If being parents is not an easy task. We all have our mental patterns from our childhood that we repeat many times without question. Without really being aware of the consequences of our words and actions with our children on their growing little minds. That is why today I want to try the parental mistakes that affect children's self-esteem.
Self-esteem in children
As we already saw in other articles such as "How to promote self-esteem in children", self-esteem is a fundamental pillar for our correct mental development. And its origin begins in the experiences we have in childhood, especially with the main support figures. Namely, Parents are primarily responsible for their children's self-esteem.
Your happiness will depend on your self-esteem, your way of relating to others and the world, and the meaning of your self-concept and self-worth. Your self-esteem will largely determine your emotional health. That is why it is so important to take care of it in the little ones and to know what comments and attitudes to eliminate from our repertoire that may negatively affect them.
As parents we will always seek the best for our children. And on the way enter learn and unlearn obsolete patterns that we have in place (surely from how we educated ourselves) that can make a dent in the development of their self-esteem. Let's look at the main parents' mistakes that affect children's self-esteem, to avoid doing so.
Parents' mistakes that affect children's self-esteem
- Demanding too much of them. Sometimes we hope and want our children to meet our expectations. That they do what we did not know or could not do, that they reach the top, that they be the best ... but you are forgetting something very important. Your son did not come to this world to meet anyone's expectations, not even yours.. He is a unique person with different desires from yours, which he must seek and find for himself. Pushing them too hard causes them to grow up with the feeling of not being good enough and not measuring up.
- Criticize them. If we constantly look at everything that they are not good at or do not know how to do, we are overlooking all its positive parts. In consecuense, when he grows up he will do the same. He will see and fixate only on his mistakes, minimizing his qualities.
- Avoid comparisons. It does not matter if it is with your brother, cousin or classmate. Harmful comparisons should be avoided. Must teach them that they are unique people, and that each one has its strengths.
- Forget the labels. How many times have we heard that this child is bad or this child is stupid? If from a young age they are constantly telling you that you are bad, you will end up believing it, and you will act in accordance with your beliefs. We should avoid labels and focus on behaviors. "What you have done was not good" instead of "you are bad, look what you have done!". In the first we focus on an act and the second focuses on his personality, on something unalterable.
- Not valuing their achievements. Each child has their own rhythm and the normal thing is that they do not know how to do things the first time or the second. Value their achievements and progress no matter how small, instead of scolding them for not knowing how to do it well. Look more at the effort than the result.
- Give example. No more valuable lesson than example. Analyze how your self-esteem is, in how you talk to yourself and how you talk about others. You may be sending signals of low self-esteem and not being aware. In the case of having low self-esteem in us, we will have to work on it.
- Do all the things to him. Children according to their age and abilities should take responsibility. This will allow them to create resources and have a good maturation. If we do everything to them, we are depriving them of achieving good self-esteem and independence.
Because remember… something as valuable as self-esteem is not to be taken lightly.