Many mothers are surprised when at around 8 months, the baby appears to be afraid of strangers: How has a girl or a boy who smiled at everyone been able to change so much character? It does not occur with the same intensity for all, and in reality it can appear before that age, or later (even around 14/15 months): it happens that it is already capable of perceiving itself differently from the mother, and it is recognized as a person between others, hence the (temporary) helplessness they feel.
So it is natural that they are more comfortable among acquaintances, among those who take care of him on a daily basis. If the "8-month crisis" is not known, or it is not understood that the baby has its own needs, statements are made such as: "oh this baby, he's in love", or "don't let him always be with you because he has to get used to socializing ”. If you listen to certain comments, you will force your child to be in the arms of someone who does not want to be, and really, this is not necessarybut more understanding on the part of adults. Another issue that may be related is that we talk about a child who goes to a nursery while his parents work, we mention it below.
This "crisis" also coincides with a greater desire to know the environment and the world. you can't satisfy very well on your own because you have limited movements, until it starts crawl y andar. The fact that the period of symbiosis with the mother has ended does not mean that she does not need her, otherwise; and it is important to know that growth is never linear, and setbacks are natural. So ... let's allow a more harmonious development of our children.
8-month crisis: it's just a transition.
In addition, we have named it, but this sudden distrust of strangers appears in all cultures, since it is part of the psychic construction of people. The baby is no longer so nice or pleasant, he gets scared more often, he looks for his mother ... but he can also get very angry and scream, or use other ways to show your disagreement with that "intruder" who addresses him (when they are a little older, they can throw themselves to the ground avoiding being picked up).
Absolutely nothing happens: it is a transition, as is adolescence to adulthood; They do not have similar characteristics, but in human growth these transitions are healthy to reach later stages with greater stability. The crisis of strangers was described in the 50s by René Spitz. You can support your baby, alleviate his fears, and for this we have prepared some tips, but even if you did nothing more than follow your instincts (keep holding him in his arms, respect his wishes, ...) you would be doing well.
Helping the baby.
It is frequent that, coinciding with this stage, sleeping and feeding habits are altered, due to the restlessness of babies. Should you worry? In principle no, what you should be clear about is that although it is not advisable to avoid fears (or other frustrations throughout growth) it is not good to deny them and force adaptation, because in any case, you will overcome them over time.
Take note.
We present you below two small lists that will surely be of interest to you:
Things you can do.
- Play games like "Cu-cu tras", which represent that people or things can disappear momentarily, but are back.
- Limit the separation time as much as possible.
- Explain to uncles, grandparents, friends, what happens to the baby.
- Use transitional elements when you leave it in the nursery (a blanket, a stuffed animal).
And above all keep calm at all times.
Behaviors to avoid.
- Don't neglect him if he cries. Also, do not leave him alone or in the dark, "to overcome fears."
- Do not force yourself to be in the arms of anyone, if he does not want to.
- Avoid disappearing without saying anything, sometimes we think that babies do not understand us, but you can explain it.
And what about babies who go to nursery or nursery school.
First of all, it must be clear that individual experience is different, and conditioned both by experiences and by the way in which these are treated; secondly, it is clear that it is not always possible for the baby to stay with mother or father, or with the grandparents (during the parents' working hours). What options are left? In addition to early schooling, it is possible to seek a caregiver or use the services of a Mother of Day, more expensive options than nursery school, but every mother or father knows what their budget is to care for the baby.
In any case, if it is not necessary, it is advisable to let a few weeks pass from the beginning of this new situation, if you have decided to take it to a nursery. But if your job incorporation coincides (or that the grandmother has become ill, or other reasons), and you have no choice, The last thing you should do is feel bad, feel guilty, feel distressed, and transfer these emotions to the baby. It is also true that babies who are left in the care of other people for several hours since they are much younger, do not usually suffer this crisis, because they are adapted, even if it is somewhat forced.
In any case, it is always recommended respect the rhythms of creatures, or at least understand that it is much healthier for us and for us to adapt than they (adapt to a salary reduction due to a reduction in working hours, request a shift change so that one of the parents is always with the baby, etc.)