the emotions must be respected to the maximum and talk with the children so that they understand what emotion they are feeling.
This is something that children must learn to understand, they must understand that their emotions are accepted and respected, but that bad behavior is unacceptable and cannot be tolerated. If your child cries because he feels sad, do not tell him that he must feel differently because otherwise, he will begin to block his emotions.
However, without your child yelling and misbehaving, let him know what the consequences of his behavior will be if he continues. You need to teach your children to have healthy coping skills and thus be able to cope at other times with the emotions that bother them the most, such as anger, anger or frustration.
Have you learned your lesson?
Discipline does not consist of teaching children in a punitive way the things that they should improve, it is a work of reflection where children must realize for themselves the mistakes made and in this way and once internalized, they will be able to modify their own behavior. You can never force a child to learn a lesson, it is an inside job that they must do, but with your help.
To achieve this you will never have to embarrass him for doing something wrong, much less make him feel guilty. If you ask him if he learned his lesson, you are telling him that he has done wrong and that he has to feel bad about it. The best thing you could do is say things like, 'What could you do differently next time?' This way you will be making sure that he understands that in the future it is he who chooses how to behave better in the same situation and that if he does not do it, he will also have been the one who chooses to abide by the consequences he already knows for bad behavior.
By feeling in control of the situation, your child will feel more respected and understood, and although the rules and consequences are set by you, he will feel that he has some control in the situation by being able to choose whether to misbehave and accept the consequences that will arise. later or behave well and have positive consequences. Nobody likes to be bad, so internally you will be able to reflect and know that good behavior will make you feel good, that there is greater harmony in the home and therefore, you will feel more motivated to do things well at another time.
I'm not going to repeat it to you anymore
Repeating prompts over and over is a bad habit, but reminding him that you are not going to tell him again is an even worse habit. Maybe your child needs you to repeat it a little more because he has not understood well what you say, or that you say it in other words or simply, tapping his shoulder and looking at his face instead of yelling at him from another room in the house.
Actually, when you give your child an order, it is okay to give him a warning once you have made sure that he listened to you and understood what you said. But threats are like yelling… They don't educate at all.
Wait for your (father or mother) to come home
Be careful with these words! If you say this to your children you will be discrediting yourself and you will be conveying to your children that you do not have sufficient authority over them. Your children will see that you do not have sufficient authority to handle their misbehavior and they will not respect your rules. This will create a toxic family dynamic and your children will greet you as incapable and the other parent as an ogre.
Consequences for misbehavior are immediate, in the moment. Don't wait for someone else to come home to 'fix your ballots'.