Today is the day of friendship. The friendship It is for children, adolescents and adults fundamental. Reason for enormous joys, complicities, but also sometimes, for bitter moments, when we feel betrayed or disappointed by friends. I still remember the bitter tears from my brother when his best friend lied to him. At just 5 years old, the degree of the lie did not matter, but had lied to him.
It is inevitable that our sons and daughters suffer disappointment in friendship, but we can teach them from a young age to manage this emotion. And not to close the doors to new friends.
Disappointment in friendship and raincoat effect
No matter how old we are, sometimes we feel disappointed or disappointed with friends. Although children are children bonds of friendship that they form with their friends are sincere and strong, that is why when they feel betrayed, or disappointed because this or that friend has not invited them to the birthday, for example, the pain is also sincere.
Psychologists speak of raincoat effect when after a disappointment we do not want to start a friendship again. It is a way of defending ourselves against future disappointments. We do it unconsciously. There are children, and especially teenagers who take this same attitude.
It is good that we make our sons and daughters understand that even if they feel hurt by this person, that does not mean that the rest of friends behave in the same way. We also have to try to make them see to what extent the disappointment they feel is not motivated by the expectations that they themselves placed on that person.
How to deal with disappointment
To face disappointment, which is inevitable, we must help the child to understand that it is natural. That throughout life this feeling is going to occur, when they watch a movie and then it turns out that it was not as fun as it seemed, or taking a trip in a caravan, going to the beach with friends. It is essential that children experience the feeling of frustration, so that they learn to accept disappointment as part of life.
You can help your children if they have had a disappointment with a friend by making them think about the illusions that they have put. You can tell him that your little friend Carlos may not be able to spend the holidays with you and prefers to go to his grandparents' house. Teach him to acknowledge disappointment and accept it, and give alternatives with phrases like: It is normal for you to think that Carlos would take you on vacation with him, but you are also going on vacation.
Try see the positive side of the situation. If it is a teenager this is almost impossible. But you can tell him that in all disappointments there can be something positive, you see? Now you are going to have new friends. You would not have signed up for this or that workshop if you had gone with Carlos. And remember, in these moments your child needs comfort, take the opportunity to give him many hugs and take it into account. Do not minimize the situation, for him or her it is important.
Friendship, children and adolescents
Making friends is a vital part of any child's social and emotional growth and development. Issues such as social competence, altruism, self-esteem, and self confidence they develop thanks to friends. So when one of them fails, the child feels dejected and out of place. Childhood is not without its ups and downs in friendship.
One of the first questions that your child can ask himself when faced with the disappointment of a friend is that he himself has failed. Can believe that you are not worthy of friendship of person. This occurs especially during adolescence, when belonging to a group, and being accepted by it is vital.
If during childhood friends are important, in the adolescence are essential. They serve as a reference for personal identity, that is why the crisis occurs when this reference changes. It is important to help your son or daughter find new friendships.