The term 'helicopter parents' was first used by Dr. Haim Ginott in a book in 1969 when teenagers told him that their parents were on them like a helicopter. The term became popular years later as there are similar terms such as 'hyperparents', 'paternal and maternal overprotection', etc.
Helicopter parenting refers to a parenting style where parents only focus on their children. Helicopter parents often take too much responsibility for their children's experiences, both their successes and their failures. Parents who follow this parenting style are involved in the lives of children in such a way that they have excessive control, They are overprotective and want to be above responsible parenting.
Who is a helicopter parent?
Although the term is applied more frequently to the fathers and mothers of adolescent boys and girls, cases can also be seen in fathers and mothers of adults. For example, a university student who can call a professor to talk about poor grades and it is the father or mother who calls or a young person who has to do a job interview and the father or mother goes to assess whether really worth it or not. The reality is that helicopter parenting is not just for teens, it can be applied at any age.
In young children, a helicopter parent could be the child's constant shadow, always directing his behavior and setting limits that restrict all kinds of freedom.
Why Helicopter Breeding Happens
Helicopter parenting can develop a number of reasons, but there are four common triggers that must be taken into account in order to assess whether or not it may really be something to do with you.
Fear of bad consequences
Parents may fear that their parenting will be bad and that this will end in bad consequences for both the child and the parents. Many of the consequences that parents want to prevent are usually: struggle, unhappiness, hard work ... they think that their children do not have to go through any negative experiences if they can avoid it, But what they forget is that with this behavior they do not allow their children to mature and learn from their mistakes.
Hard work, struggle, temporary unhappiness… they are the great teachers for children, adolescents and adults… they are not life threats, but they make us value things and fight for them. If you do not allow your children to learn from their mistakes and get out of their comfort zone, they will create insecure and dependent boys and girls.
Feelings of anxiety
Concerns about money, work, and the world in general can make you want to overprotect their children and that they do not suffer for anything that may cause them discomfort. This may make them want to exercise more control over the lives of their children. They think that this way their children will not be anxious or disappointed in the world.
Overcompensation
Adults who do not feel loved, who were neglected in their childhood, and even felt ignored by their parents, can try to compensate for those negative feelings with their children. Excessive attention and vigilance are attempts to remedy a deficiency felt in their childhood by their parents.
Peer pressure from other parents
When parents see other parents overly involved, it can trigger a similar response. Sometimes when we observe other helicopter parents we think that doing the same thing is the right thing to do and that not doing it is bad parents. Guilt can make you think that you are not doing well if you are not overprotective of your children.
What are the consequences of helicopter breeding?
Many helicopter parents start out with good intentions. It is a difficult line to find, you want to adapt to the life of your children but you get so tangled that you lose perspective of what your children really need. Engaged parenting has many benefits for children, plus they will receive a lot of love, feel accepted, and build self-confidence. They will know that their parents are their mentors and they will have many opportunities to grow.
The problem is when parents are guided through fear and the decisions they make are based on what could happen to them and children begin to feel fear to make their own decisions if their parents are not by their side to guide them at all times. They do not have or feel freedom, they think that their decisions are not and will not be important, they do not have to think or worry ... others will do it for them.
Failure and challenges teach children new skills and how they can handle problems and conflicts. If children live a helicopter upbringing by their parents, their confidence and self-esteem will be drastically diminished. The main problem with this upbringing is that it is counterproductive since the message that is sent to the children is that they are not capable of doing anything for themselves and what is worse, they think that their parents do not trust them to do things for themselves. your account.
This will also increase anxiety in children and even reach levels of childhood depression. Children will not develop life skills and parents will always be the ones to solve the ballots ... something that will make them feel useless and without life skills.
Avoid being a helicopter parent
How can you show your love to your children without inhibiting their ability to learn important life skills? As a father or mother you will have a difficult job since you will have to watch your children, know what the stressors are, the strong emotions ... and also educate them. Achieving it implies that you suffer and that they also do it.
Children must go through difficulties, they must feel disappointed ... you should be their support and guide, but NEVER the one who does things for them. Help him improve without cutting off his wings. Let your children do the things that they are capable of doing both physically and mentally. For example, making a bed for your 3-year-old is fine, making it for your 13-year-old is already a big mistake.