It is normal for parents of adopted children to have doubts about how to communicate to their children that they are adopted. The moment of telling the truth to your children becomes a great source of fear and worry. A fear of being rejected can raise doubts about whether to say it or not, and what would be the best way to do it. That is why today we want to talk about this important topic that is about when and how to tell your child that he is adopted.
It is always better to tell the truth
Es a delicate subject to be taken seriously. Some parents try to avoid bringing up the subject to avoid problems, but this will only lead to more problems. Fear of the child's reaction, of how the relationship with them will change or how it will affect their development may lead us to believe that it is best not to say anything.
But the truth is that studies point to the opposite. The best thing for adopted children is to find out from their parents of the truth. There is nothing wrong with being adopted, besides there is a risk that they will find out in another way and the distrust of children towards their parents can create too large a gap between them. They will believe that they have been lied to all their lives, and that the people who should love and respect them the most have not been sincere. The pain in these cases is much stronger than knowing its biological origin.
When to tell your child that he is adopted
Experts advise let it be done as soon as possible, so that the child is integrating the information. Around 3-5 years of age they already begin to ask where the children come from, and we can take this opportunity to explain their origin according to the age of the child. They they do not understand the word adopted or adoption, but we can use other expressions such as "we went to look for you or have you with us". So they will associate it with an act of love, something positive.
The main thing is to create a communication environment where children can ask questions and talk about the subject without being anything taboo. This is how we will normalize the situation. We must respect the child's time to assimilate the information, since it will depend on many factors.
How to tell your child that he is adopted
There is no concrete formula for telling your child that he is adopted. But what is clear is that it must be a simple, honest and direct explanation. Make the explanation as simple as possible and without adding too many details. He can ask the questions he wants, but answering according to his maturity and talking with him as many times as necessary.
It tienes photos and memories of that stage You can show it to him so that he can see with how much love you received it. Let him know how much you wanted him to come into your lives and everything you learned with him. Thus the child can review and reconstruct his past and overcome the grief of his biological family.
Reaction of adopted children
Every kid is a world and they react in different ways when they find out where they really came from. Your reaction will depend on your development, age, emotions, and how you talk about adoption at home. Some children may think they were put up for adoption because they were bad or unlovable. But if we speak to you honestly and lovingly on the subject, showing the bright side of adoption these beliefs will be less likely to have them.
In the adolescence is already going through a major identity crisis, and being adopted may add to your doubts. He may be curious to meet his biological family during this stage, and if he is, you should not take it as something negative towards you. It is good to give support during this stage, and if necessary ask for help from a professional if it is difficult for you to process this process.
Because remember ... adoption is not a bad thing, but a demonstration of infinite love.