We all get angry sometimes, even children. The difference is that they do not yet have the tools to control and combat the frustration and anger that this anger can generate. We adults must help them, teaching them, for example, phrases for angry brothers like the ones we propose to you today.
The skills to manage our emotions you have to acquire them. Therefore, it is important that every time children get angry at home we take advantage of the opportunity to facilitate communication between them. Because knowing how to express our point of view and how we feel calmly and learning to put ourselves in the other's shoes helps make anger less angry.
Offers compression and support
It is necessary that while the children are young adults intervene in conflicts to guide them. It is useless to yell at a child who is angry, frustrated or irritated by what he considers the other person has done.
In those cases the ideal is comfort and moderate. As? First, being honest and confessing that we also feel this way sometimes. Then teaching them words so they can express how they feel and the rest can understand it. And finally giving them tools to process these emotions in a healthy way.
Children have to understand that feeling angry is not bad, but that we cannot allow this anger to lead them to commit actions such as insulting, hitting or breaking things that harm others. It is important to tell them as well as to express that we listen to them and ask them if we can help them to find a solution.
"It's okay to be angry, but I'm not going to let it... because..." "I'm going to stay here until you're ready to tell me what happened calmly." "I hear you." “Can we find a solution?” Once they are calm and the situation is under control, we can also offer them phrases for angry siblings that they can use in the future in similar cases.
Phrases for angry brothers
It is important once they are calm that the children can reflect with our help and through very specific questions about what has happened. In those moments it is important to suggest ways to express what they feel or ask for forgiveness so that next time they can use them. Some simple ones would be the following.
To express what you feel
- What you told me hurt me, can you not do it again?
- It bothers/nerves me that you do that, could you think about it next time?
- Doing this is important to me, can you not bother me?
- We don't have to agree even if we are brothers, but it hurts me to argue with you.
- I understand that you have your opinion, but I also want you to hear mine
- I understand how you feel, I have felt that way too at some point.
To ask for forgiveness
- I was wrong to say those things, can you forgive me?
- I shouldn't have done what I did, I'm sorry I hurt you.
- I didn't want to hurt you, I got carried away with anger. I'm sorry.
- I understand that you are angry and I apologize.
That invite you to find a solution
- Why don't you tell me what's bothering you and we can find a solution together?
- Why don't we calm down and then find a solution?
- How can I help you?
- Now that I know what bothers you/makes you nervous, I won't do it again.
- We don't agree but we can find a solution that we are both happy with.
- How about we find a solution together and stop fighting?
- Why don't we do what you like today and what I like tomorrow?
- If what I said made you angry, how do you think I can tell you next time?
These are phrases that, obviously, are necessary adapt to the age of the children. It will even be necessary to give examples while they are still young so that they understand what word to use with each emotion they feel. For example: Mom feels frustrated when she wants to do something and it doesn't work out. Is that what's happening to you? Or mom feels hurt when they say lies about me or mean things. Little by little they will gain tools to express themselves and manage their anger; very little by little.