Friendship is a very important part of people's lives, both when you are a parent and when you are not. There are those who when they become parents notice how their friends who are not parents move away ... It is as if that 'previous' life no longer fits with their children. But in reality, if you have friends who distance themselves from you for having children, it is because really those people were never real friends.
Friendship shouldn't change, it just adapts. It is clear that you will not go out every Saturday night to have a good time, your children go first. But why can't you meet one afternoon for coffee with that friend and your baby and catch up on your lives?
Friendship
Friendships are often formed when we meet people who have things in common with us. But what happens when, naturally, over time, life changes? When you find yourself in a completely different stage of life from your friends. In cases like this, is it really possible to remain friends?
Yes, you can have friendships that don't have children, only the chances of a friendship surviving the changing stages of life depend on what the friendship is based on to begin with ... And in the involvement of its members.
Reflect: how do you enjoy with your friends? Would you rather go to a beauty salon with your friends? Do you really care about that person's life? Do you care about their feelings, thoughts, and emotions? Do you get on well with that person? To put it bluntly, are you friends with this person because you like having another body to hang out with in your life, or are you friends because you care about them and their life as well? If they are just 'hangout buddies' your friendship is likely to fade when they can no longer date you in the same way they have in the past.
Friendship requires both parties to make an effort
Friendship is a two-way street. It is bi-directional. If a person wants the friendship to work and makes all the effort, You will constantly feel rejected, underestimated, and insecure. That's not really a friendship, is it? But what does it take for a friendship to thrive?
Patience
Often times when someone experiences a big transition in life (like having a baby), it affects everything in their life. They are more tired, more stressed, and often more self-centered when trying to cope with so many new experiences. If you are friends with someone who is in transition, be patient. You may not realize it, but let me tell you, they are in SURVIVAL MODE. It may seem like your friend isn't making an effort at the moment, but keep in mind that this is temporary.
Wait a minute and love them the best you can while they figure things out. If things don't improve over time, consider having an open conversation to discuss your hopes and expectations for the friendship. And if that doesn't go well, maybe this relationship wasn't going to last.
Requires some understanding and empathy
When someone is in a different stage of life for you, understanding their feelings, emotions, and needs may not come naturally. Because, after all, you really have no idea what it's like to have a child or be married or live in city 'X' because you haven't done it before.
So use your imagination… Think about how you would feel in his position. And most importantly, try to give them the benefit of the doubt. If they hurt your feelings, remember that they probably didn't try to. If they don't answer you, assume they read the text in the middle of a busy day, fell asleep that night before they could answer, and just (amid the chaos) forgot your text the next day.
Requires interest
After you start to understand where your friend is coming from, you can make some sacrifices. You will understand that they really cannot leave the house in the afternoon because the children take naps. You may offer to go to his house to see him. Or maybe you know that what they really need is to run some errands while the kids sleep, so you offer to babysit… or run errands.
Alternatively, if you are the friend with children, do you thank your friend profusely for coming to see you when he cannot leave your house? Do you recognize that they too have a life? Do you remember asking them questions about their work and life, keeping in mind that the world keeps moving forward even though you can't think of anything except time and naps and diapers, and what your baby should weigh this month? !
Communication cannot be missed
Ultimately, like all relationships, communication is key. If you are a mother, instead of saying that you cannot meet because not, really explain to your friend how your time is filling up. Do not be afraid to say that you are stressed and that you cannot take it anymore because of the tiredness and the sleep that you have.
Remember to tell your friends that you love them and that you miss them. Do not hesitate to ask if you can take your children to dinner, and if they say no, it is because they really are not your friends, because a true friend will also want to spend time with your children, Just like he wants to spend with you!
On the other hand, if you are the one who does not have children, do not be afraid to express your own needs. If you're frustrated by conversations constantly interrupted by a crying baby, ask if you can hang out during naps for quality conversation. If you want your friend to go out to lunch without the baby, ask if they allow you to pay for a babysitter to spend time together. But never ask him to go out without his baby every time you want to see him ... Your child is your life! If you want to be a part of his life, this means that you will have to love and know his son as well.